Would you let your child go to Hogwarts...

Would you let your child go to Hogwarts, where they get your children to ride wild ferocious animals and teach them how to pick locks and attain immortality by cutting their soul in half?

Depends. Do they teach evolution?

>lavate los manos!!
yes.

I don't think Hogwarts focuses much on religion, but you'd get some evolution stuff from Care of Magical Creatures for sure. Hagrid illegally breeds new species all the time so I'm sure evolution is part of the curriculum.

Depends on how much it costs. Boarding schools aren't cheap and from what I gather those kids get to eat like medieval royalty at those feasts. Maybe if I didn't have magic I'd get my kid an education there which I could exploit for monetary gain.

They very specifically don't teach them to cut their sould in half. Horcruxes are a big taboo subject and not even the books in the library dealing with black magic mention them.

>Horcruxes are a big taboo subject and not even the books in the library dealing with black magic mention them.
Wait so how did Tom Riddle find out about them? Did he just spout random words at Slughorn until he arrived at the word horcrux and saw Slughorn's reaction?

>Wait so how did Tom Riddle find out about them?
You do understand what demented bitch has written harry pussy potter, right?

I think he got him drunk or something

He was into some shady shit since way before he left Hogwarts.

Pretty sure Voldy got the information from the restricted section of the library, but it didn't give enough information on how to perform the magic, which is why he asked old Sluggers.

>Harry pussy potter
Don't you even dare imply HP is a dull franchise.

No. Lavate los MANOS.

>you will never have a magical owl that brings you wizard letters
>you will never ride the Hogwarts express with your best friends
>you will never go to Hogwarts
>you will never be accepted into gryffindor and laugh and pull magic pranks at hufflepuff fags
>you will never have and sleep in a comfy dorm with your buddies
>you will never fuck prime witch pussy
>you will never drink butterbeer with your best friends
>you will never join Voldemort and kill the mudbloods

He was, and he learned about the concept of the horcrux while he was a student
The user saying that the books in the library didn't mention horcruxes/horxrii(?) is making shit up because Tom definitely knew about them before going to Slughorn. The main reason he went to Slughorn was to see if you could make more than one horcrux

Why are you even trying to pretend someone will have kids with me that i can
hypothetically have in one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Grow up adult child

>you will never have a magical owl that brings you wizard letters
Was it ever explained how owls knew exactly where to go to deliver the letters?

>you will never have and sleep in a comfy dorm with your buddies
I can't imagine anything worse than sharing a room with five other teenage boys wanking behind their four poster bed curtains every night for seven years straight.

>you will never drink butterbeer with your best friends
Don't feel bad, I had some at the studio tour and at the theme park and it tastes like shit. Liquid ice cream but way too sweet and sugary if you can imagine.

no , the house elves at Hogwarts are raping little shits , I heard what they did to hermoine

>butter beer sucks
This desu. We made our own recipie with rum and vanilla. The Howard's stuff is shit as.

Also you missed
>fuck witch pussy
>implying

The "official" Butterbeer is terrible, and my many and varied attempts at making my own were disastrous as well.

>Also you missed
I deliberately didn't address a couple of your points. For one, Hufflepuff is the best house, but hey I didn't want to bring it up and cause tension man.

What you need is Baileys and rum, and a bit of ginger. Sweeten to your preference. Thank me later.

I drank the butter beer from the studio tour and it was horrible, obviously made for young children. Never went to the theme park but I hear they do an alcoholic version for adults which I'm keen to try out one day

Monkeys were created by God to entertain us. That's all they know.

>Don't you even dare imply HP is a dull franchise.
or what

>immortality
Sure sounds great, since the biological reason for our existence is to maintain our genes. Immortality means you win the game.

>believed Hogwarts was real as a kid
>write my own letter to albus dumbledore requesting admission
>ask parents to mail it
>no response back
>tfw forgot I was a filthy muggle

Isn't that basically what Aunt Petunia did? Really rather sad when you think about it. She was jealous of her sister's abilities and really wanted to go to Hogwarts. But because she had no magic in her and was denied that life, it slowly turned her into a nasty person who vented her frustration at Harry, who turned out to have magic as well.
I really liked those flashbacks, gave Petunia a bit more character than just the stereotypical shitty guardian archetype she was for six books.

I've always had this fantasy where I'd raise my children to think Hogwarts was real and that they'd get their letter once they turn 11. I'd watch the films with them, pretending it was some kind of real documentary. Then I'd take them to the station with a trolley full of cauldrons and parchment and film them on my phone as they run at full speed and crash into the wall, as I crush their dreams and laugh hysterically

veri original. reddett is this way ->

But it actually is original. Unless other people are disturbing sadists like me.
I mean, if I didn't get my Hogwarts letter at 11, I'll make sure nobody will.

>But it actually is original.

And you're telling me to go to readit?

I'd do a thorough research on the teachers working there before deciding. All of them appear to have no romantic relationships, and they permanently live in a secluded castle.
It's like sending your son to a Catholic priest school.

I'm actually developing a D&D campaign about an adventuring party going through a wizarding academy for children and realizing how fucking stupid it is that adults would ever create one.

Not only is it filled with dangerous creatures and objects that could hurt the children, it also makes them prime targets for powerful evil figures.

It's a children's story, but I see your point.
>Three-headed dog behind a wooden door
>Carnivorous spider army in the forest next to the school
>Murderous centaurs who hate wizards roaming in that same forest
>Soal-sucking cloaked monstrosities capable of leaving you in a state worse than death "guarding" the school
>Centuries old tournament known for killing many of the participants being brought back for fun

It's never a dull year at Hogwarts, but fuck me, I dunno if I'd send my children there. I'd rather homeschool 'em.

It's preparing them for the real world. In our world we learn maths and shit because we deal with taxes, they learn spells because they have to deal with hippogryphs.

They're basically being prepared to work for the government. There isn't a single wizard profession that doesn't in some way link back to the Ministry. Teachers, treasure hunters, writers, wand-makers, it all boils down to government work.

If it was me I'd get a cottage somewhere and put up some kind of magic field keeping people out and live my life in peace.

You already have a magic field that keeps people out generated by your anime figures and lack of hygiene.

>anime figures
What?
No I just meant I'd get with a cute witch, start a family, and live in peace away from the wizarding community. If the Weasleys can get by with seven children living on the income of Mr. Weasley's mediocre position in the Ministry, I'm sure I could live a peaceful life with my family somewhere secluded, using magic to instantly grow potatoes and vegetables and stuff.
I mean, what else is there to do other than be an office worker or a healer? The Gaunts did pretty well on their own, they were just insane and didn't give a shit about their surroundings. I'm sure plenty of wizards live out their lives away from the main community. The government can't even trace you once you're an adult, so as long as you don't fuck about and curse Muggles you're fine.

>no hidden Clifford or Citizen Bane
>no BRAAAAP
>not even in the first ten posts
I'm disappointed Sup Forums

>you will never ride the Hogwarts express with your best friends
That always felt a bit over-romanticized. They're on that train for about 10 hours. No matter how good your company during the journey is, no one enjoys sitting in a full train for an entire day, pumpkin pasties or not.
It also felt weird how they'd notice it got dark outside and they all decide to change into their uniforms, which presumably involves taking off the vast majority of your clothes in order to put on your school trousers, white shirt, tie and robe. All done in the presence of each other in a relatively small compartment that seats about four people.

There's basically ten minutes on that train where hundreds of teenagers undress in front of each other and put on their uniforms.

>10 hours
It's london to scotland. it wouldn't take 10 hours. 5 max.

Must be some magically slowed-down steam train then. It always leaves at precisely 11am, and when they arrive it's dark outtside and they all have dinner in the castle.

Why couldn't they take it in turns inside the cabins to get dressed if they're shy? Like ron and harry step outside, hermione gets changed, etc. Eh it's not that strange, during PE (physical education) we'd change clothes infront of each other.

It never states it leaves at 11am

Seems like the obvious choice, but it's never stated. It's always Harry, Ron and Hermione, sometimes Neville, Ginny, the twins, Luna all in a carriage together and someone says they'd better get changed and they just do. No mention of a changing room or anything. Also there's hundreds of teenagers on there, the train is packed. Can't imagine every male student stepping out of the compartment awkwardly waiting while the girls change, plus obviously the majority of boys would try and take a peak.
The way it's described in the books is that they all just change into their uniforms there and then.

I understand that they couldn't come onto platform 9 and 3/4 dressed in robes since it's supposed to be secret, but they could at least have their Hogwarts shirts and trousers on before entering the train. Then all they'd have to do is put on a tie and a black robe which isn't weird at all. But the books state that they're in regular clothes and they need to change before getting off the train.

Yes it does. It actually emphasizes that it leaves at EXACTLY 11am, every year on the 1st of September. That's why Ron and Harry steal the car and fly to Hogwarts, because Dobby magically blocked the entrance, and once the train leaves, that's it.
They also make a big fuss about how they can't miss the train in just about every book, with everyone rushing to say goodbye on the platform and getting in just in time as the steam blows, and with Harry nearly missing it in HBP because he was talking to Arthur about Malfoy's scheming.

>Three-headed dog behind a wooden door
It was locked and out of bounds.
>Carnivorous spider army in the forest next to the school
That's Hagrid's fault.
>Murderous centaurs who hate wizards roaming in that same forest
Fair point.
>Soal-sucking cloaked monstrosities capable of leaving you in a state worse than death "guarding" the school
That only happened like twice.
>Centuries old tournament known for killing many of the participants being brought back for fun
They said people had died before, not that it was common. Quidditch is pretty dangerous and that shit's not even age-restricted.

I'd ride a train for one week straight if I could watch a young Emma Watson undress herself.

That's a hell of a lot more life experience then they'd get from muggle schools.

The real stupid thing about the Triwizard Tournament is that 2 of the 3 events are shitty spectactor sports. It's not very enthralling for an audience to stare at the surface of a lake or the outside of a hedge made for an hour.

>Three-headed dog behind a wooden door
>It was locked and out of bounds.
It was literally at the end of the third floor corridor, with a lock that could be opened with the Alohamora spell which is something they learn in the first year at school. They put all sorts of magical enchantments and traps to keep the Philosopher's Stone safe, yet the dog monster was literally behind a wooden door and a fucking padlock.

>Carnivorous spider army in the forest next to the school
>That's Hagrid's fault.
I'm pretty sure Dumbledore knew about it. Dumbledore knew everything about the forest, as shown when he calmly walks in and retrieves Umbridge after the centaurs took her away. He was far too lenient with Hagrid really.

>Soal-sucking cloaked monstrosities capable of leaving you in a state worse than death "guarding" the school
>That only happened like twice.
And admittedly Dumbledore was firmly against it. Still seems weird to put these creatures around the school to catch Sirius Black. Dementors could do a lot more harm to you an escaped murderer. They literally suck out your soul if you get in their way and leave you in an eternal coma where you relive your most horrible memories forever.

>Centuries old tournament known for killing many of the participants being brought back for fun
>They said people had died before, not that it was common. Quidditch is pretty dangerous and that shit's not even age-restricted.
I'll give you that, Quidditch is pretty dangerous. Nothing like trying to steal an egg from a fucking dragon though. Also there was an age-restriction on Quidditch but Harry was just so special that he got in the team a year earlier than other students could.

>They put all sorts of magical enchantments and traps to keep the Philosopher's Stone safe, yet the dog monster was literally behind a wooden door and a fucking padlock.
The stone thing was literally bait, but for Voldy and Quirrel, not the kids. None of the things guarding it were made foolproof except the last one because the whole point was to goad them into going down there and getting stuck.

Any kid who got killed by Fluffy would have to be damn near suicidal. It's like saying dad's negligent for keeping guns in the safe and ammunition in the hall closet because Timmy figured out how to get at both.

They do mention them but in a "this shit is so crazy we won't even write about it here" way, and that was in a book found by Hermione, there were probably some during Voldy's time that at least had a description, but when Dumbledude became the headmaster, he took a lot of books dealing with dark magic out of the school.

the stupid thing is that they don't magically make cameras follow each contestant and display it on a fucking screen.

Truly an awful scene / movie. Left the cinema then and there.

>Any kid who got killed by Fluffy would have to be damn near suicidal. It's like saying dad's negligent for keeping guns in the safe and ammunition in the hall closet because Timmy figured out how to get at both.
Except its more like dad keeping guns in the safe and leaving the key out for anyone to use it. They literally learned the unlocking spell in their first year of schooling without a teacher. And later on in the series its directly stated that you can enchant locks so alohamora doesn't work.

Assuming that Alohamora was a very simple spell, you have years 2-7 that could easily learn it, and we already know dozens of students that break/bend the rules.

>Any kid who got killed by Fluffy would have to be damn near suicidal.

I hear you, but come on, these are teenagers. When your headmaster says:
>And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.
Your first instinct is to check it out. Or at least go near the corridor and see what the fuss is about.

Is the meme pasta poster banned? Is he dead? The fucks wrong with that cunt? Post it already and give me my cheap chuckle prick. He has one job and he's already late.

especially considering they literally send detention students to the only other place forbidden and warned of a horrible death.

Well... She is a mudblood after-all.

>Depends on how much it costs
Hogwarts has a tuition assistance program, it directly states that for cases like Tom Riddle or mudblood families that had no idea of such a society.

Also, there is an exchange rate of euros to wizarding money for some unexplained reason.

Sure, but even if they did that, they'd look inside the door, see a bigass (probably sleeping) monster, and nope the hell right out of there.

Harry's gang only almost managed to get eaten because they ran in without even looking inside.

Still waiting on the Harry Potter sequel several years in the future where kids from wholesome Christian private schools wage a crusade against witches and wizards and we get to see Harry's divine punishment and torment in the depths of Hell for his sins and blasphemy

Good point. If you're caught out of bed after hours, you get to spend a night in the forest full of murderous spiders, werewolves, and all kinds of deadly creatures. The centaurs at least have some kind of code where they don't kill the young (unless you call them horsecunts or something).

Pasta's up there lad, 13 posts in which is a bit lazy, but it's there.

>atlas shrugged
>god tier

Hogwarts really has everything covered, doesn't it? Orphans, mudbloods and poor people get free education, boarding, amazing food every day etc.
Wonder where the money comes from. It's implied that rich purebloods like Lucius Malfoy have a stake in Hogwarts (wasn't he a member of the board or something and used that position to get Dumbledore sacked in CoS?), so ironically Lucius Malfoy is paying for the education of the mudbloods he so despises.

Then again, keeping Hogwarts running can't be that expensive since House Elves do all the manual labour from washing clothes to cleaning up, to cooking, to tending to the fireplaces all for free. Most of the money would go to the food and the teacher salaries. And presumably the Ministry gives some financial aid to the only school in the UK that trains the future generation of wizards.

>so ironically Lucius Malfoy is paying for the education of the mudbloods he so despises.
maintaining his cover is a great expense. He had to do whatever was necessary to not get thrown in Azkaban after the fall of Voldemort.

>it was a bait
I think you are confusing some fanfiction you read with the books.

What determines if an animal is magical or not?
In a world where all these magic creatures exist for real, who is responsible for deciding which ones to hide from muggles and which ones are ok to let them discover?
The creatures are only 'magical' because in the real world they don't exist, but in-universe there is nothing that separates them from the rest of the animal kingdom, so at what point did somebody make the distinction between magical/non-magical creatures?

You'll fine out in Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them 2: The Rise of Grindelwald

>take valuable object away from its owners and place it in a boarding school
>have some teacher who's 100% loyal to the headmaster play-act like he really, really intends to steal this thing for himself in front of the guy being possessed by the disembodied Wizard Hitler to create an artificial ticking clock

Ah he was way too late so it's pointless posting it, didn't even see it. Be quicker next time fag.

I know, I expressed my disappointment at the time but he didn't even grace me with a reply or an apology. The pasta posters have been rather lacking recently. I might start posting it from now on.
In my view, if it's not there within five replies, it's a fucking disgrace.

You really misinterpreted Snape's role there. He didn't know Quirrell was possessed by Voldemort at the time and just thought Quirrell was some cunt trying to steal the Stone for his own gain.

Snape later explains how Voldemort didn't reveal himself to Snape at the time because he was unsure of his loyalty. There was never a plan to trick Voldequirrel into going after the Stone as some kind of trap.

>Snape later explains how Voldemort didn't reveal himself to Snape at the time because he was unsure of his loyalty.
He says that to a couple of Voldy stooges to cover his ass.

The rooms guarding the stone being an obvious trap couldn't be plainer. Shit, the room with the flying keys even has brooms just left lying around for easy access. The whole thing is set up to get some rube to go down there and be stuck in the last room where they can't actually get the stone.

I think the flashbacks in the last book had Dumbledore saying something like "Keep an eye on Quirrell, eh?" to Snape. They were obviously suspicious but I don't think they knew Voldemort was roaming the castle on the back of some teacher's head. This whole trap theory isn't in the books at all though.

>The rooms guarding the stone being an obvious trap couldn't be plainer.
The traps could've been a bit more dangerous, sure. But I think they didn't suspect Voldemort being involved until right at the end. If they knew, Dumbledore would never have left Hogwarts that day.
The traps themselves were easy enough to overcome for an average wizard like Quirrell, but for three first-year students it wasn't that easy. If it wasn't for Hermione they would've all suffocated in that plant thing. Hermione's logical thinking also solved the potion trap. Hell, the entire narrative point was to show off the main trio doing cool things.
Basically, if Dumbledore knew Voldemort was at Hogwarts, the Stone would've been guarded a lot better.

The stone was never in real danger though. As said, Voldy and Quirrel could have never gotten at it. The only thing that almost let them win was Harry blundering in.

Whether it was bait for Voldemort, it was clearly bait for Quirrel. But I mean the guy went on vacation to the country where Voldemort was known to have hid out for 20 years and came back acting weird and wearing a funny hat. It's at least plausible that Dumbledore could have suspected it even if as usual he never fucking tells anybody else what you'd think is need-to-know information.

Not to mention after the whole business was done the stone was just destroyed. It really supports the reading that it was used for a specific final purpose.

>left the theatre then and there.
Well yeah, so did I. The movie was over.

>pussy westerners