Let's help our boy immy Kimmel out and write his opening monlogue for the academy awards 2018 for which he will return...

Let's help our boy immy Kimmel out and write his opening monlogue for the academy awards 2018 for which he will return as host.

I'll start:

TRUMP

Anyone think the kardashian sluts nigger baby is gonna come out retarded?

*smacks lips*

TRUMP

porg

niggers tongue my anus

PEDOWOOD

>wow what a year, eh? i thought last year was bad with all famos people dying but this year wow

>i'm so glad kevin spacy isn't here so we could invite the kids choir

TRUMP
*cries for 2 hours and 55 minutes*
AND THE AWARD FOR BEST PICTURE GOES TO
*opens wrong envelope*
WHITE PEOPLE SINGING AND DANCING
*crowd boos*
NO WAIT! WE WERE WRONG! IT GOES TO GAY NIGGERS
*crowd erupts in applause*
THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

Weinstein is a role model for all of us

*kneels*

>lets have a moment of silence for my marriage oh and those black people

Dubs

*cries for 3 hours*

*takes estrogen injections*

Guns? Why do we need again? Ridiculous right?
You know theres even people who still want to drive there own cars? Probably Trump voters

Assault rifles
*cries for 10 minutes*
My baby daughter.. she wont be able to afford an abortion..
*starts kneeling*

>there's this fella, goes by the name of Donald Trump and I tell ya, this guy is no good, I mean this guy is a REAL JERK

Yall faggots are cowards that won't send it anyway

DUDE
WHY DO TRUMPANZEES ALWAYS LOVE BABY KILLING WITH THEIR SALT' RIFLES?

It's so difficult to have this awards ceremony during the unravelling of the most scandalous institutional pedophilia cover-up in history...

...so a round of applause to Hollywood for bringing the abuses of the Catholic Church to light!

>TRUMP

I bet you a million "Trump" won't be the first word coming out of his mouth.

It will be: Sooooooo... Donald Trump

>And finally, I would say that, you know, we are a little bit out of touch in Hollywood every once in a while, I think. It's probably a good thing. We're the ones who talked about AIDS when it was just being whispered, and we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. And we, you know, we bring up subjects, we are the ones—this Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this Academy, proud to be part of this community, and proud to be out of touch. And I thank you so much for this.

This is actually plausible

how much fucking jew blood runs througj your veins

>Trump is bad
>women are brave for opening up after 3 decades of convenient silence
>something something immigrants
saved you 3 hours

"And the lifetime achievement award goes to.... Roman Polanski!"

The oscars hosted by Norm would be amazing and you know it
it would be higher than James Franco levels of not giving a shit

Niggers

Is it actually confirmed Kimmel is hosting again?

>You guys had a good year?
>*Audience cheers, a few "woo!"s can be heard*
>Hehe alright, alright... You know who hasn't had a good year?
>*Audience goes silent, waiting on baited breath for another world class quip*
>........... DONALD TRUMP
>*Crowd goes apeshit. Screams echo throughout the hall. A camera get knocked over and the crowd breaks into a violent mob. Kimmel looks scared, he falls to the ground covering his ears from the horrendous shrieks of laughter. The crowd ravenously approaches him, he cries as the consume his flesh, laughing as they do so*

Pretty good show, I think Moana will get an award.

Lost it

calm down buddy, it's not like someone is oppressing you or anything

Holy shit the amount of Sup Forums-butthurt in this thread is beyond my comprehension.

Fuck off Kimmel

t. scholomo silverman

Yet again Sup Forums confuses calling the other poster a cuck/jew/shill for a comeback. That all you got you little bitch boys?

FEMINISTPOWER!

t. ungoyim

UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE

HILLARY

I thought Drumpf was Colbert's shtick .

Trump Derangement Syndrome at max power here, I see.

I can't afford to pay for my kids hospital bills with the millions I make.