>Take a shit
>Get bit on the tip
Why do Aussies tolerate toilet spiders?
They even have a folk song about it:
>There was a red-back on the toilet seat
>When I was there last night,
>I didn't see him in the dark,
>But boy! I felt his bite!
>And now I'm ere in hospital,
>A sad and sorry plight,
>And I curse the red-back spider
>On the toilet seat last night.
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Spiders should be exterminated like the Guinea worm.
>Implying a few aussies dying here and there is a bad thing
I say good! Thin down the fuckers. Based spiders cleaning up Sup Forums one bantz lord at a time. Now we just need a good shipment of these to Canada....
SHART
Why isn't South America the land of spiders, instead of Australia?
They have all the exotic ones like Tarantulas
Sure, we have a lot of them and they do like to live inside, but pretty much none of them will kill you
IN
Redbacks rarely kill, it's just horrible pain for 24 hours or so and then you're fine. If you go the hospital they normally just monitor you and let you go with some pain killers.
The anti-venom is a lot more painful.
We have blacks and brown windows in canada you retard.
widows*
"Quick, suck my dick, it's an emergency!"
MART
Redbacks are really uncommon to find in a house and are more of an outdoorsy spider.
A whitetail on the other hand, will hide in your underwear as it's out to dry and it's bite can rot your cock off.
...
W-what happened to his peepee afterwards? Did it fall off?
Spider ignorant here, what's the diff between red back and black widow?
Redbacks are small, with an abdomen about the size of a pea. Their venom won't kill you.
Black widows are bigger and are venomous enough to kill. The Australian version is the Sydney Funnel Web
Fuck all we have is daddy long legs here which are apparently super poisonous but have bitch teeth so they can't bite you but god damn I have toilet spiders.
I checked my boxers
Spiders here do not tend to go into houses, so we see them less.
I remember jacking off to porn on the sly on the loungeroom while my gf was in the bath one night.
I spot a black thing moving out the very corner of my eye about 3m away from my foot. I wasn't phased by it at all but looked anyway and a funnel-web had slipped under my door and was running straight at my foot. My foot did nothing to this little cunt but there it was all reared up and ready to take me on.
Beat the little shit to half to death with a slipper and fed it to my bearded dragon the next day.
No, the Australian Black Widow is the Redback Spider, it is less venomous though as you say. I have no fucking idea what the American equivalent to our horrendous Sydney Funnel Web would be though.
Is that why you don't poo in the loo?
>chance of toilet spider
>chance of toilet snake
>still manage to make it home from the safety of the supermarket without sharting
You do know that's a hoax dont you?
I would just keep a can and a lighter in the bathroom.
Clean the toilet thoroughly with flames before shitting, kicking the seat up with my toe, and being sure to spray around the back. Wait ten seconds and then repeat.
This has the added benefit of warming the seat.
got fucken pastered one friday night and crashed at my mates place with the rest of the lads, down on his living room floor
woke up the next morning and we were all paralytically hungover, so we rolled over and put Tarzan on his big screen
10 minutes in and this funnelweb the size of my fucking hand crawls down the wall and over the top of the TV. we were all just staring in horror, too fucked to move while we watched this thing crawl down the TV, slip on the screen and land on the floor near our feet
it made a fucking thump like dropping a shoe, which finally roused the closest one of us to get up and beat the fucking beastie with an Aldi brochure
Didnt know you called them widows when their nignog husbands just left them
found the emu
Tarzan is a fantastic movie. If Phil Collins wasn't on the soundtrack it wouldn't have been as good.
...
i agree, but what a controversial thing to comment on
also peter gabriel > phil collins
We have Brown Recluses and Black Widows to be fair. Both are just as venomous as redbacks and funnel webs.
The difference of course is Widows and Recluses actively avoid humans and if you find them in your house they'll scurry away or just stand still and let you kill them. Aussie spiders are aggressive as fuck.
Oh just try to live with the
SHART IN MART
That's just embarrassing.
Lol they are not even close to the funnel Web, the closest thing is the wandering spider
>it made a fucking thump like dropping a shoe, which finally roused the closest one of us to get up and beat the fucking beastie with an Aldi brochure
That's the worst - I've never really seen a funnel web, but I've seen a lot of large huntsmans.
Big ones, when they scurry across your carpet, sound like mice
Welcome to the colony faggot
>just stand still and let you kill them
Should rename them the "white american spider"
I'm only talking about venom, friend. Funnel webs are far more horrifying than either, but Widows have slightly more potent venom than funnel webs. Funnel webs bite repeatedly and are big, fast and aggressive though which makes them far worse.
Brazilian wanderers are by far the worst though.
>dying from red back bite
PFFFT fucking pussies
Who sits down in a portable toilet?
Hokey fuck, those bantz
Australia should be known for its snakes, not spiders
Lel
>risking spider bite
>not just going in your pants
Shart in marts: 1
Toliet slaves: 0
I used to watch documentaries about wildlife in Australia as a kid and became scared of these fuckers.
>alldownunder.com
I like it. Genuinely.
Brah try Funnel Webs.
>Watching a doco as a kid, the narrator was saying how one of the most deadly spiders in the world lives specifically in a highly populated City.
>Remember thinking to myself 'sucks dick to be those guys haaha' and then it flashes to the Opera house.
Was not a happy chappy after that
Well they're the most venomous snake in the world but you'd really have to go out of your way to find one.
DELETE THIS
>that happened to me last Thursday
...
You are really fucked with wildlife over there. Aren't brown snakes prominent in cities? I remember some animal experts encountering one in the outskirts of some big city in eastern Australia.
>at some place on the coast with my family as a kid
>at the beach playing in rock pools
>blue ring octopus crawls across my foot
NOPE
>tiger snake higher than brown snake
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN
Wait I read it wrong completely
This, it's like your asking to cover your ass in piss and shit. I don't know what it is about people and public toilets, but dudes don't even fucking try aiming.
>Go to use a toilet in a restaurant
>Toilet seat is COVERED in piss, so is the floor
This happens like 50% of the time
Yeah you find 'em everywhere.
>encountering one in the outskirts of some big city
i live on the gold coast, the fastest growing and largest non-captial city in the country, and i've found a brown in my unmowed lawn when i came back after a 3 month holiday
We have shit tons of spiders here too, I always check my shoes before wearing them. God damn Hunstman, is the smell of my foot really that inviting to you?
Didn't know Aldi is also in Aussieland
Yeah they've opened up a few stores here recently.
Very strange place.
Grow up mate, Australia isn't a fuckin meme like the USA.
Soooo....are Aussies tushie tangled?
Thank you anons. Now I know I will never step foot in Australia without heavy armor.
it's a budget option, everythings very cheap because they cut corners on everything from staff numbers to display packaging
kind of funny, because the big two, Coles and Woolworths, who have dominated the supermarket business for decades, are trying to ritz up all their stores with fancy delicatessens and sushi bars and shit, and now Aldi is killing it and opening up stores everywhere because, despite years of marketing research, it turns out aussies don't mind shopping in povo as fuck stores
Had a few of these. They sometimes hide under the rim of the toilet seat. Sometimes I get up and turn around, flush the toilet and see a spider go down.
I stand up and poop now.
In North America?
Nothing.
Nothing is close... Funnell webs are psycho man...
>Aussie copperhead at 10
Do they smell like piss? American copperheads (which are much much less dangerous, only barely qualify as venomous) have a distinct piss smell.
Accurate 150km inland qld ahahaha!
Never understood woolies trying to look super nice and all. I've never shopped at aldi cuz i'm not a poor cunt but
what the fuck
I don't understand the evolutional developement at all with Australia.
NZ is a contrast to it, with such a peaceful environment, in which the birds get so fat, that they are lazy and don't fly.
In Australia even various birds look like dinosaurs, with strength that will easily kill you.
Have you ever seen a koala not on weed? They are agressive as shit.
Brown recluse spiders are way worse than redbacks.
>t. poor cunt
coles are going all out where i am, woolies is starting to fall behind in the "lets see who can look the most like a Whole Foods" competition
aldi is actually pretty damn good for meat and dairy
>At work at the bottle-o
>Notice a whole redback family/nest have set up shop in the goon cask display
>"eh boss there's a redback nest back here"
>"yeah no wozzas eh? don't you worry drongo they won't give you a nip unless you tickle em wrong"
>"fair dinkum boss but what about the old people that buy their daily 4 litres of goon?"
>"eh guess we better snap crackle and pop the jobbler aye"
Crushed it with his bare hands. Just another day in straya.
I went to an Aldi for the first time ever last weekend. They've got a large store opening up in Adelaide soon but they've also got a smaller one at Kilburn.
Everything is off-brand, or just brands I'd never heard of, maybe Euro imports. It was completely packed and you had to stand for like 15 minutes at a checkout.
Wouldn't shop there again unless I had to.
there's weird insects everywhere
I had giant centipede fall on my face once and I was chased by some huge flying shit with two pairs of eyes and wings
it was like half of tennis ball
fuck nature
>A whitetail on the other hand, will hide in your underwear as it's out to dry and it's bite can rot your cock off.
This is legitimately why I only use an indoor clothes horse.
yeah however anyone that finishes a sentence with but is a guaranteed stupid cunt.
If you're talking about diversity of spider species and amout, then USA is objectively the land of spiders
This is oddly specific and accurate.
Sssssnake Australia great again
aussie pleb should start using rimless toilets.
fucking western pleb can't into shitting properly
The fuck Australia kek
...
>tarantulas
>exotic
at least im not poor but
He just crushed the nest between his hands?
Did he died?
for some reason this scares the fuck out of me.
These animals have probably never seen the others species before yet they must instantly try and kill eachother
Honestly if they're buying goon they have it coming, thank you Spider-Bro
The fuck am I reading
They have those in Norway?
I think that Australia is also a meme. You may not see it because you live there, but abroad Australia is most typically seen in meme terms.
Fuck man I could never deal with toilet spiders
I live close enough to Florida to fear toilet snakes, I do NOT need to add spiders to that list
Yeah nah m8, aussies build up a tolerance to venom from an early age.
>the onset of severe envenomation can be rapid. In one prospective study, the median time to onset of envenomation was 28 minutes, with only two cases having onset after 2 hours (both had pressure immobilisation bandages applied).[8] Death may occur within a period ranging from 15 minutes[14] (this occurred when a small child was bitten) to three days.
Huntsman are the real common ones though
I used to sleep on a mattress in a garage and most nights there'd be at least one watching me from the walls.
Snakes are the real dangerous things though. Woke up one morning and turned off the standing fan only to see a snake coiled up around the base. You're not supposed to kill them but I fucking wildlife so I mashed its face in with a wine bottle.
No, I think they are in the southern states.
Norway's biggest spiders are as small as houseflies.
How the fuck do you aussies even manage to live a comfortable, or hell even not completely miserable life?
>be me when i was a teenager
>get off bus near my dads place in the bush
>house is about a km away, really need to take a piss
>it's summer and I know the brush around the road is snake territory but fuck am I busting
>move a little bit off the road for some privacy
>start pissing
>feelsgood.jpg
>suddenly hear some movement at my feet
>look down
>see a Black Tiger Snake sliding away, it's wet
>mfw I pissed on a crazy venomous snake that could easily have decided to bite my dick