Giggle

giggle

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aintitcool.com/node/78613
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aintitcool.com/node/11793
youtube.com/watch?v=z5b4HP547E0
youtube.com/watch?v=NuLa9xTqhbE
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

I feel like Knowles could be memed here more often than he actually is.

most people don't know what he looks like

It's hard to believe that after all the political grandstanding this fat fuck has done over the last 2 years about Drumpf being literally a molesting hitler, that he gets brought down by sexually harassing women.

The site fucking sucked for at least the last 15 years. The good contributors all left a long time ago.

I really hope Obamacare gets repealed and ruins his life. After his Kickstarter bullshit he pulled he doesn't deserve another dollar from anyone.

Vienna. Sausage.

That is what is finally going to sink him after all these years?

aintitcool.com/node/78613

Last active talkback

are you confusing him with Devin Faraci?

Now, there's allegations against Harry now.

indiewire.com/2017/09/harry-knowles-sexual-assault-alamo-drafthouse-1201878971/

Patton Oswalt will be next, mark my words.

>“He just giggled about it,” she said.

>The site fucking sucked for at least the last 15 years. The good contributors all left a long time ago.
This is the quintessence of all of this. AICN used to be really cool back in the early 2000s. The ones who are left are humorless, dick sucking Redditors.
I used to visit it daily. Not only for the talkbacks, but for the reviews, because good people used to write them.

I would not be surprised.

Talkbacks went to shit when they started using Disqus. That format is horrible.

I will miss the yearly Christmas gift guide though, that was a lot of fun to look over.

*blocks your path*
*molests your guests*
*destroys entire film twitter*

Oswalt next.

>Him and his buddies won't shut the fuck up about Orange Rapist Hitler

>His buddy, the most vocal of the lot, gets busted for rape

>He not only helps cover this up...the stupid cunt uses fucking DM's to sexually harass other women in the group only two months ago, AFTER his buddy went through this whole drama

I mean, he must have got off on the danger right? No one is that retarded - Even Harry.

He literally got away with murder.

lol

Haven't you heard?

Sup Forums user base is too young to remember his old web stature.

aintitcool.com/node/11793

Harry's Blade 2 review

>A warning: BLADE 2 is an R-rated movie. This is the NC-17 Review of it. You have been warned.

> For me to review BLADE 2, it is a major conflict of interest, because Guillermo Del Toro and I are brothers. His father says so. His wife believes this. Guillermo and I are just the best of friends, but when El Gordo calls my father Dad, and I call his Dad "Pops" and we delve into hours of passionate discussion about H.P. Lovecraft, Goya, Steve Ditko action, the movies and pussy… We can lose all track of time on planet Earth.

>But having attended the World Premiere of BLADE 2 last night, one inescapable thought crossed my mind during the movie. 10 to 1…. I believe Guillermo Del Toro eats pussy better than any man alive.

>All the good ones left

Who? Only two real writers left - Drew McWeeny, who is like an even more pathetic, bitter, washed up Devin Faraci (his wife dumped him and he got fired from his job for not being able to deliver content and for bitching and moaning about having to watch movies and interview celebrities, while his old friends are directing Marvel blockbusters) and Nordling, and he's having a mental breakdown on twitter.

I am enjoying seeing all these people who loved Harry and The Alamo Drafthouse up until today all of a sudden screeching that they always hated him and that he was a piece of shit.

Anyway - Maybe he can launch a kickstarter to cover his divorce costs.

The Talkbacks peaked in the early 2000's.

>Watch his ‘HOUSE OF PAIN’ sequence in BLADE 2. BLADE 2 is the tongue, mouth, fingers and lips of a lover. The Audience is the clit. Watch your audience. This is where Guillermo Del Toro goes down on the audience. It starts with long licks with a nose bump on the joy button slowly. He smiles as he does this… Watching the audience begin to squirm, then he takes the audiences’ clit in his mouth and just licks it like crazy, the audience is ready, on that precipice, then calm. He backs off… long licks again, brings in a finger to massage a bit, licks from the bottom to the top… The audience is cooing… He has them, they want release. He acts like he’s going to give it to you, takes you right to the edge, the audiences’ backs arched, ready to cum…. Backs off pinching the nipples just so, his head bobbing up to say, "You like?" The audience shifts around needing release, he builds again… The pressure at a near boiling point… Each stroke and moment a hypersensitive place… Two fingers to the sweet spot, the audience is there… right there at that point… suddenly he’s relentless taking the audience through a rampage of orgasms… trying to get away, trying to escape… back back back, but he has you, and he’s never going to let you forget this moment, the audience was electric… Frenetically frothing…

>Guillermo hears them begging no more, when he decides to stop for a moment, there is that relaxed calm… The audience relaxes… labored breathing… a sated smile, WHEN SUDDENLY THE RELENTLESS BASTARD IS AT IT AGAIN!!!! You begin laughing, trying to push him away, but no… more pleasure, more joy, more fun… You can’t handle it, you start giggling and screaming… And it goes like this for quite some time, till at the end… The credits roll, the theater lights come up… You look at the screen, you realize you want that tongue again… You want that feeling again, and you watch it again and again, because damn he respects the clit!

>Ok, maybe I take the metaphor too far… maybe… But I had two girls around me, Patch black and blued my right forearm with slaps and rabbit punches as though Guillermo was pounding the short hairs, and Saffron (not Vegas’) gripping my shoulder from behind like frickin Spock, leaning up to my ear to say, "You didn’t tell me this was pornography!!!!" To which I grab her hand, sniffed her fingers and said, "MMMm you’re fingers are wet… enjoy!"

>Now you might feel all of this is inappropriate behavior on my part, but folks, at the Q&A afterwards, the second question came from a woman on the front row that asked Del Toro "Could you comment on the vaginal influence of the Reapers?"

>Guillermo looked like the wet chinned thigh splitter that he is and said, "You have to understand Make Up artists, they never get any pussy, so they are always creating it!"

>ZACTLY!

>Be thief
>Be human garbage and retarded
>Steal from Lucasfilm
>Get your co-workers fucked over

>A joke about your cock being a sausage (and eating) is what ends Harry's reign

Guess Peter Jackson and Del Toro won't be premiering anything new at his birthday anymore.

>Now lest you think this film is merely pornographic, and you seemingly are living in the delusion that that is a bad thing… It is not. Guillermo likes to pretend this movie is just there to make you go, "Whoa," but only a blind man can’t see Guillermo at work here.

>BLADE 2 is from Goya’s Black period. Look at the palette, the brutal primalness of the Reapers.. The sparing use of color… There is sadness amongst the orgasms in this film. There is a solemn pathetic nature to the emaciated monsters of the Reapers… A melancholy to the movie at its quiet moments. When you see the Reaper that Kris’ WHISTLER catches… "Like a coyote he’s been gnawing away at his arm to get away." There is just a captivating, can’t look away, nature of the dead, the dying and the diseased, and Guillermo understands that morbidity. You can see it in his film here.

>His mounds of skulls in the sewers of Prague are not pure bones, there’s rancid strings of something so icky and nasty that my eyes did not define it. The film revels in the Grand Guignol of it all, and does it all with a smile.

>A smile.

>That reminds me. Many people will wonder why Del Toro’s BLADE is so much more appealing than the original, and the reason is Del Toro gets Wesley to smile… and for a bit, he takes off his glasses and we see his eyes… He strips away a bit of his cool stoic manliness and lets a bit of that kid in the cookie jar joy of naughtiness out. The result is absolutely captivating.

>Ron Perlman… When Ron and Guillermo get together, there is a magic to the scenes. Go check out CRONOS, watch Ron’s vain nose obsessed bad guy. Watch how utterly delicious those scenes are with Ron. Absolutely magic. Here… Here Ron comes off looking, sounding and being just that badass you love. Reinhardt is a glorious bastard in this film. Just a fantastic ass of a man. After the film, Ron took the stage with Guillermo… He was dressed with a cool black leather jacket and a B.P.R.D. t-shirt… HELLBOY. My god folks… Having read Guillermo’s HELLBOY script… It is 100% Guillermo Del Toro and folks as cool as BLADE 2 is… BLADE 2 was a teaser… It was just pussylicking…. HELLBOY is deep dicking!

>The Moral Quandary Presented By HEROES Current mood: geeky Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities I don't watch much TV. I hate commercials and I hate being chained to a date and time by some corporate programming. However, I don't begrudge downloading from iTunes a single show a week that I'm addicted to. Currently, this show is HEROES. I never can remember that it is on... on Monday nights... at some time or another. It just slips my mind. Anyway - I've got a moral quandry about the show. Hayden Panettiere, born August 21, 1989, now 17 (legal in Texas, which is important, because her character is in Odessa, Texas) as the character, Claire Bennett. She's adorably cute, constantly in her cheerleader uniform. Ok - now never mind that she fulfills the underage cheerleading limber blond virginal demographic. That's pretty delicious. But they gave her the ability to regenerate and resuscitate from any and all injuries. This power has decided to manifest itself before she's lost her virginity. Which means - everytime she has sex, she's a virgin as her hymen will repair itself. Meaning that everytime she's fucked, its like she's being fucked for the very first time. OK - that's WAY WRONG. NOW - add to that - that she's at the age where cellular growth is complete.

>The difference between BLADE 2 and most sequels that you see is that Guillermo wasn’t interested in making a sequel to BLADE. He wanted to make a vampire that you could be afraid of again. Not some guy with extended canines, but something you would run in mortal fear of. He wanted to create a swallower of souls… something from the inky black parts of your mind. Something new.

>BLADE has subtle romance… platonic bonds… machismo posturing… and just an insane amount of ass-kicking. I hope Sam Raimi can top this with SPIDER-MAN, but can Tobey Maguire be more cool than Wesley Snipes? Does that Green Goblin costume allow for the actor to perform and improv and connect with his audience the way that Perlman does here… Or the Reapers? Then there is the fact that this is 100% R-rated… unapologetically.

>Hope you enjoy Guillermo Del Toro’s tongu… I mean BLADE 2, you’ll be back for seconds.

>This is it. No wrinkles. No sagging breasts. If she has a kid and it pushes the hipbones out... they'll straighten back and she'll be fine. Of course - that's even if she could get pregnant. Would her eggs allow an invading sperm to fertilize? Is that possible? OR - is she simply doomed to enjoy threat free sex for life. Now - here's the scary part. She'll never know non-hymen blocked sex. Cuz even if it gets pushed through... on any withdrawal and cycle back in, the hymen will have grown back. SO... It's my theory that do to the constant discomfort of virginal sex with men, her character will prefer the kind attention of her fellow sex. MEANING - she'll be a hot, underage, cheerleading lesbian... for life. ALSO - she could have sex with ANYONE. Any disease - unprotected and be perfectly ok. The people behind this show are sick. Either that or they have singlehandedly created the most deviantly awesome fanboy sex object in the history of SUPERHERO FICTION. And she's from Texas. Claire... you rule!

Nordling was good, I enjoyed his articles.

Whoever was doing the BTS Pic Of The Day was good too. Maybe they're still there or maybe they aren't, I barely go to the site anymore.

It's a sad sign when posting a BTS Pic Of The Day becomes too much work.

It's hilarious, all this (and much much more) and in the last 12 months he had a massive sook about one of the contributors to the site talking about Lara Crofts breast size in the new movie.

Also I think he sacked Billy The Kidd when he made a crude remark about a woman, that guy fucking sucked though.

>She'll never know non-hymen blocked sex. Cuz even if it gets pushed through... on any withdrawal and cycle back in, the hymen will have grown back. SO... It's my theory that do to the constant discomfort of virginal sex with men, her character will prefer the kind attention of her fellow sex. MEANING - she'll be a hot, underage, cheerleading lesbian... for life. ALSO - she could have sex with ANYONE. Any disease - unprotected and be perfectly ok. The people behind this show are sick.

>The people behind this show are sick

What did Dr. Giggles mean by this?

This thing is married and we are not.

wtf is wrong with this world?

That was Quint.

He's been there the longest, aside from Drew McWeeny. Nordling was asking other film people to find him a job - so I guess he's jumping ship. He was a nice guy.

That Vern guy was also good, but I think he left ages ago.

I think he quit when Harry ratted out one of his anonymous early reviewers to the studios for "pwesents".

Patton Oswalts reviews were actually pretty fucking funny.

>sacked Billy The Kidd

He's going insane on twitter too.

People we haven't heard from?

All of Harry's celebrity buddies for a start. Quint, Herc...

he married some fat ugly gook

I'm married. And I didn't have to buy my wife from a cambodian orphanage.

Being married dosen't mean anything anymore.

I wonder what the sex is like?

>I remember hearing an episode of "The Howard Stern Show" in which Howard grilled critic Roger Ebert about Harry's appearance on Ebert's television show. The question of Harry's odor came up and Ebert denied that Harry emitted any foulness. Curious about Harry's alleged aroma, I consulted a friend who had put up (and put up with) Harry at a Southern film festival. "Tell me," I demanded, "does Harry stink?" With a roll of her eyes and an exasperated sigh she confided, "None of the other people we hosted would even be in the same vehicle with him. Do you remember that episode of 'Seinfeld' with the stinky car? That's what my car was like after Harry had been in it." In other words, I think Roger Ebert was being nice.

>We'd all seen Knowles at SXSW, motoring around in his laboring wheelchair, occasionally struggling with crutches, sweating profusely and smelling like a mixture of urine and ass (as Jim The Movie Freek so perfectly described it). Assorted morons at the fest were overheard geeking out about their contact with Knowles (I got my photo taken with Harry!), while others pointed and laughed and held their noses (seriously, he fully reeked).

>Knowles likes to portray an image that, despite his physical sloth-like state, he's still a bit of a ladies man. He liberally peppers his 'reviews' with mentions of sex and women he's flirted with and how he would have scored with this chick if only something hadn't happened. The truth is that Knowles can barely move under his own steam any more. At the SXSW festival in Austin Texas, Knowles was spotted slowly rambling around town in his motorized La-Z-Boy more than a few times, only once actually grabbing a pair of crutches to make his way around the convention center. Sure, being a fatty isn't a crime, but passing yourself off as a ladies man when the people who sat behind you at the Paramount in Austin had to move because of the smell is just wrong.

Disgusting.

Wonder if this will finally be the end of AICN or if someone will buy it from Harry to keep it running.

The Moral Quandary Presented By LOGAN
I don't watch much capeshit. However, I don't begrudge downloading from Kodi a movie I'm addicted to. This movie is LOGAN - I've got a moral quandry about the show. Dafne Keen, born August 21, 2005, now 12 (legal in Mexico, which is important, because her character is from Mexico) as the character, Laura Kinney. She's adorably cute, constantly in her denim jacket and unicorn t-shirt. Ok - now never mind that she fulfills the underage ponyloving limber latina virginal demographic. That's pretty delicious. But they gave her the ability to regenerate and resuscitate from any and all injuries. This power has decided to manifest itself before she's lost her virginity. Which means - everytime she has sex, she's a virgin as her hymen will repair itself. Meaning that everytime she's fucked, its like she's being fucked for the very first time. OK - that's WAY WRONG.

This is the interview Stern was referring to
youtube.com/watch?v=z5b4HP547E0

Which one Uwe Boll beat the shit out of?

Is that site even worth anything anymore?

I don't think anyone goes there other than occasionally to gawk at Harry's weirdness. It's a relic from the early Internet, right down to the layout from the 90's.

You don't actually believe his boasts that people are lining up to drop tens of millions of dollars on his 1990's era site, right?

His site is essentially dead and without him (not that he actually does anything) it would seem pointless having it. They even nerfed the entire source of traffic - the talkbacks and associated weirdness.

Ethan Suplee played him well in 2009's Fanboys

Jeff Sneider.

He hired Drew McWeeny (Moriarty) after he got fired from HitFix.

He's not made one peep about the whole situation, but has continued to pimp Alamo products. So I guess he's cool with it.

youtube.com/watch?v=NuLa9xTqhbE

>played him

That was Harry's cameo. He was literally too fat to get to set, so they had to get Suplee to fill in.

That's the kind of retarded monstrosity Harry is - he needs someone to play him in his cameos.

What the fuck is going on at Alamo Drafthouse
Why is it full of shitlibs and why are they all rapists

Was thinking $40k actually, if that.

The name itself is still worth something even if the content isn't worth shit. He should have sold it the he had the chance.

Does anyone go the site solely for Harry's Reviews?

His DVD picks and peeks column was good but fuck me he couldn't even keep up with that. It was essentially a free source of income for little effort.

>Raging Boll

I just went and looked it up.

His top crossover traffic contains shit I haven't visited in over ten years, like Melon Farmers and Sex Gore Mutants.

I went and checked them out - they still exist. They don't look like they've updated their layouts since the 90's.

It's crazy. Who maintains these things?

(I just checked rotten.com....it's gone. Sad.)

Some people just live in their own bubbles. Theres shit like this all over the internet, relics from the 90's and early 2000's that are still updated and somehow still followed.

People went to shit on his reviews and laugh at them in the talkbacks, but since they changed the layout and since he got more sensitive and started mass bannings, that lost steam. Fuck I'm tempted to fire up the old IRC.

>While Ain't It Cool News had been making $700,000 a year in gross advertising revenue at its height in the early- to mid-2000s, that had dipped to the low-six figures by 2012. The business had no cash reserves and no way to pay the bills. Its bank account had been seized.

His traffic has been diving year on year. It can't be worth anything anymore.

I just went and looked up Something Awful...Not only does it still exist, but it's wildly more popular and trafficked than Sup Forums.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE

Goons are the Jews of the internet. They're a secretive and tight-knit group that works in the shadows and are behind every troubling incident on the internet.

...

>17 unique IPs
>52 replies

embarrassing.

And these fuckheads had the nerve to go after James Rolfe because he made a level headed video about why he wasn't interested in watching the new Ghostbusters movie.

They deserve all the shit they get.

Thought I was going crazy not seeing any obvious threads.
I knew you fucks would be roasting this little piggy.

Anybody else been put off Vienna sausages for life? Imagine finding a thick ginger pube in one.

Bitches don't rat on Patton!

Patton puts bitches in the ground!!!

The hymen is actually sort of an archway of sorts and not a "wall to be broken". It CAN be broken if youre bad at sex, but tests can show an intact hymen from a woman that's had sex. Sort of breaks this meme, yea?

>Something Awful
5000 something on Alexa
>4chink
700 something on Alexa

He's fat. Nowadays its practically sexual assault
to TALK to a chick while being that fat. Did he
really do anything?

Well he sent sexually suggestive messages a few weeks ago. So surely it’s not a far reach to assume he acts like that in real life too.

I'm probably never going to watch Blade 2 ever again after reading that.

OMG, it's still going!

Good god.

Just decided I'm not seeing The Shape of Water either. Holy fuck.

Cursed with standards and self respect?

Dellamorte? That was another one right? He went over to Chud at some point. I remember liking him.

Liked his Batman 1970s/Grindhouse pitch.

Hollywood inside here, I can confirm that we have evidence on Patton (but not for what you might think) and if he steps out of line we'll use it on him.

True Blood did it.

Memba web-rings?

Shit, that guy looks more like an orangutan than niggers look like gorillas.