Travelled hundreds of miles across middle earth surviving on nothing but rations of elf bread

>travelled hundreds of miles across middle earth surviving on nothing but rations of elf bread
>still fat
explain

it was a movie, not real

he had buddy stew with taters

Hundred of miles is not that, much elf bread is enough for a few days.

He fed on Frodo's cum and poop logs too. You'd know that if you read the books.

Like the majority of overweight people, he probably just had some type of glandular issue or genetics that contribute to him being overweight.

bread makes you fat

He was always stuffing his face when Frodo wasn't looking, it was a huge plot point when Gollum caught him. Pay more attention.
Next you're going to tell me you don't know Elessar's tax policy.

when you are starving your body breaks down muscle first and then fat

amazing bait not gonna lie.

He forgot to skip the elf's bread

thanks, was hoping for more (You)s by now though

could he have asked gandalf to cast a spell to make him thin as a quest reward?

Why didn't the eagles fly them to Mount Doom?

Why didn't they fly the eagles to Mount Doom?

gandalf wasn't a magician

fuck you, all the fat people I know have amazing calfs to carry their own weight over the years, which is why he could picked up Frodo, the ring and hiked up Mt Doom

BECAUSE THE FLIGHT PLAN HE FILED WITH THE EAGLES LISTS ME, FRODO, SAMWISE HERE BUT ONLY ONE OF YOU. FIRST ONE TO RESIST THE RING GETS TO STAY ON MY EAGLE

the eagles would've taken the ring form themselves and be like a super powerful bird demon or some shit to terrorize the realm

this, and also the aforementioned glandular issue.

They didn't feel like it. Gandalf knew what they were like so he didn't even bother.

go back 2 reddit

gandalf is a fire wizard, he could've help him burnsome of the fat

Why didn't Feanor just tell Morgoth to fuck off?

He did. He even slammed his door in Morgoth's face.

would have been worth seeing

I've heard quibbles about his policy, what are they? Asking for a friend.

pfft he's a charlatan. in the whole story the only spells he manages to cast are Hold Portal and Make Magic Fire

I think they explaind that lembas is really nutritious and they had a fuckton of it. Also soup made of potatoes.

>lived in the wilderness for half a year and traveled hundreds of miles on foot
>still fat

Explain.

>hypothyroidism isn't real

Open a book every once in a while.

Someone post the Feanor pasta

t. fatty

Flat tax for men. Low taxes for (((elves)))

He had second breakfast and late lunch.

they stole lots of snacks

that makes you skinny, I have it

you have HYPERthyroidism then

...

which is just as bad because you'll never be able to get any gains in the gym, no matter how much you eat or lift

t. your local 110lb 5'3 manlet :(

you mean the minority of fat people, right?

Reminder Tolkien was super liberal

They were body on an away game against the 49ers.

diverse lotr remakes when?

>what are the lotr movies for 50 alex

BREAD MAKES YOU FAT!?!?

no way one of those giant eagles could've fit that ring on their talons

Have you seen Sauron's sausage fingers?

And he wore that ring OVER HIS ARMOR, ON THE OUTSIDE OF HIS GAUNTLET

The real shocking part is that somehow it stayed on Frodo's finger without being held in place

PO
TAY
TOES

BOIL

>buddy
go away dumb phoneposter

The Ring always fits the bearer, silly

Because the Nazgul would've crashed the eagles
with no survivors

>muh hormone issues are so severe they violate the laws of thermodynamics

count your calories, fattie

what if the bearer doesn't have fingers?

It just needs a limb that's long and uniformly wide enough to put a ring on it.

He scored high in Costitution but not in Strenght.

...

Why didn't they just take the ring across the sea to the Undying Lands so gods more powerful than Sauron could just blow up the ring?

What part of "can only be destroyed from whence it came" do you not understand, nigga?

he had big bones

You're telling me gods are less powerful than the fires of Mount Doom?

Is Mount Doom the most powerful entity in the LotR universe?

Magic was used to create the ring in the fires of Mount Doom. The fires can destroy it, not because Mount Doom is magic or otherwise special, but because the fire is one of the ring's material components.

they don't want the ring there, the valar are the most incompetent entities in the entire lotr universe, they fuck up at every turn, I don't think they have ever done anything right

if something really has to be fixed eru does it himself, if the ring went to valinor they would find some stupid reason to keep it around and the place would implode

One small nibble is supposed to fill your stomach and the Hobbits were taking huge chunks for every meal, the real question is how frodo stayed so thin.

>Next you're going to tell me you don't know Elessar's tax policy.
kek

>Create Flame, Hold Portal.
He casts Light a few times too.

Possibly Prestigidation for firework and smoke effects.

You're really missing user's point. Their bait wasn't framed around the idea that such things don't exist.

frodo is a round little shit in the books, he almost had a heart attack crossing the shire to buckland with light baggage

>He scored high in Costitution but not in Strenght.
Wisdom too, imo

Kek

>frodo is a round little shit in the books, he almost had a heart attack crossing the shire to buckland with light baggage
The books make the point that he slimmed down a lot in his travels and barely looked hobbit like at all.

The same is said of Bilbo in the hobbit I think.

That would led to an increase in taxes!

So, OP can't use it then

shurr th LOAD

Eh, the valar are mostly dumbasses, but Ulmo was a bretty cool guy. Gave Tuor some armor and showed him the way to Gondolin. If it wasn't for that Elrond's dad never would have turned into a star.

Tale of tales, Tolkien was king.
People disregard the story because "mu celtic mythology, mu language, so we got black and white cheap story"
But he did cook some awesome stuff.

>frodo is a round little shit in the books

He's constantly described as being thinner and taller and fairer than most Hobbits...

this.

but what the fuck else am i supposed to eat

he did actually lose a little weight IIRC

I like based Orome literal viking god more.

White bread

white ppl ruin everything smdh

Seeds, nuts, almonds, etc
Non sugary fruit

carbs, not even once

I love this

I see people complain about losing weight, but shit putting it on when you want it is so much more work. I don't understand how people can get xbox size without making a real effort of it

eat more calorie dense food, fried food will make you full in no time but shit like nuts and milk are pretty dense and you can stuff your face no problem

>actors didn't actually starve themselves
wow hackson

In the book they regularly comment on how much weight they've lost

>than most hobbits
Hobbits primary activity is eating

This, I weigh 120 pounds and want to put on some weight to get /fit/ but eating more than like 1500 calories a day in healthy foods is a challenge

Eat lots of fat and never exercise

We should shove a power cord up your ass and we'd have infinite energy. It's that simple.

MAGIC MUST DEFEAT MAGIC

>gods
>s
There's only one God in LOTR doofus

order giant pizzas

lotr is based on norse mythology not christian mythology. Eru is the patriarch, the top god, but he's more Zeus than Yahweh, all those guys in the sillmarillion are considered gods or demigods until you get down to beasts and mortals, even wizards are gods. daily reminder that the book never once describes the "maiar" or "valar" as some sort of lesser angel, theyre described like norse gods are, with powers of their own and everything.

>lotr is based on norse mythology not christian mythology
You're wrong though. Like, actually, demonstrably wrong.
>The Lord of the Rings is of course a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision.

genetics of course

LOTR conclusively proves obesity is genetics and no ammount of work and effort can cure it. /fit/fags eternally BTFO.