Shitty Remakes of horror movies or any remakes that sucked donkey dick in general

Shitty Remakes of horror movies or any remakes that sucked donkey dick in general

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has there ever been a remake that didn't suck donkey dick? I can think of You Got Mail

The donkey never stood a chance.

The Fly

literally only Parent Trap.

isnt it easier to name non shitty remakes? i mean you can probably count them with 1 hand

The Thing

lmao

Maniac (2012)

>when the black ones nudes leaked

Black Christmas remake was absolutely dogshit and a microcosm of everything wrong with these remakes

Man, MEW has had the worst career.

The Fly and The Thing

its only redeeming feature is a cast of QTs

Friday the 13th's remake is easily in the top half of the F13 series

Halloween

it had hot actresses but not much else.

The Fright Night remake was decent. Original is better but still.

Body Snatchers '78
The Blob

not exactly a high bar there

3:10 To Yuma

The Fog remake is particularly awful. I'm surprised it doesn't get mocked more often.
The Thing (1982)
The Fly
The Blob
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
Nosferatu
House of Wax (1953)
Evil Dead
The Crazies
Fright Night
King Kong (2005)
My Bloody Valentine 3D
The Manchurian Candidate
3:10 to Yuma
One of the worst films of the Halloween franchise.

Lol not even close

Rank it then.

The remake delivers some fun kills but it completely lacks the cheesy charm of the old films.

I think it's cheesy in the early 00's way for sure.

It's not very early 00s at all. Freddy vs Jason is early 00s.

I guess I'm not a fan of 00s cheese. I prefer 80s cheese.

House On Haunted Hill
The Ring
The Blob
Nosferatu
The Hills Have Eyes
The Amityville Horror
The Fly
Dawn Of The Dead
Friday the 13th

The blob is my shit you're trippin hard

and what in the fuck was wrong with the hills have eyes as a new adaptation of the movie ..

Thirteen Ghosts

4>6>3>2>1>5>7>X>8>FvJ>Remake>9

I know people will fight me on putting X so high up but I re-watched it recently and it's mediocre dumb fun.

What? I'm saying it's good.

>3
>that high

Different user here, my ranking:

6 > FvJ > 4 > 2 > 1 > 3 > 7 > the rest don't matter

Sup Forums's favorite horror film The Thing is a remake, but most of you faggots wouldn't know that.
See

It's not a remake, it's a re-adaptation

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It's a remake.

Wheelchair kid kill is iconic, The last half hour in the barn is really well done, Jason gets his mask. I like the over the top characters.

>One of the worst films of the Halloween franchise.
Not really. the Halloween franchise is pretty terrible and has suffered from some REALLY shitty movies. Resurrection, Revenge and H20 were all worse than Zombie's remake and its sequel. It's still not a very good movie tho, but it "didn't suck donkey dick".

If you read the novella it was based on you'd know better. It's like calling Dredd a remake of Judge Dredd.

>Talking shit about H20

What's your address faggot I will 1v1 you right now

Pls that shit was horrible sit back.

H20 is a solid film. Not a masterpiece but it's an above average post-Scream slasher that nicely puts an end to Michael, if you pretend Resurrection doesn't exists.

Evil dead was fantastic

>The Crazies
I've actually just finished watching the original.
What a fucking slog. The concept was neat, but it had some of the worst editing and acting I've ever seen.

carpenter lifted shots right from the original hawkes movie though.. i guess you could say part of it were homage

That it were/ Still, the biggest argument against it being a remake is that the first adaptation omitted the shapeshifting and the isolation/paranoia.

Carpenter obviously loved the original and took a lot of stuff from it, it's a remake.

House On Haunted Hill

youtube.com/watch?v=nT0Gp2aenTI

Come on, it's time to acknowledge how terrible H20 was. It completely slaughtered Michael's aura in favor of turning Laurie into Ellen Ripley.
People complain about how Zombie ruined Michael by explaining too much and ruining the mystique, but he didn't have a character yell Michael's name and call him out like he's some sort of an idiot in costume. H20 butchered Michael, they didn't even know which fucking mask to use.

Whats so extremely bad in elm street remake? I usually just hear complaint like "reeeee freddy isn't a paedophile but a regular child killer" which, to be honest, sounds like something a retarded 15 year old horror fan would complain about

I haven't seen it, so I really don't have much of an idea

freddy lost all personality that he used to have and is now le edgy murder dude
no seriously
he is a completely different character
no quips or humor whatsoever

Adaptation that homages a previous adaptation

>no quips or humor whatsoever
That's a stupid reason.

The real reason are the bad acting, writing, uncreative kills, and recreated kills that are just more hilarious than they were intended.

and all the kills had no imagination or depth at all it was really wack honestly. and he barely said bitch in the movie. like throughout the whole movie I'm like " WHO ARE YOU ? YOU'RE NOT FREDDY !! YOU'RE A FRAUD!!"

it was pointless. a retread of the original movie down to recreating some of its most iconic moments but with shit effects

the only interesting idea it had was that at one point it implied it was a "the hunt" kind of situation and freddy was actually innocent, so now he's having his revege against the people who wronged him. but then at the end they literally find his stack of CP and go like lolnope

Wheelchair kill is 2

youtube.com/watch?v=khxhHGlpteU#t=3m32s
watch this
it's fucking hilarious.

Thanks. I really have fond memories of original elm street so I won't stain the memory by watching the remake. Ahhh I remember how I came home from army, light up a joint and watched elm street first time in my life, I haven't experienced such a fine feeling of being scared & entertained since then

the original still holds up so there's no reason watch the remake desu

Yeah, I wasn't really impressed by H20. It's just so bland. It just so wanted to jump on the Scream resurgence and do very little else.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it's prequels, soft reboots and all the shit they've pulled out of that one in the last 15 years.

Why the fuck do I keep watching them...

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Strong list here.

Only disagreement is Halloween as has been pointed out. Halloween is a pretty shitty series overall and the remake is one of the better ones.

It's not quite as shit as the Hellraiser sequels after 2, but it's down there

>4 that high
>X and 9 that low
>5 only in the middle
Pleb taste

True ranking:
X>8>5>3>2>6>7>1>4>dog shit>9

>literally anyone likes that garbage Jason Goes To Hell
I'll never understand

Did not see remake or FvJ yet

>X and 9
Meant to say X and 8. I didn't read you think X "that high" is controversial, X is the fucking best one. It only got a bad rep for doing EXACTLY WHAT THE SERIES ALWAYS DID but better. Critics and outsiders to the series watched X and didn't fucking get it. 8 is a similar deal. They're both prime Jasonkino.

OH MAN how did no one mention those, after 3 just hot garbage follows. And 3 was fucking terrible as well but semi watchable if you're blazed enough.

Technically the thread is about remakes but if we're talking about bad horror sequels/sequels in general Hellraiser's got to take it

>We have such sights to show you
He wasn't kidding

Some of them aren't bad, they just aren't Hellraiser films.

,..most of them are bad though

Sorcerer (The Wages of Fear) you nigger

Caught an old episode of Magnum PI a few weeks back, there was a dialogue piece relating to the plot of the Fly, and Magnum says "In the original one, not the remake".
Totally fucked my brain that Cronenberg's The Fly and Magnum were from the same time period.
God bless the show, I love it, but The Fly still feels so fucking modern by comparison.

Clive Barker's on Hellraiser: Revalations...

The Blob remake is fucking brutal.

Was just about to post such a thing
Also The Fly and Scarface

The Crazies and Dawn of the Dead

The Evil Dead

I just hope the Maniac Cop remake isn't trash..

tbq2 famalam, i liked it. i thought it was a decent horror movie with some great practical effects. problem is, it didn't feel like evil dead at all. it was clearly missing both the humor and the more surreal imagery

And the Deadites weren't completely fucking assholes like in the first one.

Hmm, I agree with regard to the surreal imagery but I don't recall the first Evil Dead having much of a sense of humour. Granted it has been some time since I saw it.

Yeah the only humor the original has is the very dark kind with Cheryl constantly punking Ash from the cellar with her mad bantz.

This is underrated as fuck

definitely checking this one out, gotta watch the original first though.