Which stories from the Bible would make a kino movie?

Which stories from the Bible would make a kino movie?

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Sodom and Gomorrah. They could film the bulk of the movie in San Francisco

The rise of king david against saul and the annihilation of sauls family

With sequel being bathsheba and rise of his son king solomon and fall of joab

Southland Tales (2006)

150 million budget Book of Job with arthouse direction and transcendent Malick visuals when God answers him out of the whirlwind

Hmmm a disaster porn movie with moral faggotry

The Apostle Paul.

Went from illing Christians to being the most influential person in Christianity.

The one where god sent bears to kill children that called a dude bald

Job

Reminder that Mel Gibson is fighting an epic battle against Hollywood kikery to get his sequel to the Passion about the Resurrection and Ascension of Christ made.

Prophet elisha.

And elijah/elisha movie would be great

So would be one on book of daniel

Leviticus

Already done

Hollywood hates him because he made the most successful independent movie ever made. I think his wife got $400 mil in the divorce.

The one where god sets loose bears on some kids to murder them because they made fun of a dude for being bald

the apostle stories post-jesus
unironically

Someone already said that. Its the prophet elisha.

haha, I hadn't read the thread yet when I posted, but I'm glad someone else had the same thought and worded it almost the same way

I'd love to see some really fucking hot debauchery going on. Not just like "lol we want to have relations with your sons" but going on the full nasty.

the song of songs , a king fucking his wife

I want a Bible based miniseries from Genesis to Revelations that pulls no punches and includes all the stuff they don't tell you in Sunday school (all the cannibalism, incest, and rape). With God voiced by Ian McShane.

How many Children does god murder in the old testament?

This

maybe Exodus.. oh well

They should do the one where god jumps out of a bush to wrestle some guy and loses

why doesnt anyone do the final chapters? the shit with the 7 headed dragon and the other beast looking for the woman would be kino af

Ezekiel

The one where the schizophrenic old man rapes his wife's slave and almost murders his own son.

Not enough.

>slave
>rape

The one where after they leave egypt they rampage through canaan fighting everyone and taking slaves

Unironically, you could make a trilogy out of:

1) David's rise to power, including the stories of Samuel and some of the early stories of David, Jonathan, and Saul
2) David's victory over Saul, rule as king, and Batsheba incident.
3) The Absalom revolt, David's death, and Saul's succession

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The Song of Songs

So the angel basically told her her son will be a total dick?

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You could make a horror movie out of the time God randomly got pissed at Moses and trapped him in a hotel while trying to kill him until his wife circumcised their son and touched his feet with the foreskin.

You mean Solomon. Also how come Solomon succeeded? Didn’t David have sons that came before Solomon?

Yeah, meant Solomon, thanks.

You're right that David had sons prior to Solomon. In 1 Kings chapter 1, there's a story where Bathsheba and the prophet Nathan trick an old and dying David into making Solomon his successor.

The book of revelation. I would love a movie about the literal biblical apocalypse coming over modern day earth.

The time when Jesus got mad at some trees because they didn't have much fruit so he used his god magic to make them wither and die

Either the book of Matthew, Mark Luke or John did that. I don't remember, I haven't read it in a while.

Matthew 21:18

The tree represented Jerusalem.

>we want to have relations with your sons
A. Not sons, angels
B. they wanted to rape them.

Sodom was destroyed because they townsfolk tried to rape angels .

Somehow, the raping angels part isn't the bad part to people, it's the fact that the angels were dudes.

>most influential person in Christianity

Yes, by perverting Jesus' original message.

and the guy said, no don't rape the angles, rape my daughter instead.
The god turned his wife into salt because she glanced back at the destroyed city, he really was a crazy asshole in the old testament. Pretty insane that that book lead to Jews, Christians and Muslims without anyone in power ever saying "this shit is insane, why do we believe this"

t. muzzie

A) Lot wasnt a pattern of conduct himself. Well, he was in city settled by pederasts, but this doesnt say anything much
B) glancing back meant that he missed the old live back in the pentapolis. that was the reason of turning into a statue.

He was fortelling the behavior of the Arabs and was completely correct.

>pederasts
Why do you stick to this?

What about the story of Sodom indicates it was at all against gays? Why isn't trying to rape angels worthy enough of punishment?

I want to see a movie based on those non-canon gospels where Jesus fights dragons and kills annoying kids. Conservative christians will get really triggered:

archive.is/8JJTA

It was against sexual perversion (that is listed later in leviticus) in general

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