The Phantom Menace is tame and conventional compared to this absolute madness!

The Phantom Menace is tame and conventional compared to this absolute madness!

I am not joking. Is David Lynch ghost-directing Diseny movies now? I've never been this baffled by a major Hollywood release.

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In The Empire Strikes Back you're like
>Who the fuck is the emperor? What's his deal?

In TLJ you're like
>Who the fuck is Snoke? What's his deal? Oh. He's dead. Welp.

I just don't see the threat. What is the threat in the 3rd movie? Kylo? WRONG. Rei beats Kylo in the FIRST movie. Rei beat LUKE SKYWALKER. Rei possesses the ENTIRE KNOWLEDGE OF THE JEDI. Rei is LITERALLY INVINCIBLE.

So WHAT is the threat in the 3rd movie?

For that matter, what was the fucking threat in the 2nd movie, when we know that Rei is some kind of newtype super jedi?

IT'S BAD STORYTELLING.

Lynch Star Wars would be great though

Disney Star Wars doesn't care about proper storytelling senpai. Their business model is as long as it makes billions at the box office, who cares.

The very first dialogue spoken between two relevant characters in the movie is a LITERAL yo mamma so fat prank call.

No movie can recover from such an opening.

The way things are developing Rey pretty much has to turn to the dark side and become the big bad in the final movie.

Disney really shouldn't have started a brand new trilogy if they didn't have a proper story long enough to require 3 installments. They should have just stuck to making one-off movies like Rogue One.

Too rushed. They've already blown it if that's the case.

She should have succumbed to the dark side halfway through TLG if that were the case.

Plus, who would try to vanquish her? They've written themselves into a corner.

There is NO established character that can take her on. Not on the good guy side, not on the bad guy side.

If they invent a whole new character just for her to fight in the final movie then that's WEAK. That makes it a Marvel Sequel tier film. There isn't even any fucking point to it being a trilogy. In fact, there's ALREADY no point to it being a trilogy. We learn NOTHING in TLJ.

I bet you a dollar it's going to be something like:

>The Dark Side is an actual dimension. The reality depicted in Star Wars is literally the Light Side Of The Force. Rei has to go seal the Dark Side permanently in its own dimension, and has to sacrifice herself in the process.

I bet you a whole dollar it's going to be something like that. Not a singular enemy, not a singular super weapon, but some kind of existential threat to the galaxy.

The gate. To the dark side.

If she had taken Kylo's hand to become the antagoist of the third movie it would have made up for all the retarded shit in the movie.

Not even Marvel has fallen this low

That movie would have to be 4 hours long to be compelling.

But what about the midichlorians?

>The Dark Side is an actual dimension. The reality depicted in Star Wars is literally the Light Side Of The Force. Rei has to go seal the Dark Side permanently in its own dimension, and has to sacrifice herself in the process
Oh my God they're ripping off Korra now

No, that wouldn't make any sense. If Kylo couldn't seduce her to the dark side, nobody can.

*and they can slather it with anti white anti male propaganda.

What did you just say you little bitch?

>She should have succumbed to the dark side halfway through TLG if that were the case.
The twist is she was dark all along and she's just been playing everyone

>There is NO established character that can take her on. Not on the good guy side, not on the bad guy side.
They would all team up against her like in a superhero movie

>>The Dark Side is an actual dimension. The reality depicted in Star Wars is literally the Light Side Of The Force. Rei has to go seal the Dark Side permanently in its own dimension, and has to sacrifice herself in the process.

Amazing. That's even shittier idea than mine

>Coffee? Ueeegh! Here, have a glass of fresh sloth milk!

I don't know, he's pretty ugly.

I was shocked when this happened. I couldn't believe they would be pulling that shit in literally the first scene. it was crazy how comical this movie was but doing it in the first scene, that's the first time in the history of the franchise, fucking hell

But Poe did basically the same thing in the beginning of TFA. Shit-talking villains is kind of his schtick now I guess

Too bad he never got a chance to do it with Snoke.

>Is David Lynch ghost-directing Diseny movies now?
So you're telling me TLJ is good?

I think you could have made a new trilogy, but it would have had to be mostly Luke focused, with characters like Han, Chewie, and Leia being side characters who show up for maybe 5% of total screen time in the trilogy. It would have made more sense to make it about someone like Kyle Katarn training under Luke, and maybe someone like Kylo turns to the now resurgent Empire remnants.

That was was pretty bad, but this just feels like straight out of one of those scary movie franchise movies, one step away from fart jokes in the opening scene.

...

we live inside the force

just like TFA would have become awesome if it had ended with the death star surviving and successfully blowing up the rebel base. there are so many ways they could make this trilogy interesting.

>Rey beat Luke

Didn't happen

You're right that would have been excellent, fuck.

Except for the scene where she throws him to the ground and points his own lightsaber against him.

I can't tell if this movie is good or terrible from these early reviews. The shilling is absolutely incredible and it's painfully obvious that most reviewers have been bought out. I'm hearing shit like Snoke dies and Rey beats Luke. If this is true, then I don't see how anybody can give this movie a good review.

It's absolutely worth seeing, though not paying, just for the fact that it is the most jarring, weird big budget movie in years.
It feels like one of those drug-fueled pitches from the sony leaks, like Aunt May being a secret agent or shit like that. It's so completely different from The force awakens, they shouldn't exist within the same franchise, much less the same trilogy.

What do you lads think the timeline where he actually took the gig directing Return of the Jedi is like?

Basically the same except more monstertit milking and tree shenanigans.

Ewoks replaced by owl creatures.

Luke talks even more about meditation.

Han Solo shows off the coffee machine he has on the Falcon.

lel Disney getting desperate

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT

THIS SHIT IS GONNA BE LIT

>Lynch becomes biggest name in Hollywood
>never makes Twin Peaks, Blue Velvet, any other gems in between
> proceeds to direct capeshit

i don't like it senpai

Dont usually post much here but here goes... Please tell me some of you felt the same. I'm 29 I saw the originals on vhs when i was like 7 and was hooked since, so nostalgia bias is here. TFA i thought it was decent, seemed to set up some interesting things.

I just got home from Last Jedi. Jesus wtf. I'm no film student either so excuse my terminology but if anyone who knows their shit could correct me where necessary. I felt like the dialogue or whoever wrote the script, it was just terrible. Rey and Luke was the worst, how much of her dialogue was just spelling out the plot as though the audeince is filled with 5 year olds? It was terrible where was the broadening of the stories laid out in TFA? Who the fuck is Snoke and wheres these knights of Ren did i miss something?

There seemed to be an attempt to swerve the audience like 5 times, Leia flying through space was one of the worst. The constant reference to 'i'll turn you, no i'll turn YOU' I'm just baffled.

There was constantly an attempt to slap a laugh on the end of almost every interaction between characters, even between Kylo and Hux at moments where shits supposed to be tense.

Also the whole casino plot was utter dog shit the cgi horse race escape made me cringe, by this point i was embarrassed to have went at midnight to watch what was happening before me. I feel kind of sick... If someone felt the same and can convey it more eloquently for me that would be like some minor therapy, thank you.

Im sickened by the movie i saw tonight but that post made me chuckle. Like gallows humor, but i actually can see a fart joke in the next film.

>No Dune
This possibly means someone else might've directed that movie and it might've been successful

>dialogue
Didn't Carrie Fisher contribute to the script?

Definitely see it. You have to experience it. Like watching a terrible car crash or those scenes of the twin towers collapsing.

I agree 100% with this post, when Snoke got wasted I thought that they would resurrect him and reveal that he was Darth Plagueis or some shit, but no he's just dead and memelord ren is now the all powerful commander.

Fuck lads, I wanted this film to be good so much. It was awful. Grew up on star wars and now I'm starting to hate everything about it. I want off this ride.

youtube.com/watch?v=PALjbTo1D5U

>I'm just baffled

Only correct reaction to this movie. Everything you say is true:
>the awful dialogue
>jarring moments, scenes and visuals
>pointless b-plot
>inconsistent tone to the point of unintentional comedy

Imagine someone who has never seen a star wars movie, then watches the last jedi, he would be completely awestruck that it's a pop-culture phenomenon.

She died so whatever contributions she made were probably overwritten.

the split lightsabe scene showed that rey and ren are equal in power

The sequel trilogy is the Dragon Ball GT of movies

>What is the threat in the 3rd movie?

Jar Jar.

And the way he died. Maybe im being anal but Kylo could have killed him in this fasion at any point. Why did he do it right then, perhaps just to try and recruit Rey it was convenient I dunno. But he's just dead in half his tongue hanging out lel and there goes all that expectation we had that this was part of something much bigger and deeper and interesting. Guess he was just a scary baddie

I'm 28 and i saw the originals on vhs too, but i aint gonna pay to watch this crap. Dumb faggot

You are now aware that Disney's Star Wars (TM) is nothing more than a shameless, soulless cash-grab and Diversity propaganda. Try not to overthink it.

pic related would have been better with the "force is female" one

Really felt like Disney this time. And I'm not a hater by any means I grew up on some of the best Disney memories, I seen lion king in theater, Aladdin , Toy Story had all the vhs etc. but I'm not paying to see that I wanted fkn Star Wars and all that shit from TFA progressed / explained ?! I had no huge feeling about TFA after seeing it except excited that star wars was back and it wasn't the prequels. Maybe Han being in the film helped but now after this TFA seems like a masterpiece, however the trilogy is doomed now because of this trash. Can JJ save it ?

I got memed by the trailers stfu. Nostalgia is a bitch, were you a wwf attitude era fan ? Rock or Austin ?

But imagine what capeshit would be like if Lynch directed it and had enough clout to get creative freedom

>Leia flying through space was one of the worst.

Just to clarify this isnt Leia flying through space in a ship this is Leia's body floating in space then using the force to fly like Goku towards a ship

its the Vong

kino

the disney films aren't star wars

So the Jar Jar Sith lord theory still has a chance

lynch is such a hack

>Rey and Kylo running the First Order
>Finn rises up to take them on, ends up killing both the Light and Dark Side and bringing balance to the universe
>Bangs his Asian gf
Wow I just made a better Episode IX than what's actually going to exist

L

So TLJ is actually a different kind of SW and not just an OT rehash? Shit that makes me actually want to go see the film. I hated TFA for how derivative it was.

H

The Yuuzhan Vong

>Female characters know it all and are the most heroic people in the movie
>Males act like retards and all of them are a step down compared to the female characters
>First Order is commanded by retards that make zero good tactical choices during the entire movie
>Rei can kill elite guards with her two days of light saber training
>Yoda's force ghost shows up to suck Rei's mary sue futa cock, telling her that she already knows everything written in Jedi library books and no one need to teach her anymore
Disney destroying Star Wars with diversity and SJW agenda like they destroyed Marvel Comics.

But user, not ALL the female characters are competent! Remember Captain Phasma, that awesome character design that everybody loves? Yeah, she dies like a bitch.

and there's nothing you can do about it whitboi

These movies will make billions ;)

>went to the opening in my country
>jesus christ this shit sucked
>went to twitter to check it out what people are telling about
>all feminists, sjw, faggots reddits and soybois are praising that fuckfest

Wow, fuck those jews man, i just wanted some 3 hours fun and left the theater like i was robbed.

Han wakes up from carbonite freezing as a drooling retard. It's the comfiest timeline.

Maybe that is the end. Just an evil Rey sitting on a throne with Kylo doing that kneeling knight thing.

Guaranteed the sloth would have been lovingly milked on screen for at least 5 minutes.
Signifying both the nourishing and addictive relationship between audiences and cinema.
Also because it's super fucked up, and dat's what Alpha Lynch is all 'bout, yo!
LOOKA DEM TITTIES!! DEYZ FI' 'O DEM!! IMAGINE YO FACE IN FI' TITTIES!!!

baffled how? Its as straight foreward as it gets.

>>Yoda's force ghost shows up to suck Rei's mary sue futa cock, telling her that she already knows everything written in Jedi library books and no one need to teach her anymore

He said she already had the knowledge.
He didn't mean she already knew it, he meant she took the books. It's easy to miss buy you see her take them. And they are later shown to be in a drawer on the falcon. Yoda set fire to the tree so that Luke wouldn't realize she'd taken them.

Genuinely would've been 10/10

Lynch's story about meeting George was hilarious though

TPM was tame as fuck regardless

Did you know that George Lucas wanted David Lynch to direct Return of the Jedi but he declined because Lucas wasn't ready to give him the artistic liberties he wanted?

>be me
>be le tlj expert cause watched 5mins of leaked footage

Reminder that since the prequel trilogy star wars movies exist only to sell toys and merchandise

and the entire subtitles lol

>women in charge
>everything is a mess
>you are baffled

Yes

i actually agree

this movie was utter chaos. tonal shifts everywhere, random detours, a climax, then another climax straight after, i was flipping from loving it to hating it every 10 mins, it was bizarre

>I feel kind of sick...
I’m afraid you are feeling the effects of a soy overdose.

Most of us did experience the twin towers collapsing you underage fuck

Umm... that kind of already happened with Dune... and well... yea

Haven't watched it but that's a good way of putting it. It sounds a lot like a Pirates of the Caribbean or Marvel superhero movie and a Joss Wheedonization - quips aplenty, humor irreverently shoved in during moments of tension.

>The Phantom Menace
the one main problem what Phantom Menace suffered from was the story pacing, IMO
either way it wasn't that bad
(but I am appearently a contrarian who thinks that the third movie is the worst one in the prequel trilogy, TFA and Rogue one were good movies, and that the original trilogy is overall only good)
but what I have heard so far from the TLJ, damn...

I agree.

At least Phantom Menace never tricks you into thinking it might have potential.

What they did with Luke is atrocious.

>implying that it won't nu-trilogy: part 3: part 1 and part 2

Especially considering that this movie starts with "Hey the First Order is back in power and the Republic has fallen", yeah, they should have gone with that.

>one step away from fart jokes in the opening scene.
>but i actually can see a fart joke in the next film.
wasn't the Han Solo spin-off originally directed by two guys who were known for comedies, but got fired and replaced by someone else, cause they didn't want a "serious"-story?
maybe, they planned a fart joke

I'm with you, user

nu wars is the new normal, deal with it

24, and saw the movies first on TV

The Elephant Man is pure kino. Lynch can tell a straightforward story when he wants to. Would have been brilliant. Oh well.