What will the Artemis Fowl movie adaptation be like?

What will the Artemis Fowl movie adaptation be like?

>Disney
*laughing*

I had such a boner for Holly when I was younger. Still do. Birth of my fairy/elf fetish.

But anyway, it's going to be hot trash if they ever get around to making it.

Holly will be Tessa Thompson

I want to make love to Holly.

>every protagonist is replaced with a black female
10/10 - IGN.

Isn't she supposed to have a crooked nose?
And the background characters are played by Idris Elba, yes yes

Oh God, no.

It's fairly safe to assume that the badass butler/bodyguard guy will be played by Idris Elba.

So which book was the best, and why was it Time Paradox?

Time Paradox was the best because I feel like we came very close to having Artemis and Holly fuck each other.

>tfw I only ever read the graphic novel version
>tfw I think I jerked off to Holly once
Top tier adaptation desu.

Also if Simon Pegg isn't Foaly we fucking riot.

As much as I wish that weren't true.

Also, they'll end up making Butler the main fucking character because (((They))) never learn.

To be fair, he has a pretty good backstory, and his banter with Artemis in later books is top notch.

Don't get me wrong, I dig the idea of the butler's bloodline being the literal genesis of the term "Butler", I'm just saying you need to get a terrifying ripped dude to really effectively sell him.

No one comes to mind, though. I considered Michael Fassbender but then I always consider Michael Fassbender.

are any of these worth rereading? i don't remember anything from them at all. i assume they're just YA trash.

I've only reread the first book as an adult and yes, it holds up.

Does anybody have the screengrabs from /lit/ when they were shitting all over the series? Specifically the Artemis/Holly stuff?

Shit was gold.

Is there anything they don't shit on?

This is YA before they realized that literally all you needed to do to push copies is make it post-apocalypse (I hate that fucking phrase now) and add a love triangle.

This actually has merit.

Gotta be Angeline Fowl
First 4 are fantastic kid-kino, then it kinda goes off the rails desu
>inb4 john cena

similar to eragon movie adaptation and last airbender adaptation, meaning fucking terrible

I remember I liked the first 2 or 3 books when I was still a pre teen kid but now if Id reread it Id probably consider it garbage. so I wouldnt care about an adaptation either way

i cringed a few times. at least the plot is original.

I just popped over there and someone made a thread about it. Is it you?

Nope, can't stand their board culture.

They're onto us.

Found them. That was on Sup Forums, after an user dumped the comics.

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Okay I lied I only found the two.

Wtf is up with butler's neck

He lifts.

>mfw reading artemis/holly slash fiction as a tween

>terrifying ripped dude

Is it weird that I always imagined him to sort of look like John Turturro/Gianluigi Buffon?

>combining the first two books
It'll be shit

horrible just like the books
even The Martian wasn't as obnoxiously obtuse

Wait, what? That sounds like a truly horrendous idea.

>Artemis Fowl the second, a young Irish criminal mastermind, kidnaps the fairy LEPrecon officer Holly Short for ransom to fund rescuing his father. Once a transaction is made, they go onto a hunt for the evil pixie Opal Koboi and rush to save Artemis Fowl senior from the Arctic.

Yeah, it sounds fucking awful. I'd much prefer if they kept it just to the first book and make it about a human villain character outsmarting fairies. Oh well.

I remember reading a few of them as a kid, but being annoyed at how much of a shit Artemis is.

Then again, I never liked insufferable kid genius characters even when I was young.

Eternity Code was bookkino to the max. The ending was slick as fuck. The first one is the second best for sure.

he took the neckpill

now why where the last two so bad?

See that Disney logo on the spine?

I vaguely remember reading about 3 or 4 of these from 5-7th grade.

On retrospect I'm embarrassed and disgusted, please don't rape this abortion of a series.

>he doesn't appreciate the literary genius that is artemis fowl

All are good except Atlantis. The Lost Colony is the best one. Your book pile doesn't heve Artemis Fowl Confidential Files. It's sort of two spin-off stories, but pretty good ones.

The proxy villain being the most ridiculous caricature ever seen will always have a place for me

Oh fug I actually found them this time.

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He's a big guy

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Dave Bautista
the Mountain

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And the graphic novel dump threads from Sup Forums for the first four books. Can't access the archive? Too bad, git gud.

giv juliet gf

Never read it but my brother was very into it,

>yfw no qt tsundere elf commando gf

some irish kid as artemis
natalie portman as holly
the rock as butler
sayorsee ronan as juliet
john c. reilly as mulch
j. k. simmons as root
colin farrell as foaly
eva green as opal koboi

The small time when lewds of Holly were made in Sup Forums was nice.

Give the kid that was lost in the parallel dimension in stranger things a haircut and he might be able to pull off Artemis. he has the acting chops and it would depend on if he can play a more emotionless edgy role. For some reason I always imagined Holly looking more like Morena Baccarin, they described her as having short hair, brownish skin and sharp features. For Butler I was thinking Dave Bautista would work although he doesn't exactly have the strict and dignified quality to him. if Tom Hopper was 10 years older he would be perfectDickon. I like your choices for Juliet, Root and Foaly. I think Nick Frost might be a better Mulch. Eva is a little too seductive and slow paced for Opal, she was a crazy erratic control freak at her core. also a little old, she was described as looking around 20. maybe emma roberts? or some other young actress that can pull a batshit heel turn?

They'll cast The Rock as Butler and you know they will.

The Rock is a bit dumb-looking for this role without a sparkle of intelligence in eyes. Dave Batista is better. Fun fact he is starred in "Hotel Artemis" which is TBA.

Iunno, but as a shortstack lover, I would be compelled to watch it.

I always wanted to fuck Opal. A holly is fine too. And I would let Juliet suplex my dick.

Haha, I know. it's gonna be a fun and maybe a little crazy young adult movie. #Litty

>tfw growing up I had opal as my book waifu and washu from tenchi muyo as my tv waifu

Felt good man

It's funny how Minerva vanished due to some spergs REEEEEing so hard that Colfer didn't dare even mention her after

Fuck you. the romantic shit came outta nowhere and ruined the series for me.

>tfw I read these books when I was younger and remember nothing

Elves are whiny cunts and you are degenerate for being aroused by them.

>not wanting Butler to cuddle you gently with his massive bear arms

What are you fucking gay?

Huh. I never realized they became so much longer over time. While reading them I always figured they were all about the same length.

The first book is really short and self contained, but it also leaves Artemis as the villain at the end. I guess they just wanted a protagonist kids would identify with, and a teenage crime lord who kidnaps fairies to get their pot of gold isn't really the way to do it.

>kids wouldn't identify as 2intelligence4adults crimelord

it says the archived images are dead. You wouldn't happen to have a mirror would you?

He's the villain, yes, but the fact that he uses half the ransom gold to cure his mother would be a pretty decent note to end on

>this never went anywhere because Colfer thinks interspeices sex is wrong
The ONE TIME an European isn't liberal

Lost Colony ending was truly kino

I've always imagined Butler as Vin Diesel, his voice especially, but they'd have trouble finding LEPrecon officers shorter than him.

Hi, Dwayne.

I didn't know there was a graphic novel, I might look into that. I liked these when I was young but I honestly can't remember very much about them. Is it based on a book or a unique story?

Remember the Golden Compass? Like that but even worse.

That's weird, I always imagined him as a giant version of Bruce Willis.

He's a villain who uses half his takings to heal his mother and the other half to fund finding his father. Can't get more of a relatable villain than that.

I think the graphic novels follow the books in order.

Opal was the worst villain

It'll probably be decent for a nostalgia trip but not much else
I can't help but feel that this is a movie that should have been made in 2009, when the books were semi-popular and had an audience. Do kids even read books anymore

The demon puberty one was a shit