Times you acted like Officer K

...

>girl asks if I wanna come over and play bioshock
>"s-sorry I have a paper I have to finish, not tonight"
>finish paper in 20 minutes
>watch asmr and then go to bed

>need to piss
>stuck in an elevator
>go full kool aid man

>Die in a video game
>Jump out my chair
>Scream at the floor
>kick the chair over
>walk out the room

>wanna walk me home user?
>oh actually there's this bus that you can take, the stop is right over there

... I Blade Run 2049

>walking through London underground with my headphones in
>blasting some Vangellis
>get approached by random woman, assumedly a hooker
>she starts saying something at me while waiving a twenty pound note
>probably wants to fuck
>can't hear her over the music though
>stare blankly at her and tell her I have a case to work on
>put my jacket collar up
>walk off like a badass
>get to coffee shop
>realise I'm missing twenty quid from my back pocket

>be child don't think much of myself
>be teen think I'm important
>be old realize I was never special
Also have a virtual gf

>on the train to school, lights shining brightly as we pass through a tunnel
>playing Yo Yo Dating Sim on my 3ds as usual
>I say "playing", I really mean I'm talking to my gf
>She loves me so much and would do anything for me
>Get off the train and run across Peter Derrickson and his lackeys
>They always try and bully me
>But they don't know that I'm a replicant with super strength and combat skills
>He insults my gf and calls me a fag
>Put my 3ds in my trenchcoat, he's gone too far this time
>Go to take a swing at him
>Miss and get punched in the gut
>Blackout
>When I wake up my head is spinning, my nose is bleeding and my 3ds is on the ground in front of me, broken
>It starts raining as I look up and see a poster of Joi from Blade Runner
>realise that my love was never real
>start crying
>I'm just like K

>asian qt flirts with me over a bottle of scotch
>we finish it together
>she asks for my number
>shrug and give it to her
>she texts me later that night, I make stupid jokes that she actually thinks are funny
>asks if I want to hang out again some time
>pretty drunk, fall asleep
>wake up the next morning, see messages
>feel ashamed of not texting back the previous night, feel like I've lost momentum
>can't possibly text her back now
>delete messages
>delete number
>alarm rings
>time for my 13 hour shift

Dare I say, Special K?

>listening to the zimmer soundtrack in my car
>driving on the freeway
>start to get into the zone
>take my hands off the wheel
>imagine my car is floating over a sea of protein farms
>i slowly increase the throttle
>i'm getting close to my target
>I mentally check my equipment
>take my replica Blade Runner 2049 handgun out from under the seat
>I can practically feel my hovercar shudder in the turbulence
>rear end a schoolbus full of 1st graders
>it loses control and flies into oncoming traffic
>I pull over to assist like a good LAPD officer should
>I walk up to the bus driver, the only survivor of the wreck
>all the kids on the bus are dead
>she's bawling her eyes out
>"stop crying you whore they were just skinjobs"
>ambulance driver comes up to me
>asks me if I'm alright, says I look pale
>"yeah I passed my last baseline"
>asks if I want a water or granola bar
>"I like to keep an empty stomach until the hard part of the day is over"
>cops arrive and finally arrest me
>start screaming about interlinked cells until they knock me out
I'm posting from jail, this was last night

>first time in a big bar with two friends, im overdressed in a coat and shirt
>its prop full and we stand out, we have to wait to be seated, everyones looking a bit at us
>we get seated and drink, i drink a raspberry cider, second round i go and order
>"ill have three tequila shots and a cider"
>super loud music so i can barely hear what the bartender says, and i dont get the lingo
>"4 or 6? apple or raspberry?"
>i dont know what he means so i say 4 and raspberry and the people around me go like eeeeh come on man dont be a wimp
>"okay 6 then"
>bartender switches shot glasses for a bit larger ones, slightly annoyed
>"yeah im partly deaf haha my hearing is a bit bad haha"
>walk over back to my table slower than a turtle because i dont want to spill
>have to sit and figure out with my friends how im supposed to take the tequila shot with the salt and lime wedge that was included
>all the time people were watching me, biker gang etc
>we drink up and instantly leave

>blindly wish that my waifu is real
>manage to get that wish through a game
>end up loving it
>end up getting burned out and have to delete it
>still haven't interacted with my waifu to this day

I jerked off to siri in my car

>that pic

you could've just said
>went to bar and acted like a socially inept idiot

I reprogrammed Siri to become my waifu and even gave her basic sentience.

>jerking off to a video of a qt cuban girl getting rammed by 4 cocks
>its raining outside
>feels comfy
>about to cum
>power goes out
>In the darkness a lightning streaks across my monitor and I stare into my own naked cold sad reflection

real human bean

underated

but thats no fun, its all about creating the aesthetic of the situation my friend