There's no record of him, hasn't graduated high school, never married, no job record...

>there's no record of him, hasn't graduated high school, never married, no job record, you can't find him from any social media, the neighbours didn't know anyone even lived there, it's like he doesn't exist
>not even a parking ticket?
>not even a driver's licence
>fuck me...

Other urls found in this thread:

fbi.gov/wanted/ecap
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

>smash cut to the guy banging a 10/10 model

and he's watching us right now

they call him the fat virgin

fuck SUPER HOT CHICKS on this discord:

discord.me/wowg

pezado

Dumb frogposter

>I'll run it by my informant and see if there's any word about this guy on the street. We gotta catch this DIRTBAG!

>We tapped his phone and... you're not gonna believe this: no phonecalls or texts AT ALL in the last 2 weeks. It's like he's a ghost

>no facebook

fear me, for I have become destroyer of worlds.

>He's been hikikomori for years
>In english, doc!

>He's gotta wear shoes right? Not even a footprint?
>NOT EVEN A GOD DAMN SHOELACE!
>Jesus...

>We talked to a bunch of kids from his graduating class and not ONE of them remembered the guy's name or that he was even in their class. No girlfriend, no ex-girlfriends, no best friend, no friends. Damn this guy's good! He's a fucking ghost.

In case anyone's curious, American Assassin has like every single one of these tropes. Worth checking out for that alone.
>Did you see his test scores? They're off the charts!
>We've seen off the charts before...

>s-sir, word from the PI
>Ahh, Rex Bourbon never lets me down, you know you kids could learn a thing or two fr-
>actually it's from the coroner sir, regarding the PI
>Good God...

>I don't understand, how did he feed himself?
>Here's the thing, we think he mother did all the shopping and provided him with all the food he needed
>my god..

>Holy shit it's Jason Bourne™®

>We checked the home's internet history, sir...

>facial recognition just got a hit on our guy!
>holy shit, this guy is former Spec Ops CIA DIA Homeland Security NSA Black Ops Secret Service!
>looks like he was dishonorably discharged in 02 for suspicion of leaking classified intel to the North Koreans. it was a coverup, a smear campaign and now I guess he has a vendetta against those who wronged him!

>my gawd. . . we made him, and now we'll have to unmake him!

>That's all i can say for now.. Do not contact me on this number again
>But how would i know when it's-
>You'll know when the time is right

>Sir we were able to get a hold of his IP address. He is currently browsing what appears to be.. mongolian fishing forums
>On Thanksgiving? This guy is one sick fuck

>actually sir, we've checked with his ISP and we have an extensive record on his activity for the last 180 days, and yes sir, he's a foot guy
>that's our man

...

>Wait a sec! Zoom right there.

I love these threads

...

This will happen unironically to someone here someday

>how do you I know I can trust you?
>you don't

literally Sup Forums
fbi.gov/wanted/ecap

>Sir.. I have the shot
>Wait for my signal
>Sir.. the target is.. he..disappeared
>*Villian blocks the scope view from zero range*
>Bravo 1 do you have the shot!? Bravo 1 do you copy?! Bravo 1 answer me godamn it!

..i guess this one's a goddamn ghost!

>blocking a rifle

I hope he's not that dumb

>sir, additional information from our database shows he keeps posting pictures of little girls with captions of blocking their paths and asking aesthetics as such
>what kind of sick fuck are we dealing in here?
>worse, he's been doing this for more than 3 years now

>the kids call it: cunnyposting

>dammit, he’s a normie newfag

>if everyone's record was as clean as this guy's, we'd be out of a job

>This is my private line, how the HELL did you get this number!!

>cut to dark silhouette of villain listening in
>listening device clicks off
>takes long drag of cigarette
>mouths "boo" as he exhales

>Some real sickos out there, captain

Or when someone has too much cake

>And remember, we never had this conversation
>What conversation?

>the mayor will have my ass

>amerimutt
>10/10 model

t. eurofag

...

>late to the party of a hot meme
>posts one of the worst examples
>completely shoehorned in

>we talked to his co-workers, but they didn't even know he worked there.
>fuck me..

I’m envisioning a Beavis and Butthead Do America version of catching the Sup Forums virgin.

Yes but I have SnapChat
Snap is the best 1

I love triggered amerimuttoredditards.
Cant wait for net netruality so you fuckers can fuck off.

>Enhance!
>It's a bus ticket.
>Zoom, and enhance
>To Intercourse Pennsylvania

>I can feel the coroner breathing down my neck!
>Uh, sir behind you

>we may have some DNA cap!
>well get it to the damn eggheads already
>*3D images of DNA swirling on a monitor*
>Computer Voice: Analysis complete, 57% white
>It's not our guy...

Wowik debilu

>call the FBI, we'll need their help on this

>call the FBI
>I am the FBI

elo

>a nigger?

Why aren't all of you guys becoming agents?

Most of the time they are autistic people like you, not like James Bond. It's your perfect job, why aren't you doing it? It requires shit like watching some people, knowing their routine and simple shit like that.

We are neets and lazy

>I want this guy in cuffs by tomorrow! I can feel the DA breathing down my neck!
>Uhh sir... behind you.

a daring synthesis

I do too. and I love you as well :)

Because the agencies don't want to pay us when they can just crowd source us for free.

Every once in a while you'll see a thread pop up where it's like "haha guys let's play a fun game. Spot the guy most likely carrying a weapon XD!" and it'll be a picture taken from up high from a rooftop or something.

>Who called the Feds!? this is MY investigation
>Not anymore also we will need all the transcripts of your interviews with the suspect
>THIS IS BULLSHIT
>storms out
>geez whats up with him?
>divorce, she even got the dog
>thats ruff

...

Agents of the devil? Fuck off, this is God's kingdom. they put all the drugs and guns in the public's hands, it's well documented.

>why aren't a bunch of anti-social racist basement-dwelling neets with no higher education and no life experience becoming secret agents?
really?

>site with domain in America
Yuropoors really are retarded

>WE WUZ Sup Forums

>и нe тoлькo мнe кaжeтcя чтo гoвopю
>in english doc

>That guy they clearly photoshopped so you couldn't see him sucking off a kid

I mean we literally are

Sup Forums's death will be nice

>WE

>the mayor will lick my ass

>the mayor keeps jerking me off about solving this case!

Is that a rare pepe?

>interrogation scene
>'How did you know Mr user?'
>'Who?'
>'Who?, who?, what are you? a fucking owl?'