H-help!

H-help!

The popcorn mines collapsed!

did Robert make it out in time?

look at all that contaminated popcorn. this guy is going to suffer

>finally get saved from a popcorn mine collapse
>get arrested for theft immediately because my pockets are filled with popcorn

Who do you think took the photo?

>working in the popcorn mines last week for a bit of extra cash
>me n another guy digging out a new tunnel
>hear a rumble
>we both start scrambling out
>see the popcorn waves coming through the tunnel
>there's only one grapple
>in a frenzy I push him into the wave
>as I climb up to the top I see his face swallowed by the kernels
never told anyone

Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to excavate the main portion of the mine directly under the molten dew pit? Now we can't even retrieve the pure popcorn.

i love these threads honestly

that's fucked

No more...no more popcorn

>it's finally my turn to man the popcorn excavator

I was at the kino last week and there was literally a tall, skinny black manager named Robert. I wonder if that was his actual name or he knew about the meme and made a fake nametag

That's heavy

Buried in an avalanche of salty, buttery goodness.

...

Quick, before you turn into butter!

>decide to earn some quick cash by working the popcorn mines before seeing IT
>some fucking kid eats through a support pillar
>end up buried just like in the OP
>call for help and finally someone comes
>it's the designated shooter
If it weren't for Robert, I would never have made it out

>not shopping Robert's face on to his

We used to have this meme at summer camp. Camp was on a lake with a bunch of vacation homes surrounding it. Lots of fun myths about the various houses. One of them was claimed to be the home Orville reddenbacher or something like that, and the meme was that the house interior was made entirely of popcorn, and you could just break off a handful of popcorn from any chair you were sitting on if you needed a snack

who had the biggest penis on inspection day?

As I approached the Kinoplex it hit me, like the hot flush that overwhelms from head to toe when your mother opens your bedroom door to introduce you to her new 'friend', I was anxious. But the allure and excitement of the latest kino was enough for me to take a deep breath, tuck my hands in my pockets and tilt my head forward as I paced on ahead.
I made it to the first checkpoint, the penis inspection booth. This threw me off guard, since my last visit the inspection was checkpoint three. The security guard told me not to remain calm, staring me deep in the eye as he unbuckled my belt, my hands holding the guard rail either side. He adjusted his monocle, and hunched down to begin inspection. I'm not particularly tall so I'd already been categorised into the reserved Manley seats.
"Congratulations user" the security guard grunted at me
"E-excuse y-you?" I stuttered
"You've maintained excellent penis hygiene. Immaculate condition if I do say so myself"
"Thanks, you too" this gave me a surprising boost in confidence and overwhelming relief that I remembered to shower this week.
"We'll be upgrading you to the VIP section, Manlet area of course sir" he continued to mutter.
"Here is your VIP pass, your coupon for a small bucket of crab legs, and a discount card to upgrade your falcon. You'll be served by Robert today, I believe you and your wife have met him?"
I went bright red in the face, and the anxiety hit me harder, I clutched on to my backpack. The security guard could see I was panicked, his hand hovering over the dedicated shooter alarm.
"Sir? Are you okay?"
I had left my Falcon at home.

that's how I want to go, I wonder if my falcon is still alive...

>popcorn mine

>is this a new meme? you guys are hilarious
?

bravo vince...bravo ;)

>still talking about these "memes"
kys faggot

can someone give me a quick rundown on the falcon addition?

I'm not up to date on my Kinoplex posting, what's this about Falcons?

uhh I'm gonna guess that was his name

lurk moar

>when the manager makes an off-hand comment about my weight when i ask for more butter on my crabs legs and the cute girl at the counter starts giggling

they swoop down and interrupt the movie while stealing your snacks. its pretty irritating

last time I opened a thread the "ghost robert" thing just happened. I left for a week or two and now the whole thing is barely recogniseable. It evolves too quickly

This is why singles should never be allowed in the popcorn mines. You need a buddy.

>>when the manager makes an off-hand comment about my weight

Robert would never do that.

Anyone else like to mess up the cinema bathrooms? Really gets the adrenaline pumping. It's an addictive thrill. I've almost been caught twice now.

Robert was home sick. It was his twisted step-brother, De'robert

>go to theatre with cousin because of no singles policy
>after successfully the entrance gauntlet we get in line at the concession stand
>there are armed guards patrolling the line, occasionally firing into the air to scare patrons into keeping formation
>look back at cousin to ask if she would like to share an order of ants on a log
>the second she opens her mouth her eyes roll back, blood starts pouring from her nose, her body stiffens and convulses slightly as she falls
>a stray bullet hit her cranium
>a guard sees her collapse and blows a silent whistle
>i know whats coming and turn my back as the janitorial hyenas rush to my cousin's still warm corpse and begin tearing it apart as a single tear runs down my cheek
>i then order my ants on a log, for one, and make my way to the ticket taker
>i lie and say my date went ahead and left me to buy the snacks
>ticket taker buys it and lets me through without too rough a beating
>i find my theatre room and begin descending into the video vault
>the deeper i climb the colder it gets
>my breath is becoming visible, the kindler is late in making his rounds
>i finally arrive at my vault, muscles aching and pained
>everything is frosted over but some people got there before me
>they used the steaming blood of someone who fell to melt the ice around the vault
>i find a seat on one of the poles
>i like the back poles best
>some time later the film begins and the ground lowers, leaving the poles in place
>ground fully descended, the poles begin constantly twisting and moving in patterns and pistoning
>its very painful and distracting trying to stay seated on the poles and i have a difficult time focusing on the film
>the wake up shocks sent up the pole every 5 minutes doesn't make it any easier
>luckily 20 minutes in my blood has frozen around my bottom and the pole, stabilizing me and allowing me to focus on the film
>the ants on a log proved to be a valuable source of energy

(1/2)

The falcon thing has been a part of this meme for ages you retards

>a few people have fallen off by the films end and a few more have been picked off by falling icicles
>i avoided death but my shoulder was struck
>the ground began to rise back up and i struggled to become unstuck before terror time kicked in
>i managed to shatter the red ice around my bottom just in time
>the theatre lights turned red and the cleansing grates opened
>i ran quickly to the vault door as the acid began pouring out
>only a few others managed to escape before the vault door shut
>the cold, pain, and loss of blood made it difficult to climb back up but i made it up before the shaft became completely filled with acid

overall my theatre experience was about average.
(2/2)

Robert aint here, pal.

i aint reading all that shit

fuck fuck fuck fuck

Reading your story gave me an anxiety attack

just finished pacing around my room in circles to calm down

I managed to control my autism long enough to pass the penis inspection guard. With my VIP ticket in hand I was escorted through the Kinoplex. A long brick walled corridor with Refn inspired neon lighting paved the way. In the distance I could hear the cries of the manlet pit, deep in the popcorn mines. I was told to ignore it.
We trudged up steps toward the VIP lounge. I was swearing profusely, if Robert was to find out I had forgotten my falcon I'd surely be put to work in the mines again and my kino membership probably revoked. This was the least of my worries, for the guard had stopped me once again.
"Please confirm which cinematic universe you're part of", if I was to pick wrong, I'd be in queerer parts than the singles nights held on a weekly basis.
I confirmed my universe to the guard, and he nodded before slowly opening the doors for me. The echoes of 'It ain't me' bounced off the walls. There I saw him, Robert, he was a good friend. Waiting for me with a bucket of crab legs, his smile warmed the Cuckles of my heart, yet I was still extremely anxious. My face flushed, and a musky scent coming from my armpits, I tried tucking my hoodie in them to dampen and disguise the sweat, it didn't work.

Robert greeted me. He reminded me that it's not singles night, I told him my wife would be meeting me and was running late.
"Ah, your wife is a lovely lady, very trustworthy, does as she's told, she's always happy when I leave her" he said.
"Before I allow you entry, may I inspect your falcon?"
I almost fainted from the panick attack inside, my face brighter than molten steel.
"You do have your falcon don't you?" A look of inquisitive disappointment took over him. I came clean with him and told the truth.
"Sir, you should've said so sooner. Under any other circumstances I wouldn't have allowed you entrance, but I like you. You may borrow mine"

>not being on a cartoon site for at least 8 hours a day
Falcons have been in the mix for about a year.

>I had left my Falcon at home.

Jesus

I fed my falcon popcorn, she's been sleeping for a long time now. What do I do, boys?

Get off your phone jamal,people can't hear.

Popcorn mines aren't a joke, thousands die every year

>implying black people browse Sup Forums

>"This is a cinema announcement. All singles please proceed to the blue zone for mandatory pairing. I repeat. All singles to the blue zone. Thank you and enjoy the flick."

>allowing yourself to be in debt with Robert

this is not a good thread for first-time Sup Forums lurker looking for something to watch while folding clothes and doing dishes

>falcon escaped the aviary and made off with my caramel manlet on a stick

>please find your seat, sir
>the kino is about to begin

>no vape zone
>no backup vape zone

Am I missing something here?

But you've been to a Kinoplex before, right user? This is Robert.

gtfo normie

>gf breaks up with me, want to go see the latest capeshit
>no one wants to go with me, theater has "no singles" policy
>only applies to males, so I borrow a dress from my sister, buy a wig, and put on some makeup
>I had just started doing SS (/fit/ here) and all the squats had led to me having a big ass
>figure I'll play up the curves, help with the deception
>get to the theater, buy my ticket, get in line
>tackled by theater guards out of nowhere
>suddenly it hits me
>it's February
>black history month
>it's MLK weekend
>they think I'm a white woman
>I'm put in the theater stocks along with every other white female 16-25, my dress is pulled up, my panties are slipped down
>everyone claps as the theater bulls walk into the room, BBCs swinging as they walk
>a cacophony of grunts, squeals, moans, ecstatic pleas for more, and the sound of black flesh mercilessly pounding against lily white buttcheeks fills the room
>in all the excitement, the bull who has prepared to mount me doesn't realize I'm a boy
>fills my ass, mistakes my cries for help as screams of pleasure
>leaves me limp, shaking, and filled with seed

Saw Deadpool that night, 8/10

>Working deep in the popcorn mines
>Inside a low budget tunnel, our only light source is an old projector hooked up to a car battery confiscated from my car
>We all share a few matches when we need light
>Suddenly hear a rumble in the distance
>We have hit a huge butter ore
>Loads of hot butter pours into our tunnel
>I run as fast as I can, behind me I hear some of my unlucky fellows being swallowed by the hot butter
>I see childminers as old as 5 screaming as they are engulfed by the yellow menace
>As I make it out of the tunnel one of them grabs my foot
>"Please dont leave me user"
>I kick him in the face and see him being slowly melt into the hot butter
I still wake up all sweaty, his eyes keeps hunting me

The new deluxe shooter on duty has been cracking down on vaping out of spite. He's a smoker.

This threads are the only thing keeping Sup Forums alive.

im just lurking, and looking for something as interesting and fun similar to "enemy of the state". ill go away now

>im just lurking
How can someone not see the irony of this statement?

>Sup Forums
>C
Fuck off newfag.

>Frick off newfag.
fuck off normie

>normie
Point in case.

it's 4-Chan

oh sweaty

I saw at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and get in the way of him sucking cock or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and sucking another man’s cock in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him slurping as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen dildoes without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the dildoes and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to lube it up and shove it down his throat “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each dildo and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by sucking really loudly.

@88141313
Thanks for the free (You) senpai.

For my money, ain't nothing will ever beat the theater experience. Just too many great feels to be had.
>taking a newly trained falcon to see a flick for the first time
>buying a medium popcorn when you're on a budget and savoring the more maneuverable wheelbarrow that comes with it
>getting picked as the designated shooter and setting a new theater record with your SKS
>the thrill of crawling through no man's land, dodging spotlights and death squads when you're single just to see the latest capeshit
>taking a qt to a kino and catching her shy but impressed gaze when you get picked for a random penis inspection

Nothing quite like it, boys!

Did you get that one from /r/copypasta?

must be the anvil matineee these guys never stop smithin at the puns and bents of their fav MCU movies.

Nigger I'll piss on you. I'll piss on you and I'll shit on you and I'll piss on you. Nigger I'll shit on you. I'll shit on you and I'll fuck my shit and I'll drink your piss

>stay up all night to finish my project report and a demo for grad project
>its really important but have to do most of it alone because of cunt project partner is out of city to handle his wedding bussines'
>show project to professor
>he's not happy
>alot of work needs to be done on partners side
>says we cant enter the finals like this, we'll go straight to the make up exams
>leave school, get on bus
>see a mall on the way to my home and decide to enter
>eat kfc, its alright
>message the cunt partner about what the prof said
>starts blaming me, tells me im useless when we're behind because of him and his urgency to get his dick wet
>feeling really depresssed
>shut phone off and decide to see Rogue One
>bunch of couples at the theatre, some teens
>movie starts, its alright but a bit boring the first half
>staying up all night and chicken starts hitting me
>start falling asleep at the beginning of the first half
>shame too, this was the action packed half
>force myself to stay awake but enjoy the scenes
>fucking Vader scene, fan service done right
>people wooing
>force myself to get on the bus
>go home and doze off
>graduate a month later, will hate the cunt partner forever

man i really shouldnt have gone to the movies on a bad mood, now I cant remember Rogue One without all the bad stuff happened that day

>tfw pass the length test but not the girth test on the random penis inspection

What a fucking ride. I want to read more by the user who made this.

>tfw passed the strength test first time

>want to see the new avengers infinity war flick
>it's not out yet
>local kinospire just installed these new machines that let you see movies before they release
>supposed to be really expensive high tech stuff
>decide to work in the lower popcorn mines for that fat 2% bonus
>finally make enough money and buy a ticket for the supposed "kino transcender"
>have to put on this weird-ass space suit before going in
>inside of suit smells like a mix of vomit, shit and butter
>they probably never bother to wash these things
>just when I'm about to enter the transcender they stop me
>"where's your falcon's kinosuit sir?"
>you fucking what
>suit for falcon is 20 fucking dollars
>don't have the money
>they say it's alright, he can use the budget "flick cap"
>whatever I just want to see this flick
>enter transcender
>power of a thousand big guys flows through me
>blinding light rapes my retinas
>see the avengers flash before my eyes
>overall 4/10, could've done with more quips
>come out
cont

>taking a trip to the local kinoplex
>first time going at late night
>scan my id, walk past the guards tossing a poor fool into the deep depths of the mines (dipshit tried to pass off false identification)
>get inside, there's a fucking ice rink the size of a football field that apparently only appears at night
>some teens are splashing around in the pool nearby
>they get some water on the ice
>a lady slips and her skate slashes some kid's neck open
>jesus fucking christ
>the kid is convulsing, blood everywhere
>some guys walking by mutter sarcastically "Shansha nooo! I love you Shansha!" as they giggle away
>paramedics can't save the kid, his body lies limp
>a wraith emerges from the gauntlet below and claims the kid's eternal soul
>continue on to my kino
>enter my designated theater
>complete fucking darkness
>can't see shit
>luckily the guy i was following brought a torch with him
>walk at least a mile before it loops around to the seating area
>fight off a wolf pack along the way -- fortunately they aren't very strong since their diet mostly consists of popcorn, soda, and crab legs
>finally find my seat
>there's some fat piece of shit sucking on his straw behind me
>gets gunned down by the designated shooter, thanks brah
>ready for kino.jpg
>surprise penis inspection
>i forgot to pump my dick up
>everyone laughs at me and says i have a micropenis
>i get shuffled off with the rest of the pathetic white males into the incineration chamber
>the last thing i see as flames sear my flesh to the bone and melt my eyes is a horde of brown men raping all the white women as they squeal in ecstasy

too long didnt read

learn to keep my interest in the first sentence

>tfwI only need half an inch more ball sag to be eligible for senior tickets

Enjoy paying full price, plebs.

Anyone else have any problems with theatre asians? Personally I think they enhance the experience.

>he doesn't bring his own ironing board to the cinema

I've seen people ironing their clothes on the rental boards that they also use as perches in the aviary. Absolutely disgusting.

>visit the local kinoplex unknowingly during a Cunny Sunday
>middle schooler in a security guard costume holds my hand while taking me towards a stall located in the main floor where she performs a penis inspection, shooing me off once she's done
>walk towards the snack bar trying not to maintain eye contact with the lolis in skimpy suits accompanying other men and the bratty ones bullying each other's bodies
>as soon as I utter the words 'p-popcorn please, with butter' to the underage waitress I realize there's no butter machine, only a nude little girl chained to the wall on top of a counter in a squatting position
>waitress fills a large bucket with popcorn and places it under the chained girl, who proceeds to piss all over it, getting some on me and the waitress who promptly gives her a wicked double nipple twister
>after refusing the only drink and chocolate brand they had in stock I quickly made my way towards the prepubescent ticket ripper with my internet-bought ticket for Dunkino, where she cleanly snipped it off with her feet
>with a sigh and a hale I cheer up at the prospect of enjoying some kinéma, only to find rows upon rows of mattresses with little girls in bikinis instead of seats on the floor
>come home exhausted as I get ready to shitpost and falseflag Dunkirk threads

sorry about your weight

>showers
Why does that seem kinda comfy to me?

which ones, the samurai or the ninja? Samurai are fucking cunts desu.

>can smell burnt flesh even through the suit
>inside of the transcender is stained with blood and burnt feathers
>apparantely my falcon fucking exploded
>mad as fuck
>experienced my first kino with that falcon
>robert opens the machine's hatch
>"did you have a g.."
>sees the blood
>"your gonna have to pay for that sir"
>fuck off I am
>start to get very angry at this point
>"please calm down sir or I will have to call security"
>try to make a run for it
>spire gestapo stop me before I even have a chance to get out of the transcender
>have to pay off a 34 dollars + tip in debt (aka 14 years in the undermines)
>they didn't even reimburse me for the falcon
Overall I think I would recommend the time machines, as long as you have the money.

>fail the Chest Test but pass the Teste Test with flying colors (pubes)
>get to go into the theater but have to sit in the Concave Chest Cave

was showering with chads in highschool comfy?

meme?

So is it a thing now to bring your own anvil? I thought you were supposed to use the public use anvils provided free of charge by your kinoplex, but I've been seeing more and more people bringing in their own anvil from home. Is it just personal preference some people have, or has using the communal anvils gone out of style?

underrated

Brainlets everyone.

>get stopped by kino security outside of bulk food store
>mmmmsir is that BOOTLEG SNACK?
>obese, pink-faced piglike security snort the bag of popcorn out of my hands
>i'm beaten and stuffed into the steamer trunk fixed to their golf cart
>deposited in popcorn mines
>my falcon has been taken from me
>I miss my falcon
>A face out of the darkness, like frankenstein
>voice like starscream: YOU'RE A TALENTED SMUGGLER ARENT YOU
>choose to stay silent
>YES WELL, OFF TO THE MINES. WE'VE A SPECIAL HELL FOR THE LEEKS OF YE!
>i'm strapped into a gruney along with a couple dozen other ne'er do wells
>inclinator starts
>KOUNTDOWN TO BASE OF KINOPERATIONS: 31 HOURS, 36 MINUTES
>Adam Saddler's 'Big Daddy' Starts playing on all 4 walls and the floor and the roof
>pass out
>wake up with 4 hours left on the klock
>some david spade movie is playing, one I've never seen before
>David Spade and Quentin Tarantino are on a balcony pouring salt into wine glasses and then tounging it out with their arms pretzeled
>Thanks, David. Thanks for everything.
>pass out again, this time from malnutriotion
>Wake up strapped into the driver's seat of a large industrial vehicle
>can't move
>remain still for days, my limbs all sealed in the iron grip of the machine
>somehow, the mahcine provides nutrients and vitamins directly to me
>forced to watch movies and provide 3 star reviews of them
>nothing but romcoms and period dramas about grandparents
>in 34.000 work units i can earn a hard hat and my skull plate will no longer be struck by root beer stalactites
beats being a NEET

...

It was his twin, Evil Robert.

>designated shooter accidentally kills Robert's falcon
>it was your responsibility

holy fug