So Sup Forums hows your sex life?

So Sup Forums hows your sex life?

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>life

HAHAHAHAHAA

Pretty bad right now, trying to make it improve a bit.

Oh, hi Mark.

your my favorite customer

My gf is in Italy probably banging mad dudes so I'm fixated on porn right now.

not good

Unborn.

It's confidential

Why was Johnny so interested in Mark's private life?
He even asks if he can meet the married woman he's banging.

>208 days until I get out of this sausagefest of a technical university and move to a city of 500,000 where I can hopefully find some women for the first time in fucking forever

I have cancer

It's confidential

You should be banging mad chicks then

i ate out pussy for the first time the other day, ask me anything

Yeah, we don’t see each other anymore. You know, she wasn’t any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.

...

Was it a boipussy?

I haven't had sex since early September. The lads are worried about me and my friend is trying to hook me up with his friend who's kinda ugly. I'm not exactly a ten either and can't really afford to be picky but it would still be a big step down from my last girlfriend and a blow to my ego.

I have sex with my 2d waifu. It's pretty good.

is it breast cancer?

Sorry user, but I fucked her feet

No you didn't, she has no feet

I'm listening

non existent Tommy

after a dry spell of several months I banged a thicc SJW problem hair roastie who thought the hobbit was better than LOTR last week, power level hiding game was insane

I'm not proud but the sex was awesome

gf's uni is a few hours drive from me but we see each other every other week so I have a pretty regular dicking schedule.

>girls at work laughed at guy at work for losing his virginity at 18
r-roasties ree

I remember your thread, lad.

pretty based, nice work my man, just make sure to keep it sex only and if she tries to get in your head ghost her immediately

are you me? The power level hiding was the hardest part

My mom already ordered the pizza

no one would be on Sup Forums if they had a sex life

I dont wanna talk about it

>have perfectly normal life with wife and everything
>still come here daily
WHY CANT I QUIT YOU

we are big guys for you

I'm a grad student and had a fling with an RA from another department. Later found out he was cheating on his bf. At least he was great in bed

that's really gay user

...

>25 and still virgin
t-thanks for asking

Haha what a story user

Haven't had sex in almost 4 years now. Just die in my sleep already

youtube.com/watch?v=4qab3TMg42k

I don't have a sex life. Being intimate is too strange.

haven't had sex since 2015

t.facially handsome manlet neet

lost a love, she was better than i’ll ever do again. getting tons of numbers from good looking collitch chicks but they’re all birds and most of them just want to get analized and choked and then thrown out. i don’t have the heart to chad women, i just want her back i don’t want collitch pussy

Awful, but then I spend 90%-100% of every day inside my house with 2 cats and make no effort to improve it.

When I go back to school and being sober this will bother me, but right now it's just the state of affairs.

>sex life

Haha what a story

Too much time on the internet has warped my sexuality so now I'm only attracted to men that look like women

How was it?

how was taste like?

Hi I'm italian, maybe I can check on your gf for you if you tell me where she is exactly.

das ghey mane

Tommy Wiseau was trying to weave some dramatic irony into the story but failed at making it seamless with the dialogue.

salty milk and coins

23rd birthday tomorrow and still a virgin, but I'm not even trying right now. Maybe when I graduate and get a stable job, I'll start trying.

>tfw literally incapable of having sex with women anymore
I fucking hate living in [The Current Year]

Great cuz I actually have one. Gf just told me im the only bf she's ever had that satisfies her both physically and emotionally. But I am a bit of an alcoholic and I am pretty sure I'm dying so glass have full kind of thing.

>I have a gf and she thinks im perfect
>oh boo hoo woe is me feel sorry for me lads I think im dying and it totally couldnt be related to my degenerate alcoholism
Wow 10/10 post, cant wait for the film adaptation starring Michael Fuckbender

even tommy has had sex and hes a goblin
feels bad man

Patrician taste imo

I'm not feeling sorry for myself or asking for your sympathy it seems as if your immediate syncisism got the best of you.

>slowly convincing a married childless milf to divorce her husband and take half of his shit for 'us'
>she hates his guts and wants to do it but needs some pushing in the right direction
>she's going to use his money to buy a place nearby to where i am so we can be fuckbuddies
Pretty good

Your post doesnt make any sense, maybe put the bottle down and sober up before making another reply

But why is all this necessary just to have sex? Do you want that guy to murder you?

>oral sex on females

LOL no thanks mario

>But why is all this necessary just to have sex?
Because he's oneitising hard and he's incapable of replicating his game success with other (more high-value) women

(You)

Pretty low to do to another guy

Stop being beta and get a single woman, faggot

Girlfriend left me but I'm curving this hot as fuck Guyanese chick away from her boyfriend so I can bust a fat load on her sweet, sweet Muslim titties

Fuck and dump

...

Same as always Jaahnnny

>thinking all vaginas are as disgusting as Amy Schumer's
You ain't any sort of man if you don't eat pussy.

No user (you) first.

what could possibly go wrong?

I cheat on my gf regularly

I doubt that will change anything, we know each other since we were 4, and we did break up in the past. I know it's a shitty think to do but can't help it.

...

Kys

We fucked so hard with my wife two weaks ago, that she's now bleeding from her pusy for two weeks straght, period included, she's finally going to gynecologist tomorrow

Oh it's all a bit of fun
The guy she's with is a pussy anyway, she told me he couldnt get it up unless she pegged him first, i cant fight for shit but that doesnt sound like the kind of guy who would start something
What's life without a little risk?

>25 yo virgin
>likes Villenureddit
no surprise

Dude you ruptured her cervix, probably shouldn't treat your actual wife like a slampig

and you're ok with this because...?

Perfectly normal, proceed.