Looks like we got a new Armond White on our hands

Looks like we got a new Armond White on our hands.

Is Cole Smithey the new king of critics?

Other urls found in this thread:

rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/movies
twitter.com/AnonBabble

someone summarize this garbage film for me

Looks like Toy Story 2 back on top

why do these headlines piss me off so much?

I hate my fucking generation. bunch of fucking grown babies. we need a war

>Smithey posted the movie’s first bad review on Rotten Tomatoes on December 10, noting “Lady Bird” is “far from a perfect film” and giving it a backhanded compliment by writing, “It’s not the mumblecore disaster you’d expect from Greta Gerwig – one of the mumblecore movement’s prime progenitors.”

>“There are dozens of coming-of-age films that far outweigh this lightweight contender,” Smithey writes in his review. “Think ‘Kes’ or ‘Murmur of the Heart.’ Greta Gerwig has a long way to go as a filmmaker before she can pretend to approach a Mike Leigh or a Louis Malle.

Feminism aside. I felt it was a better than average coming of age movie. I see it as a cult classic type movie, "Dazed and Confused" type "Breakfast Club", dryer humor.

The ironic part if he gave the movie a B-, which makes it negative.

He also gave Dunkirk, Logan, Wonder Woman "F"'s

He's not wrong.

Is this Chris Chan's brother?

>Cole Smithey
You guys realize this is Chris Chan's half brother right?

People still watching mumbleshit.
>the absolute state

And?

Oh shit, I forgot.

estranged half brother

based

>Cole Smithey
Isn't that Christine Weston Chandler's brother?

mumblecore>>>>>>>>brainlet /vg/edditor

>perfect score
just like a communist dictator get 98% of the vote
nothing unusual there

And?

He (Cole) has done this before with Toy Story 3 just to draw attention to him. Looks like he's giving it another try.

Funny how Chris has fame but no money or family of his own, whereas Cole is the complete opposite. Each wants to have what the other doesn't.

Ad what's your point user? Only autists and gaffers care who he's related too.

>Chris chan unsucessful brother
Yeah nah your a retard

MONEY TO PISS AND BURN!!!!!!

desu after reading about Chrischan's home life I give Cole credit for getting the fuck out as soon as he could

>He successfully escaped the Chandler household
>said Slap Shot was a good movie

I like him

Partly through he looks like Trey Parker.

>Be Cole Smithey
>Most noteworthy thing about you is you're retarded half brother
No wonder he tries to go against the stream

Pretty Orwellian.

>Is Cole Smithey the new king of critics?

He is literally Christiana Weston Chandlers brother

And he gave toy story 3 a shit score

>ENEMA

what sweet horror is this

I never thought chris chan would ever come up again in my life until he died.
this is crazy and absolutely perfect. i see a reunion film

Being a contrarian doesn't make him anything more than an asshole.

Lady bird was trash and so is Saoirse Ronan.

Thank goodness that website has never mattered at all, to anyone who themselves matters.

I'm ok with Cole becoming a Sup Forums meme, it means stealth Chris-chan threads on here regularly.

If you think Toy Story 3 was good and not another nostalgia orgy then please leave

I remember seeing them having a virgin chad pic or I may jsut be confusing it with the one with DObson and Chris chan

WHAT

THE

FUCK

IS

MUMBLECORE

OUR GUY

Honestly he's not wrong, it's pretty bullshit that most critics give most shit fresh ratings. Honestly though he is pretty objective. I think he gave it a rotten because he's trying to call out the bullshit of everyone going with the flow and giving it a 100% for the attention it will bring to the movie or site. I feel sorry everything this dude will ever do will be brought down by chris-chan's shit-cloud of an existence.

rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/movies

he has a weird taste...trashes almost all popular films, but gives fembusters a pass

It's called baiting for views.

Movies about 29 years olds having daddy issues sitting in bathtubs.

so hipster shit for depressed liberals/millennialls

Wonder Woman was a stale rehash of the First Avenger with a side of estrogen, so an F is apt.

>hates dunkirk
>writes opinions like this
No fuck off tumblr

also he gave lady bird a b- which is hardly considered '''rotten'''

>Chris-chan's half-brother

Is he our guy?

How retarded is that. People obsessing over rotten tomatoes like it's some kind of god. Then this guy basically triggers the sheep that want it to be 100 percent like some hive mind. Even this idiot journalist is doing a living writing an article like a total sheep.

half brother via Barb

Oh my god that’s fucking disgusting

>(and Nobody is Happy About It)
I am now

what the fuck is mumblecore

>Someone made a shitpost on Sup Forums and it's amazing! Check it it out here

Um okay sweetie

It's a film genre that's been gaining popularity for the last ten years or so, it's basically indie movies with focus on naturalistic dialogue. I'm personally more familiar with the crossover horror version, mumblegore.

torrent when????

how is a B- rotten? he has a lot of other B- reviews that are fresh...

At least White can articulate his weird opinions in great detail. Smithey usually writes half a page of generic garbage. He really is Chris' brother.

I'll greenlight anyone who recommends Kes over this tripe

why does this get such a high score

Plus he wished death on Bob for being a republican.

He's tumblr's guy.

Cole is just a terrible person.

>everybody must like it
truly a terrible age for film

Unironically this.

because there's not much to dislike about it. It's not the greatest movie ever but it's also hard to find much at fault with it. It's a thoroughly good movie that is highly unlikely to ruffle anyone's feathers

S A V A G E

>Chris in the light
>Cole in the shadows
It was the last time they met as friends.

One day we'll learn these article headlines are written by Steve Bannon to engender this kind of defiant anger that leads to the dark side

Anyone want to explain to me how this is a good review? It's just a backhanded slight that boils down to 'it's not perfect, I'm not a fan of GG in general, and here are some films that are better'. Is there any actual critique here?

I prefer the fantasy/magic young adult sub genre, or mumbledore

I can respect shitting on mumblecore but...

>If indoctrinating child audiences into accepting, and enjoying, brutal deadly violence was the intent of the filmmakers responsible for making "Logan," then their mission is accomplished.
>Logan
>for child audiences

It always amuses me that Cole had the audacity to tell Chris that he hates his father and to inform him when he dies so he can celebrate, and still claim he is a better person that them.

Hipster's log, stardate december 11th. My name is Greta Celeste Gerwig, the True and Honest creator of Lady Bird the Mumblecore Saoirse Ronan movie. *sigh* And this message goes out to the dang dirty TROLL known as Cole Smithy! COLE THE TROLL! Your slanderous mockery of my honest film has gone and ruined my 100% fresh score. I curse you with great misfortune for your slanderous misdeed... *sigh* you should be postive with your life instead of playing America's favorite game, Kick The Gerwig

...

>Honestly though he is pretty objective.

Not really, as is the case with most of his reviews, he's trying to provoke a reaction, not offer any genuine criticism.

our guy

Fantastic.

AV-A-DA KE-DA-VRA

He gave the movie a B-, he doesn't even dislike it. Put he made sure to add that as a rotten score to RT even though every other B- he's given is a Positive.

>offers not actual criticism
>give the film itself a relatively decent review
>yet is still rotten review

You all realise he's fishing for views, right?

Who gives a fuck? Jesus Christ.

Because they tell you how to feel so you don't need to read the article but you can pretend you did. This is the gist of it and you'll agree with it.

>He also gave Dunkirk, Logan, Wonder Woman "F"'s
Good. All trash, and I wouldn't be surprised if all those are worse films than the one in OP.

I actually liked 20th century women.

BvS?

>Each wants to have what the other doesn't.
Kino!

Americans are fucking dumb, as is Sup Forums
>muh RATINGS!
>muh ROTTEN TOMATOES!
Is this what moviemaking is all about to you imbeciles?

This.

Toy Story 3 was just Force Awakens for the Toy Story franchise.

So what? All critics are brainlets that have no concept of target audience. That's why Batman v. Superman was panned.

i thought mumblecore was a rap thing

A glib facsimile, you might say?

>b-but why won't you fall in line and blindly agree with everyone else? That's what critics are for! this is an OUTRAGE!

Children are not dumb, nor are comic book readers. You don't get a pass for making a dumb movie just because it has superheroes.
Most comic book readers are dumb because the majority of people are dumb, not because they read comic books.

>wait for everyone else to post reviews of movie
>give it the complete opposite score
>call yourself the smartest film critic in the world

holy fuck BTFO

But this is a MALE critic dismissing a WOMAN'S coming-of-age story. The film isn't FOR him but he felt the need to mansplain it. He's very problematic.

Do you know he abandoned his elderly mother who suffers from buttock problems, and his poor transgender sister to starve in a burned down shack while he lives it up with his male privilege.

>complete opposite score
>B- vs. A

Because it's not?
The fuck are you doing on Sup Forums?
His mother is not at fault for raising him into something you hate so much?

His mother raised him well - don't listen to the false reports about abuse and bare-assed spankings.
He abandoned her AND his poor sister.

>but gives fembusters a pass
Because it wasn't that bad faggot