Do you think Batman ever masturbates?

Do you think Batman ever masturbates?

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Nobody in the DC universe masturbates.

I thought so

No, he has bathirl, catwoman and dick] to help with that

But Batman isn't gay.

No, he Masterwaynes

It's why Batman is so angry and molests his Robins all the time.
He wants to touch himself but he can't.

...

I doubt it. Even if he does, he probably only fap to Justice

Batman doesn't masturbate, he just rapes the Joker.

So if people masturbated, we wouldn't have crazy people?

BATMAN, YOU HAVE TO GET THE JOKER TO FAP!

What happens if Flash masturbates?

Hell no.
The guy runs on like less than 4 hours of sleep a day.
Any time he masturbates would add at least an hour or two of sleep to that night.
An hour or two of sleep while CRIME IS HAPPENING IN THE STREETS OF GOTHAM.

We get another crisis.

But as said, nobody in the DC universe masturbates.

No, hes got Catwoman as a cock sleeve

In the main universe but...

Multiverse theory says there's a universe where DC-character do in fact masturbate.

>The Fap-verse.

Batman practices to be the best at everything.

There's probably some bizarre scenario that can only be resolved by him masturbating efficiently and effectively, so I'm sure he practiced and busted a few rounds out for JUST such a purpose and then never touched himself again.

Because that's how Batman does things.

I think he gets enough sexual release from beating up the poor

Masturbation doesn't exist in the DC universe.

...

He's a "peak human". He easily resists that sort of carnal temptation.

No, he's Master Bruce.

I'm more curious about whether he has a little bat-cowl for his penis to wear.

According to the First of the Fallen in "Hellblazer", God constantly masturbates and drools.

That's what robin is for anyway

His utility belt has a Bat-Fleshlight, I'll bet. The opening is in the shape of the bat logo.

HA HA HA, nope.

I imagine he understands its importance to his prostate health, but also recognizes it makes him stoned afterwards, so he only does it before bed, during the brief periods he allows sleep. helps him get right to sleep, minimizing the wasted time

>but also recognizes it makes him stoned afterwards
I don't really understand this, jerking off doesn't really make me feel different after I finish.

Now that would be some serious Batwank.

>Do you think Batman ever masturbates?
Now Robin's a blood relation what else is he meant to do when he gets an itch that justice just can't scratch?

It's something that you have to force yourself to notice.
Once you do, there is no going back. You'll feel like garbage everytime you fap.

He bangs super models and has serious hobbies. He doesn't fap.

Probably has scheduled sessions after reading about the health benefits it has.

I don't have to force myself to feel like garbage.

Nah, he has a Batharem to take care of his sexual urges.

Underrated

That's actually the opposite of what endorphins do. Your brain chemistry is abnormal.

Is Alfred involved in some way?

Bruce notices a plate of bat cookies and batmilk on the table after masturbating with Selina's panties over his face and being really into it. That is Alfred's involvement.

>Alfred, I'm horny. Fetch me a wench.

But why would he

We should examine this subject by Batman incarnation. Bale's Batman, for example, is absolutely a masturbator, no questions asked.

Getting a handjob from a guy isn't gay at all

>Hal has a ring that can create anything he can imagine.
>Still makes a giant fist.

>Bale's Batman, for example, is absolutely a masturbator, no questions asked.

Why? Just because he's a huge virgin?

Not even Fapman, the perverted purveyor of penile and pusstastic pleasure?

This. My roommate would always masturbate me after class to help me calm and relax, and we never any romantic involvement. We were both straight and he even had a girlfriend. Sure, sometimes i'd zone out and nibble his ear globe while he did this, but i'd stop right away and excuse myself.

He used to call that as brojobs.

Alfred puts on the Batman costume, Bruce dresses up as a french maid and Alfred shoves pineapples in his ass while Bruce masturbates.

The subtext is all there, you know it to be true.

No, you can just sort of tell he jerks off, and besides, Nolan's Batman strives to be as realistic as possible and nothing's more realistic than pretty much everybody masturbating.

this
It's just like jerking yourself off except it's another dick.

no he just constantly edges

of course. what would you do with terabytes of pictures of the joker?

Reminds me of that issue in The Boys where the equivalent of Green Lantern had to use his power to create a giant hand to jerk off the equivalent of Galactus to save the planet.

his mother used to give him feel good rub rubs before sleepy nap time, that's why he was so fucked up from her death.

because of how rich he is, he just flies in super models on his private jet every time he gets urges that alfred can't satisfy

You watched Little Nicky.

Sounds hot, what is this comic?

The Boys. And they only mention it in a conversation.

Batman doesn't masturbate. He take all the stress and pent-up desires and channel that to fight crime. Batman's running perpetually on blue balls. That's what prep-time is made off: the blue balls force.

Why would he need To? He gets off on beating criminals to a pulp.

Batman cares not for bitches.

Such a weak come back, explains a lot about Neil Gayman

That's just a religion or morality thing friend
I feel like garabage if I fap 5 times in 3 hours, but otherwise I'm left satisfied

Why hasn't he any genitals?

wow

He gave them up to a demon in order to be just lucky enough to never be killed by mortal hands

It was probably something he was fapping to

has to have whacked it to Barbara at least once

That's what level 7 is for

timm pls

i guess somebody forgot to tell the hellblazer writters.

He's trained to be the best at everything, right?
So he has to be the BEST masturbator.

You bet he taught the Robins his masturbation techniques?

no need

If it's a quick jerk then no. But after a good one I just lay down for a good half hour at least or end up taking a nap. It's a great feeling

Well he did bang her in killing joke

This is the best joke this topic can possibly produce.

Everybody, we can all go home now.

Probably not. I imagine he'd refuse to like how he refuses to drink alcohol or take drugs. Something about self control and avoiding your base impulses.

Isn't this actually a fact?

Like wasn't there a writer who revealed that during one of the arcs he was doing the editor change/made him change a scene because the editor said "No one in the DC Universe masturbates"?

>Though I'm pretty sure at least Grant Morrison (if no one else) retconed that shit away.
>But I could be wrong
>Batman definitely seems like he needs to blow off some steam in these panels.

...

I'm so glad InCase learned to stop drawing women like trannies

>Catwoman
>not Robin

He uses fucbois why do you think he had child sidekicks for the longest time?

>Like wasn't there a writer who revealed that during one of the arcs he was doing the editor change/made him change a scene because the editor said "No one in the DC Universe masturbates"?

Yeah, that was Neil Gaiman
His answer was "Well, that explains a lot about the DC Universe"

“I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well, that explains a lot about the DC Universe.”

it was Gaiman.

But yes, bruce fucks whores, he deludes himself to think it's part of his "cover", but usually when he is acting extra psyco alfred always ask him fto go out and date, implying degenerate sex does help with his stress, and given how many times he ends up kissing or fucking supervillians i can totally see it.

giff sauce

Well...

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire he bangs all the socialites

all gotham bitches belong to batman

He left his DNA all over town:
youtube.com/watch?v=f4JI81SNsxA

she's the type of girl who refuses you at first then ends up giving in

Fapping makes you that tired? Are you eating right user?

No, that'd be too obvious.

>She

Makes sense, fucking prude whores