Home Alone remake

>Movie revolves around three thieves entering a wealthy home
>Upon entering the house, 4 inch thick steel falls and barred the windows and doors
>a PA system starts to screech
"This is my house. I have to defend it" says the man with the raspy voice
>The thieves start to panic and tries to break the windows
"This is my house. I have to defend it"
>Kevin Mccallister (Macaulay Culkin)is now a deranged man obsessed on luring Thieves into his house and lays out clever saw-like traps all over the house in order to torture and kill the thieves
>The thieves die one by one until the last man standing finds a room full of corpses implying that Kevin has done this for decades
>The last thief dies
>Kevin falls down in fetal position repeating this line over and over until it fades to black
"This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. Did you hear me?..... I'm living alone! I'm living alone!... This is my house.. I have to defend it. This is my house."
>Flashback shows that he has done these for years and the thieves are portrayed by previous famous child actors like Haley JOel Osment, Terminator kid, Pod racing kid, Michelle tratch, etc

The entire movie is that scene with Marv going up the basement stairs, except instead of Marv it's a woman, and instead of the nail it's my cock and balls.

Decent but that's a sequel not a remake.

>At last, I truly am, Home Alone.

Home Alone 2: Awakening

If they do a remake I think they should have a little girl play the kid who gets left alone. The rest can be relatively the same, scenes of her playing around the house, updated for modern tastes. Obviously there would have to be a lot more backstory done as to why the parents are unable to get in contact with her given modern technology and the like.
The only thing I'd definitely have to insist on including is a rape scene similar to that of the Irreversible alley scene, but with the little girl and one of the robbers. Just a ten minute long rape scene, implied anal, with an eight year old girl crying as she gets fucked up the ass on the floor of her own house. Maybe she could have a teddy bear that she has with her throughout the movie, and during the rape scene she's trying to grab her bear for some small bit of comfort, but it's just outside of her grasp. That would be hot

>Home Alone sequel
>MacCaulay Culkin is the robber now
you can thank me later, studios

Wait so it's a remake, then it's a sequel, then it's a reboot, then it's a horror reimagining?

You were so close to quints, but still of by three. Better luck next time.
You can have my dubs tho

kys

I saw at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask get in the way of him sucking cock or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and sucking another man’s cock in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him slurping as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen dildoes without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the dildoes and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to lube it up and shove it down his throat “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each dildo and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by sucking really loudly.

...

...

Kek

As long as Eddie furlong can have a part in it. And I'd like a cameo by john candy cretaed by cgi

...

11/10

...

>R rated home alone
>the burglars are pedophiles
>the MC barely escapes being kidnapped and violently raped

did you guys see that monsters film with macauley and seth green? shit was weird

Could you make a movie like this with Macaulay but no mention of Mccallister names and avoid being sued?

Fuckin weirdo

no why was it weird?

what the fuck

...

wat

It's 2017, fuck-o. She had better be a black tri-sexual genderfluid necromancer or I will scream opression all over Tumblr.

Dumb post

>"what the fuck MARV"

Would be a genius deconstruction of the unnecessary 80s movies reboots genre. You should've submitted it to a studio rather than posting it on an anonymous basket-weaving forum and relinquishing your intellectual copyright.

I unironically want to see a modern Home Alone sequel where the kid is a 30 year old NEET.

>unironically using unironically
You know how I know you're gay?

>a That 70's Show poster and faded Cosmo clippings hang in the background

That is the correct usage of that word you fucking retard.

it's not even a word retard

Okay, friend. Okay.
You got me!
You got me over a barrel. You've got my wrists tied, you've got my ankles secured.
I'm not going anywhere.
What's that you're... oh. Oh you're pulling my pants down. Boxers, too.
That's fine. I won't struggle. Next you'll... ooh! Ooh that's cold! The lube! The lube you're rubbing on my asshole.
Hang on there a seco--oof!! Oh wow! Oh wow you're in my ass! Th-thrusting in and o-out!
I can f-feel you! Y-yeah I can f-feel you. You're whole l-length. I-in and o-out! I-it's good. H-hitting the sweet spot! Hitting m-my p-prostate!
OOOHH!! OOOOOHHH I'M GONNA CUM!!
*screams in ecstasy as you explode inside of me*

It is widely accepted to be a word retard.

yeah but you could have taken it out of the original post and it would have had the exact same meaning

Written and Directed by Sam Riami

Not the guy your replying to, but you seem like an idiot and your grammar is shit

What did they mean by this?

This poster is still in high school.

No it wouldn't because this is Sup Forums where everything is inherently done ironically.

I saw at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and get in the way of him sucking cock or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and sucking another man’s cock in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him slurping as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen dildoes without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the dildoes and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to lube it up and shove it down his throat “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each dildo and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by sucking really loudly.

...

desu i think a movie with a bunch of old child actors could be big like "the expendables"

...

...

...

...

This is the funniest thing I've seen in Sup Forums in a fucking while
10/10

...

This is exactly what Hollywood would do, both in a movie and in real life.

Top kek we should get shell shoujo to enact that, some user on Sup Forums can figure out the script

I don't know whether it's legit newfags everywhere or if there's an autist going around replying to every copy pasta and acting like it's the first time he's seen it. Makes me think.

Or it's the guy that posted it.

It's not me. I've been posting it around like an autist, but the replies are all newfriends

jfc

underrated

Shut up op The Collection is a fine movie

What happened...to his extended family

...