Be winning 50-0

>be winning 50-0
>opponent seeker randomly catches a glimsp of a tiny flying ball and catches it
>lose 50-150

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Thats what you get when a women tries to come up with a sport.

The sport was literally designed from the ground up to make Harry into the specialest snowflake that there ever was. Because apparently being The Chosen One wasn't enough for Rowling, she had to also make Harry the star athlete with total control over the outcome of the game.
Have to wonder why would you not just have the entire team fly around the pitch searching for the snitch? Then as soon as one finds it you yell your seeker and win the game before the other team can score enough 'normal' points

A fifty point lead isn't big in quidditch.

How did they get away with many of the faux pas that riddled the books and movies? Oh wait they didn't, and that's why it will forever be cemented as easily one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>"No!"

I kek everytime

The worst is the gameplay in the book.

> Krum decides to catch the snitch so the Bulgarian team won't lose too bad
> End up losing by 10 points

fpbp

it's like life. UNFAIR

the other seeker was after it as well, he could either let the irish dude catch it and lose by 310 or keep the glory for himself and lose by 10

sad but true

This. Books have their flaws but let's not blindly shit on them.

go to bed rowling

Like most YA novels it's perfectly attuned for self insert fantasy. Being seeker doesn't demand that you get into the thick of things but also makes you the most important person, rewarded for being """smart""". A trait that can manifest itself in so many different ways that any dumb faggot reading can assume that they're sharp enough to be the seeker.

I'm not sure if Rowling was fully aware of what a well oiled power fantasy she was making or if is right and making a game where you can put yourself on pedestal for being the least involved in the actual playing of the sport is exactly something a woman would do. Light novels written by men who turn their useless knowledge and disingenuous nice guy traits into things that make them competent and desirable tells me it's the sort of thing any person is capable of writing when they're unaware of their narcissistic personality.

>snowflake generation bitching about how "unfair" imaginary bullshit specifically marketed to them supposedly is.

Quidditch would make more sense (but still be dumb) if the snitch simply wasn't worth so many points. If it just ended the game as is with no extra points it would mean the chasers and keepers aren't completely useless and Harry still gets to be the hero. Maybe the seeker can act as a part time chaser when their team is behind.

It's intentionally shit.

I listened to The Chamber of Secrets audiobook yesterday almost in its entirety (wife was playing it). The amount of fat shaming that's done to Dudley is quite jarring when viewed in the sensitive age we're in now. I wonder how Rowling's curvier fans reconcile themselves with this. The Dursleys are just such unrealistic characters in every way.

The games can be played for days on end, 150 points ain't shit.

>any game we've seen lasted more than a few hours
>world cup finale didn't last more than a few hours

t. fat kid

In the first few books she seemed to make a lot of comments about how evil people are physically repulsive. All the Slytherins are described as being ugly. Harry's aunt and uncle as well.

That´s quite easy. You see. The fat kid, was a WHITE MALE. No need to apologize.

It can also end in a minute, like in one of the books Harry catches the snitch in record time. Imagine paying a large amount of money for tickets to the World Cup and setting aside a long weekend for yourself and your family for a 2 minute game. There would be riots.

The whole concept of a magically enchanted snitch kills the spirit of competition since you're just trying to outsmart a magical object, not your opponent.

[email protected]

even when i was a kid reading these books i always thought the rules to this game were totally bullshit and made no sense whatsoever

why did she make it so you get a whopping 150 points for catching it? it could have been something like 30 and you could have still written the book, and it would have made for some actual tension during the match

and furthermore why are these books so immune to criticism? saying stuff like this out loud gets you socially ostracized, seriously wtf?

I'm quite skinny and don't personally give a shit about shaming fatties. It just jumped out at me like Spider-Man's homophobia.

This is very true. Umbridge is described as having a face like a toad and huge boobs. Ron's mum is fat as fuck and she's a good person though.

DUDE IT'S FOR CHILDREN!

>mfw i spent hundreds of hours on that GBA Quidditch game
To be young again...

I'm just starting the first book. Are there any spoilers I should know about?

>Spider-Man's homophobia
w-what?

>That's a cute outfit, did your husband make it for you?

>tfw you can't find the original unedited Raimi masterpiece
>all we have is this revisionist garbage

Harry becomes immortal by drinking the elixir made from the stone
Harry kills all the mudbloods in the school with a giant snake
Harry forgives his godfather for massacring a group of muggles
Harry cheats in the Triwizard Tournament to get the prize and kills his rival
Harry breaks into the Ministry and destroys all their records
Harry force feeds Dumbledore poison until he dies and blames it on Snape
Voldemort was just a figment of Harry's imagination the whole time

>give the sharp-eyed role to the kid with bad eyesight

Why?

First post this time is indeed best post

>guy that needs glasses to see can spot tiny flying ball
>every time
>in every game
HOW DOES THE BLIND FAGGOT DO IT

FUCK ROWLING AND FUCK HER MEMEUNIVERSE

>games end with total score of like ~300-400
>150 of them comes from seeker
Rowling was a hack

I like that

some of these actually made me laugh

WHERE IS THE FUCKING PASTA

This is pretty accurate. Every hero in these YA books is usually some small kid who possesses no real attributes or talents. Reminds me of the scene in hunger games when that personification of the word Chad couldn't climb that tree the main girl did because he somehow couldn't use his very built body to climb it so she just hid up there. Like that guy couldn't have climbed that tree and wouldn't have just crushed her head into the side of it, instead she uses her "smarts" to climb a fucking tree. And because this other kid is somehow so stupid he can't figure out how to do the same she wins.

>having a face like a toad and huge boobs
Is that supposed to be bad?

I liked how none of the 5 guys waiting for the bitch to come down did not notice the giant wasp hive right above her.

They even had an archer among them.

Any YA novels have a unrepentant chad as a hero protagonist? A douche guy who starts as being popular, fit and handsome and just gets better to spite all the losers who he activity pities?

Oh my god, I remember that. I also remember they just fucking fall asleep underneath her. And how that literal cakeboy uses his cake skills to camouflage himself. Jesus what a dumb fucking movie/book. I also liked how the old man "outsmarted" that girl he used the force field on in the most hamfisted way possible. Had she not just happened to stand there that axe wouldn't have hit her, it doesn't come across as smart, just lucky and unbelievably contrived.

I read one a few years ago about some kids locked in a school because they're sick and any adult they come in contact with dies from hemorrhaging.

Both the MC and his rival were chads, the MC is just nicer to random people but still built like a linebacker and a football star. It was a shitty book but I did like that part.

How did they know that since Harry was really good at catching a ball falling down a clear path, that he would be more suited torwards catching a flying nut going off in sporadic directions constantly?

Just make him a damn goalie or something.

Is Jack Reacher considered YA?

IRL life ugly people are usually less educated and intelligent so they tend to be harmful too
The "pretty people are dumb" meme is some american born coping mechanism

It's a modern fairy tale, it doesn't have to make sense. Why do they use owls to deliver messages instead of some magical equivalent of a phone for instant transmission of information?

Their transportation gets increasingly retarded. In the first book they used flying vehicles, brooms, and a train to transport people. Then it turns out anyone can enter any location immediately by way of green fire in a fireplace. THEN it turns out anyone can just learn to literally teleport anywhere at any time with little effort.
Why even use a magic train hidden in a normal station when you could just fireplace teleport to every location and take everyone to school that way?

Why did it matter that Ron and Harry miss the train when they could just write hagrid to come get them from literally any location?

No matter how much the snitch is worth, the sport doesn't work if the match ends immediately after someone catches it. Quidditch would be much better if the match ended X minutes after someone catches the snitch, to allow for a comeback. Now catching the snitch is a tactical decision which might backfire, forcing the seeker to actually know the state of the game and making the rest of the team actually relevant.

Harry dies

They can block apparition, you can't apparate within, out of, or into Hogwarts. It's also hard to do and you can lose body parts if you don't focus enough.

The fireplaces require the user to clearly state where they want to go. In Book 2 Harry's a fucking idiot and stutters like Michael J Fox, and so gets sent somewhere else. Plus, if they did let people use a fireplace to get to Hogwarts, an undesirable could get in - just pop on an invisibility cloak and whisper 'Hogwarts' as you enter the fire.

Ron and Harry used the car to get to Hogwarts instead of wait for Ron's parents because they were 2 stupid 12 year olds and were shitting themselves about being late to school.

>be winning the House Cup with 472 points
>Gryffindor dead last with 312
>"Yes well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin..HOWEVER"
>oh shit
>Dumblefuck pulls enough points out of his ass for Gryffindor to make them win.
>He does this at the last possible moment to add insult to injury, even switching the decoration.

Just imagine being Slytherin at that moment.

>Rowling chooses the Bulgarians to be savages at Quidditch, for some reason
hooray, relevance

Why didn’t snape just do a however himself and give slytherin 20 points for being good sports or some shit?

youtube.com/watch?v=351Aa5q_S98

And they wonder why slytherin is "evil" and doesn't play by the rules.

To be fair they were no doubt only winning because of Snape giving them 50 points for Draco's hair being particularly well bleached that morning

Rowling used the meme with dumbass prettyboy Lockhart though. And Hermione wasn't described as a catch in the books.

the pendragon series maybe, the protag starts off dating a cheerleader and being the star on the basketball team. Don't think he was a jerk or anything though.

Pure kino

Draco did nothing wrong in year 1;

>Offers friendship and advice to Harry
>Takes Neville's remembrall to keep it safe
>Informs an authority figure of rule breaking
>Argues with Filch about their detention being unsafe and unfair (and rightly so, they encounter Voldemort)
>Is good boy in charms
>Just as frightened about the troll in the dungeon as anyone else (and rightly so, his dorms are in the dungeons)
>Attempts to teach Harry about dueling

And when Slytherin win he's a happy boy, and he looks so distraught when Dumblecunt fucks it up.

There is a special note Rowling left when originally writing the books that says that she made Quidditch an illogical game on purpose, and that the value of the Seeker and Snitch seemed to "infuriate" men and therefore was a good concept at the time for her.

Women can only understand an easy victory, not surprising the concept appealed to her and that she knew it would be retarded to men.

epic troll, Joanne

>with dumbass prettyboy Lockhart though.
That's the point. He's better looking and more charming than the target audience, therefore he's secretly inferior and gets his comeuppance.

This is how it works:
>Irredeemable, one note cutouts: Ugly on the outside and inside.
>People that the target audience feel inferior to: secretly inferior and evil.

not all slytherins are described as ugly. I remember the malfoy family looking very attractive also Blaise zabini was considered quite handsome

I remember Malfoy's friends to be described as ugly as shit though

(citation needed)

The whole Black family is described as being attractive, and all but Sirius and perhaps Andromeda were Slytherins.

But Crabbe and Goyle are said to be ugly, and Pansy is "Pug faced" and "Hard faced"

why didnt they play against rival schools?

This.

It sounded to me like they pulled the different schools out of their asses by book 4. They were literally never mentioned ever.

Rowling is such a fucking hack

...

>google.ca/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/entertainment/books/740425/Harry-Potter-JK-Rowling-Quidditch-origin-Philosopher-s-Stone-Edinburgh-Writers-Museum/amp

Hawking. Chomsky. Berlin. Russell. Trump. All plug ugly.

That's because the Malfoys and Blacks are meant to represent the popular, rich & evil kids the target audience might be resentful towards, and so they must be good looking, since Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Jesus L Christ. She really is a fucking hack, isn't she? Women were a fucking mistake.

>when you invent a sport for your book that you acknowledge makes no sense but it is justified because you were angry with your boyfriend at the time

t. man

gold thing you snatch to win the game

hmm what can i call something you snatch?

I've got it! Snatch! No, thats too obvious. Snitch!

In fairness even not terrible things do that, like the invisible magical force that surrounds all life in star wars.

>pug faced
>hard faced

Ms. Parkinson is rather pretty and vivacious.

>The rules make no sense because I wanted to take a jab at men/my boyfriend by shitting up the lore of the world I created for my adventure book for children
>I was only pretending to be retarded

That's why Harry Potter falls apart when you start thinking about the logistics of the world. These are surface level childrens movies. Don't get me wrong, they're extremely well made childrens movies, with constant themes, fun characters and a interesting world, but beyond that there isn't much else.

He's a Mary Sue of the highest degree, which is alright as the rest of the story is entertaining, but then they had to get that revolting, 40 year old looking hook nose to play Harry...

Of course she made up the schools in book 4. Are you not aware of how books are written?

Are you fucking retarded?

She wrote book one without knowing whether or not the series would gain traction. She wasnt thinking what would happen in book 3, 4, 5...

Of COURSE she pulled it out of her ass. She pulled the whole thing out of her ass. That's how creativity works. Creation is the operative word. Dumbass.

quidditch mathes are just the icing on the cake
they could have easily wipe out voldemort with a glock to his head
shits funny

sup rowling

t. female

Go tell Tolkein and GRRM about how everything was pulled out of their asses.

protip: Men have this ability, this thing, we call PLANNING

Yeah, it was rude and just another reason why the world of Harry Potter falls apart when you put any shred of thought into it. So Dumbledors reaction to Gryffindor for essentially breaking all the rules,, disobeying their teachers orders, going in out of bounds, going in the forbidden library, almost getting themselves + their friends killed is to reward them with points? What does that teach these 11 year old children? That if they go on dangerous adventures and win, that they can be awarded house points and win the house cup? This just opens the flood gates for these young witches and wizards to be little obnoxious shit heads... It's such a fucking dumb idea, and not only that, it makes Dumbledor come off as such an asshole, playing favourites and all. Giving Harry special treatment because he's an orphan, even tho he's a rich as fuck orphan... Belittling Slytherin by humiliating them like that in front of the entire school. Stupid movie that falls apart when you start to think to much into it.

Based first poster

>Rowling has confirmed that a muggle with a gun would be able to beat a wizard with a wand
>This is as canon as Dumbledore's lust for cock
>Wizards ought not be ignorant to the concept of guns, considering muggles did two world wars loaded with rooty tooty point and shooties
>Guns, as a nonmagical thing, have no means of being magically detected or protected against, making them the perfect weapon to use against a magical foe and can be staged to make it look like the victim may have been killed by a muggle
>Not a single wizard, be they good or evil, ever thinks to use or even carry a gun with them

kek I never noticed that split frame of Light before

Well to be fair guns and knives are illegal in the UK.

Ok, this has been driving me crazy and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.

And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.

Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?

Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.

Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."

male here, you're a dumb underage retard

tolkien had to go and retcon the hobbit to match lotr lore
you probably think Lost is the best show ever made too

Tolkien did the same shit multiple times. So does GRRM. Pull your head out of your ass.