Hello you it's time for a mono-weekly Spider-man. In tonight's episode Jameson runs into trouble with the law and Peter keeps bailing him out.
There's also an invisible man. Writers trying to be clever or animators trying to save money, you be the judge.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
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Spider sense says there's something wrong in Jameson's office but what else is new?
For one thing he didn't bother closing his fucking window making it simple for people like me to break in.
Heh heh heh. HIS PEN IS GOING TO BE SO DRY COME MORNING
Huh I don't SEE anyone but I FEEL someone or something in here
OSHITAGHOST
*SLAM*
SPIDER-MAN: T-t-that door slammed itself shut!
Nobody out here either!
Wait a second if it's a ghost, why did it leave a note? Everyone knows that ghosts are illiterate. That's why they hire ghostwriters
God damnit it's in cursive. Something about news and scops and Mark Reee art gallery?
Oh and the door will be open. Come Alone? JJ does that all the time, he doesn't have to be told.
Of course! It's Dr. Noah Boddy ... nobody! It's a stupid pun name! It's not a ghost it's a man with no body and he has poor penmanship! I shoulda known!
Spider-man better be around at that art gallery. If it took me this long to figure it out who knows how long picklepuss will take
MISS BRANT! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS NOTE FROM A DOCTOR NOAH BODDY?
Nobody's been in the- I mean I haven't seen nobody I mean the lights are on but nobody's home I mean ... pass? Give me another softball.
HMMMM something about that note about a scoop tells me there's a scoop to be got. I can feel it in my bones.
Oh I'll be at the art gallery and I'm going to cover the Hell out of that scoop.
Nearly midnight and so far.. nothing!
2 minutes to go. This better be worth it. And an art gallery of all places! A bunch of dead has-beens who couldn't cut in their own time so the only way they could make a buck is after they've passed? The less time in this hall of failure, the better!
And where's that Dr. Boddy with that scoop?!
Yo! Police! In exactly one minute the Mark Renee art gallery's going to be robbed and the one thing that will be stolen is the painting 'Leaves of Glass' MWAHAHAHAHA
Leaves of glass?! I painted that! We're on our way!
FLOOR IT
>mfw my watch has no face
Noah Boddy: Heh heh heh
Uh oh here comes the popo
The police? They must be coming with that scoop.
HAHAHA
NICE
Officer Dave: Stop right there. We were warned that you'd steal that painting.
Jameson: THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AM I BEING DETAINED I'M JUST A JOURNALIST WHO WALKED INTO A GALLERY LOOKING FOR A SCOOP AND WHAT PAINTING
Officer Paul: The one right here under your arm. Let me guess, you were holding it for a friend.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Jameson: What? NO. Spider-man is behind all this! I was framed!
Officer Dave: No sir, that artwork was framed and then you cut it out and stole it.
Officer Paul: Nice one, Dave.
Should I tell them that their car got stolen while they were inside?
Man, you can hear JJ ranting about me all the way up here. It warms the heart knowing he always has Spider-man in his thoughts.
Oh wait the car came back! It's like homeward bound but with a car!
Officer: Well, Peter Parker, visiting your boss.
Peter: Well no actually I'm here to...
Officer: Boy, I'll have you know that I'm omniscient and have great powers. To demonstrate this I will warp reality around us. Hold onto your sphincter!
Peter: HOW
Officer: So what do you want?
Peter: Uh uh um bail money
Officer: Oh sure thing. He's in the back
Peter: STOP DOING THAT.
Officer: You know, he's more trouble than all the other prisoners we had here. I say had because his all-night rant party drove them all to suicide. All our taxpayers dollars. Saved.
I'LL GET EVEN WITH THAT WALL-CRAWLING WACKJOB MENACE IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.
What's the perfect revenge for that guy? It better be good, something that will be shared by people on their futuristic hand-phone technology and their short bird messages for years!
I've got it! I'll write an article! In size 72 font declaring that Spider-man is a faggot!
Noah Boddy: What's this? The Daily Bugle declares that Spider-man is a faggot and demands that the Spider-man meets the publisher in person and admit it?
This is humiliating! How could Jameson think that Spider-man framed Jameson? It was clearly the work of an invisible man! Spider-man wasn't even there! I deserve credit! Me!
Jameson laughed at me, pretended I wasn't there when I told him about this wonderful Suestormatron. He thought I was his conscience and told me to get lost and go screw myself.
But Jameson is easily baited by his odd and questionably intense hatred for Spider-man. I'll use this and get ultimate revenge!
Jameson here, who's wasting my precious newspaper minutes. Who? Spider-man?!
(Please don't be a clone please don't be a clone please don't be a clone)
Listen to this, Parker, Spider-man just got off the phone and has agreed to sign a written and notarized statement that he is indeed a massive faggot.
Oh ok so where does he plan on meeting you for this an historic event?
Jameson: 10:00 tonight! Stephanie's Jewelry store!
Peter: That's an odd time and place don't you think?
You mean you don't think he'll show? Or worse, call me a faggot? I can't take that kind of talk in my emotional state!
Nope. Not touching that one.
Neat
I could make a pearl necklace joke... but I'm not gonna!
Noah Boddy: Yes. This. This is the one.
Alright Spider-man I'm a busy man let's get this over with. I'm here for one thing and one thing only: a specific statement from you that will make all my Spider-man related ulcers disappear and then blow it up and put it on every billboard in the city.
Come on man can't you see that you're walking into a trap! If I were you I'd turn around 360 degrees and walk out the way you came
Noah Boddy: Heh heh heh.
Jameson: Figures that Spider-man wouldn't show himself and not know a thing about geometry!
Don't say I didn't warn you!
Okbye!
THIS IS THE POLICE
Aww hell. You again? Twice? IN TWO DAYS?
DON'T LOOK AT ME, GET SPIDER-MAN. HE IS THE MASKED MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN
>Suestormatron
Clever.
Officer Dave: There's nothing here! What are you trying to pull, Jameson?!
Officer Paul: Offhand I'd say a jewel robbery, Dave.
Officer Dave: OHHHHH snap
Jameson: IT WAS SPIDER-MAN I TELL YOU. I HEARD HIM WITH MY OWN EYES.
They're gone now so show yourself DOCTOR NOAH BODDY!
Noah Boddy: AHAHAH! At last we meet Spider-man!
You're a chair?
Noah Boddy: Not exactly, but you can have a seat!
Spider-man: ouff!
Noah Boddy: I have to leave you for now. Trolling J. Jonah Jameson is too much fun to stop here. Not until he believes in me!
Wooohoooo
You can go to hell, chair
oooooh When I get my hands on Spider-man I'll I'll I'm going to take a sledgehammer to his kneecaps, extract his femurs and use them as ski poles! I'll tear off his fingernails, Van Gogh his ears, stick my foot up his ass so far I'll kick the guy in front of him and then I'll sue for defecation of character! That's what I'll do!
Officer Dave: You're free on bail, Mister Jameson, next time I catch you, you get a free tote bag.
Jameson: About damn time! It's been 30 minutes! What took Parker so long?!
Officer: Jameson's quite a character isn't he? I mean, you are too, we all are, except me, I'm more of an author insert. If you'd like you can join me fridays for watching movies on a stream...
Peter: Can I just bail out my boss? Is that too much to ask?
Officer: Yes, but first some contemplation. Is it nature that drove Jameson to crime or nurture? Thing about that while I flip turn your world upside down.
Peter: PLEASE. STOP. CHANGING. THE. ROOM.
Officer: Well?
Peter: No body has the answer to that question. I'll ask him later.
Officer: Eh good enough.
Jameson here. Talk to me. In the press room? He stuck what WHERE? How much of it? I'll be right down. Don't touch anything.
Noah Boddy: This is too easy. Come and be drawn to the surprise I have for you, lured like ants to a flame. Mwahaha
I wonder what Jameson's doing down here? He never galumphs this far from the office
Alright where's the trouble. I'm going to keep talking until someone talks to me; That's how it works around here.
*slam*
Hey! The door! It slammed shut! DOOR, YOU WEREN'T GIVEN PERMISSION TO CLOSE.
OPEN DAMN YOU OPEN RAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH OPEN UP OPEN UP OPEN UP I'M THE ONLY WHO SLAMS DOORS OBEY ME
Noah Boddy: At last. This is the end for you. You'll eat your words for ridiculing me and my theories of invisibility! So open wide!
!
Jameson: HELP! STOP!
Peter: That sounded like Jameson! His pleas for help suggest that he's in some sort of trouble!
Noah Boddy: HAHAHAHAH! Keep turtling Jameson and I'll keep spamming projectiles! ADMIT IT! I'm invisible! An invisible boy!
Jameson: No! It's impossible! There can't be an invisible man! Marvel would never create a male version of a female character! That's not how diversity works! You can't exist you won't exist!
Of all the doors in the place this one is only one that locks?
HEYYYYYYYYYY
Spider-man! I knew you had to be behind all this!
Sensible chuckle
Noah Boddy, you better make a move or someone's going to get hurt.
I DIDN'T MEAN ME
SPIDER-MAN SPRINGS INTO ATTACK
Noah Boddy: I was going to be a good guy, I was going to save the world, but one editor made fun of me, and now I devote my life to evil and naughtiness of the highest degree!
Spider-man: Yep. You sound like you're on the level.
Noah Boddy: HAHAHAH oh nature calls. There might be a mess in the bathroom if my urine's invisible too fyi and I ate asparagus for lunch so watch out.
Get him! That Family Circus kid is leaving!
Jameson: WHY YOU!, WEBHEAD, NOT ME.
Spider-man: You had it coming.
For a doctor, you'd think he'd be smart enuugh to take off his invisible shoes.