WHAT THE FUCK?

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Dude

NO FUCKING WAY

So Kratos was just Hercules except he went straight for revenge instead of twelve tasks?

>21st-century Americans are surprised by children's stories containing horror

More, please. If there are any.

Dude children's stories used to be fucking hardcore, and myths even more so. I had a kid's book when I was a kid where the two protagonists end up being ground into flour and presumably baked into bread because they did too many pranks and misbehaved and that's what happens to disobedient children, they DIE HORRIBLY

Like in Cinderella, the stepsisters literally mutilate off parts of their feet in order to make them fit into the glass shoe, under the orders of their mother who hands them the knife. "You won't need to walk when you're queen!" In Snow White, the happy couple has the wicked queen dance at their wedding in special iron shoes that have been heated white hot till she falls over dead, nothing like torturing the bride's stepmom to death to liven up the wedding dance floor lol.

is wizard of oz really a hundred years old?

It was originally published in 1900, yes

>is wizard of oz really a hundred years old?
The book was first published in May of 1900.

Wait, how does that even make sense if Hercules dies because his wife puts a poisoned cloak on him?

Kids who grew up reading them fought in WWI.

Second wife.

Hans Christian Andersen is too hardcore for American audiences.

It might not have been when you were a kid, but it is now. Also over 100 years old: World War I.

Most people giving fairy tales the Grimm Bros treatment are already aware of the Grimm Bros and are trying to return fairy tales to the roots.

>deserve stories written for them, instead of at them

Uncensored version then, like with everything. Scary things like Goosebumps are popular with kids and only offend adults who don't want kids to be exposed to that stuff.

Well. That escalated quickly.

Who the fuck lets kids fight in wars?!

Bitch should have told him why she wanted it.

thou shalt not suffer a witch to live, user.

Big-G said so, its right there in his book.

Before or after the bit about "Thou shall not kill"?

Don't fuck with soldiers user. Why do you think they had to come up with the Geneva convention in the first place?

Witches get Stitches.

>The one where a little girl has hallucinations while dying of pneumonia
Fucking HCA, man.

Every single state in existence ever. Especially the losers.
Kids sneak in to fight as war was romanticized for the largest period of time and if you're losing you don't give much of a shit who fills the ranks so long as they're filled.

Witches didn't have their souls saved by Christ so they might as well not even be human.

If they were 3-4 when the book came out, they'd be perfect age to fight once the US entered the war.

dailymotion.com/video/x22k1co_the-little-matchgirl-2006-hq_shortfilms

okay

this I did not know, I knew about the others though

Aladdin is actually Chinese

Esmeralda gets raped by the soldier guy, she dies by hanging while Frollo laughs, Quasimodo carries her dead body away and stays with her till he dies of starvation

what else is there

The little mermaid turns to sea-foam.

Simba, who's based on Hamlet, should've died from being stabbed with poison.

well almost everyone knows about the mermaid being cucked so hard that she commits suicide

I guess people also know that Alice in wonderland is even more fucking trippy and sometimes even brutal

Hera had a hard time getting a clue.

Although i'd be pretty pissed too if my husband kept turning into animals and fucking girls on the side. I don't know if the cheating or animal thing would be more worrying.

The original snow white was more brutal. The queen tried a few times to kill SW.

She visits the dwarfs' house and sells Snow White laces for a corset that she laces too tight in an attempt to asphyxiate the girl. When that fails, the Queen returns, as a different old woman, and tricks Snow White into using a poisoned comb. When the comb fails to kill Snow White, the Queen again visits Snow White, this time disguised as a farmer's wife, and gives Snow White a poisoned apple. Eventually, Snow White and the Prince from another kingdom reveal the Queen's true nature and invite her to their wedding, where she is forced to put on red-hot iron shoes and "dance" until she drops dead/

If you had a mans body and couple get a huge horse cock but the only downside is you have to be a horse while you have the mega dick would you do it? If youre a god and wanted the option to kill who youre fucking you better believe you do.

So Fidel Castor is IRL Snow White?

Pinocchio got mad when the cricket called him out for his idiocy and threw a hammer at him. The original ending for the book was that the Cat and Fox tried to murder him with knives (which broke against his wooden chest) and, failing that, hanged him instead. The story ended with his choking to death.

>a tempestuous northerly wind began to blow and roar angrily, and it beat the poor puppet from side to side, making him swing violently, like the clatter of a bell ringing for a wedding. And the swinging gave him atrocious spasms...His breath failed him and he could say no more. He shut his eyes, opened his mouth, stretched his legs, gave a long shudder, and hung stiff and insensible.

Wages of sin and all that.

There was a good enough reaction that Collodi wound up writing more installments.

Somehow I knew most of the original stories. I remember there being a book about original fairy tale stories (with pictures) for some reason. My mom probably didn't read it and didn't know

imagine my confusion reading these stories after watching the movies

oh yes, I remember that, the book had a picture of the iron hot shoes and the Queen "dancing". Thought the pictures weren't gory if I remember well, but it described the gory parts with words in detail

The Catholic Church

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children's_Crusade

Literally everyone.

See here's the thing. Kids are only delicate flowers if you raise them to be. You don't have to hide the world from them, they've been getting along in it just fine for the last couple million years, so you don't need to wait for them to be "ready" before they see sex or violence. They were literally born ready.

Said the Pedophile.

Sometimes no matter what way you raise your kids they will react to situations/things differently.

Thanks for misquoting the Bible. The good book specifically says "thou shall not murder." This covers all acts of killing not otherwise justified in the Bible. Don't forget, God called for war and executions.

I have a hard time believing that jesus was preaching about the same god as the one in the old testament. His god was so much tamer and chill than the one ot was supposed to be.

[glass her]

eight legs, right?

You got me there. But that passage comes from the ten commandments, which is old testament.

It's ok to tear up right? Geez, how sad. Nice watch though

Kratos ?

God waged war on the enemies of Israel, his chosen nation.

Then, when the time was right, he sent Christ into the world, to fulfill the covenant for Israel.

Israel rejected God and killed him, as he knew they would.

So then God expanded his covenant to all who believe in Christ.

It's not really all that much of a stretch to connect the Old and New Testaments. Jesus himself is a frequent bridger of the gap, given how often he either quotes or fulfills Moses and the prophets.

Not really since Hell is mostly a NT thing.

Hey, when the world kills your son, it can really change a father. I'm thankful he didn't just wipe us out there and then.

Whether you think the bible is fiction or not, if I was god I would've gone plagues 2.0 on the planet at that point.

You're forgetting about Jesus actually being an incarnation of God. Jesus is literally OT god mellowing out and gaining more empathy from having to live as a human. Then he rejoins with the rest of himself.
In apocrypha stories, Jesus as a kid are just about what you'd expect from OT God running around with Jesus powers as a human child. He scares the crap out of dragons, creates random life for fun, starts up a street gang of kids that he demands worship him, smites some kid who refuses to, and so on.

The original Sleeping Beauty got the most fucked up story.

The Prince(King) fuck the Sleeping beauty everyday until she wakes up & having baby.

Look at any conflict hotspot in the world, and there will be reports of child soldiers-- a LOT of reports. Vietnam/Cambodia/Laos, the Middle East, every single African bush war ever, Bosnia, Colombia, Brazil, the list goes on... If an army is desperate enough, they will enlist whoever they can. And this has been going on since man could wage war. Sad but true.

YUP YUP YUP.

>no one will make this into a movie

feels bad

Yes, I remember this.

Zootopia welcomes you

youtube.com/watch?v=tqlaPttudUc

She is also friendzoned by the prince and her sisters trade their hair to the witch for a magical dagger that she must kill the prince with in order to survive, but she doesn't and ends up turning into sea foam in the end.
youtube.com/watch?v=Zvyt2fdWJAQ

Dude had at least three wives, probably four. I'm not sure if he married all those princesses he fucked in one night for a dare.

The original word used can also mean "poisoner" to be fair.

And the whole "raise them as delicate flowers" is what led to a pussified generation we see today. The nu-males and the tumblrinas. Jessi Slaughter and the other lolcows are merely symptoms of this upbringing.

this is fucked up as The Steadfast Tin Soldier.

He finally got laid.

Wasn't Pocahontas raped a lot in real life?

Yes. Men talked over her all the time and some of the women in London appropriated her style of dress without permission.

Nah. She used to do naked cartwheels in front of all the sailor men as a tween is all which is why she has her nickname of Pocahontas to begin with.
I'm fairly sure her relatives all got killed or died in slavery since her great grand niece died enslaved about... 15ish miles from where I'm typing.

in some version Snow White is also 8 best version

Gods in general are dicks in Greek myth. They also know better than to mess with anyone that can hit them back so they always punch down at those who can't hurt them.
Zeus cheating all the time was actually a result of each little region/area having their own legends about who zeus was banging. Once the areas has more communication between each other he basically became the grand slut he is known for being today. Most greek myths people know are actually Athenian myths so it would be safe for me to bet that's the main reason why Hera is known as his wife instead of any other random woman/god.

Why are Sup Forums discussions about Disney never this interesting?

dumbest plan ever

>Sup Forums
>interesting discussions

Pick one.

Its because they are not literate.

>Wait, how does that even make sense if Hercules dies because his wife puts a poisoned cloak on him?

Dude had something like 30 wives and a dozen husbands. Look it up.

the thing is, some people are just born pussies no matter how you raise them

should we kill those?

Sup Forums is the most normie board

I really dislike the category of OP's post. They look like the bullshit clickbait advertisments.

On a related note, I never liked frozen. I always wished it was like its original more, the Snow queen from HCA.

Most people that frequent that board are spastic.

Hell is in neither testament, it's a later invention that combined other beliefs into christianity.

the dark fiery pit of eternal torment is it's own thing, while hell as described in the bible is an emptiness devoid of god's love.

so we're all in hell right now.

They would have had Anna rescue Kristoff from Elsa with the power of innocent love andd perserverence despite the hardships. Anna and Kristoff would have been childhood lovers. She would have had to rescue him on an epic journey that contained all the elements of a magical fairy tale. It was already a version of a fairytale with the stronk woman character with a female rescuing the dane in distress that could have had maissive appeal to our modern values. That and Elsa would have been a true villan.

>TFW learning more about the bibble from Sup Forums than any preacher from my city
It's easier to because you guys don't make it out to be the "THE ONE AND ONLEH TROOTH HALLELUJAH"

>"THE ONE AND ONLEH TROOTH HALLELUJAH"

>mfw my church believes in more than one entry of canonical scripture

Sup Forums pls be gentle

Also this

The whole fire and brimstone thing was an injection of paganistic Greek and roman belief, among other indigenous sources. Hell was meant to simply be a place of "outer darkness" - a place where you have no one and nothing

you should go to /his/

it's one thing to learn funny little factoids like this, it's another to hear the actual theological arguments about what the Trinity, the original sin, the nature of faith and purpose, etc.

it's even more fun to watch Protestants and Catholics throw shit at eachother.

Is this a stupid Viral Marketer thread? Are you from College Humor?
Seriously fess up none of this seems legit OP.
No no I mean the facts are right. It's the fact that you posted them like this which straight up tells posters you're a shrill here.
>WHAT THE FUCK?
Either someones asking/paying you to be here are you're literally 12.

Awesome, I wanted to talk about how fucked up the Pinocchio book is.
Like in this youtube.com/watch?v=8qylPe-bZvg
Also anyone remember the off brand sequel?

The animal part was pretty much the norm so she wouldn't care that much about that. But she was extra offended by his infidelity not just because he was cheating but because she was the God of marriage. So his infidelity was not just an insult to her but her profession.

If we're still doing the Disneyfication bullshit

Pocahontas met John Smith when she was 13 .
There's no actual evidence of a romantic relationship between the two, in fact there's little evidence of ANY relationship between the two. John Smith is a known to "embellish" of the truth and the story in which she saves him has no real record of happening until years later when John gave a letter of recommendation on her behalf.

Pocahontas was also taken hostage by Englishmen years later for stolen goods. They were negotiating the return of stolen arms. When her father refused to give the guns back she converted to Christianity and changed her name to Rebecca.
She married John Rolfe when she was around 18 or so. Moved to England. Had two kids. Died of Small Pox.
I'm quite sure it's just sarcastic shit posting.

You forgot the worst part.
Pocahontas wasn't even her real name. It was a nickname her tribe used in front of the English out of a superstition about true-name magic.

Yeah, the Greco-Roman version of Heracles is hardly up to the PG standards of Disney in the 90's.

In fact most of Greek Mythology isn't. I'm still waiting for the Disney version of Oedipus.

Actually no. She feels herself begin to turn into sea foam. Then she is rescued by the daughters of the air and becomes one of them.

That's something that really bothers me about people's understanding of the Little Mermaid story. Although she loved the prince, her main motivation was to earn a soul. Everyone forgets that.

If the prince falls in love with her she would earn one, but if he marries someone else she would turn into sea foam the next morning. The witch gives her an opportunity to save herself if she kills the prince, but she refuses and for that she is rewarded by becoming an air spirit.

Mermaids don't have souls?

how old are you?

Nope. Mermaids live a long time, but turn into sea foam when they die.

Aladdin is a Chinese Muslim who actually had two genies, one in a ring and the other in a lamp. Jasmin was actually married off for quite some time before Aladdin takes her back and the genie of the lamp grants unlimited wishes

It would be cool if this was actually in the movie.

yeah, this wasn't sad enough.

>raping a sleeping princess
Pretty sure that shit's on pornhub.
Maybe not the princess part, but "stepdaughter/girlfriend/boss's wife" fills the gap.

>I guess people also know that Alice in wonderland is even more fucking trippy and sometimes even brutal

No - Alice in Wonderland is probably the only case where the Disney movie is darker than the original books. Wonderland is supposed to look like sunny Oxfordshire countryside, not the whacked out Hot Topic tripfest the animators portrayed it as

Alice in Wonderland is just a nerd rant about Math translated into little girl.