Well, you tried your best Sup Forums, but you didn't count on the fact that democrats don't actually need their candidate to be alive.
Well, you tried your best Sup Forums...
Cooper Myers
Josiah Watson
>In a hypothetical matchup between a Clinton who has been rendered completely unconscious and a fully sentient Trump, voters chose an inert Clinton over an ambulatory Trump by a margin of nine percentage points.
>A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign hailed the findings. “We have every reason to believe that Hillary Clinton will be a fully conscious President,” the spokesperson said. “But even if she is not, she is still the far better choice.”
>The same poll revealed that a broad majority of voters found an unconscious Donald Trump more fit to be President than a conscious one.
>Finally, when asked about the Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson, a significant number of voters were undecided as to whether Johnson was conscious or unconscious.
Nathaniel Martinez
Why must I do this, leaf?
Asher Foster
>(((Borowitz)))
Isaac Sullivan
we are truly in the end times only the don can save us
Oliver Sanchez
(((((((Borowitz)))))))
Jordan Young
We know leaf they haven't needed their voters to be alive either for about ever.
Matthew Gray
LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING TIME!!
Jaxson Hughes
>(((Borowitz)))
Jackson Flores
Unconscious Hillary is more fit than conscious Hillary. That's for sure.
Brandon Martin
This has a deeper meaning than what is merely being stated. Clinton is not being voted for as a person, as a leader, but as a system. Leftists like complex, interlocked systems with no clear leadership, where who holds the power is vague and secret. Conservatives like clear, strong leaders and clear hierarchy. So it doesn't really matter who is the Democratic nominee, they're all the same to the voters. An unconscious Clinton, like a conscious Clinton, is just a face for the state apparatus. She is Big Brother, and like Big Brother she doesn't even need to exist.
Carson Morris
Has the media lost their fucking minds?
Colton Mitchell
Borowitz is a guy who writes Onion-esque articles for the New Yorker. He's not being serious.
Austin Harris
choose your words carefully big guy
Landon Turner
Andy Borowitz is a satirist you fucking turbo autists. it's like the onion
Parker Mitchell
Democrats are fielding a dead candidate to keep all of those dead voters on the left
Logan Morgan
>people think this isn't satire
fucking idiots, actually read the article
Landon Carter
Thats my nominee you're talking about
Bentley Gutierrez
>They will actually pimp a dead person to be president
Samuel Ward
>andy borowitz
nice try, shlomo
Jose Butler
>Borowitz
Liam Fisher
((((((((((((((((((((Borowitz))))))))))))))))))))
Dylan Torres
Is Sup Forums this easy to trick? Really makes one ponder.
Liam Young
PRAISE KEK MAY ALL PRAISE BE TO KEK
Daniel Morgan
He's got a degree from UPenn
Justin Powell
i'm seeing that last name here so much i'm thinking it's parody at this point
Liam Ortiz
Every. Fucking. Time.
Oliver Rogers
always a kike always
Samuel Murphy
Yes they've fallen for their own lies