ITT: Movie theater stories

ITT: Movie theater stories
>live near a revival theater
>whenever I go see an older horror film that's only being shown once this one guy is always there
>we both like sitting in the middle so we usually sit close to each other
>always, during every film, for the entire duration of the film he's lubing up his hands
>he's never not doing this
>every classic horror movie now has a soundtrack of wet, sloppy, lube sounds
Where do you guys like to sit in the theater?
come to think of it, I only see him lube up when the lights are on and during the film I hear the sounds. However, he might as well be fapping in the dark

>black family comes in with entire set of chinese food
>pass dem eggrolls nigga
not even meming, idk HOW THE FUCK they snuck that shit in

another time they brought in mcdonalds

>pass dem eggrolls nigga
ha

I've seen a black person at a movie theater only once. One guy at a Dario Argento screening. He was wearing a Jack Skellington hat.
It's not even like there are no black people here. I used to go this fuckhuge IMAX theater in an all black area a lot, and inside there would be no black people.

>Dario Argento screening
When I go see Giallo in a theater I like to doze off for a bit at the beginning. When I wake up 10-20 minutes later the movie finally starts to get going, and my still groggy state greatly enhances the giallo style and makes me put up with all the nonsensical bullshit.

When I was 8 some guy exposed himself to some kids.

>work at a theater
>two guys blowing each other in the bathrooms every week
>always ask if I wanna join

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>be me
>working first job fresh out of high school at busy AMC
>walk into restroom
>see this

Someone brought a latex glove into a movie theater ,put it on, shit in their hand, and left it on the floor

At least he had the decency to turn it inside out.

perfect

The stall was 100% clean. I wasnt even mad, more like baffled.
One time I was ushering and there were these two teens at the top row in the corner. We arent allowed to turn the lights on to clean until everyone is out of the theater, but I had shit to do and didnt have time for their bullshit so I turned the lights on on them and caught her giving him a blowjob.
Another time I saw cum on a seat, didnt clean it, someone probably ended up sitting on it

here's some caps I took from a similar thread

one of my personal favorites

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>years ago
>go see some shitty movie
>there's a guy in nu metal clothing and a fedora sitting in front of us
>he takes off his fedora
>there's a bandana underneath
Pic related.

sauce

it is a photoshoot. What sauce do you need? All of them are that short in the same shitty quality.

hairmops

>you will never get a blowjob in the cinema

>roommate in college was black
>group of us on our hall go to see movie
>he brings his black gf
>before the movie they go to the grocery store and buy an entire rotisserie chicken
>put it in her giant ass black girl purse
>get in theatre
>he opens chicken
>entire fucking theatre blasted by intense smell of roasted chicken
>can hear other people sniffing the air trying to figure out why the movie smells like chicken
>he's just hand picking pieces off of it
>wipes his greasy fingers on the seat in front of him

Thank you mr skeleton

>go to movies by myself because I can
>ask ticket bitch for my ticket "ticket for one for Dunkirk!"
>ticket bitch says "for ONE? what's it like going to the movies alone?"
>I say "Yes, for one. what's it like earning 9 dollars an hour?" laugh in ticket bitch's face and walk away
>walk up to stub ripper...say "IS THIS YOUR WHOLE JOB? YOUR PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD LOL" rip my own stub because I'm not an idiot
>enter eatery, walk up to servant "what will you have?" she asks, "it's okay! I brought my own!" I say while showing her the contents of my backpack with cola and homemade popcorn inside
>turn to those behind me and say "ENJOY PAYING THREE BUCKS FOR COLA, MORONS"
>make my way to cinema doors...notice lots of couples
>"WHAT IS THIS? MAKE OUT HOUR? THIS IS A MOVIE MORONS, NOT A FUCKING LOVE IN, GTFO"
>laugh at them as they leave in embarrassment
>cinema all to myself, put my feet up and throw popcorn at my face because that's how I eat it

I'd let her fart on my dick

Why do modeling agencies always hire these bizarre looking bitches. You got literal gazelle with awful titjob over here then you've got that bitch that keeps getting cast in major flops. Why do they keep doing it, guys? Is conventional beauty literally too controversial now?

Perfect tens get boring, weird looking people can be more eye- catching, which is kind of the point

>Why do modeling agencies always hire these bizarre looking bitches.

Because fashion designers are all homos. They have no understanding of female beauty, they just want a tall, thin body to hang their clothes on.

>weird looking people can be more eye- catching, which is kind of the point
You've got a point. I can't imagine these wack looking models will stay in style forever, though. People will get tired of buying clothes off bowl cut bitches from all these post-modern fashion websites eventually.

Karli looks like a trap

this gave me an erection

That aesthetic has been around for a while. Tall and super skinny women is the patrician aesthetic. Normalfriends like stuff more akin to glamour modeling.

Shoo shoo bully

show me a trap who looks like her
please, I'm serious

when will they learn

Never.

her name retard, gimme her name so I can fap to her pics
please

giv giant gf

My friend rents yachts to billionaires in the Caribbean and he had to throw Jayz and Beyonce off a yacht because they were eating chicken wings and rubbing their greasy hands on these million dollar whale foreskin stools or something crazy like that.

Plebs.

>go to theatre
>sit down
>just as i'm about to take out my crabs legs, realise i forgot my hammer
>go and try and rent one, they only have one left
>it's covered in at least a week old crab juice
>sign the hammer release form and 10% of all my anvil collection over to the assistant and take the hammer
>sit back down and go to open my crabs legs on the anvil
>as i wrench back my arm to hit the crab leg, the head of the hammer goes flying behind me and hits a kid in the face, killing him almost immediately
>can hear someone scream, 'no, my wifes son!'
>before i can even apologise, sent to the popcorn mines and have my anvil license revoked
>only just let out today after 6 months
>get home to see all the anvils i hoarded over the years taken

i guess i had too many as it was anyway.

one time I brought in some green beans in a can to eat because I get hungry and when I sat down in the theater I pulled out my can opener and started opening my can and these black people started staring at me and then one said "yo nigga you eating green beans" and started laughing so I decided to be alpha for the day and set my can in the cup holder and looked him in the eyes and bent my head down and said very sternly and slowly "Don't. Mock. My. Food." but they weren't intimidated and yelled out "DIS NIGGAH EATIN BEANS" and I got nervous because people were starting to turn around and I just ran out without my beans and never came back in case someone recognized me. a couple days later I was walking around the local mall and I heard someone shout "BEANS" and I didn't know if they were talking about me but I never went back there either

>STANDING

look up JQ

based anvilposter

I love this pasta so much. Seriously how are there still guys here scared of going alone after reading this?

Karlie Kloss

>pass dem eggrolls nigga
kek

>Always go to the movies with same 2 mates
>Always do the same joke outloud so everyone in the cinema can hear, when the intros pop up, like universal or paramount, just say "Oh ive seen this one before", theater laughs.
>When i went to see The Force Awakens, when the star wars text came on in the beginning, me and my mates started clapping to see if we could get other people to follow, we clap and all of a sudden everyone starts cheering and clapping

lol even I have bigger tits

toll girls are the best

how smelly is her butthole?

Why would they not just buy napkins?

girls don't have those, beside the sluts who do anal

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time
Saved

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I saw 'Spun' ( a black comedy about meth, starring Mickey Rourke) at a cinema in London. Before the film started one of the customers dragged the manager into the auditorium because he was convinced that they was a ghost in the theatre.

He literally led her over to a bank of seats and asked her if she could feel a supernatural presence.

He did not stay for the main feature. I have no idea whether he got his money back.

I need more info about this dude.

are you grill

oh my god

Absolutely perfect. I cannot think of a way to improve this. Peak woman. 11/10

>Left is 6'
>Right is 5'10"

lel

YES

More like this?

>at least her hand was pretty tasty

That's not how you alpha

It's run by fags and jew fags.

Who's on the right?

post more

how new

give me the name or else nigga, i've been seeing her but i can't put a name to it

do you not know how to google

is this your first day on the internet

you can take a nigger out of the hood, but you can't take the nigger out of the nigger

I'm not good with computers

actually loving "thicc" is more likely to be a thundercock thing, since you need a big dick to get past all that fat

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Ok then not give me the name, be like that

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has she been BLACKED yet?

I know she hasn't SHAVED yet

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she takes blm type classes at nyu

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that clavicle

>5th column the 'somewhere inbetween' loving quasi-entity
-not obese
-not anorexic
-not a complete problem case with body image
issues

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>go see 300 rise of whatever it was called, the 2nd 300 movie.
>2 dollar movie theater on a weekday
>theater is empty
>just me before it starts
>older guy walks in and sits in my same row
>Movie starts and the first time eva green is on screen he pulls out his cock and starts masturbating
>After awhile of looking I get the courage and pull mine out too and start masturbating
>he sees me and smiles
>i go sit next to him with my cock out
>we blow and jerk each other and both cum during evas big sex scene.

One of the best theater experiences of my life

any more pics where she's making a funny face?

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you are a clavicle fiend !!!

imagine the sons she would produce

giv

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>aryan cutie with a big booty
literaly perfection

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fuk imagine her small mouth over your member

>>pass dem eggrolls nigga
LOLLLLLLLL

based clavicle poster

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