What if Blade Runner 2049 was made by Joss Whedon Sup Forums?

What if Blade Runner 2049 was made by Joss Whedon Sup Forums?

>I don't see how that's a cell

>I AM THE BEST ONE
>well i suppose thats debatable

this character would be removed

have you seen the reviewers praising it? It might as well have been

*Smiles
>Hey honey what's up

>we'll see about that old man

>last CELLS INTERLINKED scene
>K looks at the camera
>"Nah."

>Did I leave the stove on?

>You're a hard man to track Mr Deckard, we need you back

>The Joss Whedon self-insert who sexually assaults actresses under the pretense of "acting"

>Remove all the interesting camera angles, lighting, and mood
>Joi would never be nude and the hookers would be changed to empowered political protesters
>Deckard would have died 20 minutes after being on screen

>every scene would've taken place in the daytime

Luv would presumably be played by Eliza Dushku

In an interview Joss Whedon genuinely referred to the moment where Hulk bashes Loki around as a great moment in film. Who the fuck knows how he would ruin Blade Runner

>shoots Jared Leto mid sentence of his monologue
>"he started to bore me anyways,who wants some futuristic pizza?"

>lots of shitty one-liners and quips

>extremely generic to non-existent cinematography

>bland action sequences that look cool if you're 10 years old but otherwise boring

I can very easily imagine this and it's unsettling

>generic dad rock plays in background as he leaves flying car with headphones on him

"Um... sweetie... thanks but no thanks. Hillary 2052"

Feel good movie
Argues over the slavery issue instead of the humanity issue
quips
bad strong female charicters

>REPLICANT LIVES MATTER

>"Holy Shit Mr Deckard it's so cool to finally meet you, you're awesome. It's awesome.......sorry"
>"Whatever kid"

>some stupid joke about garlic
>"Please don't get up" quip to break the tension during the fight
>K sniffs the boiling garlic at the end

oh wait.

>k travels to the orphanage
>its a nice cozy place with cute kids running around smiling with cyberpunk shit on their clothes and random LED lights in the background
>kids see K and go tell there humble, old, kindhearted caretaker
>"Well, Mr. K my little darlings told me that you are looking for a child that once lived here with my humble little family, know I may remember all the smiling faces of my little angels that come through here but you don't have a name, lets go check the books in the back"
>well lit close up of children playing and laughing in a room full of warm colors
>K smirks and plays along with a few of the kids before reaching the back room
>cgi shot of a infinitely large library with bookshelfs going up to infinity
>reaches for the nearest book on his desk
>"Well Mr. K it looks like someone ripped those pages out of my record book"
>K looks into the camera and shrugs

This would seriously happen

>"I don't see how that's a party"

Deckard would just throw constant "whatever kid" quips at Wallace.

>Emotional scene in the rain, the music swells as K and Joi look at each other lovingly.
>K goes to embrace Joi, his hands phase through her as the music cuts out awkwardly with a record scratch.
>"Oh! heh, heh" they both exclaim in an embarrassed manner, and awkwardly try again at a different angle.
>"just eh, hold your arms out in front of you, bae"
>"like this?" Replies Joi awkwardly as they attempt to hug over and over only to have them phase through each other again and again.
>"you know what?" Says K in a snarky way "how about we just give each other a good old fashioned thumbs up?" Joi laughs.
>"I'm getting too old for this stuff" says deckard looking on embarrased "If you two laser brains are finished, we have a world to save, remember?"

>Wallace gives long and sinister speech outlining his motives and intentions to a captive Deckard.
>Once he's finished he stands up and leaves the scene in an ominous manner.
>Deckard begins to speak but he's interrupted by the crash of a thousand pots and pans followed by the sound of glass breaking and a cat shrieking in pain from the next room.
>"IM OKAY!!" shouts an embarrassed Wallace from the hallway he left through.

goddamn it this one isn't even funny how real my fear was when ford was on screen
>tfw waiting for them at every scene to make it hip and trendy for the """""modern audience"""
>tfw horrified when I see ford on screen just fucking smelling him about to say the word KID
>tfw my boi denis is not a turbofaggot and the movie was absolute kino almost through and through
where were you guys when you realized BR2049 is the kino we desperately wanted but we didn't deserve?

>"We need to escape, if only we had the force!"
>*pause in music*
>"Wrong Sci-Fi movie kid"

joi makes a hologram big mac for k

>Wallace gets covered in nanomachines and turns into a giant cgi monster that attacks deckard and K
>giant blue laser shoots into the into the sky
>"We got to stop him before he destroys the whole city kid!
>K is about to be crushed by cgi monster before giant Joi hologram saves him
>"K I remember everything, I always loved you"
>Massive cgi explosion
>"Great work kid but don't get cocky"
>racist cop from the beginning walks up
>"I was so wrong about you K"

the audience I saw it with was hooting and hollering so much I couldn't hear what Hulk said

>heroic orchestral music starts playing

>after the fight ends the go to MCDONALDStm (food breaks are important)
>when he open the BIGMACtm he notices a small packet in it
>its a szechuan sauce

>where were you guys when you realized BR2049 is the kino we desperately wanted but we didn't deserve?
sitting in the theater watching the credits

joi gets kidnapped or k has to fight a replicate that looks like joi

*replicant*

you open up your lunch a bunch of sausage links

sausage, interlinked

>pffft pfffft SAUSAGE LMAO

"Puny God."

>crazy religious man gets killed by wallace

It'd be 30 minutes shorter, so automatically better.

>"What's your name kid?"
>"K"
>"Okay what?"
>"No just K"
>"Well who am I to judge."

>"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe "
>"Seen this?"
>harrison shoots him in the head with a robot knockout gun or whatever

This thread is funny yet terryfing. I'm glad none of it happened, I'd die in sorrow.

Who's this Joss guy anyway?

This is painfully accurate.

>I'm glad none of it happened

kek

The guy who made the avengers movies, he basically just a decently competent director studios hire when they want to make a quick buck.

His forté is "fun" movies, he just makes light and inoffensive movies with loads of cheesy cliche humour. He's not bad, he's just the embodiment of "turn your brain off and have family friendly fun" type of film making.

You colossal fucking retard

That scene is devoid of consequences

Sat in the cinema watching the film.

It would have been shot like a TV movie, featured lots of quipping, flying car chases with characters jumping between vehicles, and the final boss would have been a CGI young Rutger Hauer

There was no joke about garlic, please don't get up wasnt a quip, and K probably never had a chance to see garlic in his life. It's prolly as fascinating to him as bees and flowers. You goddamn fucking troll.

Whole Bautista hut was one of my favourite parts of the movie.

Funny enough that would be more accurate to the book
PKD originally wrote that Pris and Rachel look the same

>I need you back deck, need your magic, got fou-i mean six skinjo-replicants walking the streets xd

>K walks by some random strangers looking at a hologram poster for the new Dollhouse reboot
>"Why do these hollywood types always try and remake classic sci-fi shows"

Thanks hulk

kek

It wasn't a joke. It smells good, but then K tells him he doesn't want to eat it as he wants to get some work done before.

retires sapper, then eats the meal

Director who does a good job of making action-popcorn films that have enough merit that they are not instantly rejected, but don't really have weight.

It not a bad director, just that what he produces isn't keno

>It not a bad director
He's an awful director though. He writes good scripts for what he sets out to do, but his direction is severely lacking. Literally everything he's ever filmed looked like a TV movie.

Whedon is good at his extremely narrow niche, and terrible at anything outside of it. He's a decent enough writer within that niche but the instant he tries doing anything else it just backfires.

I didn't say he a was a good director.

For me a bad director is one that cannot get a movie off the ground to be success as art or as a product. People like Uwe boll,Brett Ratner, and Brian Levant.

Whedon is at least a competent director who can make stuff that works well enough to sell tickets, even if his real talent is a writer (I will say he a good writer, and just a competent to middling director. )