Welcome back Anons! Last time, /cock/ happened, and I storytimed something shitty. Today, we read something LESS crap, as we read Jeff Parker's Dark Avengers.
Why the name change? Because Way wanted to write Rulkbolts, and nobody had the heart to tell Marvel that he's a crap writer
Yeah, as you can tell from the cover, most of these "Dark Avengers" are the same ones that Bendis used for the New Avengers side of the "Osborn's new HAMMER" plot. Let's see if Parker writes them any better, shall we?
Oh boy, the modern military in a cape book. I'm sure they won't fare as badly as the SDF in a Kaiju movie...
Well, that didn't take long.
I guess the question is, does the bald guy survive, or die horribly?
And here we see Pym dressed no longer as Wasp, but as Giant-Man. Based on the way the change was written in Avengers Academy, I can only assume readers complained that he took his wife's identity.
I love this bit where the panels all focus on Hank doing science, and Luke is just having a war with the local gators off-panel.
...
>"Did I just see Troll riding a dragon?"
Yes you did, Luke. It was awesome.
Thanks for the bump, user.
And here's the other half of the new team. If you were here for the second New Avengers series, you already know who all of these are.
I can only assume, based by how hard Luke hit the rock, Songbird threw him. I'd make a "Thunderbolts Fastball Special" joke, but I swear there already is one.
>"Webs? Like an old nightmare."
Some things never change, huh Abe?
This, Bendis, and the Osborn mini (written, surprisingly enough, by pre-Captain Marvel KSD) are the only major appearances of Ai Apec (not-Spider-Man here) and Toxie Doxie (not-Scarlet-Witch)
I get the feeling June has been wanting to make that pun as soon as she saw Ragnarok.
Either Parker is lowballing, or Apaec's webs are nowhere near as strong as Peter's, because that could hold Luke down.
Despite the narration calling him "Spider-Man" and looking like him, Apec makes clear every time he talks that he's Ai Apaec
JUST when he managed to get his hands on the ranged guys, in comes the tank. Don't you hate when that happens?
I'm glad we don't have to deal with an AvX tie-in, but this is where the story starts getting kind of screwy. The art also gets worse as both Walker and Shalvey leave later on.
Notice that they never actually USED the nanites so far, except to say "they have nanites"?
>"Let's put not only known criminals, but literal terrorists who were part of the same organization on one team and expect them to work for us."
Don't be surprised if this turns to shit.
We got lucky in that only New Avengers had an AvX tie in. If anything else did, we may have actually had to READ AvX instead of just posting Muh Phoenix.
oh jee, i wonder who the back-up could be. it's not like he's literally on the cover.
A brief recap in case you managed to forget what happened during the Bendis arc these guys last appeared in.
Osborn escaped thanks to a combination of Hydra, AIM, and the Hand, who joined together with him to make a new HAMMER (because reasons). These guys, and Gorgon ended up becoming his "new Avengers" but Skaar here was a double agent for Steve Rogers, who turned on them in the end.
I love the character beat of Abe still hating Spider-Man.
Hey, this cover looks familiar...
Skipping the recap page like always, despite it clearly being under the cover.
Ah yes, remember the time 2001 was interrupted by a girl dressed in a skinned bear?
Karla still doesn't quite like Troll, unlike basically everyone else in this part of the team.
>"You just like Satana because she magics up little sex imps for you!"
Knowing Boomerang, the thought has occurred to him to ask her to do the same for him.
Do they kill an important genetic forefather of human race and prevent the entire humanity coming into existence due to buttefrly effect?
Also, whatever happened to Troll? I completely forgot about her ever existing.
It's not even a villainous hatred. Like, if Spidey was going to die, he'd save his life, he'd just... save a civilian on the way, and hope Spidey gets hit in the head a few times.
Is it sad that I can't tell if Boomerang is sarcastically singing that song, or if Karla is? They're both sarcastic as fuck
>Also, whatever happened to Troll? I completely forgot about her ever existing.
Apparently she never appears after this, outside of a few cameos.
Damn it Boomerang, now's not the time to be a horndog
>stealth bat-shark-repellent reference
oh, fuck you, comic
This poor fucker still dead, or has Marvel decided to do something with Watcher-Fury?
>the Thunderbolts have reached the point where all life came from
Boomer, Hyde, for the love of god, don't piss off the side of the tower.
he narrated and appeared in the last issue of Unworthy Thor
What, don't like references to cheesy 60's television?
I actually read the arc this is retconning recently. God damn, it was dumb.
not the memy ones
I genuinely don't remember him doing anything worth mentioning.
>Man-Thing talking
>he speaks ebonics too
Bet you wouldn't have guessed that one.
He's completely sentient and can talk in his current series.
>"He speaks [the universal language]! We each hear him differently!"
And based on how RL Stein's Man-Thing is going, he missed that part, because Man-Thing's tone seems to be consistent, which is good for literally every OTHER character.
>that sulking Karla in the first panel
If you've ever read the last arc of Millar's Fantastic Four, you know the deal with this. In that book, Doom's never before seen master, called "The Marquis of Death" appeared, casually beat him in a duel, and sent him back to the dawn of life to get eaten, like we saw.
At the end of the four parter, it was revealed that "The Marquis of Death's" apprentice who we had seen for a while was an older Doctor Doom, who survived being eaten by sharks, as well as living from that point to the moder day, by sheer force of will, disguised himself so his teacher wouldn't recognize him, and then killed him once he could.
Here, Parker is retconning that the Thunderbolts bumbled their way onto where he was dropped, and picked him up, where he went back to his own time with a time machine, and just LIED about what happened to protect his ego.
Welcome back, OP.
At first I actually thought I was going to enjoy Cage Max. I consider myself a fan of Azarello's work but fuck did Cage go no where fast.
The ending was laughable. Even thinking back on it now, I still can't get over how ridiculous it was.
I read Cage Noir one of the other "out of canon" books we'd be reading. Luckily, it's a lot better than MAX, despite a few similarities.
I like how the clothes on these covers actually look like clothes, if that makes any sense.
Well... at least they're close?
Spidey is a massive dick to you when you're on the other side of his quips.
One of his greatest weapons is his power to humiliate his foes.
I remember reading a book that has the line "if you're a criminal in the Marvel universe, the two people you NEVER want to meet are the Punisher or Spider-Man. The Punisher can kill you slowly and painfully. Spidey just beats you up, and insults your mother while he's doing it."
Or something to that effect. It's been a while.
>a Doombot randomly calling a blonde woman a cow
I like to think this is directly taking the piss at Bendis.
How the fuck Marvel let THAT man write a Doctor Doom solo is beyond me.
I like to think Boomer lucked (or unlucked, as it were) out and got the real Doom right there.
Yeah, looks like "showing up with a Hulk and declaring him a member" didn't work so well.
>this random country in the middle east has tech comparable to Wakanda and Latveria at their peak
What are the odds this never comes up again?
Damn, I've just realised that I've missed the second issue storytimed of Man Thing.
Is it picking up? I enjoyed the old pulp vibe of the first issue. The covers have some nice looking art.
Oh hey, there's Baldy. I guess he WAS important after all.
>"Dark Avengers... Dark Assemble."
That'll be your photoshop for the issue, Anons.
Damn it Satana, can you turn the lewd off for FIVE minutes?
I just remembered what ultimately happened to Ragnarok. Shit, now I'm upset that he never resurfaced after that.
Honestly, the first issue didn't GRAB me, and I haven't read enough Man-Thing for my OCD to demand I read it, like a few other Marvel books.
Aw, I hate seeing sad Man-Thing...
Yeah, Ragnarok is kind of a dumbass.
>"Even Mjolnir cannot pass?"
For fuck's sake, that's not the real Mjolnir, and you know it.
Shit, you'd think THAT hammer would've come up at some point, especially now that Ultimate Mjolnir is "for another Thor."
Why do they allow the "dark avengers" to keep their costumes? Doesnt it hurt actual Avenger's brand?
Well... shit.
Some may consider this "Doom jobbing"...
>and Toxie Doxie
Actually she showed up in some Inhuman book recently
I liked it better when it was implied that Doom found a way to survive for millions of years to get his revenge on the man who sent him back in time. Instead of Doom finding a time machine
Personally, I don't really care.
I don't feel like it's that kind of book to obsess over it's role in the marvel u.
For me, it makes me feel nostalgic for the old adventure comics I'd read as a kid but with a goofy monster as the lead.
It definitely takes itself a lot less seriously than other comics out today. I found that refreshing.
Especially since it clearly didn't last for very long.
Hawkeye has a different mask, Thor has a different outfit, and thanks to Bendis, nobody gives a fuck about the Scarlet Witch.
>we Judge Dredd now
And with three issues done, I think I'll finish up here for now, especially since I have a few errands to run. If the thread is still here in a few hours, I'll post some more. If not, see you next time, to see if the Thunderbolts survive the Megacities!
I still think, Stark (or whoever owned Avengers at the time) should have sued their asses.
And so Karla sets her eyes on another prey
Given that one of the first thing Inverted-Stark does is sue Luke's Mighty Avengers, I think he normally doesn't care that much.
Hi and bye. Need to get back to work, but have a bump.
>Way
>Pre Maverick Rulk
A recipe made with both shit AND marmite? Sounds like it should have been popular.
Luke Cage: Still not a fan of Florida Swamps.
>Way
But this is written by Parker
He was likely talking about how OP randomly mentioned Way's Thunderbolts.
>Why the name change? Because Way wanted to write Rulkbolts, and nobody had the heart to tell Marvel that he's a crap writer
Red Hulk Thunderbolts didn't happen until Marvel Now, after this book was cancelled.
It's called Dark Avengers because Marvel thought that a new number 1 with the name Avengers in the title would sell more.
I gotta say, as much as liked Fraction's Hawkeye, I hated how he turned Barney Barton into a pathetic loser.
fuck you Rulk is great
>The nation has desperate need of such a team
Funny how after this book ended there was no longer a desperate need.
Really, there's no reason why the Thunderbolts "need" to exist.
It is still a cool concept though. I wish, they brought Marvel Suicide Squad back.
Not when Loeb was writing him
Well if the Secret Avengers team stopped existing then the world could need a Thunderbolts team
This is technically not retconning anything, just explaining how Doom survived, which Millar didn't bother doing.
But yes, that whole arc of FF was dumb.
Dick move Doom, man of honor my ass.
This is especially dumb since Doom has publicly allied with criminals countless times yet he never seemed to care.
>which Millar didn't bother doing
>It's Doctor Doom
Is that not explaining enough?
>Dr.Doom is saved by Boomerang
It just doesn't sit well, you know
Really liking these poses Shalvey is giving to Apec. He seems to understand the mutliarm gimmick a lot better than all those past Spider-Man artists did.
Everything in your post is wrong. This run of issues is from summer 2012, Dark Avengers/Parkerbolts didn't end until May 2013. Waybolts started in December 2012 as part of NOW.
The name change to Dark Avengers definitely could have been because of the movie coming out at the time (got me to buy it), but at least there's a story justification for the title change, since the focus is being shifted away from the Thunderbolts to Luke's new team.
>The name change to Dark Avengers definitely could have been because of the movie coming out at the time (got me to buy it),
What Dark Avengers movie?
Bump
...