Whats your favorite standup bit? this one is mine www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1wveGujCrI

whats your favorite standup bit? this one is mine www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1wveGujCrI

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr_4U
youtube.com/watch?v=dw_mRaIHb-M
menshealth.com/sex-women/male-libido-crisis
thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-jensen-iii/2017/03/43-married-people-confess-why-they-stopped-having-sex-with-their-spouse/
youtube.com/watch?v=0Zoym3q3G-E
youtube.com/watch?v=i1DQnonOAdc
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

edgy

>I ask her how her day went and she orgasms on the spot

The question that is a hallmark of a relationship in decline

why do some lesbians hate men but hen try to look like one? inferiority complex?

would rape that boy

ya why do they all dress like 2010 justin bieber?

>standup
>2017

pick one.

>I ask her how her day went

youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr_4U

they know that they will never satisfy a woman as well as men can so they pretend they're better partners to women than men

you mean, why did 2010 justin bieber dress like a lesbian

You putting a lot of faith in sperm.

they've bought into the idea of there being a man (dominant) and a woman (submissive) in a relationship

puking into the gaping anus of Christ is pretty great.

Bit more too it than sperm, like something that can be simulated by a microwaved dildo

A better question is why are there lesbian couple that dress identically, have the same haircut, start to adopt the same mannerisms, ect

Are they so egotistical that they want to fuck themselves?

Why does tumblr spill out of their dr who general

>comedy festival
thought it was a TED talk for a minute there

straight people do this as well.

If we start stepping our game up;
you will see Gothic buildings springing up everywhere,
you will see the whole of Middle East burn in fire,
you will see whole of Africa wiped out this time to be gentrified,
you will see South America and East Asia plunged into an ocean of Opium and drugs that will make CIA's operations in Mexico look like child's play,
you will see military advancement jump by 100 years,
and you will see 1984 far worse than Orwell could ever shit out of his ass.

>CBC

Of course

>straight men, step your game up

you know what i am gonna watch
i feel like throwing up anyway

bitch you look like mark zuckerberg's evil twin

>straight people do this as well.

I've only known one straight couple that did that, and it was they had the same pair of shoes for running.

But every time I go through my cities gay neighborhood I'll see several clone couple lesbos.

If straight whites decide to step up again,
the last 2000 years will look like an appetizer for kids.

Gay dudes do that too. "Gay dudes or brothers" is a favorite game of mine

its not just sperm. its everything this tomboy explains as "bad traits" that women crave in men. they don't want attentive, caring, loving men. they want inattentive, emotionless, careless CHADS so that they can TURN them into caring Romeos. it's a game to them. they grow up watching these tween shows about stacies being annoyed her chad boyfriend only wants her for her holes but by the end of the movie she is able to get him to show some human dignity and it's a happy ending.

NO GIRL WILL EVER WANT YOU IF YOU'RE CATERING TO HER EVERY NEEDS EVERY WAKING MOMENT YOU DUMB BETA FAGGOT. THEY GET OFF ON TURNING CHADS INTO ROMEOS. ANYONE THAT DISAGREES HAS EITHER NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP OR IS FUCKING A GRIL WITH AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX

also dicks, even one's used by incompetent retards, are more satisfying to women than the best oral performance tomboys and lezzes

i dunno whats killing Sup Forums more roasties or reddit

>it's in canada
Jesus Christ you can't make this shit up

wanted a stand up comedy thread

get another gay shit thread. fucking hate faggots already.

>"Gay dudes or brothers" is a favorite game of mine

shit thats a good one

youtube.com/watch?v=dw_mRaIHb-M

Really made me ponder my white privilege.

I'm confused, so has her girlfriend dated every straight man? Is she trying to say her girlfriend is a whore with no standards of decency herself and she's okay with sloppy billions?

> inattentive, emotionless, careless
>CATERING TO HER EVERY NEEDS EVERY WAKING MOMENT

How about something in between these polar opposites?

uh christ I fucking hate standup-comedy

the whole premise is women are facile and simple. i would be offended if i was a woman. that being said, i'd take this twink to poundtown.

Straight people do it.
The point is that dyke women do that as well. The only thing a dyke women can't do is cum.

well, she's a woman, so any sign of interest wont be misconstrued as rape.

Someone post that woman standup, you know which one

Do we like traps again?

>Straight people do it.

Yeah, and as my post you are replying to said I know one straight couple that does.

But I've seen dozens of lesbians do it. Do you understand the difference in frequency is what matters here, and is the thing I find odd?

>puking into the gaping anus of Christ is pretty great.
90's comedian is incredible, the way it's all structured just for a shitty one liner at the end is too good

I know a lot of lesbians and I can tell you 100% their relationships are a lot more stressful than normal ones.
They fight about everything constantly.

do you think they dress this way in hopes that someone will fuck them thinking they are a twink? I mean I suppose not when they mention how there not a straight man so often but maybe?

I asked a lesbian that once, basically "why do you not like men sexually but only date women that look like dudes"

she didn't really have an answer and we aren't friends any more

no i wouldn't think that at all.

It's not like the thread was made by tumblr, it was someone who wanted to have a thread laughing at a stupid video

You only find it odd because it sticks out to you. My point you dumb retard is that straight couples do it just as much as gay people. You only notice it because it sticks out to you as odd.

I've been fooled by tomboys that looked like cute guys from behind, but no dick, no game.

>"why do you not like men sexually but only date women that look like dudes"

That is like saying a blow job from a hot chick and a guy are the same. A mouth is a mouth.

its rarer though

I usually remark something like "is that their wife or sister?"

what te fuck is that...

>invade and colonize europe
like the invasion of the mongols?
like the invasion of the persian empire?
like the invasion of the ottoman empire?
like the invasion of the Xiongnu (Huns)?
like the invasion of the moors?

africa didn't even have a dense enough population to start a civilization (they first time they managed to catch up to western civilization in number of people was in the late 1900s) so good luck convincing them to invade europe like so many others had before

but if you like chicks that look like dudes then why not just fuck dudes?

its also not a big secret that lesbian couples don't have very much sex

It's always striking how these people know nothing about history

bruh, look at this dude
wait till you see the f- NO NO NO NO
LOOK AT THE TOP OF HIS HEAD LOOK AT THOSE LIPS!

I am talking about the roasties itt

>big secret that lesbian couples

I feel like i'm talking to children now. You talking about lesbian bed death. Which ironically also a thing straight people do.

menshealth.com/sex-women/male-libido-crisis

thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-jensen-iii/2017/03/43-married-people-confess-why-they-stopped-having-sex-with-their-spouse/

> if you like chicks that look like dudes then why not just fuck dudes?

At the end of the day a man and women are different. It doesn't matter how mainly the women dresses. She will have softer way about her.

Guys give much better blowjobs than girls t b h

for a lesbian comedian she wasn't as terrible as I expected

Why do all stand up comedians talk like paranoid sociopaths?

>higher pitched audio from mis-matched video formats

>I got tired of swallowing his cum and taking it up the ass.
pussy

As a gay guy, I always see lesbians as being angry for some reason, especially the butch kind. Lesbian couples also have statistically higher prevalence of domestic abuse.

>My point you dumb retard is that straight couples do it just as much as gay people. Y

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no

I expected worse. She nailed it at the "I'm only speaking to the guys that are getting a little bit defensive listening to this." She also was right on the straight women want dick so much but are turned off by a certain strain of men.

Seriously, it wasn't that funny but it wasn't that unfunny at all. Did the video hurt your Sup Forums feefees, OP?

youtube.com/watch?v=0Zoym3q3G-E

Reminder that lesbo relationships have the highest incidence of domestic abuse

t. Californian

>entered the thread thinking there will be sime kino stand up
>this thread was actually bait thread all along

As a gay guy, you shouldn't be pointing at stats to generalize lesbians with. As a lesbian, I always see gay people sad because they can't get into meaningful relationships because statistically, gay men only care about sex, multiple partners and are very likely to get an STD in their lifetime over any other population.

Oh, hey. Count me as another angry lesbian you've encountered :^)

Your safe space is that way, buddy

>CBC
>literally funded by Canadian taxpayers

How will leaves ever recover?

>She also was right on the straight women want dick so much but are turned off by a certain strain of men.

Straight men want pussy so much but are turned off by a certain strain of women.

So what are you, a gay guy or a lesbian?

Yes. So? The skit works both ways, if it was a gay guy pointing out things men are going gay (or starting to like traps) for because of stuff women do or don't do, OP might find it funny.

>thoughtcatalog

holy moly, could you get any more fake news website articles for me please? You know that same website says weed cures cancer and all white people deserve to be replaced right?

>As a lesbian

you're not a lesbian you just couldn't do any better

every lesbian couple I've ever met act more roommates than an actual relationship

>lesbian thinks she knows shit about men

Lesbian, I as pointing at that he, as a gay guy, shouldn't use stats to put lesbians down because if we get into the stat war, gay men will always lose. I know I'm coming off as an angry dyke, which I'm not IRL only in the internet, but I'm honestly sick of gay men bashing lesbians and thinking they own the gay acceptance/right movements.

I'm sorry for being so wrong and blind until now, thanks for sharing your knowledge with me. Your anectdotal biased experiences have revealed the truth of my faux lesbianism and I can finally live my life as a straight girl.

> I know I'm coming off as an angry dyke, which I'm not IRL only in the internet, but I'm honestly sick of gay men bashing lesbians and thinking they own the gay acceptance/right movements.

They dominate gay spaces because lesbians are insufferable posers

>you're not sucking dick/pussy properly!
I feel like this is the one thing homosexual people shouldn't be arguing.

They dominate gay spaces because they're loud, obnoxious faggots who think the gay movement should be a parade of queers embarrassing the whole movement and making everyone think being gay means being a promiscuous degenerate.

>caring about the image of the homo "movement"

You're like 20 years too late

It'd be hackish either way

Holy shit, this. I've been saying this for ages about the gay pride. The lgbt community does a great job damaging their own reputation by acting like Mr Garrison and Mr Slave in that one South Park episode adressing this very problem.

>Mentally ill transgendered people trying to hijack the whole movement for their own benefits
>Gay men hoarding the political and media spotlight of the movement for their own benefits
>Lesbians in the background complaining about everything
>Transvestism is considered offensive by trannies

Just remove the B from the acronym already. I can't identify myself as Bi for fear of being lumped together with you bunch of fags.

>being a gay uncle Tom
>using the word degenerate
Yeah, fuck you

youtube.com/watch?v=i1DQnonOAdc

thanks for being pure shit lesbos

All of you faggots should go back to your containment thread
>>/who general/

I'm not the lesbian though

some 'men' just want to watch the world burn

>FUCK JEWS
>yeah fuck em
>how dare you??
This is your life, user. Reconsider it.

>let me tell you what you believe

Guess what I am a jew you stupid fuck

What's in it for me, young boy? Will you teach me how to play pokemons?

SHOES

Israel sucks shit, my man.

>only developed nation in the ME

yeah sure is shit

You are all like little babies.

Watch this: