In concession line for cooler filled with melted butter at cinéma

>in concession line for cooler filled with melted butter at cinéma
>The guard in the watchtower shines his searchlight on me

>cooler
>melted butter

butter is solid when refrigerated my man

>He is unaware of the KinoPlex Vocabulary Document 2.4

amateur mistake

you were in line for the cooler filled with mayonnaise at the make-your-own sandwich line which is reserved for VIPs only

Which one of these anvils would you buy?

Pic is a prototype btw, the seller won't show me the real anvil until I agree to buy one.

Is VLC kino now?

>in line for some licorice
>get to the counter
>all they sell are Red Vines
>slam my fist down, climb up onto the counter
>call for my fellow Cineplexians unite and cast off our dammed chains and demand the true licorice we deserve
>arrested by Internal Security
>disappear for three months
>out on trial for counter-revolutionary behavior
>sentenced to "re-education" in Theater 49

And that is why Star Wars: the Last Jedi is a perfect reinvoking of Empire Strikes Back, but with enough new and exciting faces and brilliant practical effects to completely eclipse the original trilogy. Truly one of the years best films! See it with the whole family!

generally none of those anvils are particularly useful, the rule is anything from a foot to 2ft. If you are working in silver or something fine you'd mostly use presses and a wood block.

But my kinoplex allows anvils upto 3 feet. They're comfier to bang and a good prop to sleep on, and sometimes they deflect bullets from the designated shooter.

My anvil slipped from my hands once and went down into the manlet pits. I heard three manlets died that day. Was it because of I or the desinated shooter? I shall never know.

Got three free passes anyway.

what the fuck is wrong with you people

If you don't have a green line running along the bottom of your screen at all times you can't really call it Kino

VLC is good actually, at least on mobile

They steal your information, but whatever

>standing in line to collect my ticket
>got my anvil in hand
>ticketsmith is hammering numbers into ticket-sized sheets of metal for the patrons
>move up to the front of the line, place my government issued Kinoplex Blacksmiths Anvil™ in front of the ticketsmith
>CCTV camera swivels onto me and all of a sudden security comes bursting out the doors, from behind the concession stands, one with a snorkel emerges from the crab tank
>get shoved to the ground, feel a guard's knee digging into my back while others hold my legs, arms and head down
>security guard squats next to me (probably a slav), the one holding my head down grabs my hair and forces me to face the boss at eye level
>"user how many times do I gotta tell ya, your anvil is only suitable for tinsmithing. This establishment allows for only ironsmithing and above"
>"please collect a ticket at the anvil loaning stand, your anvil will be sent by falconmail in six to nine working days"
>mfw I was in the line for the anvil loaning stand

>it's Chads turn to be the designated shooter again

Seriously unfair

THE
GREATER
GOOD

>he doesn't bring his own lawnmower to the cinema

Have fun trying to watch the movie with all the tall grass blocking your view.

>lawnmower

philistine

while you were gasing up the lawnmower, i studied the blade

u fuckin dumbass, im glad you died

you do realize coolers can also keep things warm? It is an insulator that prevents the outside environment from affecting it

Yes, Satan
I can only watch my movies with muddy gray blobs during the nighttime scenes

>Get a bucket of oysters from the concession stand
>realise I forgot my shucking knife at home
>Spend the entire movie sucking on shells

Do you understand how coolers work

>he doesn’t have an electric fridge on a pulley waggon so he can Dew on the go

Worst thing is you had no shells to use in the bathroom

you can fix that
I had the same issue

just look it up, I can't remember what I had to change

>Chad sitting in the middle of the row waves down an usher to take his piss-bucket
>Hands it to me to pass down to the aisle
>It's so full I spill it and it ends up slopping half of it down my shirt
>I didn't bring my own piss bucket, so I can't even wring out my shirt

>be me, in line for tickets
>actually start chatting up a qt in front
>she buys her ticket, F light is green
>walk up to counter
>M alarm
>seminal count too low to be granted cinema access

I was so embarrassed bros

>the Virgin Tormentors girls spilt soda on my hair again

That's why you always bring a boulder with you. At least you can smack the oysters on it then. It may spray a bit but the other people are idiots if they go to the cinema without their raincoats on.

Bump.

>Arrive at the theater by myself
>ticket lady hands me my ticket and charges me 50% tax for buying single ticket
>whispers in my ear "you're the designated shooter today"
>Panic because I forgot to bring my hand gun
>Quietly go to the gun dispenser, next to the gummy bear one
>Shit, only have like $200, I guess I'll buy that little gun that shots .22 or something
>Only enough money left for a couple of boxes worth of ammo
>go to the ticket inspector, pass
>go to the penis inspector, almost fail because I didn't shave but I told them my falcon ate the razor. phew.
>Finally at the movie hall, it's dance number day so we have to do the thriller dance
>Luckily I'm just a background zombie and nobody notices my shit dance
>8:00pm Movie about to start, we just have to wait for half an hour of ads
>8:31 movie starts finally
>about half hour in, realize its a shit movie and leave
>go to the cinema showers to relax
>somebody stole my shampoo, use the one they give you there. My hair will be stiff all day ugh.
>change and leave for home
>midway realize I didn't shoot any one
>Panic again
>Run back but realize I have the neck collar that explodes if you enter with out paying
>Use the emergency exit
>start reloading my .22
>scream "S-SHOOTY M-MURDER TIME!"
>every one stands up and start clapping, some are mad at me for arriving late to kill them and giving me eyes
>h-here we go! plink-plank-plunk
>Everyone just standing there looking at each other like WTF?
>Forgot that everyone in america is immune to .22 already because all the shooting and I had to use at least 7.92mm
>get arrested for failed mass shooting
>Police need to bring a designated shooter from another room
>mfw

>Kinoplex's strippers always refuse my money and walk away when I was for a show during the movie break
I hate being ugly, fuuuuuuuck.

>Bringing a boulder when you should already have an anvil.
Nigger he was just telling you. If nothing else your falcon can open the oysters

Anyone else practising for their heavy vehicle license? Cinema shootings are becoming blasé. They just don't rack up the kill count and terror levels that modern cinema demands.

What does everyone think of the 75% ticket price increase for Caucasian males? It's the only way to be fair and not bigoted, I'm really thankful.

>miniatures
If you tried bringing one of these to the theatre, at best the anvil appraiser would laugh you out of the building, and at worst you'd be sentenced to hard labor in the popcorn mines.

FUCK. Got locked up in the cinema prison for taking creepshots of teen girls again. The inspector said they were too blurry and didn't meet standards.

...