Why didn't God use his wonders to magic the slaves free himself? Instead of

Why didn't God use his wonders to magic the slaves free himself? Instead of

>killing innocent farm stock animals
>infesting innocent Egyptians with diseases (especially fucked up considering the diminished medicinal abilities of the time)
>fuckin murdering innocent children to make a point to a king about pride, even though presumably God was the one that made him prideful
>condemning the Pharaoh's army to a watery grave even though they were simply following orders in order to feed their own families

Even if you didn't want your children to be sacrificed on a whim from God you still had to slaughter and spread the entrails of an innocent baby sheep. Hardly compelling protagonist material.

God wasn't the protagonist for one

Moses is literally just a proxy for God.

THUS SAITH THE LORD

God was a dick in the Old Testament. He mellows down after fucking Mary and cucking Joseph. Cucking was the last dick thing he ever did.

Can we get a "Cuckold's Bible Anthology"?

>God
>good guy
God threw satan into Hell for loving him to much, God has always been the villain.

Why was he so determined to have the slaves freed, then?

>the slaves were Jews
>1000s of years later the Jews run the world into the ground
God plays the long game user

More like "Why the fuck Dreamworks thought it was a good idea to make the Old Testament a film for children ?"

after God has a kid he became more chill like most parents

The moral of the story is "do not fuck with my chosen peeps or I'll send somebody to work my will and bring the holy smackdown of your asses".

Remeber Sodem? Only good people living there were escorted out by angels while the city was hit by somekind of almighty nuke.

Of those good people, two were father rapers, one was a drunk, and one was killed on the spot for turning around to see what all the ruckus was

Pretty much.
The OT was really fucked up.

Remember the time one of the biblical heroes cut off two hundred dicks?
Or that Samson went out and casually murdered hundreds everyday?

It was a different time

I think that was David, who went out and got a metric fuckton of foreskins to convince a king to let him marry his daughter.

>God threw satan into Hell for loving him to much, God has always been the villain.
>Things that aren't in the Bible
That's just Milton

Who counted all of them?

You know God, knew how this story would start and finish a few million years ago, right?

A cocky guy

Remember when the pharaoh decided that the descendants of the guy who saved Egypt from starvation were getting a bit too numerous, and the best solution was enslaving them and having his soldiers chop up their kids?

God remembered, I bet.

Guilt by association is okay when God does it.

>Moses I'ma need you to set the slaves free
>aight no problem, I'm his adopted brother and the one guy who knows how best to talk to him, I'll go to him and reasonably point out the massive inequalities that exists between masters and slaves and see if I can't make him see things our way--
>NO, demand he relinquish his traditional workforce with a five-syllable sentence and transform your stick into snake to threaten him with

>He seriously thinks that Moses freeing the Israelites was about slavery being wrong

Nigga.

After they take Israel they go on to keep slaves themselves, with Moses and God laying down rules for how to do it and what people you can take as slaves.

God wanted the Jews let go because the Jews were his chosen people who are more important and special than other human beings. It has nothing to do with the principle of the thing.

God left this confusion on purpose, so that you would ask this question, and receive an answer.

The purpose of doing things in this way is so that both the Egyptians and the Israelites would become aware of the power of God, which is the only way that anyone can succeed, or live.

"Exodus 9:16 But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

To make a point.

It's that simple.

We need to keep in mind that God isn't Superman. God isn't meant to only embody contemporary ideals of fairness and justice. Ours or anyone else's. There are points to be made about that, sure, but a lot of times it goes beyond that.

And judging by all the almost, indirect and outright child murder, we're not always meant to feel warm and fuzzy about the point God is trying to make.

If we buy into the idea of God at all, we must also understand that He is all powerful, all knowing, and that any justice or fairness you find on Earth is brief, if not ultimately insignificant in God's time line. He is beyond life and death, and all that shit was part of a much bigger plan.

tl;dr maybe they got a coupon in the afterlife for being such good sports about the murder by miracle thing?

One word: Bathsheba

Because he can. God was still learning how to be a good father to humanity just like humans were learning to be good children. He had us too young, it's hard being a single dad

I guess the uncountable millions of lifeforms (animals, humans, pre-human primates, dinosaurs etc) that came before don't count as his 'children'?

>tl;dr maybe they got a coupon in the afterlife for being such good sports about the murder by miracle thing?

Didn't Hebrew not have a defined concept of an afterlife at that point? That's what I read somewhere, anyway, could be wrong.

>Samson
Samson is great. The last thing he does with his life is a murder-suicide, because he wants revenge for having his eyes poked out (which probably isn't the worst reason really).

He uses his superpowers one final time to collapse the temple he was being held in, where everyone had brought their families to watch him perform, killing himself and everyone their in the process. It is said that in death, he killed more people than he had his entire life... And he was the guy who beat to death an entire army with just the jawbone of an ass!

He was basically a drunken, glory seeking asshole, who used his powers for whatever he felt just because he could.

A his wedding, he gave the groomsmen an unsolvable riddle, and said if they can solve it he'll give them all new clothes. So the they threaten his wife, and get her to ask him for the answer to the riddle.

Samson tells her and she tells them, but he knows they cheated, so he goes out and kills a bunch of other Philistines, steals their clothes and gives them to groomsman.

Samson is still pissed off about them cheating, so he abandons the wedding and goes to stay at his dad's house. Later he goes to his father-in-law's house who tells him that Samson is such an angry dick who abandoned his wife on their wedding night that he gave her to another man and they are now married.

He then tells Samson the he'll let him marry one of her sisters instead, but this pisses Samson again. So he goes out and catches 300 foxes and ties them together, lights them on fire and sends them into town where they burn down all the Philistines crops.

The Philistines are upset, and they blame Samson's would-be father-in-law for giving his wife to another man, and so they murder him, the wife and husbanded, by lighting their houses on fire. This pisses off Samson more so goes on a murder spree, killing everyone in town.

That's basically his life, causing destruction and being really pissed off. He's the Hulk, basically.

There's only one thing on earth really worthy of having as children:

White people

Old Testament God is really shitty that way and has no issue with playing favourites. The Joseph story kind of shows how shitty and unfair he is by having humans do the same shit but at the same time the narrative says Jacob is in the right for driving his family apart by playing favourites. The problem with the bible is that a lot of the narrative only makes sense if you accept that God by nature of being God is always in the right

Fuck, he even spoke in puns.

>With an ass's jawbone I have made asses of them!
>With an ass's jawbone I've killed thousands of men!

>god

Those were all the actions of the demiurge

Did God once torture some poor old dude to prove that his people would stay loyal to him no matter what? Killed his son, gave him the plague or some shit, etc just because someone was talkin shit.

Job got better. After that shit he got more dosh, a better pad AND a new, cooler wife and children.

See? God does happy endings.
>But Job's first family-
HAPPY. ENDING.

protagonist=/=saint

>No series of Dreamworks Biblical movies culminating in an animated Book of Revelations

If history is any hint, god really, really, really hates Hebrews.

God is a loose cannon who doesn't play by the rules. Especially not His own rules.

You takin' some sort of census, OP? This is a nice human population you got here. Shame if something were to happen to it.

technically God allowed Satan to fuck him instead of fucking Job up Himself

Eh, it'd get boring as shit around the time Jesus showed up.

I thought they had Sheol, does that only become a concept in King David's time?

Discussing religion on Sup Forums is the worst possible mistake you can make in your day

I thought the visual story-telling of this movie was quality. The lighting, framing and positioning of the characters were all top notch.
For example, I loved the shot when Pharaoh was proclaiming the importance of maintaining the empire and the camera cuts to this hard, two-dimensional wide shot, the characters are black silhouetted profiles against a detailed background of city and statues. It looks like a hieroglyph. Deliciously the same shot appears again when Moses goes back to Ramses and he parrots his father's lesson and you see his statue next to his father's and he's built it just a little bit bigger. Ramses of course brags about his empire/city being even "greater" than his father's.

The music was a surprising sour spot for me. Half of each song was great and half trash. eg I liked the menace and sultriness of "Playing with the Big Boys" but the main refrain of" Playing with the Big Boys/Playing with the Big Boys" was repetitive and tedious. I liked the dual harmonies of the female voices in When You Believe but I found Through Heaven's Eyes cringey. etc

If God is all powerful he cannot be all good

It was a bet!! Like humans never bet on anything. And guess who won that bet? It wasn't Satan!
>Job?
Ahahaha, haahahahahaha... No.

try and and say that with a straight face after getting your dick caught in your zipper

>Why was he so determined to have the slaves freed, then?

Because the Jews were his pet project.

If God was against slaves on principle then why did he instruct the Jews he freed on how to keep them?

I like how the Angel of Death appears out of a transdimensional portal from space.

Depends on the day

Besides, everyone knows the worst mistake you can make is sleeping with an African hooker

Job as a story is pretty fucking interesting for the sheer concept of God and Satan shooting the shit and making bets. I get the chills picturing Satan sneaking in amongst the other angels and basically being like "Yo God these humans ain't shit, fuck humans dude. Let me prove how shit they are."

Vietnamese but yeah

I was amazed it only garnered a "G"-rating. Like parents would want to put five year old Sally in front of infant drowning, infant genocide (through soldiers), infant genocide (through god), whipping slaves, starvation, diseased skin, a river of blood, mass drownings, etc and leave the room without explaining it.

"aliens built the pyramids confirmed" was my first thought

The whole point of the movie is that God was trying to bring the Egyptian gods to heel. Remember, God didn't do anything against the Pharaoh, even though it would be the most obvious solution. Why?

It's because the Pharaoh is a true believer in the Gods of Egypt. God can't touch him, because he's already favored by another pantheon. He has to work through Moses, and he HAS to get the Pharaoh to back down by metaphysically dick-slapping him into submission.

Moses doesn't have any control of the miracles at all. He's just told to do this, then that, then horrible fucking things happen. As far as I know, Moses was no sorcerer or priest, he was just some dude.

The entire point of the Exodus of Egypt was to BTFO the Egyptian Gods.

God had power over Pharaoh, after like the 3rd or 4th plague he was ready to let the Jews go but God hardened his heart to change his mind.

this more or less, it's like asking why Batman doesn't kill Joker. God is fighting an ideological war, he's metaphysically executing the Egyptian gods through the process of the plagues

I never bought the whole 'God hardened the Pharaoh's heart' bit, because it seems counterproductive. Like, that's just being a dick for no real reason.

Also, don't Pharaohs have divine blood?

"hardened his heart" is a phrase we think we understand more than we actually do, it's more complex than corrupting Pharoah's will, it's more like Pharoah reacting to God in a certain way. Jews understood this, which is why other scriptures simultaneously claim that God hardened Pharoah's heart and also that Pharoah hardened his own heart, and also that Moses hardened Pharoah's heart

the best way to explain it to a modern day English speaker would be to tell them to pretty much equate it to the phrase "you made me angry". Of course the other person isn't reaching into your brain and forcing you to be mad, you're describing how you reacted to a person's actions

see
He needed to keep the plagues going until the end.

God wasn't done proving his point. At that moment Pharaoh wasn't a person, he was an example. If the goal were as simple as "I want Pharaoh to listen to me" then God could have just thrown him into a whale or something.

>Also, don't Pharaohs have divine blood?
They thought he did, but the Lord went out of his way to disprove that theory and shit all over the Egyptian pantheon to separate the true God from the pretenders.

From the Old Testament's point of view, what were the Egyptian Gods anyway? This movie makes them out to be literally smoke and mirrors, but that's bullshit. The Egyptian priests DID have magic powers. The point was that the powers Moses got from God were way better; not that the power of the Gods of Egypt was a total hoax.

So who was backing them? Whose power they invoking to perform their miracles? Demons? Satan?

egyptian priest bullshit could have been some weird hermit science stuff, at least some of it. ancient people knew way more shit than we give them credit for, look up greek fire sometime

Naw man no amount of hermit science is going to turn a staff into a snake. That's some wild nanomachine shit that I'm not prepared to give anybody credit for just yet.

A strange thing happens as you read the bible. During the beginning Yaweh is the most powerful of the Gods, but other Gods exist and Jews can only worship Yaweh. As the bible progresses that changes and Yaweh becomes the Only real God. Of course, why in the beginning there were other Gods and where they got their power isn't explained.

1. feed snake weird hermit drugs to sedate it
2. slide snake into tube of imitation wood
3. go showboat in front of Pharoah, subtly cover imtiation wood in dissolving chemical that doesn't harm snake skin idfk
4. wood dissolves, pissed off snake writhes around

abra kadabra

either that or they were fucking around with quantum sorcery or communing with demons, maybe a healthy portion of all three

Yahweh's interactions with various Biblical champions is representative of the Spirit of Reality coaxing men out of their wood-hut polytheistic beliefs and gradually opening their mind to the abstract notion of one invisible deity that's the master of time and space

Personally, I think they really had magic and they really had gods. But the Gods were old, tired and bloated where Yahweh was young, dynamic and ready to fuck shit up. Once it became clear that they weren't willing to stop the scourging of Egypt, that was the end of the Egyptian pantheon.

Yeah the Bible is very vague on some points. Like when Adam and Eve get evicted from Paradise, they find other people already set up outside the Garden. Where did these people come from? Did God make them on the sly before the apple? Or on the fly right after? Just how old are Adam and Eve if they're some of the earliest creations, but we've got a whole other group of people already established outside of the Garden?

>Personally, I think they really had magic and they really had gods.

I'll say that I'm not going to rule anything out, I certainly don't know enough to be super firm in disagreement to that

>they find other people already set up outside the Garden.

I thought it mentioned other people for the first time when Cain starts wandering the Earth, not when Adam and Eve are evicted

It's a continuity error

Biblical scholarship makes it blatantly obvious that the the earlier bible texts consider other gods to be completely real.

This is also where the retarded "God hardened Pharaoh's heart" plothole.

It was obviously intended to be the Gods of Egypt who hardened his heart.

literally none of this true, correlating with other texts totally disproves the second thing you said and the first thing requires a pinch of non-literalistic thinking

Yaweh is an aspect of Baal gone rogue who then tells everyone Baal is evil to cover his tracks. Early bibles interchangeably used Baal and God's other names, apparently.

I thought the claim was that early God in the Bible was Dagon rather than Baal

this has actually been a pretty nice religious discussion

Eh, i just stumbled on "early bibkes called god baal" a few days ago while looking at other shit. Ain't no expert on this, but the biblical God seems to definately be derived from a different tradition.

We are not discussing religion just the events in the bible

Huh, I remember reading about a similar theory that He was initially Dagon, but it was based on a more nuanced reading of current edition scripture instead of an early bibles claim

Because every plague was an opportunity for the Egyptians to stop going full retard and release the Jews. If you can't learn, you get used to teach.

God is a world class asshole that creates suffering for the lulz

Oh, don't forget that in the end he will send most of mankind into the fiery abyss of hell and only allow a few thousand people into heaven for the sole purpose of stroking his ego for all eternity.

Depending on the sect, all heaven spots may already be taken.

Yaweh is a curious Egregore, however It cannot be determined whether it is the Origin or Not.
Due to the point of its ego flaws and sins of personality, that raises this inquiry.

The Great Unity, The forgiving father of Yeshua Ben Yosef cannot be a creature that has little empathy toward its fellow creations.

>be God
>create many major religions and religious texts on Earth
>only one of them grants you eternal happiness while others eternal torrent


What did God mean by this?

If grandma's peach tea is urine, God cannot be all good

God vs entire Egyptian pantheon. Who wins?

>all the philosophical implication of there being no God and whether God is good
>Sup Forums picks out inconsistencies with side characters

Ah, so he's just feeding His almighty ego

That's the problem with the "Singular X is God" theory.

God is a Collective Unity of All Things, which allows it to be all things, and one thing simulataeonsly. It also allows for clauses of seperation.

Example, I am a fractured piece of the Collective Unity, and so are you. Let's say I am wicked, and you are good. You could say "Ah! Then by your wickedness, God is wicked!"

Thats where the seperation clause comes from "It is not the Fractured Portion of the Collective Unity that is wicked, is it the Flesh it is contained within!"

Therefore all things within the Collective Unity can be their own thing, while at the same time The Collective Unity being everything, yet being singular at the same time.

It's really confusing to take in at first.

Egyptian pantheon. The egyptian belief was that the stuff in the afterlife will continue to exist as long as people say their names and they are remembered .They have won by simply being remembered.

Of note, is that the Egyptian pantheon is closer to the holy trinity than to other pantheons. The Egyptians recognized that there was a single powerful force behind all the gods, but chose to worship it's aspects separately instead of THE god.

Because this didn't change that much

All is one, one is all.

The White Light when shone through a Prism breaks into many colors. Each color is an extension of White, and will return to White once the Prism is removed.

Sometimes the light coming out of the Prism is flawed, due to chips or internal flaws of the Prism. That's okay, that doesn't mean that the colored light is flawed, it just means that the means in which it manifests itself is, and should be fixed.

Even if it can't, it's only temporary.

You are the fractured light manifested, not the Prism.

The MPAA is literally run in part by Jewish and Christian clergy. I think they gave it a pass because they saw religious and moral value in it and wanted it to be as accessible as possible.

Just speculation of course.

Nah, the way that it's supposed to work is that everyone dies and remains dead until the apocalypse happens, then everyone is brought back to fight in a huge worldwide war. At the end, Jesus stands in judgement over individuals based on how they lived their lives. Only those that are perfect are allowed to enter heaven. Everyone else goes to hell.

Most churches don't teach this because the Christian religion has been twisted and contorted to suit later cultures that 'converted' to Christianity. Telling people that there is a 99.9999% chance that they and everyone they love will go to hell no matter how much lipservice they play to god or how much priest balls they lick, is really counterproductive toward getting people to believe so that they can convert and the priests won't have dry balls.

>Omnipotent
>Still learning

Uh huh

So really the only people left who preach Christianity aren't really Christians. Just trying to get blown?

Because the plagues of Egypt are just describing the results of a toxic algae bloom and god is a cunt and also is probably not real/had nothing to do with it.