Why are newspaper comics so terrible?

Why are newspaper comics so terrible?

Seriously, what does this even mean? Where's the joke?

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safety is needed. If a comic is offensive they blame the paper/site first

The joke is a pun on the Three Dog Night song "One is the loneliest number" by implying that the 1's name is "Juan."

To answer your initial question, not all newspaper comics are terrible, some are absolute top tier. Some papers are just cheap and will only pay for bottom of the barrel creators.

Newspaper comics have to be super inoffensive for their target audience so most of the "jokes" are simple turn of phrases taken literally.

The average age of a newspaper reader is 67.

I have so many questions

I got that bit, but imagine the comic strip exactly the same, except "juan" is replaced with "one". How does the word "juan" add to the joke whatsoever?

It's a statement that no one will ever love freakishly tall lanklets.

The number is like a person, so they gave it a person name.

Mexicans are lonely.

There, you happy?

>that 39 action

i always wanted to make a thread about this.
yeah, why are newspaper comics so boring

Really tangentially related, but did anyone else assign personalities to numbers when they were little? I always saw all the numbers from 1-10 as having their own little characters, like a weird numerical royal court. 10 was the wise king, 5 was his promising young son. 8 was kind of a dick, but his son 4 was pretty cool actually, and his daughter 2 was also nice. The 3's family was decent enough, but 6 was starting to take after 8 in being a dick. There was also always some tension between odds, especially the prime numbers, and evens. It made doing math problems really interesting, because every equation was some intrigue.

I always thought of 6 as feminine, for some reason.

no, never user
thats just weird
i'd read it though

They didn't really have genders for me, they were just numbers.

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I've always seen 5 as a rugged noir detective.
The others are less defined. 1 is a generic and bland protagonist, 2 is either the rival or love interest, 0 is the cool mysterious guy that shows up when shit gets real, 6 and 8 are a pair of villainous sisters, 7 is the hero that everyone looks up to, 4 is comic relief, 3 is another villain, and 9 is the final boss. 10 if it shows up is some sort of king or even God.

I thought of 7 as being a loner, a good guy but he prefers to stay on his own.

But none of those traits have anything to do with this.

Blame Schulz

Because it takes Juan to know Juan.

>tfw remembering the western pseudo-manga page in my local paper
That shit was bizarre, it was like a little serial next to the actual comics

I did, it also played into how I did sums. I recall 7 being a bastard and 4 being quite timid so 28, as a result, was a number who had overcome their personality flaws to become a caring individual.

I have no idea what is going on in this.

8 and every multiple of 8 is evil.

Honestly I kind of want to
It's a good comic but I think it had a negative influence on the funny pages. Easy-to-follow gag-a-day comics, with simple art that could be printed smaller than earlier comics, leading to the really visually detailed and story driven strips to be squeezed out of their spots.

Quit complaining. You haven't seen garbage until you've read 'The Grizzwells'.

They're pretending she's a nuclear bomb. It's not that complicated

I also blame him for anime.

>fissed opportunity to throw in a 69 gag
For shame, Hilburn

Kek

The joke would've worked on another level if the rope had come from under Lucy's skirt.

Of course, they would never let Sparky do that, but I bet that's what he was thinking.

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7 8 &9 are whores.

1 is better off.

>They're pretending she's a nuclear bomb.

That just raises further questions!

are you autistic? or just pretending?

It was the cold war

Jesus fucking christ, this is below CAD levels of unfunny.

I bet a lot of people wanted to see the effects of an actual H bomb on Lucy

It looks like a pregnant woman.

That's clearly 1.

Is that kid autist?

1 gets along perfectly with everybody though.

If 1 isn't a loner then your headcanon is wrong.

What other level? Acknowledgement that girls put things in their vaginas?

A lot of people are pretty pathetic

Don't give in to loneliness and race mix if you want to stay number one, even if you have to be alone.
Wait a minute where's the number four?

More like nobody cares about him.

The real problem is that 2 is happy when it's well established that 2 can be as as 1, and in fact, is the loneliest number since the number 1.

Loners can get along with people, they just never get fully accepted by any group

>it's well established that 2 is the loneliest number since the number 1.

How progressive.

JUAN
ONE
JUAN=ONE

Juan is the pun because it sounds just like one.

This picture taken before the gruesome act of cannibalism performed on Nine by Seven.
It was a high-profile crime; everyone knows that Seven Eight Nine

...

Do you remember the name of the comic?
I love shit like that.

cute

>9 cheating on 6 with 3
That fucking asshole
>2 finally found love
That's nice

>western pseudo-manga
The technical term is OEL manga. If that sounds stupid, just remember that "webtoon" is a thing.

>9 cheating on 6
Heh

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>Julian
>not Juan

How do you fuck up something so simple?

Read again

I like them.

to be fair, "girls putting things in their vaginas" is extremely abstract to most Sup Forums goers.

youtube.com/watch?v=Ktt_wVT4IZ4

Calvin and Hobbes made the same joke once

>nobody ITT gets it

but that's a different joke

Gave me a chuckle

Look, man, it was a long day, I couldn't come up with a joke, I literally shit this out at 11:37pm the night before it was due. Don't fucking start with me, this shit is hard.

Ha, what the fuck I swear it said Julian. I need my eyes checked.

I got the paper, and found they started printing PRINCE VALIANT!!!!!
Tom Heated & Mark Schulz are doing it.....
How long has this been going on?????
I gotta lot of catching up to do....if Sup Forums can keep us up to date on Marmaduke, shouldn't we know about this?????

YEATES.

Why did Six lust after Seven?

Because Seven eight out Nine! HA HA!

They're all lesbians.

Honestly, having a blatant Mexican stereotype alone at a party would've delivered the joke a LOT better then this.

The Far Side is actually pretty quality. Cow tools aside, there are some really good ones in there.

Well, they can go back to their own kind.

It means Scott Hilburn is a hack who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as Gary Larson.

Yes but Calvin's logical leap here is what makes it funny.

Far side is great, there are a few lazy ones in there though.

would have made more sense to have 2 date 4 and get rid of 5 and 7

captain autism would make a great super hero

You mean Batman?

>cnn reports news

batman does want cuddles tho

Why does five resent nine?
7 8 9

Are you saying Sup Forums wouldn't put things in their vagina immediately after becoming a girl?

That last panel is strangely arousing

i wondered where this came from. i knew what it was, but still.

Does that mean the kid writes for that strip?

They would've been driven out no matter what, because story focused material is simply better suited for any other medium. If not Schultz then you'd simply have someone else to blame, because it was inevitable.

Fun little reminder that you-know-who-mom is the future of newspaper comics

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>Cow tools
Cow tools was brilliant.

Historically speaking?

Comics went to shit because of syndication requirements getting stingier and cost cutting across the board, largely because people weren't buying newspapers just for the funny pages anymore. Toss in television, comic *books*, computers, and any other source of competition that helped make it a dying art form.

Peanuts was a classic but it also kicked off the trend of making much more simplistic, minimalist strips compared to the gorgeous and intricately detailed ones that came before, and it ties in also with the whole syndicates giving less room for them in the papers. If you had a buncha simpler strips that would fit into the space it took to tell a Prince Valiant epic before, you'd probably want to go with those to cut costs of having to print giant colorful images.

The medium began dying in the late eighties. Doonesbury, the Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes (Garfield and For Better or For Worse if you want to be extremely Generous, but Garfield was at least the last big phenomenon of the medium since Watterson didn't want his stuff animated) were the last hurrahs of the medium before most of it became toothless, family friendly drivel where plotlines were driven out in favor of only doing lame gag a day affairs.

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post bad newspaper comics ITT

Came here just to talk about how great the Far Side is. Own the complete collection in 2 giant tomes. It's great.

jesus christ enough hatefagging

>compared to the gorgeous and intricately detailed ones that came before
Like what?