Cosmic Storytime of Pain Spinoff: Humphries' Legendary Star-Lord

Or as you know it better, "Dogfucker's Memelord".
In Bendis' run, we've ventured through boring subplots, unexplored ideas, Claremont rehashes, stupid characterizations and Cancer retcons.
We'll soon get to the Black Vortex crossover, but first we'll need to see how the villains and McGuffin of that get established.
Are you ready to see the character you knew and loved from DnA's completely changed? Are you ready for space racism, MEMES, thievery and more Kitty Pryde than you'll ever want?
Previous threads:
#1 #2 #3 #4

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As I said already, the common theme of all the books from that era starting with the spaceview wasn't bad

I'll share an unpopular opinion early: I really don't care for Medina's art, it's so generic and house style.

Don't expect to see references to Peter's past on Earth in this volume, that's next volume's stuff

At least the Badoon have some personality here, it's more than Bendis ever gave us.
ANd be ready to see a lot from this orphanage

So yeah, this is set immediately after the Guardians disassembled arc. J'son of Spartax has been deposed and their military is in disarray

Consider that Bendis' decompression only fit the happenings of like three or four days in the 6 issues after that

Here is the new Peter: a womanizing, dishonest adventurer who likes to steal stuff and play games (and hang with the Guardians sometimes to try and do the right thing to protect Earth and fuck with his father, basically)

Oh, oh, and gets captured and has to break out A LOT

And how could we forget about his non-gf, Kitty Pryde?

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An old move, but it works.

Does anyone else love how the Element Gun here looks nothing like the new McNiven redesign?

I mean, poor Steve took all that time to make stupid redesigns and then when the movie hits everyone looks as MCU as they can

So, bonus points for mentioning that he loves space, but what is his "legend" even about here?

"Sweet-talking thief with a heart of gold" lifted straight from the movie

AYO HOL UP
SO YOU BE SAYIN
WE SUM KINDA LEGENDARY STAR-LORDS?

Make space great again!

Of course Thanos had to be mentioned early because what would current cosmic be without a healthy Thanos obsession

Is she engulfed in lightning? How is she speaking?
Anyway, obviously we need a mandated brown female OC to run around in the title

I'm glad this is only 8 issues before the Black Vortex.

This isn't nearly as bad as the second volume.

But yeah it's subpar alright.

Does Bendis have some sort of obsession with Kitty Prude or something?

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He's in love with her.

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Excuse me but Humphries gained his last name back with his current run of green lanterns, I want you to apologize OP.

OOGA CHAKA op

Wait, I haven't read the post-BV stuff, It's worse than this?

Yes. Actually made me think if Humphries was actually fired for incompetence.

Here you have it!
Don't you know that in alien solar systems that have nothing to do with Earth, being black means you're oppressed?
God is this stupid.

All this dialogue is so juvenile it reads like a 18yo wrote it.

We'll get there soon

So not only is my internet acting wonky, Sup Forums starts being stupid with captchas too

Still not convinced fully, even if I liked what I read.

And now DC has him exclusive. I hope they know what they're doing

Aw, dude. I was pissed about this when it was announced, hated the first issue, but in hindsight? This is so much better than the second volume it's not even funny.

I know it's supposed to read like a B-movie, but this doesn't make it better

Oh boy, I guess this explains why no one ever posts about it.

>by the way i'm jewish
>DID YOU KNOW I'M JEWISH

Point is, nothing about this feels like it should be space exclusive

Like the first issue points out the whole spacelovin' connection, but all this feels more like a Western action movie than anything.
I get there's something to like, but where's the scifi?

As someone who read some of the second volume, I disagree. His first run has much more cringe/meme moments. Second run at least had a cohesive storyline and after the first arc, didn't have a lot of cliches. He was probably just starting to get taught by geoff johns on how to forget bendis speak before leaving for DC.

Well, if it's any consolation, Bendis had ROCKET RACCOON talk about his Bar Mitzvah

They sure bonded a lot in the 5 full minutes they've known each other

Incest when?

That's an interesting opinion.
I guess we'll see.

Okay, that was cool and space-y.
ALso I'm probably the only person on Earth who didn't dislike his Uncanny X-force that much

Witness some attempt at character building!

I'll spell that out loud for you:
>to get out alive, I had to make a deal with a very bad guy.
In this book Peter clearly MADE A DEAL with Thanos, which is actively disproved in GotG

Which means that I don't buy that the original plan hanging on the editors' desks was much more shady than what we saw in the Original Sin tie-in that doesn't make sense considering he's not guilty of anything

WAIT, so Bendis had Rocket know what Bar Mitzvahs are but not telephones

Fucking Bendis holy fucking shit

Dat Link's "Excuse meee"

Was he on that moon or was he floating in space until the right moment?

>he doesn't know about the space jews conspiracy

Proud woman of color

>issue 1: capture and escape
>issue 2: capture and escape
>issue 3: ...guess what

>happens more than I'd like
Meta?

What a missed opportunity to show he's into non-100% humanoid ladies.

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What a generic armor, I really feel like I'm reading Duggan's Nova again

>I'm a spy
>this is what spies do, right? tell people they're spies

I don't know about you, but this is too much memery for me

Wait, so there's a microphone in the cell that only works if you're close enough but jailers can't hear what you say the rest of the time?
How convenient.

Aaaand here you have it, Sup Forums.
The infamous MEME PANEL

He's technically renouncing your help too
It's just his job bro

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We might just assume the BAD BOY is in some alien language and we just see it in English

Except the AI is a bit too knowledgeable about Earth stuff

This is just embarrassing

This quirky teenage AI is a bit too much

I don't care if you like the Aquabats, it's so out of context here

ikr

PSA: racism is bad mmkay

This is so stupid I don't even feel like making the obvious sex joke

Things are starting to get serious, but like in every ecchi anime

>bananas look like penises
>Kitty dressed in a banana
>she wants to be inside Pete's dick

The mood is spoiled and something happens that creates tension.

Thanos is clearly on some Earth mountain with snow here

You know a comic is bad when cock vore would make it more interesting

Issue #4!
Because something needs to happen sooner or later!

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I feel like this is directly referencing the OS script now and Humphries is backing up from the whole "deal" business

When you think about it, the new ship would've at least made sense if it appeared in GotG here and there

And now Thanos clearly isn't on a mountain

>Remember the Infinity Gauntlet? That sure was some story.

I think at this point in time Thanos was let loose by Namor and was fucking up alternate universe when he felt like

Please explain how his hands were tied. Please explain what he did during Infinity, because this doesn't add up-

See on one hand it's "let you escape", when he didn't anything of the sort
On the other they put up a truce but it's not stated what Peter gained from it considering that Thanos probably wouldn't go against the GotG unless provoked anyways

Thanos is a practical kind of guy after all.

Wait, so he's saying he's been nice and quiet since escaping the Cancerverse? Or is he provoking Peter?
Because Infinity kind of disproves the former

What did they even do? Barter with the cube?

It's nice to have all these ancient semiomnipotent Celestial relics around

Okay, now this is more like Thanos. Except we still haven't got an explanation for the truce.

>m-muh Avengers!
kys Pete

>I must go, my planet needs me

Let's just leave it there to whoever finds it, it exhausted all of its narrative function so no one will bring it up again

I really can't see Illyana saying "sext"

Bump

Now I want to know if Bobby tried to fabricate video evidence of Bigfoot

>Bobby, that is just blurred Hank in the distance.
>No, prof K, it's totally bigfoot I swear!

Thanks bro

No problem

>the graveyard of the Celestial
Why create one-time OP things that will never be referenced again and only fuck with the lore?

We're already halfway.
Mostly doing this for Black Vortex stuff