Meanwhile....at the Legion of Doom

Meanwhile....at the Legion of Doom.

LUTHOR! LUTHOR! I NEED SOME HELP BUDDY! I'm being sued by a bus driver.

if it aint terlets er boilers, scruffy's on break

How do we stop the Inauguration?

We can't. bizzaro lex has done the unthinkable

Well, I just deposited my monthly membership fee.

And think someone's been snooping around my escort house again, I'm gonna kill 'em if I see 'em.

Not to mention that it's against Legion policy, we don't want another Watergate on out hands.

What ISIS is doing in Europe on an almost daily basis is blowing us out of the water.
We need to be on top again.
All in favor of Sandy Hook 2.0?

Did any of you had anything to do with the death of Bob Morton's actor?

agreed, that was just unbarable.

Also why did we choose such a shitty location to meet up every weekend?

And I just got my financial reports from my secretary, looks like profits relating to escort services went up 300% and weapons sales went up by 1200% due to the holidays.

We tried something like that already, it got Dr. Nefarious demoted to scrub duty for 6 months.

It wasn't me, I got receipts and surveillance putting me at a completely different location.

Because we keep losing out other locations due to idiocy.

We can't even meet in lex's mansion or something like that? I mean come on WE'RE THE BEST VILLIANS IN THE WORLD AND WE ARE HIDING OUT IN A FUCKING SWAMP

Yeah, Lex barred other locations he's associated with from hosting Legion meetings due to that debacle Grundy caused and that whole incident with the bear, Batmen, a horny War Grok.

who?

[from down the hall]

SHITTERS CLOGGED!

Hi everyone, I couldn't help but notice that you have this, what is it you call it, Legion of Doom? That's suspiciously close to the name of my original villain group, the Dark Legion. I think it's pretty clear you stole the concept from my unique and original idea, and if you'd like to continue using your "Legion of Dark" or whatever it is you tried rebranding it as, then I'm entitled significant royalties. You have 90 days to cut me a check or my legal team will have to take action.

Thanks, have a way past cool day!

Parody laws, fair use, etcetera, etcetera...

Lookie here, Dan Panders or whatever-the-hell-your-name-is... If you don't want to end up with half of you face clawed off, both of of your kidneys surgically removed, a fatal amount of spinal fluid siphoned out of your body, and your foot replaced with a horse hoof you'll leave us alone and never darken our hallways with your ego ever again.

Well, we could do the first bit or we could stick you into an inescapable room with your choice of torture...

>Robotic Richard Simmons
>A moose eating walnuts
>A War Grok that's been sexually deprived for 6 months.
>It's A Small World playing in the background in an endless loop.
>A towel
>Gilbert Gottfried reading the "50 Shades" series of books.
>A Bluetooth stereo system playing every piece of Vogon poetry ever collected.
>A game of baseball with a young boy and his forest friends

SOMEBODY CALL THE CABIN BOY!

I'll see you in court

Pal, I ain't human. Whatever judicial court you try to sue me in isn't going to do jack shit to me and laugh you outta court. And if they do, I have The Mouse's lawyers on my side.

Oh, and I heard one my kin brutally mauled your lawyer to death. Better find a new one!

Buddy, you don't want to go down that road. We're one of the most powerful group of villains in the universe. Our membership of course contains all of the best lawyers.

Excuse me, please refrain from speaking directly to my client

Hey, is this where I have to go register as a sex offender?

TWO can play at this game! Remove yourself from these premises!

Do you validate parking?

Oh, sorry. Of course. Please step inside and speak to the receptionist.

Has anyone seen that net lying around? I swear if one of you has used it in the bathroom...

Who is this asshole?

The time for this meeting was moved at the last second and NOBODY INFORMED ME!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?

at least YOU are treated as a villian, unlike me who's only known for climbing anything

Have you tried, I dunno, doing something that isn't climbing things?

AHA! I've got the creep on camera!

If anyone sees a orange chick with white hair and a piece of jasper for a nose, let me know!

I think someone has it out for you.

Either that or your holo-mail provider is marking our new address as spam.

Have you considered turning into a robot? It has a lot of benefits.

Don't listen to this clod, you rust if you stand in the rain.
Become undead instead, literally no downsides unless you have a particular attachment to your flesh.

I can't do anything but climb things, its my super power, backstory, story arc and future.

will it help me climb faaster?

That's what anti-rust coating is for, you moron!

Bah, the only thing worse than a organic squishy is a rotting organic squishy that doesn't stay dead!


Why of course. It will be able to climb ten time better than your fragile squishy body. And then you can wreck terror into the minds of your enemies and RIP THEM TO PIECES!

What?! There's now way that could be...wait...oh, there it is. Why was it in the Spam folder to begin with!?

LAAAAAWREEENCE!!!

Dreadfully sorry, sir. But last Tuesday you mentioned you wanted to be left alone for your recent experiments and that I should make sure no email would interrupt you.

I'd suggest to be a bit more specific next time around.

Yes yes, I'm sure your fancy little toys do all sorts of things so long as you keep prodding them.
Magic will always be the superior discipline.

....

Spooky.

This meeting is already starting to suck. I wish I was back home climbing anything

So, you make it with Harley before you blew up?

No, I was not able to climb into her

Odd, I've seen her take plenty of knots. For free even.

IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTA, BUG, I THINK YOU'D BE IMPLYING SOMETHIN!

...

BITE ME YOU CLOWN COLLEGE REJECT!

>Another orange bitch with off-white hair and yellow eyes stops by my doorstep.
>She's skinny as hell, unlike the one that I caught snooping around my base. She also has a piece of jasper on her nave instead of her nose.
>Asks me if I'm employing displaced Gems.
>Employ her because I know a few people that are into that sort of thing.

Well, I suppose that's good for business...

>She says other Gems want to work for my company.
>turns out there was an army of Gems right beside my base also looking for work.

Goddamn it, I HAVE to get better security.

I'd give you a rimshot, but my War Grok broke my drum set.

SMILE FOR THA CAMERA, GRUESOME!

...

I despise clowns....

I see to have accidentally injected myself with Clown DNA.
Any pie throwing or bad jokes I apologize in advance prior.

Lookin good kiddo!

And you look, tolerable.
Why aren't you a grunge poster mascot with Will Smith and an eyesore anymore?

Was a phase. A bad one. It's bad enough I gotta dress like a brats doll for Justice Hero School or something.

SHAKARA!

Good riddens to that hot mess.
Why does a supervillain need to attend school? I only need to because I'm 4.

Anyone down to commit some CRIMES on Kansas day? We could shop lift and listen to "Carry on Wayword Son"

Eh, the royalty checks, mainly.

It's like I always say to Luan, clowning around doesn't pay.

... When did you become a girl, Dexter.

I SLAMMED MY PENIS IN A CAR DOOR FOR FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT

A lifetime of inbreeding and eugenics.
It's the natural result when your predecessors breed like rabbits.

Thats Metal

Don't worry, there's a giant condom behind that desk over there.

HEY YOU'RE NOT A RABBIT!

Is Lucy eight teen yet?

Oh yeah? Prove it ding-along.

You win this time....

ALL I WANT ARE PANTS

A DECENT PAIR OF PANTS

She's 8 but not a teen.
Why?

Tell no one, but so truth but the truth my furry whiskers say.

Goth girls give me lava boners.

You're in luck.
She seems to have mutated into Whore status as of late.

THAT'S NOT GOTH AT ALL!

They grow up so fast.

... Don't you be eyeing my grape fruits.

I, uh...

... Something tells me dis ain't da convention hall.

Dat's friggin right. Prepare for trouble, know what I'm sayin?

I GOT YOUR BANANA, RIGHT HERE! POOM! YEAAAA-HA-HA!

I'm hungry okay?

Didn't you have thanksgiving with some lesbian space-aunts?

.....

hey kid, want some candy?

Well, Legion, it's time to learn about the birds and the bees.

Why do you do the gay dinosaur hand thing, are you a Homosexual Zorak?

Creepy.

I saw your space-butt!

I'm actually a mantis. And...its...evil hand wringing. Mr. Burns from the Simpsons stole it from me.

Hey, what are yuh doin', Legion, or what?

>there are no fruit pies

he doesnt like you

I see. Very menacing, I feel as if I'm about to be talked into a clyde's dale calendar sale near a macy's parade to death.
And didn't know you and that turkey went back.

Never met him until the Simpsons dude was on the show. Also, it's a mantis thing. Mantises look like they're always praying. Hence the name.

Are you religious, what's Mantis jesus like?

mantis jesus was a worthy foe, until i blasted that fool

I never get grilled with questions. I kind of like it. No, us mantid aliens don't follow a religion.

Don'tcha have a kid to shove down some stairs, old man? At least I killed my self-righteous counterpart.

Nah, just messin' with ya. I'm sure it broke 'ol Barry's heart.

the pizza has arrived, decepticons
someone foolishly ordered the Hawaiian pizza, if you confess now, i will show mercy by not ripping your optics out
the rest of the loyal minions may share from the pepperoni pizza

Barry's a menace. Yuh got me so fahr? A no-good hero, who made holocaust ackshully real! Okay? Obviously, I've got some histawhy tuh rewind, which is why I'm practicin' dis lovely gangstuh accent. Yuh got me so fahr? Doan yuh love old gangstuh movies, or what? Dey are sawht of a relic in de 25th century, can't imagine if dey survived furthuh than dat.

I'm flattered by your commitment to non-belief.

But that means you don't get Space Ghost Christmas presents doesn't it?

I knew it!

The last gift I gave Space Ghost was an ejector seat.

Is that so? Next trip I take back to the 30th century I'll go peruse the holo-records.

Might help with strikin' a deal with those loser Rogues again if they can look past certain... transgressions.

That sounded like an oddly sexual euphemism.

Hey guys can i join your legion of doom? Huh? Huh? Huh?

A-a-and, I'm back from the lovely year of 1933. Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE all those pesky "fixed points in time"? How would killing FDR, of all nuisances, would ever stop the distinguished line of Thawnes from existing!?

On that note, they called my accent fake, can you believe it? Luckily, nobody cares about some american shmucks erased from history in 1933. Buncha wackos and whores.