The Willy Wonka Test

The Willy Wonka Test

If a cast of characters from a series would all win the chocolate factory, then they are all Mary Sues.

Let's try it out.

How would the main characters of Gravity Falls fare?

It's not hard to win the chocolate factory, you just can't be a little shit for two hours. You can even steal shit and still win.

I think Soos or Dipper would probably be the most likely winners.

Mabel would sell Dipper's ass to some Oompa Loompas for extra candy and get kicked out for being a selfish bitch.

Dipper would be out on his ass too for being too whipped to stand up to her.

All I can think about is Punisher using one of Wonka's inventions to interrogate a criminal who snuck into the factory to avoid him while oompa loompas dance around them singing a song.

Stan would fail hard.

I think there actually is a blueberry sequence where the Punisher turns a criminal into a blueberry and explodes her.

I'm using the hot meme example, Rey, and I'm stuck as to how Wonka would stop her. Remember that in the original even Charlie fails his test, and basically bullshits his way to the end of the tour.

Maybe prey on her naive and lonliness with some sort of memory machine that would give her all good memories of having a family, but would distract her from reality? It seems a bit low though, even for Wilder Wonka.

I really want to see Frank force a criminal to drink a fizzy lifting drink so he'll float up and be cut up by the blade.

considering most of the comedy comes from how messed up they are I don't think anyone would make it

Kamala would leave early because candy's too haraam

>Remember that in the original even Charlie fails his test,
I can't remember, was the fizzy lifting drinks part in the book?

Realistically, Mabel would fail hard. If the actual GF writers were writing it, she'd still get everything in the end.

Do you really not understand that the Wonka Test is supposed to be Christian salvation? No one can earn it. Literally everyone falls short. The only ones that past do so by the grace of the one that made the test. Wonka/God. It's not even subtext. It's as straightforward as something like Narnia.

It wasn't. In fact, it ends when Wonka goes "Oh shit, you're the last kid!"

BTW, the London musical is coming to Broadway next month, and that has the kids dying after each of their songs.

Ah, I see. I honestly read the Great Glass Elevator more than the first one, mostly because the Vermicious Knids and the Minus World were fucking metal as shit.

Except in the book, there was no Fizzy Lifting Drink.

Are you aware that they are doing a Wonka prequel film to kick off a Wonka franchise of movies? We just need 2 of them to sell to get the Glass Elevator!

>Justice League
I'll go with the Morrison big 7

Superman and Willy Wonka would be bros, but I don't think Superman would even be in the contest, he doesn't strike me as a chocolate guy.
Batman would be tossed for snooping, which would result in an awesome Batman v Oompaloompa fight.
Wonder Woman would easily win, but again, wouldn't even really be in the contest, maybe she'd be the honorary parent of some orphans or something, her and Supes.
Kyle and Wally would be tossed for being smartasses and fighting with each other
Aquaman would get kicked out for being a dick to the help, especially the Morrison version
J'onn would be incapacitated trying to enter an Oompa Loompa's mind

I can't think of what would get Wendy kicked out, but I also don't see her winning.

Wendy's not really messed up.

Blueberry.

Because fetish stuff, right?

Son of a BITCH!

On one hand, I'd have to support more mediocre Hollywood slop, one of which amounts to little more than fucking fanfiction, but on the other hand FUCKING VERMICIOUS KNIDS AND WONKA-VITE!

God damn you, why did you put me in this position?

Why

Why can't they just do the second book.

Like for fuck's sake.

That's not what Mary Sue means.

what the fuck does this even mean

Isn't there some part of the author's will that explicitly prevents any film adaptation of Great Glass Elevator?

The gang from It's Always Sunny.In Philadelphia.

Charlie would probably be the winner.

>J'onn

Would Wonka be the guy behind Chocos?

I would pay so much money to see that

that's funny I went to a stage adaptation of willy wonka last night

The Willy Wonka test is easy, just LISTEN TO HIM AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

That's a fetish comic, right? I think I fapped to that one. Not my proudest moment, especially since I fucking hate guro.

I guess Ford would be smart enough to make it through but then again he fell for Bill's bullshit so who knows. Speaking of you'd think after a trillion years of pulling his own faggy technicolor top hat and bowtie fabulous "appeal to your desires and sinful nature" shennighans Bill Cipher himself at least would recognize this stupid crap as his own game right away and sail through but after a massive IQ drop at the end he fell for Stan's bullshit so probably not.

Which brings me to Stan, same thing maybe, he's a conman, he should know what's up, but he also falls for stupid shit though maybe with him it's just shit impulse control.

Mabel would start shoving chocolate in her fat face immediately as would Soos and they would be disqualified within milliseconds. It would be a new record. Wendy failed the Bill bubble test that was as I mentioned above similar shit.

This does leave Dipper. He was the only one to pass the similar Bill Bubble Test. But this was end of series Dipper. Early or midshow Dipper would do something stupid trying to impress Wendy and fall backwards into the chocolate or get shrunken or blown up. Even at the end he didn't fall for the incredibly obvious Bug Wendy crap because he'd been PTSDing about Bill shit and super paranoid for a few episodes so if he was caught off guard and Wonka offered him magic candy that would make Wendy fall in love with him or something who knows. He's the character who also willingly made a deal with Bill despite knowing it was Bill and knowing he was evil.

My conclusion? Every single GF character would get BTFO and quick as fuck too.

If Charlie is Charlie, I guess that would mean Frank is Augustus Gloop, Mac is Violet, Dennis is Veruca, and Dee is Mike Teevee

Oh and I forgot to mention her but obviously Pacifica would go full Veruca Salt right away.

Jesus fuck you picked it first put the Gravity Falls cast is probably one of the worst picks to get through the factory. The Wonka Factory would be like Gravity Falls cast kryptonite.

How about McGucket or Gideon?

Steven Universe

McGucket would probably be alright

pearl would win simply because she wants it to end as quickly as possible and hates candy, only to be saddled with an eternity surrounded by candy

Would Frank win?

Roald Dahl literally made it a part of his will that there can be no adaption of The Glass Elevator because of how much he hated the original movie

It's very explicit

Steven and Amethyst wouldn't make it but most of the other characters actually would. Maybe not Peridot. Almost everybody would trudge to the end as fast as possible especially Pearl and Garnet.

One of the tests was not stealing candy to give to Slugworth which Gideon would do in a heartbeat so he'd be right out.

McGucket's kind of a wild card. He's not easy to tempt. Sort of cautious and conservative which is why the falling out with Ford even happened. But he's also kind of unstable. I guess it depends on how badly his brain is scrambled that day. Still it's sad that he seems like the most likely candidate from the show so far so far.

>pic related
I don't think the factory would still be standing after she visits.

>Rorschach from Watchmen
>Mary Sue

Phineas and Ferb:

- Candace gets too stressed about the dangerous aspects of the tour and runs off.
- Stacy gets dragged off by Candace and does something that gets them disqualified.
- Heinz forces Vanessa to take the tour since he's dreamed of owning a chocolate factory since his parents would never buy him any as a child but screws it up.
- Baljeet takes issue with plant procedure; has mental meltdown at the idea of fun being more important than efficiency.
- Buford can't stop laughing at the Oompa Loompas. Both the name and their overalls.
- Isabella - "Wait, is that a Fireside Uniform? NO SPIES ALLOWED."
- Irving just creeps Willy out. What's the deal with this kid?
- Phineas is inventive but wouldn't want to do the same thing every day. Willy would eventually pick up on that.
- Where Ferb goes, Phineas goes.

How about Wander Over Yonder?

Since it's supposed to reward the purehearted I think Wander and Sylvia would probably pass.

Lord Hater would go down quick.

Lord Dominator is childish and greedy. The only thing that's tough is she's not tempted by material things but wanton destruction. She'd probably try to destroy the factory and roast Oompa-Loompas and that would disqualify her.

Peepers is a rare character who's not moral but might be canny enough to make it through for his own purposes. Keeping Lord Hater in line would probably be his biggest challenge.

Have you never heard of halvah, or Jordan almonds, or Turkish Delight?

Most mainstream superheros would pass (Superman, Batman).

Avatar series characters...the stoic ones like Lin and Zuko would pass.

Bojack Horseman cast would fail miserably.

Todd might pass, he generally means well.

Mabel would likely swim in the chocolate and get taken away, but she would not sell any candy.

Dipper would trespass, and get thrown out for visiting a restricted space.

Sous goes to the juicing room.

Stan fails super hard.

Wendy would probably be too indifferent and just do the tour as intended and keep the candy

>Kyle
>Makes a bet with Cartman that the floating juice mixture doesn't work and contaminates the ceiling

>Cartman
>Falls down the egg disposal system after whining that he wants a golden egg laying goose

>Butters
>Drinks mixture with Kyle because he's incapable of independent thought

>Stan
>Forgets to return the Everlasting Gobstopper and narrowly misses the opportunity of passing

>Kenny
>Dies on the tour

I think stealing shit was part of winning. Like, you had to be willing to break the rules and do things your own way, but not be a fucking cunt about it when your gamble doesn't pay off. He was looking for someone who was genuinely good-hearted but willing to explore and take risks, someone who could take the factory into the future.

>SpongeBob
Sandy wins!
It's not like she's a Mary Sue kr anything, it's because she's the least-flawed character in the main cast.

My God, they need to actually make this! The Lawyer could be Wonka.

Oh good god no. The original is all I need, really. The Johnny Depp one was godawful and I have no faith in Hollywood after that.

>Roald Dahl literally made it a part of his will that there can be no adaption of The Glass Elevator because of how much he hated the original movie

Roald Dahl had shit fucking taste then, the movie was better then the actual book, and leagues better then any other adaption of his books afterward.

Or perhaps they're adults.

>Phineas and Ferb
They'd probably win and immediately give the factory away to whoever else wants it the most.
Doof would be tempted to use the candy factory for evil, so he'd be right out.
Perry would be out because he'd keep on getting caught while trying to stop Doof from doing his dumb shit, but then somehow make it back inside by taking off his hat, fooling both Doof and Wonka into thinking he's a regular old platypus.
Candace would be too obsessed with busting P&F to even give a single shit about all the candy. Plus she's not impressed because P&F have both built bigger and better things.

Come to think of it, it was a bit weird that the five winners were all children

I've read the glass elevator
Roald Dahl is a shitty writer

Willy Wonka is the Illuminati, he used his dark powers and legion of slaves to ensure the tickets went to only who he wished

>The Loud House

Lori is too busy chatting on her phone with Bobby and stumbles into some machine.

Leni does something retarded and gets kicked out within five minutes.

Luna gets kicked out after stealing some of the Oompa Loompas for a jam session.

Luan lasts a bit longer but gets kicked out after trying to use some of the candy for prop comedy.

Lynn gets kicked out after tackling an Oompa Loompa.

Lucy is just too damn depressing and Wonka doesn't even let her in the factory.

Lana and Lola are kicked out after tackling each other into the river of chocolate.

Lisa is kicked out after pointing out all the safety hazards in the factory and suggesting improvements.

Lily shits her diaper the minute after getting in and gets kicked out.

I could see Lincoln making it all the way, though, and insisting to Wonka that his sisters be let back in too. When Wonka refuses they all team up to annoy him and while Lincoln doesn't win the factory, he and his sisters manage to get out with a shitload of free candy after Wonka begs them all to leave him alone.

Carl waltzes straight through and touches nothing under the assumption there's prize money at the end. He's also worried about what his doctor told him that he might get diabetes from eating too many sweets, so he says fuck it and eats nothing, screws up nothing, allowing him to technically pass the test. He's annoyed that Wonka wants him to run the factory, but then accepts so he can later sell off the company to a chinese businessman. Oompa loompas get replaced by robots mostly, and Carl uses his millions of dollars from the sale to move far away from those weird ass neighbors of his.

That'd be a solid episode.

>hating on Great Glass Elevator
fuck outta here

you know, a happy ending.

You know I was going to make that joke myself but decided against it.

Bravo user.

I don't get it

You forgot soos

We all forget Soos sometimes

How would the Regular Show cast fair? Pretty sure everyone except Pops would fail.

Rigby would get kicked out for recklessness and Mordecai for his immaturity.
Mitch would pig out on the first offering of candy and suffers horrible consequences.
Fives forgets he can phase through walls and has to be carried out on a stretcher.
Benson would get completely transfixed by some wonkatech and has to be left behind.
Skips dictation to skipping over candy would cause him to trip into a river of chocolate.

Pops would only turn it down because his friends at the park wouldn't want to work at a place more crazy then the park was even when it was in space.