Murder on the Orient Express

Why is no one talking about this? Comes out in a few days in the US and I think it looks fairly interesting. Even with such a stacked cast it seems like it had the potential to be kino

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The trailer looks engaging but its a remake so I bet some people will just google who the killer was in the original

WE

Pretty good lineup. Beats The Avengers and Justice League gangs.

Kenneth Branagh the megalomaniac directs the movie AND casts himself as poirot

Is there any end to his fucking narcisism

I'm look forward to it.

Is this a remake of that dr who episode?

*looking

Apparently it's not funny enough.

someone post the rick and morty poem

>Main protagonist is a detective from belgium
>Cast a British actor
Why does hollywood hates white so much ?

Why do they do this?

>Star ensemble cast
>Horizontal poster

It's shit

They won't surpass the perfection

It looks like such fucking dogshit it's not even funny. Bunch of hasbeens and never-weres shitting up the place with one of the most blatantly spoiled "mystery stories" of all time. I hope this is a colossal failure for all the times I had to watch the shitty trailer at the movie theater. Fuck Kennth Branagh.

I bursted in laugher when the black guy turned out to be a doctor

I blame capeshit for this

>Why is no one talking about this?

piss poor marketing? Never even heard of it until now

>Orient Express
>no Asian actors

no watch

that's racist calling asians orientals

youtu.be/-KJvofh4vFw?t=2m20s
The trailer is kino but his fake french accent kinda sucks

I've seen the story like 45 times already I'm not paying to watch it again no matter how much I'd like to see just how Daisy Ridley and Johhny Depp interacted together.

Belgian you plen.

Bad ad campaign, the art of making a good trailer is lost nowadays

>based on a novel
>a remake

Fucking kill yourself.

I wish he had cast himself as Thor in Thor. Would have been amazing

No, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. He's done a lot of good work doing exactly this.

They talk french in belgium you stupid fuck
>Inb4 what about flemish or german
Every respectable belgian speak french

What about flemish and german?

That doesn't make the accent French you stupid fucking plen.

I hope your whole family gets cancer.

Go murder a Congolese, Jean-Luc.

Looks like the Christie version of those Sherlock Holmes action movies from a few years ago.

I'm curious, but I've already read the book and seen the movie so I'll probably just wait until a good quality download pops up.

Poirot was from Spa which is in a French-speaking region of Belgium. I think he was also supposed to be fluent in German.

>the riddler goblin gosch
oh for fuck's sake why would you cast this trainwreck

>Impliyng there is such a thing as a french accent
>Impliyng they speak french differently in belgium
>Impliyng amerifat like yourself even know where belgium is
Oh yeah btw i'm from belgium you stupid fuck and guess what whenever I speak english people tell me I have a french accent
Succ my fat belgian dick

>EVERYONE IS A SUSPECT
Cheeky tagline.

Home of the best water in the world
It's like 40 min from where I live. and it's not far from the german speaking part of belgium
We never murdered congolese Dick

>>>Impliyng they speak french differently in belgium

lol do you really think French French and Belgian French are the same? Next you'll be saying German and Swiss-German are the same.

Besides that point is moot because Poirot speaks English with a Belgian accent. Like how a french person would speak English with a French accent. Dumbass.

Why are typing this when you could be either (a) reading Tintin or (b) slicing some Congolese bastards' hands off.

>Daisy Ridley

No thanks. Don't have any desire to watch an aircraft carrier run around a train.

>HOL UP

I would actually pay good money to see that.

Seriously though how did they get away with an all white cast?

More importantly pic related.

Why the fuck is Pfeiffer's name placing so low on the poster when she is also an academy award nominee? Okay maybe she doesn't go before Derek Jacobi but Josh Gad? What the fuck has that Olaf motherfucker ever done?

> lol do you really think French French and Belgian French are the same?
Yes they do. You'd have to be born in either belgium or France to even spot the minor differences we have between our french
Belgiums' french is still regulated by the French academy which is located in France
Beside some regional expression we have the same languages because it comes from the same source.
The harshest difference comes from number
>90
>Quatre-vingt-dix in France
>Nonante in belgium
That's it, this is the extent of our divide

Because it's going to be a mediocre remake of a classic.

-Branagh manages to look even less like Poirot than Peter Ustinov did, and can't even manage to consistently hold the accent in the trailers
-changed the race and nationality of characters to shoehorn in Cruz and Odom
-tried to spice the story up with action sequences

The previous adaptation with Albert Finney is pretty much impossible to surpass, anyway. Even when they adapted it for the TV series with David Suchet, it was really only for the sake of completeness.

Should have remade Death on the Nile instead, IMO.

Can I have a fry, ONCE?

*laughs in true parisian French*

Alphabetic listing?

Also, she's pretty irrelevant the past 20 years

It's the black guy.

You know everyone here mentions how it'll flop because the marketing is bad, but I actually never heard of the book or movie before seeing the trailer, which got me really interested.

Do yourself a favor, and watch the 1974 film.

You've never watched Poirot?

>Sean Connery character is a nigger (with Daisy Ridley getting BLACKED by him)
>Jean-Pierre Cassel character is a mudslime
>Ingrid Bergman character is a spic

1974 version is revolting on its grave right now

I saw it and it was alright but nothing special. Part of the problem was so many characters you didn't get much emotional depth from any of them. They didn't have enough time to sell Depp as a proper cunt and not just some sleazy dude for example. That's my opinion, thanks for listening

so a 6.5/10 movie?

Yeah or maybe a 7 but not much more than that. Like if you watched it on the telly on a dark winter's evening it'd be pretty comfy but it's not really a cinema thing

L'accent des parigots est le pire du monde.
Even the nigger from marseille have a better accent !

I'm pretty sure everyone knows the twist by now, even those who haven't read the book or seen any of the adaptations so I don't know what they hope will draw viewers in. Branagh's """""directing"""""" or the """""acting""""" from Depp and that slag Brit.

saw it the other day, it's complete dog shit in every sense of the word.

It's pretentious slew of messy plot, detestable characters, childlike cinematography, forgettable performances, and abhorrent writing. There's only one HALF kino scene where Hercule and Ratchit eat cake, and Ratchit offers Hercule a job protecting him. This is only made decent by Depp's acting.

>messy
>detestable characters
>childlike [technique]
>forgettable
>"'very bad' is descriptive if you use another word for it"
Dishonest critiquing.

How's it dishonest? I genuinely felt that way when watching the film, I had little to no interest or investment in the plot and the ending could have made me laugh with how absurd it was.

spot the token black

It's an OK movie. I enjoyed it more than I thought it would but the pacing feels off throughout the whole thing. Branagh is OK as Poirot but obviously can't top Suchet. Most of the cast is underutilized, they really needed to cut down how many characters that have. Dafoe in particular was wasted, while Depp felt really out of place to me.

I'd watch another Branagh Poirot film made by the same crew tbqh but they ought to adapt lesser known stories since everyone knows what happens in Murder on the Orient Express. Still despite this it honestly kept me entertained from start to finish regardless of it's flaws. The biggest reason Sup Forums will hate it is because of diversity.

I'm not interested in a remake of a good movie.
watch his Shakespeare films you pleb

because it's not. Daisy get's blacked. first 30 seconds
youtube.com/watch?v=Mq4m3yAoW8E

If by cheeky you mean as generic as possible, sure.

>I actually never heard of the book or movie before seeing the trailer

autists are spamming the dishonest meme again like it's La La Lands opening weekend

There is only one true adaptation of Hercule Poirot, Hastings, and it is not this current one, mon ami.

they need to fucking adapt The Murder of Roger Ackroyd it's the best one by far
But It would be a challenge since it's more a book plot

This. Just get the Poirot DVDs and watch them at your leisure. One of the most comfy shows ever.

>watch his Shakespeare films you pleb
You're the pleb if you think Branagh is anything but a hack who made some of the worst Shakespeare films of all time. He needs to stick to stage, he has no idea how to make a good film.

You know why they chose it right

Daisy's first big movie outside of SW.

> y is she so ugly ?

They all did it. Poirot is the only one on the train not involved.

>Remake so google to find out the killer
Cant you do this with any movie that gets released? Wiki doesnt have spoiler alerts

You have to be over 14 to post here

Honestly did not recognize Leslie Odom Jr.
Dude looks really different with hair and mustache

I don't find her ugly. but her stupid weird as grin always makes me laugh.

depp and branagh (as actor) make this a no-go for me

I'm an old Poirot fan and I actually agree with this. When I saw the trailer the first time, the moment Branagh popped to screen I tough they went a bit over the top with the stache, like this was some sort of a parody.

Suchet has so finely chiseled his presence as Poirot in my mind, that I don't think I can ever really believe anyone else on that role.

...

branagh is 100x the actor than he is a director

>tfw no Murder of Rodger Ackroyd movie with Goose as Dr Sheppard

Because this movie came out 43 years ago.