How different would Steven Universe be if Steven's dad was Hank Hill?

How different would Steven Universe be if Steven's dad was Hank Hill?

who gives a shit

and just who the hell are you

The show would be Texas themed. So all the gems would be cowgirls.

Dale would be ronaldo.

Steven would be fine with shattering as long as it was in self defense and done with a proper Texan gun.

Let's be honest here, Hank would probably just be uncomfortable with how sexually suggestive fusion is.

And how Garnet is gay.

And how Pearl is gay.

And how amethyst is purple.

Well, first off it'd be called Steven Hill.

Which Connie would we actually have?

Well first off he would probably take care of the boy himself and not let him hang out with a bunch of emotionally unstable rock lesbians. Maybe show him the ropes on how to grill and play sports. He'd dominate Connie, both of them.

More important, how different would things be if Rose had the personality of Peggy Hill?

I guess he would be more hands on. Steven would probably be in school. Fusion probably makes him feel uncomfortable.

It would be even more boring.

GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN

> implying their different characters

>Steven is actually tough and not a complete pussy
>Isn't fat and retarded and thinks everything can be solved through "muh power of love"
>Probably will have both Connie's as his girlfriends
>kick any homeworld gem's ass

Rose really fucked up in her choice in human men.

Well, one's Indian and-

Wait, shit, give me a second.

>Hank would never raise a son to be a pussy who thinks things can be solved by the power of love is awkward with girls and can't kick someones ass.

THAT'S MY PURSE

I DON'T KNOW YOU

She already has the personality of Luanne.

Steven would just be some random kid she accidentally kidnapped because she doesn't understand human language.

Connie would've gotten rekt

I'm starting to think SU is just a King of the Hill rip off.

>I tell you hwhat son: if every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs

>Do i need to come over there and kick your rocky ass

>Dad, we are gems

>That doesnt change the ass im about to kick

underrated post

>Steven, you wanna help your dear old dad fire up some hot dogs on the grill?
>Sorry Dad, I got training with the Gems.
>God dang-it Steven, that Gem stuff is unnatural.

Was Hank ever depicted as uncomfortable around gays? He seemed either cool with it or blissfully ignorant IIRC.

hank doesn't really have a problem with gays unless he finds out that they're actually gay then he just gets uncomfortable because he's a prude
seeing how gems don't actually have SEX he'd just think it was just friendship
he's pretty oblivious to gay people really

>BREAK YOU!

he's just old fashion, he's at worst awkward around them

>hank meets the maheswarans
>so, are you all the india type of indians or the native indians?

me, my friends, Sup Forums here

Steven would have gone to school so hes already a better father then greg ever was.

Say what you want about Hank and his conservative values, but fuck, at least he doesn't live in a fucking van.

Steven - Bobby
Connie - Kahn Jr.
Pearl - Peggy
Garnet - Boomhaur
Ronaldo - Dale
Greg - Bill
Kofi Pizza - Kahn
Peridot - Cotton
Lapis - Ladybird
Amethyst - Luanne
Jasper - Leanne
Rose - Lenore idk

I dont mind the van but it makes me legitimately mad when people say greg is a good father despite not sending his son to school.

Dont get me wrong i love greg as a character and he is adequate as a person but he is a terrible fucking parent only chance to redeem him there is the greg/connie episode WHEN ARE WE GETTING THE GOD DAM GREG/CONNIE EPISODE YOU FUCKS.

Really though its incredible that 2 overprotective arseholes are better parents then greg.

It seems like the only half decent parents in beach city are lars.

But Steven can't go to school, user!

He's too busy being alienated from all other humans by actual aliens!

But he still was never at school before he was palmed off to the gems.

>Connie and Steven fuse
>BWWWAAAAHHHH! Good lord, Steven! You kids are too young to be doing that sort of thing, I tell you what! You two un-guh-fuse this instant!

>Pearl, I'm gonna kick your rocky ass!
>Ohhhh, I've been WAITING for this moment ever since you met Rose!

>"God-dang it Pearl, I'm gonna kick your ass back into your gem, shapeshift your gem on your ass, and kick it again until it shatters"

The most tension would definitely be between Hank and Pearl is he was the one that got Rose knocked up.

...

So, are you Chinese or Japanese?

...

>Peridot - Cotton
I SHATTERED FITTY GEMS!

Steven, I never thought I'd need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Shapeshifting was invented by the Diamonds to keep them busy while their gems conquered plants.

>Why do you have to hate what you don't understand?

I don't hate you, Steven.

>I meant shapeshifting.

Oh. Oh, yeah, I hate shapeshifting.

i want to see them together

That scene always bothered me honestly but only because of how historically inaccurate it was (parts of it, at least.)

Then again, it's a cartoon.

Dang it stevee I told you to stay away from those wierd women living that cage in the beach.
Also take that gem out of your belly jewelry is for girls

There are gays and there are gays, Hank doesn't have a problem with gays because they are gays Hank doesn't like gays who are also freaks.
When we all became gay tolerant we didn't know we where also greenlighting all the weirdness that was associated with gayness when it was an underground thing.
We don't exactly have bdsm straight couples walking each other like dogs in the streets

I don't even watch Steven Universe but this thread is definitely a 9/10 so far.

>European detected.

daily reminder that no gem can kill peggy hill
>falls from a plane
>no serious damage
>amy got cracked from a 50 ft fall

what would a conversation between garnet and boomhauer be like

Have you seen BDSM gay couples walking each other like dogs in the streets?

Now that you mention it, yes.

Then who's Hank?
Also, I think Ladybird should be Lion

I have seen gay couples deepththoating a mega dildo on parades.
I also know some gay people personally and there are definitely freaks that share common freakness among them meaning that's a pattern plus they stick with each other and voluntarily segregate from people who think differently or are willing to call them out on shit so they normalize each others wierdness

Steven and Connie would tell Hank that Kevin made them uncomfortable and then he'd threaten to kick Kevin's ass.

If you are gay let me tell you I'm not gay but there are some men I definitely want to fuck.
As soon as they start with the lisps or wierd manners it's an instant turn off. So you are actually fucking yourself over

>d-dad, i cant use my healing powers anymore
>LOSER, YOU'RE A LOSER

>Steven gets signed up for the football team
>Tells Steven not to use his powers
>Gem monster on the other team
>Steven warns Hank
>Hank doesn't believe him
>Massive destruction
So basically just like Bobby

Funny enough the first and only time I ever liked Peggy was when she manages to make Hank stop crying by using her finger which was the only part of her body she could use while everyone fights

>Let's be honest here, Hank would probably just be uncomfortable with how sexually suggestive fusion is.
He would be uncomfortable with it regardless of sexual nature, the fact he would square dance with Peggy is a mystery considering how much he hates closeness.

Hank would be so awkward if he were put into the position that Greg was in in pretty much every episode of the series.

I think Hank could provide Steven with better emotional support regarding stuff like being unable to save people. Hank's whole life is trying to help people who are only going to fuck up again and again.

Hank is fine with dancing if it's steeped in being Texan.

The boy still wouldn't be right.

That boy would not be right

Has the school thing ever been mentioned by the writers on twitter or something?

>Hank
>Emotional support

Hank would be all for the "tough it out and move on" method. Poor kid would be drowning in butterflies

Could Steven heal Bills relationship issues?

>ARGH!
>Damn you Hank Hill, you get super alien goddess wife, and then you get super alien/human hybrid son!
>Now alien ship show up and it crash on my house? That not fair!
>...I make more money than you...

More likely Amythest would sponge off of him because he is so desperate for a relationship that (he thinks) is working.

Then there'd be an episode where Amythest would come clean, and try to apologize to Bill by cleaning his garage.

I think Hank having an alien wife would shatter his relationship with Dale

But Bobby is way more assertive and manly than Steven. It's a low bar.

>steven could kick Hank Hill's ass

makes u think

Wouldn't be too different

The problem is that the gems kind've claimed Steven, and Greg is too guilty over killing Rose to stand up and take Steven away from them.

Well, that and him standing up for himself would be toxic masculinity, given SU's political leanings.

i love the fact that khan would work great in this scenario

This. The truth is Greg is a shit parent, and if he had a back bone he would tell those Gems that he Steven should be in school instead of fighting all the time. His guilt over Rose is clouding his judgement.

you sound pretty gay.

i dunno, it seems reasonable to let aliens deal with all the alien aspects of your alien hybrid child. and gregs still there to take care of the human stuff.

>Have a half-alien space baby with magical powers
>Same power source as your dead wife who is stronger then a Ferris Wheel motor and can make a plant army while shapeshifted as a dragon

Would you risk putting that thing through school? Just imagine if Cat Fingers happened in a crowded classroom full of panicky students and faculty

Greg would be a great parent if he didn't have to deal with two amoral super powered rock lesbians, one of whom wants him dead for stealing her crush.

He's not actually being a father, though. He's there when Steven needs him, but he isn't being a good role model or a good example to Steven of what humans can be.

That and Steven is still half human. He should be in some kind of schooling system. Might curb his special snowflake issues.

not really, here is there for Steven whenever he needs him, and is often allot better at the parenting thing than the gems

You're assuming Dale would realize she's an alien. Let's not forget that he can be completely oblivious to... certain things.

That said, if he did figure it out, I imagine he would assume Hank doesn't know, and would go full alien-exterminator in order to "save the world'.

good point. early steven is a public health crisis.

>Dale needs money for some project he's working on
>"Hey, Steven and those weird ethnic women he hangs out with collect precious gems! I'll just pawn them off real quick and buy them back later"
>Sells a bunch of gem beasts
>Hijinks ensue

Being better at raising a kid than a wolf doesn't automatically make you a good parent by default.

but he IS a special snowflake. and school seem pretty unnecessary when he's already a god among men and has an immortal servant who knows rocket science.

>I'm telling you, those aliens are out there, waiting for me to slip up so they can invade and steal all out sand.
>What would gems want with sand?
>Heh, it's pretty obvious Pearl since they are a silicate based life form, they'll need to replenish themselves with our inorganic materials. Sand is the easiest, more digestible source.
>I'm pretty sure Gems don't want to eat Earth's sand Dale.
>That's just what they want you to think.
>Dale, I am 'them'.
>GIK!

Just because somebody is special doesn't mean you should treat them special, especially if they have super powers. Imagine if Ma and Pa Kent treated Superman like he was the second coming of christ?

Aren't pearls made from sand and clam spit?

>Financed a house for your child and his three weird aunts while you still sleep in a car (And it WAS greg that paid for it according to the Crewniverse)
>Knowing your son has weird space powers that you have no idea how to handle
>Being able to let your only child go live with the weird aunts away from you because it's what's best for him
>Still being a big part of his life whenever he needs someone to talk to or hang out with

He's a hell of a lot better then a lot of dads I've met

>Hank, you keep your redneck alien baby away from my daughter!
>Sorry Kahn, but Steven is just learning about girls
>Learn Shmern! Ever since Kahn Jr. see your son, she bring back big sword, and break everything!
>She say it for practice! She should be practicing for Symphonic Orchestra! Not Hillbilly fencing!
>Kahn I'm pretty sure swords aren't a 'hillbilly' thing.
>They are now!

The fact he acts like a special snowflake doesn't actually reflect on his superhuman nature much. It's mostly mundane shit that typical socially isolated kids do.

A few years in school and he'd be a proper boy, none of this pussified "MY FEELS AND TEARS" shit.

This sums it up.

Beautiful