Civil War Storytime

Welcome back Anons! Last time we took a break from Bendis to read the Daughters of the Dragon miniseries. Today, we hit the beginning of the end for Marvel comics, and read Civil War.

Man, who thought taking the New Warriors and putting them into a reality show was a good idea?

Why?

but since we're here, can you do Back in Black when this is over?

>Speedball giving orders
>Speedball also being a total fucking ass

I admit, I never read the Reality Show series, but why is Speedball acting like people listen to him? Black Teenage Batman is RIGHT there.

Because unlike the 70's and 80's, this is the age where Marvel has countless fucking events that every damn series has to tie into.

Also, because I'm kind of a prick.

I dunno, we're mostly here just for Luke and Danny stuff, and the stories that are deal with them. I can do Back in Black tonight after I get home, but it won't be tied into these storytimes and it will be the late hours.

>Today, we hit the beginning of the end for Marvel comics

Aight.

Speaking of the old stuff, I'm considering posting a pastebin in the OP with a list of all the previous storytimes. That way people won't have to slog through Desu to catch up.

Okay, this scene right here confuses me. WHY exactly did Nita push him into a bus, instead of the ground?

Would you say THIS is the page where things turned to shit?

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So was Rachel actually wearing the skirt around this time? I vaguely remember Cable and Deadpool making a joke about her OLD skirt.

So can Sentinels actually do anything besides kill mutants? Like, can they program them to pick up rubble, search for survivors, SOMETHING useful?

Marvel was a mistake.

Okay, so these are the human-piloted ones and they STILL aren't bothering to do any help. Motherfuckers.

Eh, I still say 70's Marvel was still good when taken as a general whole.

Or would you say THIS page is where the veil was pulled back?

>posting images in a storytime
Yep, you're cancer alright.

>Peter is still taking pictures for JJ

Good to know Millar can't even be bothered to ask is Peter's still a photographer anymore. He's not, by the way. He's a high school science teacher.

>"Paris and Lindsay are waiting upstairs, Johnny."

That's how you can tell this story is a decade old. I genuinely can't remember the last time I thought about those two.

Millar loved to do shit like that, remember Freddie Prinze Jr. in The Ultimates?

>that fuckhead breaking a bottle over the head of the Human Torch, even after he outright says he had nothing to do with the New Warriors

Okay Anons, try to think of an instance where a Marvel civilian topped this guy in terms of sheer dickishness

I tried to read this shit once but im missing what feels like a mountain of context for all these characters. Like im a total dummy to all this shit, all ive read is the early/mid 2000s Punisher stuff which exists in it's own self contained world with no supernatural bullshit or multiverses or whatever. Then when I tried to read Fraction's War Journal I could barely do it because I was missing so much of the bigger picture of all the civil war stuff. Also Frank's Captain America worship was fucking gay.

>they have a rule in the SHRA that Doctor Strange is exempt

Well, I guess when your day job is making sure Dormammu doesn't stomp a new mudhole in our reality, I guess they realize their shit doesn't really matter in comparison.

Does Ultimate count?

That's the benefit of reading with company, user. You can ask all the questions you want, and it's likely that SOMEONE will know.
So ask away.

>>that fuckhead breaking a bottle over the head of the Human Torch, even after he outright says he had nothing to do with the New Warriors
That fuckhead was right, Namorita has been a member of the FF and Johnny's girlfriend

Reminder that Nitro was only this powerful thanks to drugs given to him by Damage Control. This would have happened eventually even if the NW had never shown up.

Okay, so while Daredevil here is actually Iron Fist (and I realize I forgot to post Daredevil), I'd completly buy that Millar didn't know that, and writes this as what he thinks Matt would do.

Namorita going full retard.
When a guy can explode, you don't say "don"t explode psl", you knock him out as fast as you can

I've always wondered why a government evil enough to use robots for genocide doesn't use the same robots to invade Iraq or something.

At least then they used his full name, so I took that to mean Millar just pulled a random celebrity name out from a hat.
This one? It just really dates the comic.

why don't comics do the "If you're wondering what this character is talking about, check out issue #129!" anymore, that would be really useful now a days when theres literal thousands of issues and plotlines

when you get all these silly looking cartoon characters in a room together and have them discussing serious politics and the death of hundreds it really makes you wonder why anyone takes this seriously, most of all the writers.

For one thing, the writers likely don't read those other books, as we're learning now with Bendis. As for your particular example, Marvel is reaching an age now where they don't seem to want to be too "comic book-y". Hence why they haven't had narration in YEARS, unless it's a character speaking to themselves.

NO
GOD NO
STOP
PLEASE
YOU'LL KILL US ALL

>this entire scene

Just imagine how much different Civil War would've changed if Nick Fury were still in charge.

Shut up, Zack.

No, because Ultimates was basically "everyone except for Spider-Man and Thor is an asshole".
Tony went so far into being an asshole that he looped back to "pretty chill guy".

Gotta love how WOLVERINE of all people, is the only one who realizes "Hey, maybe instead of fighting eachother over this shit, we get the guy who blew up a school?"

Why the fuck is Maria trying to arrest Cap BEFORE the SHRA even passes? And even if it had passed, he still hadn't done anything illegal.
What were they going to tell the press and public? If Steve had surrendered, he would have been able to expose his views in court and get off easily.

>"Hey we should force superhero to reveal their-"
"Get the hell off my Helicarrier. DUGAN! THROW THIS MAN OFF THE CARRIER!"

>"Wait, do you mean remove him, or actually thr-"
>"I want him off NOW! Which do you think would be faster?!"

They do a similiar bit in New Avengers with Luke Cage, which we'll get back to in a week. I won't go into spoilers, but it's almost just as stupid as this.

That's something that really bugged me.
I can understand the public being angry at the NW, but they would be even more pissed at Nitro. He was still on the run, yet nobody cared, it's insane.
Quite frankly, a more realistic reaction would be for the public to demand that all super-villains be executed, since Nitro has escaped prison a dozen times.

Going by this page they can only be aiming AT the shield. Normally I'd call that stupid, but if you think about it, would any SHIELD agent really try to take out Captain America? Captain "I punched Hitler in the face" America? And because MARIA HILL told them too? I'm just saying, at this point, I think a few of them are doing as little as possible to keep their paychecks, rather than stop a literal living legend who hasn't done anything besides stand up to their bitch of a boss.

>With all due respect Mr. President, SHIELD is an international organization, we have no obligation to enforce an America law, do it yourselves.

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If memory serves, Brubaker's Captain America ends up saying what happened after this scene. I may be imagining this, but I vaguely remember Cap getting this guy a burger. I'll grab my Omni in a bit.

So, I know Fury is the new Watcher, but has he actually done this since Original Sin? I mean, Uatu at least showed up every once in a while.

>"And then he landed the jet in a football field before taking the pilot for a hamburger and fries."

Okay, so it was in THIS where that happened.

...

This is when the whole "Oh noes, Uatu is here, this shit is super important guyz" started to become an annoying trend.
The worst instance being Uatu showing up at the wedding of T'Challa and Storm.
Bendis later said that after reading Civil War, he wished he had put Uatu in House of M. And of course, Bendis would later put Uatu in Secret Invasion in the worst way possible.

>Bendis later said that after reading Civil War, he wished he had put Uatu in House of M
I wouldn't be surprised if he had no idea who Uatu was.

Okay, so while skimming though my Omni (I hoped we'd see the "Burgers and Fries" scene), I got to a bit when even Brubaker took the time to take shots at Maria Hill for that bit. Because her job is to prove that Hank Pym isn't THE biggest fuck up in Marvel.

Aaron said that Old Man Fury will show up in the first issue of Unworthy Thor.
How much do you want to bet that he'll still take forever to reveal what the whisper was?

Honestly, if he ever ends up revealing it, I'll buy one of those hardcover Original Sin books.

>"The Dombot's down."

Okay, I know I don't know everything about Marvel, but I'm pretty damn sure that Doom doesn't build his doombots to look like that!

Looks like Metallo in the Superman Returns game.

Plus, sending random robots to rampage across NYC isn't Doom's style, especially since it would create an international incident.

Spoilers if you never read Slott's She-Hulk, she gets called in to be an agent of SHIELD, despite this page saying otherwise.

Best I can figure, someone hacked one of his old ones. Only thing that makes sense.

One of the worst things about Civil War is that they never bothered explaining what the law actually did in detail. Thus, diffetent writers would portray it in different and contradictory ways with varying degrees of fascism.
A similar thing is happening now in Civil War II, with different tie-ins portraying Ulysses' powers differently. The worst being those that show self-fulfilling prophecies, which completely contradicts how his powers are supposed to work.

And here we see Reed's infamous "wall of math" to explain why Iron Man is totally right and fuck all of you readers who say he isn't.

to be fair that 00s Pym shit all got skrull retcond

i think, i don't remember when they snatched pym, i think it was right after disassembled.

man I really have been liking his thor once Jane got the hammer but the mystery stuff is consistently the book's weak point

It's Ok when his buddy Reed does it, but of course, if an Inhuman uses super-math to predict the future, that's bad and Tony Stark must stop it.

>the mystery stuff is consistently the book's weak point
Not the rampant try-hard feminism?

It wouldn't be such an issue if EVERY BOOK didn't end up tying into the event. Seriously, I thought it was common knowledge that the inconsistencies among writers caused friction between the tie-ins, how are they screwing that up again?

seriously how is that not the first thing they do on the retreat planning it.

REGISTRATION LAW IS _____________
MARIA HILL ISN'T GONNA TRY TO ARREST CAP BEFORE IT'S LAW
DON'T BURY A DUDE IN A TARP LIKE A DOG

there's a handful of simple fixes that would really improve it

FUTURIST!!

tony is right tho

They explicitly show in Mighty Avengers when he was taken. It was definetly after Dissassembled. Might have been after New started though, I'll have to check.

I really need to stop locking up my comics room

nope! also that's like only in the absorbing man fight. which has never been referenced since iirc.

I mean yeah. Reed's Reed, Ulysses is some rando

Still a better explanation than "my uncle went to jail for opposing McCarthy, and my uncle was clearly wrong"

Reminder that Millar's original trigger for Civil War was that Happy Hogan and Pepper's kid was going to die in the crossfire a superhero fight involving Speedball.

And I just checked. Hank Pym was snatched after the Raft breakout in New Avengers.

Man, remember when Marvel was pushing the Young Avengers, and Patriot in particular?
How times change.

>"This little punk is bulletproof now?"

For those who never read the original Young Avengers, Patriot originally claimed he was a super solider because is grandfather was one of the test subjects before they got it right for Steve. He ended up lying, and he was using MGH to be a super soldier, but the run ended with a blood transfusion from his grandfather, meaning NOW he's a super soldier.

I can't remember if this actually happens in 616 but that Civil War tie in for Secret Wars actually did some retconning to make it all make more sense.

that civilian lady who gets super involved is a skrull

>they're using helicopters, tear gas, and fucking explosives on a kid who's crime was stopping a mugging

Whenever people say that Tony was wrong, it's usually because of shit like this.

Why do they assume he's bulletproof? All the bullets clearly hit the shield on his back, it's the shield that's bulletproof.

it's interesting how civil war now could be the same but the talk might be more about this shit than about the law/patriot act metaphor.

>"He'll be fine. It's the office block I'm worried about."

Remember, according to Millar, these are supposed to be the good guys. They don't know he can survive a blast like that.

Wait, how did they arrest the rest of the Young Avengers? No way that SHIELD agents could take them all down. How did they even find them?

Because that would be too much effort, user. There used to be people who made sure everyone's stories fit together like that, making small fixes.

Man, if only we had people who could edit stories like that now, huh? Imagine how great things could be.

Short of getting the drop on them, that's a damn good question.
Wiccan is basically Zatanna in terms of "power is whatever he wants", Hulkling is a shapeshifter with super strength, and Stature has Pym Particles, which as we all know, are bullshit.
Patriot and Hawkingbird should've been the easier ones.

So putting on glasses is all you need to disguise your identity? Clark Kent was right.

See? No reason Wiccan couldn't have done this when SHIELD got there first, unless it was by surprise.

Stature registered. I dunno about the rest, I think they might have semi-retired? There's a YA/Runaways mini that explains it i'm sure

Why are half of them just standing and looked like idiots?

And that room is cramped as fuck, it's the fucking Baxter Building, space out you fucks.

Hey, Thor figured that out in the 80's.

>Cable is on Team Cap

One thing I kind of enjoyed was how the X-Men's "guys from the future" ended up on opposite sides. Bishop was on Team Tony, and Cable was here. It means that nobody could do the "I'm from the future and I know this side wins" argument.
I don't remember if Rachel picked a side.

>(and I realize I forgot to post Daredevil)
Okay, so I wasn't crazy, at one point you said that should've been part of this storytime

>it's a 'Big Government ruins everything' episode

The problem I found with Daredevil was that, Luke and Danny only had one-issue appearances in complete arcs, so it was tricky do manage.
Once we finish up New Avengers and Siege (meaning all the other stories would be finished), I'll do that as well, like how we did Defenders a while back.

This is the only sensible comment about the whole CW plot, to be fair.
It's like no one told Millar he wasn't writing Ultimate anymore.

You can just tell a few of them are pissed at Nighthawk and his dumb wings for taking up even more space in that CLOSET.

So, does anybody else remember this being in the news? I know, it's a really slow day when legit news channels are taking the time to talk about comic book plots, but it happened.

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