Tfw got arrested by the theater police

>tfw got arrested by the theater police

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>haha le singles policy at the kinoplex give (you)s pls

>theater police
Not everyone gets arrested for seeing a movie, Eurocuck.

>tfw get sent to salt mines for getting boner during sex scene

Did you forget to pay the manlet tax?

Thanks for joining us tonight, reddit. And for the (you)

Yes, but I failed the kino quiz again.

Good luck user

I'm American

What's your sentence? Popcorn mines? The molten butter caldera? The cotton candy heath? The bottomless pit of licorice?

>and the other theater police

5 years in a Disney shill farm

May God have mercy on your soul.

>only forgot to laugh at 1 (one) quip during gotg2
>sold into slavery and forced to make brainlet wojak memes for Sup Forums

>amermutts have a theater police

>Didn't change cinema screens for the pyscho mantis bit in the new MGS movie
>Forced to watch a man say "I'm talking to you movie projector guy!" for an hour before being ushered into the brainlet reposistory

>theater zoo STILL doesn't have lions

>my didn't laugh at a capeshit quip
>guards apprehend him
>take him to the local Kino King
>Kino King imprisons my friend in the theater crane machine

I didn't have enough quarters to save him

OP here, I have to do probation in the Kino Korps

What do you have, bud?

Fuck, that sucks

>go to see Blade Runner 2049
>pre-movie national anthem starts playing
>fight breaks out between kneelers and clappers
>I'm picked as the designated shooter
>gun jams after shooting the first pew
>run out of theatre crying
I'm never going back

Do you at least have sharks in your theater lake?

>tfw summoned by theater for jury duty

i'll probably decide what happens to dumbass OP

That's ascended

WTF? What animals do they feed with the no-singles policy infringers then?

Hey guys, is it to okay to feed the green crab legs to your falcon?
I don't like them that much.

>and your other badge

>Force to toll away in the popcorn mountains of madness for calling a flick "Kaskaesque"
>Can't tell the neckbeards from the shoggoths

hahahaha

Wolves, like plebs.

No, since they let people fish there they'd rather not have to deal with sharks.

Bad news kid, those have radiation from the theater nuclear plant

>ammo shortage
>got gipped on the designated shooter
vocaroo.com/i/s1pzhNVk5iWM

Fuck!
How do i replace my falcon now?

Do your theaters allow you to wear your bathing suit in the showers?

>Theater police enforce penis inspection

It's why I wait for tors

>mfw got a tenure from theater university

>sneeze
>guard in the tower shines the light on you

>wanted to see Justice League
>got a 70 on the entrance exam
>only qualify to see Coco
>have to wait another week to retake the test
I only missed the cutoff by 5 points, its bullshit

Well you got your five right there

>briséd towards corner 4 instead of 3 during the intermission ballet performance

just

>tfw the theaters designated shooter is late because he was injured in a tragic popcorn mine cave in

...

>Go to see bladerunner right before it leaves theaters
>Empty theater except for a few people
>I'm sitting the furthest back - nobody can see what I'm doing
>Jerk off during the trailers
>Guy in front of me gets up to refill his drink
>I grab his popcorn and cum on it
>Mix it around so it has the mouth-feel of too much butter
>Put it back and move a row up
>Watch him eat it all movie long

>Don't browse Sup Forums for 2 months
Can someone explain this meme, I want to laugh too ;_;

>tfw the pauper to prince program forced me to sit next to a Shoggoth while watching Jumanji 2

Not litty.

That's nice of them desu. They removed the sharks just to put in anglerfish in my kinoplex.

Ask Robert, he does falcon repairs on Wednesdays

>vocaroo.com/i/s1pzhNVk5iWM

Is this a new ambient sounds kino?

youtu.be/JBx-vydxfKU
soundcloud.com/lazerbird-98477393/afternoon-at-the-kinoplex

Yeah but these chads keep asking me to take it off.

Pic related

I have to buy live lemmings and ptarmigans every time I bring my gyrfalcon to the theater. He won't eat anything else.

He violated the no singles policy.

This meme is hell of a lot older than 2 months

>the theatre wizard has a heart attack halfway through the film
>wards immediately fail
>have to fight off the crabs coming up from the unsealed tunnels
>they drag the designated shooter down with them
>spent the rest of the film listening to distant gunfire below us

>tfw all my friends on Sup Forums think I'm a newfag now
How embarrassing. Is suicide my only option?

no but your going to have to do 3 months in the popcorn mines and then pass the penis inspection

>Opening night for The Force Awakens
>The Great Theater Sprint is about to begin to determine who sits where
>Get my leg caught by the Candy King and his squad of Popcorn Paupers
>They drag me into their dark Crab Leg Caravan and move me back 3 spaces, all the way back into the dedicated theater grease trap
>Not allowed to start running again until tagged by another racer
>Nobody is fucking tagging me because I came alone and "deserve it for attempting to break policy"
>Finish L A S T and forced to sit on Large Michael's lap

Fuck this. Not letting it happen again for The Last Jedi. This wouldn't have happened if I had purchased a rifle from the theaters Gift Shop/Holocaust Remembrance Museum

Fuck that's terrifying

>succubus spirit from the kinodungeon rapes the entire wizard council AGAIN
beginning to think these crusty sods are asking for it

>forced to work in the popcorn mine for the next two weekends because I said DC > MCU
it's not fair

>power goes out in the middle of Thor: Ragnarok
>rape golem, now blind, accidentally takes out the designated shooter
>5 minutes later virgin skeletons break through the floor angry they didn't get enough sacrifices and begin pulling people into the fiery depths below
>curtain catches fire and spreads to the falcon area
>flaming falcons are now flying around, divebombing people, and setting fire to the whole theater
>pass out from smoke inhalation
>wake up to robot guards hovering over me asking me why I was not standing and clapping at the end of the film
>try my best to explain but all I can do is cough up blood
>put in jail overnight and my hearing is on monday, facing 10 years in the popcorn mines
>lawyer says he can get me a deal for 5 years, out in 3 for good behavior
>still have no idea if my falcon survived or not
I'd give Ragnarok a 7/10, it had some good performances.

Wow sounds like a bad experience, I remember one time the theater wizard at my kinoplex transformed my falcon into a gryphon to fight off the designated shooter

>get caught making slowjacks
>kinoplex mandated lobotomy tomorrow
its pottery, in a way

Congrats, what will you be teaching?

>cough
>Usher taps your back to say it's time
>can already smell the popcorn mines

Impressive, very nice.

Lost it so hard

I'll get the pillow ready, McMurphy...

JUST

It's shitposting using fake theater stories that pair life-like elements like the no singles policy, and outlandish elements like theater lakes, showers, popcorn mines, and falcons.

>he thinks it's all fake

What an outlandish story. Why are you making stuff up, no one will buy it. Everyone knows you cannot survive for more than a year in the popcorn mines.

>falling for the buttercough meme
you realize they stopped sending down workers without face-masks and kettle shots years ago right fag?

>fake
I can tell you're new here.

>tax collector comments on how nicely preened my falcon is

>He's never been chased by virgin sniffing dogs
>He's never been enslaved in a popcorn mine for failing penis inspection
>He's never been laughed at by chad and his five girlfriends
>He's never been bared entry because of the no singles policy
Why can't I be this user?

>go to kinodrome outside of town for a change
>they don't mid-kino intermissions for microwaving socks
>during Winter