Congratulations Sup Forums...

Congratulations Sup Forums. You’ve just been hired to adapt the screenplay and direct the film based on the recent short story sensation, Cat Person

Who do you cast as Robert and Margot?

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Kevin Spacey and Jennifer Lawrence

>the recent short story sensation, Cat Person
explain

why do I keep seeing this?
Can someone greentext the story in 50 words or less please?

women should all die

>man lives in the woods
>he fucks cats
>doesn't see another person for years
>woman falls in love with him because she has no personality and he has literally any characteristic
>she is surprised he doesn't understand kissing

I keep seeing this too. The women in my facebook we're questionning themselves about why no men we're liking and sharing it.

...

I still dont get it.

it's okay for women to be awkward in dating, but men should always be perfect or they come off as rapists which is literally as bad as being a rapist. Also, when someone asks you to stop texting them you should stop.

>women whoring on the daily basis
>surprised to see a man that doesn't have much experience with women
>''He doesn't know how to kiss. What a looser!''

I've never kissed a girl. It looks fun.

the guy was FAR from awkward, you ignoring his toxic behavior speaks volumes about your approach towards dating

Seems like a good read.

Lads I think we found our Robert

that is definitely not the point of the story

Well I didn't actually read it, but seems like I was mostly on point.

Awkward dates are first world problems for women.

>toxic behavior
Shut up roastie. He just wanted to not get ghosted. Something you can relate to, I'm sure.

Women are so predictable.

Well theres no way I'm going to read this flavorless woman stuff.

>1986
>Robert Barnes has lived an excruciating life. Although not physically deformed in any way, he is almost always in a state of terror from even the most mundane occurrences - a scar from his abusive mother
>Unable to connect with other people, Robert works the night shift at a local gas station, 'Lucky's Fill Up", in the small town of Sherwood, Ohio.
>One night, a beautiful woman that Robert has never seen before stops in the store for a pack of cigarettes, and he instantly gravitates towards her
>Margot is new in town, having just inherited the property of her recently deceased aunt, who hoarded numerous cats until her demise
>Robert's curiosity quickly becomes an obsession- not of love, but a compulsive need to have her
>Despite his disturbing awkwardness, he manages to secure a date with her to a restaurant in town
>Dinner conversation is stilted, and Robert profusely sweats the entire time.
>Margot, feeling uncomfortable, leaves the restaurant in a hurry
>Following Margot out to her car, he suddenly stops and forcefully kisses her, and she is instantly mortified the moment that it happens
>She rebuffs Robert the moment she has the chance, and he begins to enter a nervous breakdown, smashing his head violently against her car while screaming

>female author
>it’s about sex

Easy. I choose Mel Gibson and Kathy Griffin.

wow so relatable tehee

moar

How do I kiss well, bros?

What am I looking at here?

You literally just need experience. It's not really something you can learn by reading because there are no "steps". It's like an impromptu dance, where you need to follow what your partner does and she'll follow what you do.

Actual summary
>college girl works at theater
>starts flirting with a guy who sees kino regularly
>they start texting
>go on a date
>he is 34
>she sleeps with him
>regrets it the next day
>she wont respond to his texts
>he eventually texts "whore" to her
>the end

>20 yr old girl deludes herself into leading on a 34 year old guy
>girl is a 'normal' young girl with her head in the clouds
>guy is a 'normal' schlebby loser type on the downward spiral
>she plays herself into 'having' to sleep with him due to social constraints and insecurities
>feels awful about it later and can't think of a way to tell him to never contact her again without hurting his feelings
>her friend texts him (as her) that it was a mistake and to leave her alone
>he says okay, sorry, hope he didn't offend her
>time passes
>she sees him sitting alone in a bar and tells her friends that she's with
>they ghost her out of there, but not before he sees her
>later he texts her to ask what he did wrong
>she doesn't reply
>PLOT TWIST
>he spergs out over text and calls her a whore

Thanks faam

>take the awkward loser trope and the prized female tropes to the extreme, make the loser awkward to the point of violence (this will never happen, an awkward person with social anxiety is intensely afraid of drawing attention moreso than anything else, so he'll never start "smashing his head violently against [anyone's] car while screaming")
>make the prized female trope prized to the point of sexism (she's obviously beautiful and innocent and has life experience beyond her years and is only in this shithole town because of someone's death; there is no possible reason a female would ever be here otherwise and girls should know that)
>write a horrible story based on these things that morally assassinates men and unintentionally does the same for women
>"IT'S A SENSATION! I LOVE IT!" -full retard masses

Why this took off, I'll never know. It's almost as bad as shit like 50 Shades of Grey, but at least 50 Shades has the balls to put some smut and non black-and-white character conflict in.

Sup Forums in 10 years

>that pic

practise with your mom or sister.

Looks hard, but it's actually easy. Just go with the flow, and stay confident.

maybe if you take out
>she sleeps with him
lmao

Complex, nuanced stories with no real right or wrong don't appeal to a mass audience.

Keep your mouth clean. Brush your tongue. Eat a mint.

I think that guy was in the right. Whores have to be shamed.

My mom stopped letting me kiss her on the lips when I was 5 ;_;

is this story really what its like dating a women? sounds horrible

i dont get this either, is it about kissing or him calling her a whore?

this sounds incredibly mundane. why is it called cat person?

I've always kissed my mom and dad the lips. I think it's kinda weird desu but I don't want to tell them so.

In this story, the girl is a lying whore that never communicats with the man. She sleeps with him, while imagining making fun of him with her future Chad bf. Yes this actually happens. Then she coldly dumps him, and the audience is supposed to agree with her because he's not perfect.

Congratulations, you've learned something new about every woman you see that promotes this garbage.

>that pic
i thought i was going to be sick for a moment

>toxic

Idiot buzzword

Keep your mouth clean. Brush your tongue. Eat a mint.
No, the guy was an awkward ass with nothing going on. I mean, it's important to not make a woman feel weird on a date. Don't compliment them too much. Don't text like a fiend. And most importantly, never let a women know that she got under your skin.

If you date whores, its like that, they rely 90% on their friends opinions of you to pick you, they have no mind of their own. They will also expect you to be a sex god, otherwise youre piece of shit.

>toxic
woman detected

No clue, the guy doesn't own cats. There are no cats.

Idris elba

You joke, but this story made me intensely uncomfortable. Why?

A college girl 12 years younger than me flirted with me for months, eventually I gave in because
>hot college girl completely out of my league
and we fucked. Then she stuck around for some reason and was my gf for over a year.
Eventually she left me because I'm an awkward loser a decade older than her and she wised up that she was slumming it. I found out her friend (none of her friends liked me, obviously) coached her through ditching me in the most abrupt, cut-off way possible.
Every time something like this comes up that reminds of it I get freaked out that at some point, to her and everyone that knew us, I was a laughing stock that made them uncomfortable, and people still probably make fun of me about it.

It was a good year at the time though, and she was legit beautiful, so I tell myself it was worth it.

This is pretty decent advice. You never want to be the person in the relationship who loves your partner more than she loves you.

Everything is about cats for women. I don't understand this fixation they have on this animal.

>Don't text like a fiend.
does this mean to give a person space and not text everyday?

What's the appeal of kissing? Its gross as fuck to me

weird my friend dated a beautiful college girl who was 12 years younger than him and she dumped him. i don't think they dated for a year though and i don't think he posts on Sup Forums.

The guy says he has cats, but she sees no trace of them at his apartment.
I guess it's linking to the idea that the image she had of him in her head because of his witty texts and the reality were different.
Also he's an old man (to her) who lives alone and is generally a loser.

Mine told me that since I'm starting school I'll have plenty of other people to kiss.
My fucking face when I'm 27 and my mom is still the only woman I've ever kissed. For the record, I don't think you're weird at all btw.

Not him but lol no. Are you super inexperienced?

That is important. Don't make the woman feel she has power over you. Women go crazy when they get the longer part of the rope.

I get it from the woman's perspective, she thought he was ugly naked, didnt want to bone and couldnt find a way to say it. That kinda stuff goes down all the time.

What really gets me is I saw this posted on facebook, and all the comments were roasties saying shit like 'im only 25% in (where all they've done is talk) and im already so uncomfortable', 'jesus fucking christ' and 'reminds me of my ex, so disgusting'.

The guy literally did nothing wrong besides being awkward. The girl did it to herself by being weak, but all these women just look at her 'feelings' of hurt and just automatically agree. None of them learned the lesson to fucking say no if you dont want it and deal with embarassment over pain.

Yeah, not me.
I think college girls hooking up with older guys and being disappointed is common enough to explain part of why this story went viral.

texting everyday isn't a bad thing
just don't text like a woman and if she's interested in you, she'll be the one starting conversations and responding rather quickly to you

It's honestly good rule of thumb to just never text unless they text first. This rule is superseded if there's something important, or a point to the text, ie you want to invite them to do something, or you need information that's actually relevant beyond small talk and gossip. "Absence makes the heart fond" is one of the most important sayings in today's world.

i haven't had friends in about 7 years and only just got a cell phone recently

People that have seen me kiss my dad on the lips sometimes get weird about it. I do the same with my grandparents but not other extended family. I can see why some think it's weird but it's totally non-sexual and it's just how I grew up. It's not a full blown kiss either, just a small peck.

Ṇ͚̮̰͚̮̘o̼̹͘,̘̀ ̳͖͍̤́I ͍̩̜̤m̭͙̮̤͍e̫̳̪̯̮͞a̶̦̘̭̼͓̥n̜̯͔̝̪͞ ̺́d̥̝͓͔͝ọ̜̹n̟̫̯'̫̮̻̦͢t̩̰͔̥̱͢ ͍̳̩̯̝t̫͔͔̹̩̪e͈̜͙̙͉x͔̙͔͉̭̠ͅt̷̳̗̤ ̬͎̞̯l̗͍̩̝̜̰̩̕i͎̘k͎e̟̰ ͎͎͇̬̹͝a͎͖͎͕̜̥ ̳̗̰̮̞̟f̗̳̗͕͍̫i̪̮̮̹e̛̬͎̤̰͎nd̯͙͕͈̤͢ f͙̟̰̹̫̬r̴̦̣o̩̖͔͖͜m̛̘̤̪̙̞̗͍ ̧̰̤̺̻̖̥h̦̩e̝̘̺̪̩͜l̩l̛̘͈̫.̺́ͅ ͝

edit: im inclined to believe the 'whore' part at the end was tacked on for effect, and if not then obviously its stupid

>to her and everyone that knew us, I was a laughing stock that made them uncomfortable, and people still probably make fun of me about it

What? you pounded her ass as a guy way out of her league and you are the one who's being laughed at?

If anything she should be the butt of the joke for sleeping with "some middle-aged loser", but maybe female brains are differently-wired when it comes to making jokes like these amongst themselves.

>. The women in my facebook
Kill yourself

if you want to maintain your reputation and customer relations at your white collar job you literally couldn't get away from facebook unless you are 50+.

The whole story was fake. The stuff about her losing her virginity is pure female fantasy

I'm 29 and dated a 17 year old girl a few years back. It was one of those relationships where the girls is almost obsessed with you for the better part of a year but then suddenly drops off a cliff in terms of affection. It just became clear we had nothing in common.

>not having women friends in his facebook
what, are you living under a rock?

Talking like a friend, like a lover, like a bf, and like a man, finally, are all very important just through that alone you can get what you want and not fall into friendzones and such.

It all boils down to hoq you manage intimacy. Hopefully it can be learnt.

do people still use facebook?
i mostly see people use instagram and snapchat.

The modern woman is this heartless.

DAILY REMINDER: If you're not a psychic Chad, women will find a way to portray you as an abuser.

modern women really are fucking awful. though i think they always were this awful and they just hid it better because we didn't give them rights and there was no social media to show how fucking stupid they are and how they like the most insipid things.

>just don't text like a woman
what does this mean?
so if she texts me out of the blue after lets say a week of not talking should I respond right away or wait?

She was young and naive and still believed in prince charming. At the end of the story she realizes that her future awesome bf will never show up.

don't text paragraphs if you can help it
and don't sound needy in your texts
>if she texts me out of the blue
depends on what she's saying user, at least she's thinking about you

xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-i-ended-up-in-bed-with-a-27-year-old-virgin

>maybe female brains are differently-wired when it comes to making jokes like these amongst themselves.
They are. Some guys, too. For the guys I put it down to jealously (some of them were blatantly rustled about us, the ones her age especially).

The comments I've got range on how pathetic I was to be with a girl so much younger, to how abusive it was of me (despite she making the moves and actually initiating being in a relationship with me) to keep seeing her.
She's seen as the too-young-to-know-better type and I'm the creepy old bastard.

Fortunately a couple of my friends were happy for me at the time (and my bro thinks I was really cool because as you say, I was sleeping with such a catch).

I mean, I can see entirely where the negative people were coming from, which is why this is really uncomfortable, most of the comments about the story from women are hitting home over here.
It's probably the saddest thing I've ever done in my life, and that includes being a legit Sup Forums oldfag.

This story is a cautionary tale on how you should treat women: never, ever get emotional with them. Treat them like they are a child. Let me reiterate this in perhaps a less offensive way:

Women can be smarter than you. They generally probably might be. They can be more attractive, more humorous, more whatever, but never at any point will they be more emotionally mature than you. If they sense that they are, the relationship ends, and their respect for you dies. You need to hold the high ground in your connection with them in that regard at every single point, or they will drop you immediately, without question.

The way to do that? Withdraw from them emotionally. Do not expose yourself, and do not show that you love / need them more than the bare minimum that's necessary to confirm that you do. Kindness is fine, sweet talk is loved, but neediness is despised and ANY form of emotional weakness is not just disgusting to them, but a source of ridicule. Look at your partner as a source of fun and good times, and discard her when it comes to anything that reaches a greater depth. Not only will she not hate you for it, she will, for some strange reason, want you even more. It's hard to explain how the woman's mind works.

Of course, this advice only applies as far as women who you aren't married to / aren't your mother. Treat your wife and your mom as equals, always.

I havent had a facebook for 8 years. Stupid youngfags.

she does not realise that at all. Her imaginary chad is exactly what she wanted he whole time. She only realizes non-chads arent acceptable, which is the lesson shes trying to teach here.

If your girlfriend hasn't texted your for a week and there's no apparent reason, I'd be worried for you. He just means don't be constantly texting "What are you doing?", "How are you?" shit, especially if she's not responding enthusiastically. Just don't be nagging or needy.

Well, congratulations, caveman. Missing out on a great tool of communication sure deserves you a medal.

There is nothing inherently wrong with large age distances in relationships as long as the two can make it work. The biggest problem these types run into is the younger one feeling like they're not being taken seriously and the older person naturally domineering the relationship via experience. I personally think it's harder for the older person, myself having been both people in other relationships.

What the fuck are with the comments on that article

That's always going to happen with age gaps unless you're rich or have some kind of status or power that keeps her interested.
Eventually she'll meet someone younger and more handsome in the circles you've helped her get in to and then you're done. It's just how it goes. You're never going to get married to someone that much younger unless there's some kind of magic personality-match.

>tfw girl I used to like and I got friendzoned by texted me and I got sick of her boring ass and didn't text back for months
>text her a question once recently and she responds right away and starts texting me like nothing happened
These roasties just want attention man but it's my fault for being non-aggressive I guess.

what an absolute shitshow

im reading this story and I really don't get it. like i try to see past the red pilled autism on this site but this shit is something else.

like yeah the guy is socially awkward but she could've just turned him down at any time it's not like he raped her, or was even forceful. she was the one who initiated the idea to have sex and suddenly she hates him?

If you have feelings for someone and you're not already dating, don't date them. You've already lost. God forbid, you pull off the first few months of dating until you're official, you'll still probably like her more than she likes you. You will never, ever be the one in charge in the relationship.

>do not show that you love / need them more than the bare minimum that's necessary to confirm that you do
This is very, very true and I wish I would have had someone to tell me this when I was younger. When I was younger they preached all this non-sense about being emotionally available for your woman, and bringing yourself down to their level but it's bullshit. Woman do not want an EQUAL they want a BETTER. This is particularly hard to do for men with low self-esteem.