How the fuck was this man the Headmaster of Hogwarts for so long
Just take a look at his career
> literally hires Voldemort to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts > Loses track of the most high-profile student and a legacy student in an underground maze of deadly puzzles > Next year: Multiple students die/severely injured TO A FUCKING BASILISK while at school and somehow Voldemort manages to infiltrate Hogwarts AGAIN > the next year an escaped murder and fugitive #1 in the wizarding world manages to successfully hide out on campus > next year Voldemort manages to infiltrate Hogwarts AGAIN during the Triwizard Tournament and another student is murdered > Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that he has known for years was actually being held prisoner by an imposter (using polyjuice potion of all things)
Holy fuck was there anyone more incompetent than Dumbledore? I mean how many students have to die before the parents were like hmm maybe this guy shouldn't be in charge of running this place. That's not even counting Moaning Myrtle (another dead student on Dumbledore's watch) or Hagrid and Tom Riddle's spider broship shitstorm.
Justin Hill
He was gay and would claim homophobia to anyone against him.
Jaxson Perry
Everyone gives him a pass because he killed Grindewald or someshit and saved the world,but the truth is imo Rowling is retarded and its a kids book
Eli Collins
Actually it was all an elaborate ruse. He kept putting potter in danger because he knew he was a horcrux. He wanted to lure voldy out to kill potter so that he could retrap him in his weakened state after unintentionally destroying a horcrux. That's why he only tells potter about the horcruxes when he know he's going to die.
Matthew Martinez
> Dumbledore knew Harry could be killed by Voldemort > purposefully tries to get him killed throughout the series > Harry somehow survives all the bullshit and Dumbledore fucks himself by trying to destroy the ring horcrux > Pretends he was protecting Harry all along
Cooper King
Why didn't Voldy just turn a small pebble into a horcrux and toss it into the middle of the ocean?
Bentley Rogers
His ego only allowed him to put his soul in important relics. Yeah that's fucking retarded, but he figured no one would find out about his horcruxes anyway.
John Reed
Hi numale
Sebastian Rodriguez
>harry pussy potter
Christian Morris
Wait, since when was Voldemort a professor at Hogwarts? I thought he left the school after graduating to assemble his Death Eater cult.
Alexander Roberts
He was literally attached to le turban man in the first one
Adrian King
Why are you even trying to find logic in a childrens series bassd off of one the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though "No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Christian Green
Good post. Very insightful.
Jason Diaz
>"No!" gets me every time
Julian Lewis
That doesn't really make him the professor though since it was Quirrell teaching
Adam Green
Based I only go in Harry Potter threads to see this
Lucas Taylor
>Hires a narcissistic fraudulent fop to teach one of the most important subjects. >Fails to question a murder victim regarding her death for over 50 years when doing so would exonerate an innocent child. >Can't figure out Evil McSnakeman's immortal monster would be a giant snake and plan defenses accordingly. >Doesn't organize the dozens of transparent intangible beings to search behind walls and under floors to find the chamber. >Hires the only living friend of a mass murderer to teach after said murderer escaped and coming to Hogwarts. >Deliberately withholds valuable information from the chosen one for years. >Does nothing while a corrupt and incompetent government takes over his school.
Tyler Adams
he was only the head of hogwarts for one movie thats not so long
Carson Flores
fuck you made me laugh
Connor Cruz
Bad writing.
James Murphy
why did she cut her hair?
Brayden Adams
Not to mention he was gay af. Can gays be principals? Isn't there a big risk there with the high rates of pedophilia among gay people?
Matthew Hall
>named DUMBledore >suprised when he acts dumb
Austin King
He was a faggot dying of aids
Blake Adams
>professor snake >he acts snakey
Nolan Robinson
>Isn't there a big risk there with the high rates of pedophilia among gay people? [citation needed]
Gabriel Hughes
I'm sorry :(
Brody Sullivan
what i dont get is why voldermort even died in the first place
when harry destroyed any of the 6 other horcruxes all voldermort let out was a big nyaaaaaaaaaaah. if he was able to survive his killing curse rebounding BECAUSE he had already split his soul why was killing that sixth of himself worse than any of the other horcruses?
Evan Jones
>How the fuck was this man the Headmaster of Hogwarts for so long He was really powerful, personally. He could beat anybody up to such an impressive degree the wizard-police wouldn't have been able to stop him. That's it. That's the whole reason. Well, most of the reason anyway. At least some of it can also be contributed to how the wizarding world seemed to be run by people who didn't have even the slightest idea what they were doing.
Jose Murphy
>trying to find logic in this shitfest
who fucking knows. maybe cause it was the first time happening and then he got more used to it with every horcrux getting destroyed?
did he even have horcruxes at the time he tried to kill the potters? maybe it was the first time his sould got split, making harry the first horcrux. i forget..
Easton Stewart
this desu
Xavier Ross
Context for this "No!"?
Liam Miller
Dumbledore was a fucking hack
Isaac Nguyen
Where would the Oz series fit?
David Brooks
Ego. No king would place his body in some shitty rock
Grayson Richardson
So much stuff you say is wrong
>> literally hires Voldemort to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts Wow, he hires a guy, who has Voldemorts face on the back of his head, Voldemort being a guy who was considered dead for a decade
>> Next year: Multiple students die/severely injured TO A FUCKING BASILISK while at school and somehow Voldemort manages to infiltrate Hogwarts AGAIN Nobody died, also the school is almost closed because Ginny went missing in the Chamber of Secrets, that's the reason Harry and Ron went in there in the first place
>> next year Voldemort manages to infiltrate Hogwarts AGAIN during the Triwizard Tournament and another student is murdered Voldemort didn't infiltrate Hogwarts, Barty Crouch Jr. did, and Cedric Diggory was the first student murdered in Dumbledores time as a headteacher. That's the reason the ministry was so involved in Hogwarts policy in book five
>> Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that he has known for years was actually being held prisoner by an imposter (using polyjuice potion of all things) If you can blame anyone that they didn't expect Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, badass incarnate, to be fake, than I think there's something wrong with you
>I mean how many students have to die before the parents were like hmm maybe this guy shouldn't be in charge of running this place One, and that's exactly why Dumbledore is in such a crap position in book five.
>That's not even counting Moaning Myrtle (another dead student on Dumbledore's watch) or Hagrid and Tom Riddle's spider broship shitstorm. That wasn't in Dumbledores time of being a headteacher, that was when Prof. Dippet was headteacher.
Did you even read the fucking thing?
Carson Butler
Also, you have to be a huge contrarian retard to shit on Dumbledore, one of the best wizards to ever walk the earth
Juan Jackson
Harry is arguably responsible for all that shit, because of "muh prophecy".
Luis Cook
Headteachers are chosen partly for their merits as teachers and partly for their power level.
There has never been a Headteacher at that school who wasn't essentially the fucking Hokage of the Wizarding world. Witches and Wizards obviously feel their children are safer that way.
Bentley Clark
Dumbledore was a Voldemort plant.
Jose Hernandez
Being an adult wizard would be pretty shit in terms of career prospects. Teacher would probably be the most esteemed position they could get unless they are a pro Quidditch player
Evan Miller
Don't forget that he let Severus Snape get away with being a horrible unfair teacher for years solely because he needed him for something completely unrelated.
Michael Green
>snape >unfair Boohoo some imaginary point system that was complete bullshit and didn't matter at the end anyways because Dumbledork wanted Harry's dick. Snape was the only teacher that actually gave a shit. Umbitch was unnecessarily mean.
Anthony Anderson
The weirdest thing to me about Snape is that he's known that the Potions textbook Hogwarts uses is bullshit since he was a teenager, yet he's never made any effort to get better textbooks or just ignore the textbook and teach the better methods.
Henry Murphy
Snape was an egotistical ass hole who probably thought the Potions 101 books Hogwarts had were too easy.
Cooper Diaz
Guys, other question, bothered me for years There are like dozens of teachers in Hogwarts, yet we never hear of them having wives/husbands. Is it the same in real-life boarding schools? Are Hogwarts teachers some kind of celibate monks or do they just live away from their spouses for 9 months?
Brandon Price
Snape outright bullied his students. Just look at Neville, he tormented him for years, which clearly had a negative effect on his Potions grades, since he did much better under a different teacher.
Nolan Cruz
>Are Hogwarts teachers some kind of celibate monks or do they just live away from their spouses for 9 months Nothing prevents the teachers from teleporting out when the day's over. They probably had a private quarters which they could choose to sleep at or they took shifts for who would make sure no magic fuckery was going on for a day
Samuel Reed
based
Thomas Sanders
Neville was a gigantic faggot and momma's boy who deserved more shit than he got. If he had grew some balls he would've survived to the end.
Jace Torres
you cant teleport out of hogwarts iirc
Alexander King
all the teachers were really biased, look how mcgonagal treated malfoy
Jose Foster
>implying the rules applied to the teachers
Jace Powell
Highly doubt it, on some occasions students could find teacher even at night
Matthew Kelly
>draco
like a dragon ge it
>lucius
like lucifer lmao
>narcissa
what a narcissist amirite
man who could have guessed the malfoys were evil
Cameron Cooper
But Neville did grow balls. He's the one who chopped off the head of Voldemort's snake.
Kayden Ramirez
Yes they do, they have spells that prohibit apparation in and out of Hogwarts, however you can apparate to Hogsmeade
Juan Diaz
>>>lucius >like lucifer lmao user, I
Samuel Davis
What the fuck are you talking about? He survived, in fact he had one of the biggest balls, leading Dumbledores Army in Hogwarts, after Voldemort took over Britain. He even became the Herbology teacher later on
Eli Anderson
Portkeys aren't affected by the anti-apparition jinx.
Anthony Foster
>Woman creates a sport >7 players >1 Goalie who has no impact on the game >2 Dudes with sticks to stop evil balls >3 cunts who literally have no impact on the game >1 guy who wins the game for you
ayyyy lmao
Austin Rivera
>7 books >8 movies >despite being a question a 4th grader could pose there's no explanation why it isn't better for everybody to just say "fuck it" and go after the snitch
Parker Morris
The snitch is worth 150 points (for reference a normal goal is 1 point) and the game CANNOT end until it's caught, even if a team has a 1000 point lead and has been going on for a week straight. Stupid game.
Eli Perry
And I didn't say they are, but making portkeys is also restricted by law, at least it is implied that they are. Also, there has to be some kind of restriction to the "portus" spell, since nobody except Dumbledore seems to use it, and even he rarely did, even when Voldemort tried to infiltrate Hogwarts
Matthew Reyes
A normal goal is 10 points.
Juan Robinson
>and the game CANNOT end until it's caught are you sure about that? i thought it was just a bonus points thing
Hunter Brown
A goal is worth 10 points actually. But yes, you're right, the Golden Snitch is fucking stupid and only exists as a plot device for Harry to single-handedly win games.
Isaiah Perry
Not OP, but yes that's the rules. In that Quidditch book JK Rowling did, it says there were games that took weeks until a seeker found the goddamn thing
Kayden Ross
No it cannot end (unless both teams mutually agree to end it) until it is caught. There was a match that went on for 6 months before the teams said "fuck it"
Ian Hall
If your defense is so shitty that you're down 150 points (which never happened in the books or movies) then your team should just quit.
Isaac Turner
It did, World Cup finale in book four which Harry attends with the Weasleys and Hermione.
Jayden Baker
IIRC romania lost the match because of 10 points of difference even after getting the snitch. Now, do you want to make it important? Ok, make it 100 points worth, but damn, 15 goals? That's utter bullshit. At least in the fourth book she seems to aknowledge how retarded that is and tones down its importante on most high profile games, but still.
William Ward
100 points is still 10 goals. Imagine ANY sport where a team is down that far. If I was a spectator I would have walked out at that point.
Landon Johnson
>As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs." I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous.
This line is pure gold.
Brody Hill
I know but at least 100 is a more usual number to give to special hits. 150 is jumping the shark.
Isaac Rogers
I think the problem is that like with many sports stories, the authors want to turn every sport into boxing. You know, you're getting your ass kicked in the first few rounds, but then in the final round you launch a super massive counter punch and win. This is really hard to do in sports that have a point system, so the easiest way for the author is to come up with a way to just win all those points in one swoop. The alternative is to do what many sports movies do and have them somehow score multiple goals in a row in an implausible amount of time.
Eli Miller
isn't there like 3 goals to shoot at? and you can beat the shit out of people too, sounds easy to get a 10 point difference
Gabriel Kelly
Come to think this might explain why I always found Harry's personality very shallow, even as a kid. he's just a self insert,
>tfw you'll never be 13 again and waiting the next HP book like the second cumming of Christ.
Hudson Smith
Only the 2 beaters can beat people iirc but if it's gotten to the point where there's a 100-150 point lead chances are the winning team has already completely beaten the shit out of the losing team.
Ethan King
weak opening senpai
Hunter Diaz
Is this raghead the ultimate proof that religious garb should be banned from being worn by teachers? If this guy hadn't been allowed to wear his jihadi john getup they could have discovered voldemort from the start
Daniel Barnes
>Wow, he hires a guy, who has Voldemorts face on the back of his head, Voldemort being a guy who was considered dead for a decade Dropped here. He was real enough and alive enough to almost kill Harry. Albus also believed that Voldemort isn't done with. It's an excuse that other people would take, but Albus is still incompetent as fuck.
Juan Jenkins
Because fuck having a character look like their book counterpart, Harry is also supposed to have long messy hair too.
Robert Gray
>make a girl ugly to match the books >turn the girl into a sex symbol for teenage boys Emma Watson herself has probably spilled more teenage boy spunk than the ancient Romans
Josiah Miller
Hermione shouldn't be traditionally pretty, she should be unkempt but cute, like Luna.