It's time for us to roast our friendly neighborhood Spider-man. Comics, cartoons, comics characters...

It's time for us to roast our friendly neighborhood Spider-man. Comics, cartoons, comics characters, it's your time to shine as we roast our guest of honor.

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We're all going to sit here too long thinking of something witty while the thread ends up in the clippings of history.

i would call you asapaidarumanu because you turn japanese when you're eyes squints a bit

I wanna say something but I can't think of anything snappy. So I'll just give you a pretty blonde's neck and let you come up with it

Spider-Man? Uh yeah, more like Shitter-Man.

You're written by Slott
ololololololololololololololololololol

One More Day

You're a narcissistic bully.

SO I'M WALKIN' DOWN 34TH STREET AND I FEEL SOMETHING HIT THE TOP OF MY HEAD. I PAT THE MY HEAD AND COME WITH SOMETHING WHITE AND STICKY. I THINK "ON NO, SPIDER-MAN'S FINALLY CAUGHT ME. WELL HE AIN'T TAKING ME ALIVE" I LOOK UP TO YELL MY DEFIANCE AND SEE THAT IT'S NOT SPIDER-MAN AT ALL, IT'S JUST GREG GIRALDO JERKING OFF OUT A WINDOW.

I wanna say something, ese, but I can't think of anything snappy. So I'll just give you a pretty blonde's neck and let you come up with it.

Aren't roasts just really bad jokes on the same traits over and over again, but delivered by famous people?

And also shitty jokes about everyone at the roast

So, like
OP is a fag, he likes dicks
But, like, all the dicks
He wants all the dicks for himself due to being a fag
Spider-man, more like Spider-asshole, amirite?


And so on?

you're thirty something and yet not an awesome facial hair bro.

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You wear tights and a mask, and prance around town shootin' white fluid at men. If you ever get kicked out of NYC, they've got a job saved for you at the head of San Fransisco pride parade.

Faggot.

Bravo sir.

Your character devolved so much after One More Day that Lisa Lampanelli almost fucked it

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So I brought this spiderman gun, because as we all know spiderman loves guns. At least it's not a water gun! You don't want to know where you'd fill it if it was!

SO GOOD WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF

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I know a lot of people argue whether you belong with Mary Jane or Black Cat, but come on. if Hollywood has taught us one thing, first love wins. so why don;t you and Skip get back together?

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Shut up, Max.

What is up with this Spider-men?! He spins webs any size? Has anyone ever seen him spin the webs? EVER? NO! HE SHOTS AND TWHIPS BUT NEVER SPINS A THING. IF I WERE NEW YORK, AND LAST CHECKED I WAS NOT, I WOULD SUE HIM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING.

And what is this with catching thieves like flies? I put glue paper down and I catch flies every day. LOOK AT ME. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS STICK GLUE DOWN AND LET PEOPLE RUN INTO IN ON THEIR OWN GIVE ME A MEDAL.

Hey Spidey did it hurt? When you dragged Aunt May back down from heaven by force?

No really, you much be pretty high on God's naughty list. You went pagan for a while, doing the bidding of some dodgy spider god, you got your powers from a spider Aleister Crowley wanted for his menagerie, and, oh yeah, that cute girl that's in hell thanks to you. What was her name again?
Ah, now I remember, she doesn't have one. Because you sold her soul before she was born.

While I'm here, I got this message from your old buddy. It just says 'Aaaaaaaah..." for about four years, and ends 'please kill me', singed 'the living metal guy you went to school with'. I'll put it with the unopened letters from that kid Alpha, shall I?

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Goddamn that was a good one

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vocaroo.com/i/s1l9NJPfjhif

Yeesh, with those spider powers you'd you think that boy would web himself up a life.

Spidey is a ball gag and riding crop away from becoming your friendly neighborhood gimp.

I hear from one of his exes that he's a pain in the neck, always leaving girls hanging.

Sometimes I'm jealous of Spider-man. He's fit, women love him, he's popular. But then I remember how he has a micro penis that shoots radioactive cancerous semen. There is one other difference that separates me and him: I didn't get my Uncle murdered and he's alive and well.

good points but the phrasing is quite weak

And I thought black windows had bad dating history. But enough of Natasha.

What's with your costumes kid? All of that damn web power and you can't seem to stick to a look. You're a superhero not a supermodel.

Shopping for rice must be a pain with Peter, anything with "Uncle Ben" leaves a bad taste in mouth.

I'm suppose to trust this kid with saving the city when he can't deliver a damn pizza?

Spider-man, spider-man, do you have a decent life insurance plan? If your uncle had, you and your aunt would be in a place now! Not unlike Uncle Ben.

The real reason why J. Jonah Jameson hates Spiderman is because he knows that whoever's under the mask is one of the ugliest people in the world.

You know, I really like visiting my uncle every once in a while. He's a very cool guy. How's your uncle, Pete?

I see we have Venom here tonight. Venom, Spidey's clingy, black ex.

Someone get him out of here before Lisa Lamenelli shoves him in her cunt.

And boy, how about that Amazing Spider Man 2, huh?

That thing was such a turd my cat tried to bury it in sand. Sorry, Flint.

Spiderman sure helps out a lot of people. A special-effects master, a CEO of a company, a scientist, a treasure collector, another scientist, another scientist,... They're all so- Oh wait, he just beats them all up.

Woo, Mary Jane here tonight...man, MJ, I'd hit that harder than Hank hit Janet.

Yeah, I see you back there, Hank Pymp Hand. Fist bump!

I couldn't possibly make fun of spiderman, He taught me my favorite recipe for pancakes!