Says so on the card

says so on the card

you have the face of a flower...

yeah cauliflower

Best post on Sup Forums

>what kinda computer do ya got?
a macbook
>oh... mines a dell

this guy is on lsd constantly

I like to picture Adele sitting on my toilet eating a Ruben

Why is there an app for everything except, how to rape a baby?

Oh stop, I know what you're doing!
"Best post on Sup Forums"
Quit trollin'

Explain it to the folks at home

Now don't laugh at this next part

AFRICAN AMERICAN

What would happen if Dan came home and Roseanne was washing her big ass in the sink?

Probably the worst gimmick any comics ever had

>dumped Elle MacPherson
>hasn't had a girlfriend since
>over 50 years old
>hangs out with his sister's daughters

I have a sick feel about Norm, bros

Hey now, I've seen a couple things, you know, a couple things here and there. Like, uh, for example here, you know what I saw once? You know what I saw? I saw, and this is a true story, I saw, on fire, off the shoulder of Orion, ATTACK SHIPS.

I watched

C-BEAMS

glitter in the dark near the the Tannhäuser Gate.

Stop laughing; this is serious. I saw c-beams glittering, attack, all these moments, you know, they're gonna be lost like, uh, like tears in rain. Like, uh, like when you're crying, you know, in the rain, and people, they can't see you're crying, because your face is already wet, you know.

Well, time to die.

He got tired of lying on top of ladies

>where do you want to see hefty women
>in the circus
super dave really was the best guest

You'll never be over the hill, not with the car you drive!

>hangs out with his sister's daughters
Where are you getting this from? I don't think he even has a sister.

I laughed.

But 9/11 WAS a national tragedy.

I bought his book.
my god, his style doesn't transfer to paper very well

The audiobook works pretty well, he narrates it himself

Why am I laughing just thinking about this

I also laughed because I didn't realize what you were going for until the end of the first line and it made me kek solidly.

the audiobook is terrific, when the narrator suddenly changes to the ghost writer, absolute kino

How dare you,sir!

lemme tell you something about janice... you guys are talkin about janice right

P R O J E C T I O N

definitely get the audiobook, only he can deliver his jokes properly

>you're an acid-tongued arab

I read this in his voice.

Listened more than once.

t.truck driver

which episode of NML is the best

Super Dave

Holy fuck and I already had Tears in Rain playing when I started reading this.

> Season Three
that's the joke

Terrible joke from this "comediant".

Andy Dick
>I feel that I have an oral fixation...you know about that

...

>Hey Tim Allen
>Remember when you were convicted of trafficking 650 grams of cocaine?
>did anyone ever say....hey dere Candyman....got any of dat co-caine?

>Asks about their band name
>Whatever his name is gives him a 2 minute story
>"God damn I wish i had a time machine"
>"Yeah cus it was so great"
>"No to take back my question"

I just watched the Sarah Silverman episode.
my god. she is fucking dumb as rocks.

>Mr. Candyman got a lotta ideas, but he ain't got a lotta COKE