Cosmic Storytime of Pain: ALL of Bendis' Guardians of the Galaxy #6

We have traveled long distances so far, from Earth to Spartax to Hala (RIP) to Moord to the planets of the Klyntar. But all things must end if the Beyonders and Doctor Doom get in a fight over the destiny of the universe, and so the universe ended.
Today we're going to read the last bit of Bendis' GotG before the relaunch and how the whole "Star-President" thing started. And then we'll get to Battleworld. IMPORTANT: as simple as it was, Bendis DID NOT understand the premise behind Battleworld, so his Secret Wars minis make absolutely no sense. Assume this while you're reading, and buckle up for some serious Poser art.

Previous threads:
#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 and Many thanks to the based user who already did Humphries Star-Lord and Kitty Pryde and Legendary Star-Lord v2 here

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We're going to see some SERIOUS synergy in this couple of issues

But there a couple of good Hawkeye moments.
This is the first one.
Also great Art Adams art, if only for the first issue.

The transition from issue #1 to #2 is jarring.
And is Rocket finally looking like an actual raccoon here?

The Chitauri look so bad even for a meme race

>since when were you under the impression that it wasn't *me* who cloaked the ship?

Did they just Starbrand that 7/11?
Also taking the ship to to downtown wasn't probably the brighest idea

Bump

>JaneThor in the Avengers pre-ANAD
Time is broken indeed, Hank

The team they have here seems really random

Spider-Woman BTFO
How could she ever recover?

Thanks, user

Why not shooting at them before decloaking?

10/10, he learned from NOT LIKE THIS
Bravo Bendis

Cool Dad Clint telling the newbies the ol' Avengers stories is great and we should've had more of it in New Avengers v4

Hyperion and Cannonball could tear into the Chitauri's ranks in two seconds

Based Adams, really.
Too bad he's slo slow nowadays, you can really see the work that went in these pages though

Wow, Art Adams is REALLY phoning it in.

Starbrand is probably just toying with them
Seriously this Avengers roster was ike 80% useless and then those 5 power monsters

Less than you think, I'd say. If you look at the inking I get the impression that the original pages were really huge and were shrinked down too much to appreciate the effort

Not in every page sure, here and there it looks quite shoddy and almost unfinished.
Still I quite like it.

MOVIE
O
V
I
E

It's so weird to me that Nebula was at some point a huge Avengers villain and the main antagonist in 2-3 arcs + the whole Kang Nebula deal and then she's only here because she was used in the movie

I bet you're missing Adams already
>Thanos sensei

You welcome.

>waking up sequence
The Bendis bingo has no brakes
And considering that Gamora has solo adventures every other issues in the GotG book, couldn't she have waited until then instead of taking on the whole Guardians AND Avengers?

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What IS a genetic disrupter anyway? Not two people there have the same DNA with being all mutates and shit

Does Bendis only remember D-man's existence to make gags?
Thank the Lord for Spencer then.

It's entirely possible that Gamora and Nebula interacted in some Starlin's Infinity Watch spioff, but I honestly doubt it was so preminent. This is just movie bait

>many enemies
>like, uh, the Badoon
>who out a bounty on her head for, uh, reasons.

This doesn't really scream "the galaxy's most dangerous woman"

Why are cops such spastic fucks in Bendis' books?

Jessica, your banter means nothing, you were already destroyed.
Now I actually think this was the reason why she changed her look.

Notice how you can only tell Flash from Peter from Clint by the costumes.

He thinks he's still writing Powers

Is Rocket's line in the previous panel just Bendis trying meta?

Anyway the spaceship has warp drive but let's give Eden some use

>Gamora is the adopted daughter of Thanos.
>Gets shat on constantly, even though she's reformed, and wants to kill him
>Thane is Thanos' son by blood.
>Gets a following of worshipers. No questions asked.

Wut?

Seriously, Gamora is taken out ALL OF THE TIME in Bendis' Guardians, it's annoying.

Ok, so the whole deal here is that this guy is the planet in some werird way

So was Flash asleep through all that?

Why is he so useless?

Well, Thane is an Inhuman for once, so he gets a bonus by default in current Marvel.
But not having Thane and Gamora interact in the BV shows how little Bendis wanted to have with it

Kindun is one ugly ass mother

Dude, we're saying he is useless on panel, this makes him being useless not bad!

I meant why is he so useless in this comic?

I love Flash.

For her, it was Tuesday.
But boy do I hate this THANOS THANOS THANOS mentions

Crop the first panel and you have Gamora's entire character in this run.
Meanwhile, Drax just hangs around, I mean, Thanos is just some guy, isn't he

So he hates Gamora, but was perfectly fine with dealing with Nebula?

So the plot for all this was
>Gamora was abducted buy some guy who had a beef with MUH THANOS
>the Guardians break her out
Oh, and Hawkeye and Spider-Woman have some lines and a teleporter.

You're out of luch bruv
I mean, stick with this and someday I'm going to post Venom Spaceknight

SHIT I DIDN'T POST THE LAST PAGE
>So technically what we just read should've gone before the Black Vortex and even before the planet of the symbiotes arc
>I've posted it here for imagelimit reasons and for another reason you'll see soon

Aand done

I mean, it's not like Nebula's ENTIRE CHARACTER revolved around wanting to be identified with Thanos' legacy even when he wanted to have nothing with her

I hadn't really thought of that
Fuck, now that story goes from "stupid" to "completely nonsensical"

This cover gimmick was so stupid I didn't even remember it was a thing

Summary of the Black Vortex's consequences for this book: Gamora and Kitty now have a powerup.

You'd think they'd be trying to recover from being encased in amber
Did Peter even reveal to them that Mr Knife was J'son?

That haircut is awful

What am I looking at? What happens a minute late on classic covers?

That only works with comedy. With action, it just beaks down to "and then they fought some more"

>Jewish mom teaming up with Kang to stop her daughter from marrying a goy
Holy shit I'd read the fuck out of this

Remember that time Claremont tried to make a big deal out of Kitty's father?

>Thor battling the original Guardians
*record scratch*
*Camera zooms*
>So you'll probably wonder how I got here...

We animu now

>it's a Spartax guards episode again

>as simple as it was, Bendis DID NOT understand the premise behind Battleworld, so his Secret Wars minis make absolutely no sense
Really? The only thing I remember from his SW minis was that page where Gamora and Valkyrie argue about religion and that other page where there's like 6 different people in the Nova Corps and none of them were Richard

Post-WW2 really screwed with the terms by not having glorious Ministries of War called so

Is Bendis following up his own joke in the OS tie-in with the Gamemaster/In-betweener comparison?

No, I mean like how Bendis thought that Battleworld inhabitants did not know what Battleworld was and its structure. and let's not even get into Ultimate End territory

I don't fully buy that the Kree empire disappeared overnight because Hala was blown up, those crazy blue militaristic fucks would stick together against the other lesser races instead of fractioning

>It's a Chitauri episode

>all of these missed opportunities at having something here look really alien feeling

Drax is literally doing what Taskmaster did on AIM Island

Guardians of Knowhere had nothing happen for several issues save for a sneak peek at two jobbers he introduced in his ANAD run, bickering, and a pointless flashback.

Like all his tie-ins, it ends in a open ended climax that lazily leaves the main book to finish it; but they're never addressed.

P.s. fuck Ultimate End.

>Wait, wasn't *I* a coach in high school until a month ago?

If this was a bit less of Memelord, say it was even just AvAss' Peter, this scene could've turned out so good

He also thought Doom did the whole thing to get back at all earth's heroes.

Also, this the most energy I've seen from Drax in this entire run.

>This is madness?
>Madness? THIS IS SPARTAX!

Secret Wars was the single greatest editorial coordinated project in Marvel's history, literally every book tied in to that, and Brian Micheal Bendis did not bother to read the three lines that were the premise of it. I still can't believe it.

Dammit, why couldn't Bendis have ANAD GOTG with the Guardians running Spartax?

Oh wait, that would require him to write sci-fi AND a Political thriller

What did Carol even got to do with the Guardians except be there to save Peter's ass once and in that Nick Fury annual?

He writes the stakes and the implications of politics quite well, see Alias, but he never gets into it

Let's not even TRY to imagine what would happen to Spartax's gravity here

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You were saying?
>thos fucking scooters

>energy sword
Still no godslayer s m h

A good plan would be to try and understand if they're only there for Gamora again or if they are exacting punishment on the whole planet anyway

>a traveling living planet was more defenses than the capital of a space empire
huehuehue

>she is inside me
L-lewd

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ATTENTION EVERYONE
FLASH THOMPSON IS DOING SOMETHING USEFUL IN THIS PAGE
THIS IS NOT A DRILL

>thinking you can against Thanos just like that
Sure, buddy

Reset the clock

Useful Flash, and Rocket's dumb catchphrase in one page.

Merciful.

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It's like there's a balance, like here
A good joke, and the meme catchphrase

Yeah, this is so unlike the Chitauri's established race character, which is... Uh...

One day I will really have to trace back the origins of the "dual wielding means a swordsman is a pro" meme

Nebula was on Gamora's lady warrior team during Annihilation. But yeah, movie-bait.

We're going that thing again when a Bendis character cries and tells the others they love them

And this doesn't exactly protect them from people going there imagining that if anyone knows where Gamora is, it's the Guardians

Fuck you're right, in Ronan's mini. I only remembered Ceryse (who died) there

AND THEN THE UNIVERSE EXPLODED AND EVERYONE DIED, THE END
EXCEPT PETER WAS IN RICHARDS' SHIP AND GOT TO BATTLEWORLD AND WHEN THERE HE WAS A MASSIVE FAGGOT WHO SANG DISNEY SONGS FOR THE LULZ
Read all of this in the thread linked in the OP

Why don't we take a trip to Battleworld ourselve?

I haven't read much cosmic Marvel beyond Annhilation and everything after. Did people frequently come after Gamora for reasons, or is this just something Bendis came up with.

At least there won't be good art wasted in this mini