Coming in for the Thursday night premiere, eh user? What would you and your gf like?

Coming in for the Thursday night premiere, eh user? What would you and your gf like?

You DO have a gf, right? I can't let you get away with violating company policy again, haha

Other urls found in this thread:

soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

One crab leg please

I'm covered bro, thanks.

Listen here BOY, I've had it up to my fucking ears with your pathetic Negro whining. Now get me a large soda pop and a few shower coupons and I won't have to tell the cops about the drugs stashed in your car. Comprende?

Sooo...Something I thought about. We always mention the no singles policy. Is that referring to no-one without a girlfriend/boyfriend, or no one without someone else with them like a friend to go to the kinoplex with?

A single as in nobody is with you. Doesn't have to be a girlfriend or boyfriend. The only people who can't be your partner are parents, but even this depends on locale and redeemable gbp.

Please leave.

Exactly! So, who is your companion?

Coming right up!

Is that outside food? I'm afraid I'll have to escort you out as well

O-o-of course Robert, she's in the bathroom.

J-Jules, help me out here! Be my companion for this movie!

No way, man!

Kinoplex Diary
The air carried the oily vapor from the leaking butter crevasses shinning like a sea of dying stars in the light of our headlamps. The usual virgin walk of the newer boys became crawls as they moved around the mine; I would have laughed like the veterans did but knew that it would have been me on the ground too if it had not been my 183rd day down there. I already paid my dues the countless times when I fell on my ass in the early days in spots that were much more matte than what we were on that day. It was all second nature to me now, eventually I could have tap danced on the butter down there if I had someone to do it with.
Those laughs died just as soon as they started. Natural butter leaks meant only one thing: summer was there, the awful days as I'd heard. Popcorn production doubled in the summer to meet the demand for the hundreds of thousands of normies from all over the spectrum who had to watch the latest blockbuster flicks. We had to feed the free high school and college kids, the work friends, the families, everyone but the people like us. Getting that shit isn’t like getting the peanuts they serve at baseball games, it doesn’t grow on trees. But the grueling months of hard work that would break our bodies down to stiff mush after each shift was not what made us glance through the still darkness toward the elevator doors. I could feel it too even though it was my first summer, I couldn’t tell if I was sweating or if butter residue was melting on face and my intestines felt like they were being squeezed by someone with way more than just two hands.
“If it be summer and you can tell if yer shit’ll be a log or gravy, lumpy or smooth, and your face feels like a projector bulb after Lawrence of Arabia then you’re damn sure you’ve got The Dread, boy.”

I have my mom with me. Does that count?

What is your theater policy on falcons?

That's what the 72 year-old virgin who has been in the mine since his 19th birthday told me a few weeks before all of this. Back then the manlet cut-off was only 5’4” and you could be a virgin as long as you had not been single for at least three months before your visit to the kinoplex. We all knew that the Chads were coming today.
“Sorry, but I must ask what is going on here?” said a concerned familiar voice that broke through the tense silence.
There he stood, just a few yards from me, his face illuminated by the headlights of the miners who turned toward the sound of his voice. He wore that familiar smile even on what seemed to be his sterner self, bright and welcoming, a smile that said “Enjoy the movie. Please come again”. It was Robert.
“Sirs, I cannot go back up there and tell my superiors that you are not doing your very best here. Must I remind you that popcorn outputting must double from summer solstice to autumnal equinox?” he continued.
“Hey, Rob!” I couldn’t help exclaiming through the silence of the others. “Robert! It’s me!”

>show up alone
>What would you and your gf like?
Put some more thought in your post next time.

Nicely done.

Sure! For today.

Falcons must be released only after the first preview. Before that and they try to stage a coup. After that and no one gets to experience the bird shit showers.

Newfriend detected. Maybe reddit is morr your speed?

More pls

ah classic way to store your girl friend

>logic
>newfriend
the absolute STATE of this board

Thanks for joining us tonight, reddit!

Are the showers mandatory?

You must be new here, sir! Please go to the office to recieve your kino license, get your penis inspection, and register for the theater draft. Have a good day!

We do not accept those forms of storage, sir. Please release her.

Hold on, let me ask Robert.

Hey Robe-wait...what?!

The other guys scattered for their tools and started their search for kernel pods. I stood there, frozen.
“Rob, what are you doing down here?”
He looked almost vexed but kept his smile. Somehow it was still just as genuine.
“Sir, I must continue my inspection of this section of our mine,” he said peering over his crescent lenses as he scribbled into an opened binder thick with paper.
“Employees of the kinoplex socializing with the . . . undesired is strongly prohibitted. Now please, sir, can you go do your work now and allow me to do mine?”
I slung my pickaxe and shovel unto my shoulder with one hand and carried my toolbox in the other.
“Fine, Rob. I’m gonna go now but can you throw a couple of crab legs down ol’ user’s way when you get back up there?”
He stopped a burst of laughter as I let mine out while I trailed behind the crawling newbies through the thickening haze of butter mist.
The sharp echo of a nauseating scream traveled through the tunnels of the mine while I made my way to my group. This was not the scream of a man whose face fell into a rusty rogue anvil or whose toe web slid down the adze of his pickaxe, those were painful. This was agony. I rubbed my soles in dry rock granule, secured my tools and jogged toward the ghastly sound. The tools on my shoulder slammed down on my bones after each leap forward as the ones in the box clinked to the pumping of the heart under my shirt begging me to do a 360 and walk away from the strange sounds of pain ahead but I could not stop. If I could not see kinos on a screen then I must see them in real life when such rare opportunities present themselves.

to be continued... eventually.

Why are you so nice to me after I tried to shit up your thread?

Am I the only one who eats before the movie. Popcorn and soda is so unhealthy with tons of calories. Its delicious though but not that filling so you eat way more than you should. I just avoid it altogether, its the food version of heroin with the price tag of cocaine

Yeah, we've got another single for The Layover!

We're going to need an attendee in the theater with this guy!

...

Bump.

Nigger nigger niggface nigboi

Why don't you just kill me?

Uh? The penis inspector checks your penis and that of your gf, and if both of you don't have residual semen of eachother, you're sent directly to the popcorn mines.

>bumps a thread ten minutes after its last post without contributing anything

Fuck off kid

Bump.

Back!

When incel is...ashes....then you have my permission to die.

I didn't hear that.

Take it easy haha

L-layover?

OP here, this is golden. Nicely done, user. Underrated posts.

Guys I brought my gear. I'm finally read to see the new Blade Runner. I devised a genius plan to get around the no singles policy. Wish me luck boys. If you see me in the popcorn mines we can maybe work together to open the manlet pit and take back the kinoplex
soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex
soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex

Thanks, breh. I know where the story's headed but I've been too lazy to continue.

>that suit
Is he a manager now? Damn Robert is moving up in the world.