New Avengers Vol 2 Storytime (Part 5)

Welcome back Anons! Last time, Daredevil joined the New Avengers, but not in time for the newly crazy Wonder Man to wreck Avengers Mansion (while declaring he was the good guy) or to prevent Osborn from escaping from the Raft to make a brand new HAMMER. Let's see how Osborn managed to do that, and see if our heroes can stop him.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but fucking hell Bendis, how do you put your OC, Jessica Jones, ahead of Wolverine and Spider-Man, let alone Doctor Strange?!

So apparently that last page of 16.1 was a time skip, and now we're seeing where he got all of THOSE guys.

>"King of the Savage Land"

What, did Ka-Zar take a vacation?

This is one of my favorite Bendis issue arcs specifically because I'm a Wolverinefag and the fight against Ragnarok was one of maybe 3 times in Bendis's entire tenure where he got to be the big hero in a fight

In case you're wondering how Osborn got the biggest criminal organizations in the world to work for him... this is how. Not much explaination, huh?

>"Which one is Hawkeye?"

Has Bendis EVER written a character ask who Luke Cage or Jessica Drew are?

This arc is practically a prequel to Parker's Dark Avengers.
Which, I won't lie, I forgot about, so it's a good think I ran New Avengers first.

>guy survives building falling on him

These cops are sure to be able to stop him right?

So I looked this up, while trying to see why he was in the hospital. Dude's name is CHARLES Barton, with "Barney" as a nickname.
Why is Osborn calling him by a nickname?

So yeah, the only reason Hydra is joining is because "they're sick of losing".

Let's forget that Osborn has lot A LOT MORE than them.

>Ai Apaec

Yeah, so half the characters in this arc are from the Osborn mini that was released in 2011, which I GUESS can explain why Osborn's got his massive following from, since that's where the whole "Goblin Cult" thing came from. I can probably storytime it after our regularly scheduled storytime tomorrow tomorrow, if anyone's interested.

Luckily, not something they have to deal with.

...

Okay Anons, before you open this image, I want you to guess what you think this image is going to be. Take a HARD guess.

Have a guess?

Okay, open it. Were you right?

>"Everyone's ALMOST assassinated Nick Fury."

I won't lie, that's a good line.

Oh joy, he's doing the whole "evil Avengers" thing again, that won't be boring at all...

Anyone who enjoyed Toxie Doxie from Parkerbolts, you may want to skip this page, because it may trigger you.

It's fine, just imagine she's Gwen.

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it sounds like AIM is joining because they don't have money, which is kind of a tame excuse.

Oh good, give the crazy man his own diety to boss around, that won't go poorly for anyone.

Fuck, I thought AIM was supposed to be smart?

And the new Dark Avengers lineup.

We've got Gorgon as Wolverine, Toxie Doxie as Scarlet Witch, Skaar as Hulk, Ai Apaec as Spider-Man, Barney Barton as Hawkeye, and (we never see this bit shown in this issue,) Superia as Ms. Marvel!

Oh hey, they remembered it's SPIDER-MAN he has a massive hard-on for.

>What have you done for me lately sign

How long was Fear Itself ago in universe? Because seriously, Nazis mechs JUST got finished wrecking your shit.

Remember Anons, Bendis has written Daredevil before. God awards for his run.

Oh fuck, I was joking last time, but she really does want him.

Stark Resilient was the name of Stark's company during Fraction's run. Around the time the movie came around, and made a plot point about not making weapons anymore, synergy happened, so they stopped doing that in the comics too. Only thing I remember them making was some kind of green car, and that was an entire subplot.

I know Ryan North retconned the Wolverine page, did he say anything about this?

Oh yeah, the Ultimo fight. Can you imagine waiting two months to find out what happens after an exploding robot?

>"Ultimo came here for me. It was literally trying to grab the armor off my body."

Fucking hell, Osborn was serious about wanting his own armor, wasn't he?

What's there to retcon, that she had a crush on a man who saved her life from Nazi mechs? It's not like they actually banged.

Looks like the only reason Hydra and the Hand are joining Osborn is because, much like during Dark Reign, even his allies know he'll fuck up, and they can pick up the pieces for themselves.

Apparently part of the HAMMER arc is dealt with in the other Avengers book too.

>Thor, Captain America, and Iron Man on the statue
>Ant-Man and Wasp aren't

>I know Ryan North retconned the Wolverine page
What happened in the retcon?

Jessica, remember the time you thought he killed your baby while you were still pregnant, and you tried to beat him to death with his own glider?

Remember that awkward meeting at the start, when they first met? And basically everyone is taking that as an implication that they fucked?

North said in one of the questions that Wolverine just did something more mundane (stole a Taxi ride, I think?)

It looks like Osborn's only plan here is "stronger Avengers", even though there's TWO Avengers teams, and that's just counting active Avengers.

DUN DUN DUN

Hand, unless you PERSONALLY save Spider-Man's life, nothing will make him forget that you worked for the one of the top three causes of the problems in his life.

I JUST realized:
Because Nick Fury's infinity formula ran out years ago (according to Original Sin) every time anyone thought they came close to killing Nick Fury, they were just deluding themselves, that old bastard was never anywhere near any actual danger, the Life-Model-Decoys did everything for him.

>that blatant star destroyer superstructure
Deodato will never ever change.

This is going to sound like a stupid question, but I'm curious. Who's senses are stronger, Daredevil or Wolverine's?

Obviously not counting sight, of course.

I like to think one of them smacked Spidey upside the head for that crack. Probably Wolverine. He may not REACH Peter's head, but his skeleton means it would hurt.

So what's the Quinjet here a trace of?

Sweet, Peter can probably get to beat up Osborn a lot faster this time.

Sorry about that, was looking up how many Avengers issues are tied into this arc.

ANOTHER 8 issues.

Jeff Parker's Dark Avengers > Bendis' Dark Avengers

She might smell, but if Double D could see her he would go for it.

Is that something that people still argue?

>"You're not a police officer OR a sanctioned avenger."

Osborn, he lives in AVENGERS mansion, has an AVENGERS Quinjet in his backyard, gets the AVENGERS paycheck, and has a SHIELD-AVENGERS liason.

He's an Avenger, as much as I sometimes wish he wasn't.

But yeah, I'm gonna look for digital versions of those Avengers issues, see if I can fit them in this thread.

What goblin shit? The lasers he doesn't use anymore, the explosives that wouldn't hurt half the people there? Pretty sure it's not armored. His super strength is all part of him, as much as Bendis seems to not remember that.

Remember, Cage is 300 pounds.

Also, this is the problem with Osborn's "plan", he doesn't seem to to consider "what if they switch opponents?" which is the standard trick to do during this.

>Superia having trouble with Daredevil

I feel like she should beat him easily.

So yeah, that was ONE Iron Fist, that sent a Hulk flying like that. Danny's been buffed just as much as Cage has, maybe even more.

He's smart enough to not try to contest a Hulk?

What, did Bendis forget to do the page thing?

This the kind of shit that happens when you try to do a sneak attack on Mr. Radar Senses.

Well... that blows.

Rappaccini and Superia are maybe the only people here with agendas that would actually benefit each others.

Even when Gorgon was working with Hydra, it was against other Hydra leaders.

Blatantly Tommy Lee Jones is a odd break from the Blatant Poser tracing.

Marvel Civilians, everyone.

Phrasing.

I love how it took "Hawkeye" a bit to remember "Oh right I'm useless against Luke Cage."

Why would they, Luke Cage is clearly the most famous hero in America, with the largest penis, perfect for sodomizing fat, bald Jewish men.

God damn it, did Namor swear vengeance on the surface world again?

Okay that first panel is very much Angelina Jolie.

Why did Quake just murder Trickshot?

Welp, good job at saving the city.

Because he's always called Barney.

Hell, I think even Zemo might have called him Barney.

NEVER DO A CLOSEUP LIKE THAT AGAIN!

Hey, who hasn't spent like a decade pretending to be dead in Europe after murdering their best friend's son's girlfriend after impregnating her with twins?


...

God, Spider-Man would be so much better nowadays if Norman had been allowed to stay dead.

Oh right, Ragnarok is in this.

>I can probably storytime it after our regularly scheduled storytime tomorrow tomorrow, if anyone's interested.

Nah, better to get to good comics, like Parkerbolts faster, instead.

Or was it a pun?

Lady, a Nazi Robot wrecked your house because it's an agent of an evil god of fear, how does that help you?
First guy, you're just an idiot who doesn't remember Kang the Conqueror wrecking everyone's shit on his own.
Second guy, they literally have a SHIELD agent they answer to, both teams.

>"The one with the tail is Starfox."

Honestly, if the characters who didn't know who the heroes were were more blatantly wrong like this, it would be hilarious.

If you don't know who Starfox is, for one thing, HE'S A MAN. He's more famously known as "Eros".

You joke, but in Mighty Avengers, there's literally a page where Wasp gives Jessica Drew a lewd look when she makes a reference to seeing the others naked, and specifically mentions Luke Cage.

Wrong hair color, user.

Yeah, this is pretty damn stupid. That's not even getting into the fact that Hydra and AIM hate each other.

>Hey, who hasn't spent like a decade pretending to be dead in Europe after murdering their best friend's son's girlfriend after impregnating her with twins?

See, when you mention it all at once, it sounds kind of silly.

Well, he has written characters asking who Jessica Jones is.

>that last panel

And suddenly I want to see Spider-Man with a stache that sticks through his costume.

Look at the bright side Logan, you probably died before you could feel the flesh burn from your bones.

Oh wait, it's Wolverine...

We have one more series we have to get through before Parkerbolts.

>A world without corporations
That doesn't sound like Hydra at all

>You know exactly what I'm talking about
No, I really don't, I still don't get what Osborn's "point" is.

>The people who do not think Captain America should be allowed to do whatever he wants in the name of what he thinks is right
Instead, lets let Norman Osborn do whatever the fuck he wants for no reason.

Yeah, but ONLY her.

He used sentry.
So no.

>Iron Fist vs. Thor

Normally this would end with our favorite Egg turing into a skidmark, but with the damage he did to a Hulk? Who knows.

...

>Daredevil raises a ggod point
What the hell are these guys protesting about? What the fuck do they want?

>"We don't want to murder them."
I guess that's why he didn't just recruit Bullseye again, because he would've killed them ANYWAY.

Well, that and he's dead.

>"How are you so strong?"

I get that smacking Luke Cage off his ass is quite a feat, but even normally, he's got strength on par with Spider-Man. He should be able to grip Barney's arm here pretty easily.

You'd think that getting Wolverine's body should be really fucking easy given how much he bleeds out in all his fights. in fact, why doesn't Hydra ALREADY have his blood from that time he was their slave?

Norman Osborn USED to be a weapons manufacturer who built his own goblin gear.

You'd think he'd have at least stolen designs for some of the simple Iron Mans at least.

You are now picturing the roller skates having Iron Man armour in Goblin colours, with a night cap and purse

We will never get an actual answer for what Osborn's endgoal is. It makes much more sense if you assume it's more of a cult.

Well, it's also the wrong length, but wigs exist.

>they beat Ragnarok off-screen

I presume he meant Ka-Zar isn't dumb enough to pick a fight with a Hulk to say who's King of the Savage Land.

>Fifty people here recorded he Avengers showing up here and beating on us for helping the world
YOU'RE ALL CRIMINALS. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE THIS FUCKING STUPID.