I wrote a pilot for a body-swapping sitcom. The only body-swaps are between
>a young liberal black woman & a young conservative white male >an ethnic dudebro /fit/ athlete & a semi-alcoholic white party girl >with an asian girl who doesn't get swapped but is there not aware that they've all swapped bodies (at least for a few episodes)
Is this too fetish-y of an idea to be made by normies? The pilot is a neat 18 pages. I dunno, a lot of shitty body-swapping TG content on youtube get 300,000+ views, and I know I can do much better than that through dialogue and cinematography.
Interested in your thoughts.
Blake Russell
post it
Ian Wright
maybe
Evan Cruz
The way you describe your characters makes them sound like meme stereotypes. I don't know how you handled fleshing them out though. It could work. Good on you for getting 18 pages in. Keep it up!
Luis Cooper
at least tell me if there is anything remotely sexy going on
Evan Collins
Thanks man. It feels good to finish something. It is meme stereotypes, because it is a sitcom, but the dialogue, I hope, lifts it up from generic fodder (it's still a 1st draft so it ain't perfect, I'd have to write a whole season, then go back to make sure the details are consistent. But I think getting the pilot done is the hardest part anyway.)
It's just the pilot so far. In the pilot the guys wake up in the girl's bodies and:
>athlete dudebro wakes up to being a chubby girl with large boobs stuffed in his guy-shirt
>conservative white kid wakes up in the body of the liberal black woman, doing a tame 'is this me in the mirror' routine
I wrote it with the erotic element to a minimum, but the rest of the season is all about the hijinks that'll ensue such as
>dressing up in sexy clothes >being hit on >being thought of as black but she's really white on the inside
Etc, so it's comedic/slightly erotic. It'd inspire a lot of artwork at the very least, which would satiate people some. Sort of like "Your Name" but not weeb.
Anthony Moore
>Is this too fetish-y of an idea to be made by normies?
Charles Phillips
you should include another swap between a popular 10/10 chick and a average college Sup Forumstard
Carter Collins
>the Sup Forumstard is the Sup Forums conservative
Fuck it I'll post excerpts, hold on
Angel Butler
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Nolan Howard
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James Cruz
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Evan Ross
A sitcom needs to be funny, you know.
Joshua Cooper
True.
Kayden Ward
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Juan Morris
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Nathan Clark
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William Parker
I'd give up writing if I were you OP. It's not for you.
Thomas Adams
Then why isn't any of this remotely funny? You're fucking terrible at dialogue.
Anthony Robinson
Meant to reply to
Brody Long
Yeah. I've been trying to improve but I guess I'm just shit at it.
Good advice
Ryder Cook
Pretty darn bad desu.
Oliver Martin
I probably wouldn't watch it but this board would be a lot better if we had slightly unfunny dialogue scripts shared occasionally
Oliver Myers
Keeping this train moving.
Blake Rogers
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Luke Richardson
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Cameron James
It's not great but whatever, you put words on paper, which is further than most fucks get. Keep it up.
Henry Sanders
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Julian Stewart
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Juan Nelson
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Caleb Murphy
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Angel Barnes
I guess I should definitely work on making it funny, or continue the tone I've already set.
Maybe that'll come out more as I write the next few episodes.
