A few years ago, there was a wealthy couple who had two young children, a boy and a girl. The family lived in a large house in Newport Beach, California. After taking care of their kids all week, the mother and father decided that they needed a break, so they booked a table for dinner at a nice restaurant. That evening, they called a teenage girl they knew and arranged for her to come over and babysit their children while they were out. When the babysitter arrived, the parents told her to fix supper for the kids and put them to bed.
"After that you can just watch TV and help yourself to anything in the fridge", said the father.
"And if you wouldn't mind," said the mother, "could you watch TV in our bedroom? The kids have been having nightmares recently, so if you hear them crying, you can just go in and calm them down."
The babysitter happily agreed and the parents left for their dinner date. The girl gave the children some milk and cookies, then ushered them upstairs to bed. She started to read them a bedtime story and, before long, the little boy and girl were fast asleep. After tucking them in, she switched off the lights and went to watch TV.
As time passed, the babysitter started to feel more and more uneasy. Finally, she decided to go downstairs and phone the parents. When she dialed the number they had left for her, the mother answered.
"Hi, it's me," said the babysitter. "Everything's fine. The kids are fast asleep in bed, but I was just wondering, would be OK if I watched TV downstairs?"
"Of course," replied the father. "But why?"
"I know it sounds silly," laughed the girl, "but the statue of Vincent D'onofrio in your back yard is really creeping me out.
The phone went silent for a moment.
"Listen to me very carefully," said the father. “Take the children and get out of the house. We will call the police. We don't have a statue of Vincent D'onofrio."
A few years ago, there was a wealthy couple who had two young children, a boy and a girl...
What a story, Mark!
fucking chilling
Once there was a nice old lady who had a lovely little dog. One day, the old lady heard on the radio that a Law and Order episode was being filmed in her town.
So that night she went to bed as usual. She knew everything was okay because when she put down her hand the dog licked it. But later in the night she heard a drip, drip, drip. She put her hand down and the dog licked it and everything was okay, so she went downstairs to check out the tap. But the tap wasn't dripping. So she went to bed again. And everything was okay. She woke up again later in the night, though, so she thought the dripping sound must be coming from the shower. She went into the bathroom, and there was her dog, drooling as it chewed on a fresh milk bone. Written on the mirror were the words "Actors can lick too."
A teenage boy drove his date to a dark and deserted lovers' lane for a make-out session. He turned on the radio for mood music, leaned over to whisper in the girl's ear, and began kissing her.
Minutes later, the mood was broken when the music suddenly stopped mid-song. After a moment of silence an announcer's voice came on, saying that an episode of Daredevil was being shot in Buffalo — which happened to be located within a half-mile of where they were parked — and saying the cast members would be free to do autographs after the shooting.
The girl became excited and asked to be taken there. The boy, feeling bold, locked all the doors instead and, assuring his date they would get their chance, attempted to kiss her again. She was resolute and pushed him away, insisting that they go. Relenting, the boy peevishly jerked the car into gear and spun its wheels as he pulled out of the parking space.
When they arrived at the girl's house she got out of the car, and, reaching to close the door, began to scream uncontrollably. The boy ran to her side to see what was wrong and there, stuck in the space between the door and the glass, was an autographed photograph of Vincent D'Onofrio
Why did I read these in his voice?
what was up with his performance in The Break-Up, it almost made me schizo
A daring synthesis.
It was Halloween and a young woman was shopping at the mall. She had to pick up some candy and chocolate to hand out to the children in her neighborhood. After buying everything on her list, she paid for her purchases and carried the shopping bags out to the car park.
When she was loading her bags into the boot of her car, she noticed Vincent D'Onofrio with a large shopping bag approaching her.
I'm sorry to bother you," said Vincent D'Onofrio, “but I missed my bus. Would you give me a lift home? My legs are tired and I've been acting all day.”
The young woman was excited to meet a celebrity, so she said, “Of course, I’d be happy to. Hop in.”
She unlocked the door for Vincent D'Onofrio and helped him into the passenger seat. Then, she walked around and got into the car herself. However, as she was about to drive way, the young woman noticed something that sent a chill down her spine.
Vincent D'Onofrio had hairy arms.
Something about the sight of those hairy arms made her extremely terrified. She picked up her purse and began searching through it.
“Oh no, she said. I can’t find my credit card. I must have left it in the mall. Can you wait her for a few minutes while I go back and see if anybody has found it?”
Vincent D'Onofrio nodded.
The young woman returned to the mall and found a security guard. She told him about the actor in her car. Together, they went back to the parking lot, but the young woman’s car was empty and the passenger door was standing wide open.
On the seat of the car was the large shopping bag that Vincent D'Onofrio had been carrying. Inside, they found his cell phone and his autobiography.
A boy and his friend were in on their way home from a party, driving down a lonely country road. They saw Vincent D'Onofrio standing at the side of the road, with his thumb out. The boys stopped to ask him if he'd like a ride. He asked them if they'd take him home and they agreed. It was a very cold night and he borrowed one of their overcoats.
They drove to his house and stopped and let him out. Suddenly one of the boys remembered he had forgotted to ask Vincent D'Onofrio for his overcoat. His friend said "Wait until tomorrow. We'll come back."
The next morning the boys returned to look for Vincent D'Onofrio. They found his mother, a very old woman, at home. She said that Vincent D'Onofrio was her son, but he'd been a semi-reputable actor for 7 years. The old woman pointed to a studio down the road.
The boys didn't believe her and they went into the studio and looked around. Then they saw the overcoat hung on a dressing room door. Written on the door was Vincent D'Onofrio's name.
This story is centered on a general store in a small town. Two gentlemen who ran the store one day had the monotony of their daily chores interrupted by Vincent D'Onofrio who, dressed all in grey, entered the store, picked up a glass container of milk from the dairy case, and then promptly walked out the door. Frozen for a few moments by his audacity, the two men finally collected their wits and dashed out the door after him, but he was already gone. Two days later, the incident occurred a second time.
The third time, the men were prepared. When he entered the store, they watched as he picked up the container of milk and again walked out the door. This time they raced after him, chased her down the street, and finally down a dirt path at the edge of town where they lost sight of him. However, upon further exploration, the two men discovered a movie trailer where they could hear a baby's cry coming from inside. The men kicked down the door and entering the trailer, they discovered a carriage with a live, crying infant and three empty containers of milk. The child was abandoned, and Vincent D'Onofrio had kept the baby alive for several days until she was found.
A college student was traveling home from school. As she entered one particularly long, dark stretch of forest, a car that had been following her suddenly raced up close, and the driver flashed his lights. She accelerated in order to pull away, but the car kept pace and again flashed his lights. She accelerated again, but the car behind her kept up and continued flashing his lights.
Within moments, the student saw flashing blue lights from an approaching police car. She pulled over to the shoulder and so did the car behind her. She watched as the police car pulled up behind them both. The officer quickly exited his car, and then raced towards her. The officer pulled her quickly from the car and before she could ask what was happening he handcuffed her. He opened the back door and said, "You can come out now, are you hurt?" As the college student watched, Vincent D'Onofrio got out of the back seat of her car.
As she was being handcuffed, the man who had been following her apologized and told the college student that he was flashing his lights every time the man would rise up from the back seat because he thought Vincent D'Onofrio was going to attack her, when in fact Vincent D'Onofrio merely thought he was being abducted and called the police.
Three students discovered a rolled and discarded carpet on the sidewalk while returning to their dorms one day. They decided to bring it home with them to help decorate their shared space. When they reached the dorm, they unrolled the carpet to discover an unconscious Vincent D'Onofrio inside.
bumping 4 this dank new meme
Late one night, a babysitter was by herself after putting the children to bed. The phone rang, and thinking it might be the children's parents, she answered it.
The person on the other end identified himself as Vincent D'Onofrio and said he'd accidentally locked himself inside downstairs. She hung up, thinking it was a prank call, but the phone rang again. The babysitter answered it, only to hear the same desperate plea.
The babysitter was annoyed now, so she called the operator and asked that the call be traced.
When it rang a third time, she heard the supposed Vincent D'Onofrio again claiming he was downstairs and he couldn't get the door open and leave, before she hung up. The operator called back almost immediately, surprising the babysitter by telling her that the call was coming from inside the house.
How did he even get in the car?
D'onofrio moves in mysterious ways
Look nigga imma level with you
I like the idea but you need more of a comedic twist instead of just a let so random one
Keep it up tho you have potential
>they unrolled the carpet to discover an unconscious Vincent D'Onofrio inside
6/10 meme slightly above average
I'm actually kind of creeped out right now because the house across from mine has had a picture of a man I'm the window for the past few months. I could never work out who it was but now I think it might be Vincent D'onofrio but its too dark to check.
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW