I WAITED TWO WHOLE FUCKING YEARS TO FIND OUT WHO THIS CUNT WAS

I WAITED TWO WHOLE FUCKING YEARS TO FIND OUT WHO THIS CUNT WAS

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youtube.com/watch?v=B4WBB8gAwTE
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hes snoke

*dies*

He's just an ugly boi who loves gold

They're almost certainly going to shed some light on who he actually was in Episode IX.

TWO WHOLE FUCKING YEARS OF READING THEORIES ON REDDIT

A plot device

you have 5 seconds to repair the plot for episode 9 without changing either of the first 2 films

I AM THE SUPREME MASTER OF THE DARK SIDE, I UNITED YOU TWO, I KNOW WHAT GOES IN YOUR MIND I AM UNSTO...

*dies*

Don't worry OP, he's gonna reveal himself as Plagueis The Immortal in Ep. 9

>reddit

theres your problem they dont know shit

JJ's Mystery Box™

Is that even possible?

wait so the story how hes able to bankroll what seems to be the most powerful military in the galaxy as well as a superweapon to surpass the death star was because he owned some casinos?

nothing to repair
8 was good

I'M NOT WAITING ANOTHER 2 YEARS
FUCK THIS GAY SERIES

Hnnng that fucking neck

>The frogposter is a newfag redditor
Jesus...

Young Snoke?

I only went on reddit to read the theories

Jew Jew wanted his own Emperor style character so he just decided to shoehorn one into TFA without even having any idea who he was or how he would fit in to the rest of the trilogy. Johnson did the right thing by killing him off.

Rey can steal force powers thats how she became strong
Snoke was the first dark jedi and was inmortal but rey stole that too
Rey is the embodiment of the dead alderaanians

(Citation needed)

His body perished but the tweest is that he has another one or strongly exists as a force ghost.

related?

>implying he's even gonna stay dead

Dude's covered in scars for a reason, he's probably been 'killed off for sure this time' many times. Someone even split his head open at some point. Nigga is immortal Plagueis or I'll eat my hat.

Hitler owned casinos (and by Hitler, I mean Drumpf)

>getting hyped about a palpatine clone with 3rd degree burns

certainly, after all JJ Abrams is well known for his love for exposition and answering questions. fuck off cunt, I ain't paying another cent for those garbage movies

What a fucking waste

I never imagined they could be so brazen with their cheap and dishonest filmmaking, giving a convoluted reason for why there's still an "Empire" and a "Resistance" was bad, but outright just not giving a reason for the "Emperor" is awful.

JJ actually wanted Snoke to be good looking and a woman, and tried his best to avoid another decrepit old man

Not possible, hence why I'm not going to see 9.

Me too
I'm fucking sad.

They won't. They'll just drop it because all the hype is gone now he's been easily killed

It's Bill Nighy, the wacky English guy!

punished mace comes back to save the franchise

Does this fag came out with his own script and ideas or Disney told him what to do?

DUDE JUST TERN UR BRANE OFF LOL HE WUZ JUST EBIL OK LOL CMON LUK AT THE COOT PORGS

Luke comes back from the dead and slaughters everyone.

KILL REY, LEIA, FINN AND THE FAT ASIAN TRANNY DIES
LUKE COMES BACK TO LIFE SOMEHOW
KYLO REN GETS REDEEMED AND DIES
LUKE MAKES A NEW JEDI ACADEMY

Rey was gathering followers and going full force god mode to fight the Vong in episode 9

snoke is plagueusus and comes back to life again

its jigsaw

Post yfw Tom gets to 105 and outlives all of his companions and both Colin and Sylv

kek, it's fucking over lads, Star Wars is dead. No way even reddit will like this pile of crap.

JJ literally admitted he likes to write stuff he has no idea how to resolve, look up his mystery box theory. That's why Lost was such a shitshow.

>turned Kylo to the darkside somehow
>has a melted face
>is really powerful
>can mind meld people
>hates Luke Skywalker
>gets killed easily

His whole backstory

>doesn't know how to write an ending
>gets hired as a director

what

Rey is the female clone of Sheev and must choose the overwhelming urge to be evil or do what is right

he calls people on a 50 foot tall hologram phone, and wears a matching pair of gold coloured robe and slippers

Makes sense since TLJ is just Rian Johnson correcting the mistakes of TFA, including the ADHD pacing and thematic void.

sheev's force ghost is the big bad

See for yourself:
reddit.com/r/movies/comments/7jc6mu/review_megathread_star_wars_the_last_jedi/?sort=new

>jj wanted to give us dominatrix kino

Have we been too harsh?

2deep

shitty fanfic incoming:
E9 happens like a year after E8, both le resistance and FO have gathered their armadas for another showdown
first hour of the movie is flashbacks of Rey and Kylo force communicating over the past months
Kylo reveals his destiny will be to complete the journey to dark side and finish his mother
to counter this, and partially because of their force souls influencing each other too much, Rey (to prevent Ben from doing it and dooming himself) ends up killing Leia in some stupid fashion partially off-screen (because you know, Carrie Fisher is ded and no shitty CGI will save that)
Rey ends ripping her soul in half or some shit and Kylo cannot face the idea of having contributed to the death of his own mother and becomes too emotionally broken to continue journey to the Dark Side, Rey absorbs the Darkness from Ben who is unable to resist and in some stupid plottwist it ends with Ben and Rey essentially switching sides and throw in some shit about about half-cyborg Phasma rising from dead to take Hux's place as the right hand woman so that they can show progressive they are in 2020 with FO being led by 2 women

meanwhile other chars do stupid shit to fill the rest of two hours that will be the garbage known as Episode 9

you heard it here first lads

we need to send disney a message.

change.org/p/the-walt-disney-company-bring-back-george-lucas-to-star-wars

Now we get to wait two more years to find out what the fuck was the mirror beneath the island. Oh wait JJ is doing the next one, we'll never see it mentioned again.

kek

I really really liked TLJ. The movie was far from perfect but it exposed the TFA fraud and actually did something interesting with the arms dealer subplot and tying it in to the light dark duality nature of the universe.

The attempts at damage control are amazing. You can see not even the normies liked it, but some are forcing themselves to like it because of the ratings.

youtube.com/watch?v=B4WBB8gAwTE

Just look at this guy.

kill yourself

this

>even reddit plebs didnt like it

What the fuck, these are literally my thoughts about the only positives in the movie, eeriely so, have I become reddit without realizing it?

>tying it in to the light dark duality nature of the universe.
They failed.
>Kylo Ren was playing chess while everyone else were playing fucking bingo, trying to end both of these shitty force ideologies of either power or egalitarianism and making a new, superior and collective one.
>"Rey, join me"
>"HOPE! REBELLION IS BUILT ON HOPE. SCREEEEEECH.THE JEDI ARE THE GOOD GUYS, GOOD GUYS"
>Room blows up
>Kylo gets knocked out, Rey doesn't and escapes?
What a shit movie

Kill Rey at the start of the film.
Make Kylo the good guy he was suppose to be.

Stop being so tribalistic when it comes to websites.

Is it really true that Disney made journalists that saw the early screening sign an NDA saying they couldn't criticize the film in their reviews?

Yep. You can see the ones that didn't like gave a somewhat positive review but stated things like "hehe I'll have to watch it again to give my honest opinion later guaise! XD"

Not bad.

This is what I’m thinking.

C’mon dude.

You have to be 18 to post here.

How did everyone survive after the ship was ripped in half at the end? How was everyone still breathing in the cargo bay and both being sucked out into space? How did the first order mobilise all those AT-ATs and the mini death star cannon in that planet? Why did Leia shoot Poe and lead everyone to their deaths? I didn't get the third act at all

Snoke, Luke and everyone else come back as force ghosts and have giant cgi ghost melee.
Rey and Kylo do something to turn off force and stop this retardation.

>Rey is actually the reincarnation of the first force user, she "awakens" properly in 9 and realises her goal is to bring all life to the force through destruction
>Kylo, as the youngest Skywalker is destined to stop her
>(essentially I'm ripping off the plot of the first Xenoblade but adapting it)
>Luke split himself into two before the start of 7. Either using the force, or using clones, or a combination of both
>He didn't think it would have an effect but it split his thinking. The side of him that tried to kill Kylo went into hiding and is dead
>The other side of Luke wears a mask for disguise and has been trying to fix intergalactic relations for the past 30 years. He knew that no one would take him seriously if they knew who he was, thinking he was just a propaganda piece and unbelievably dangerous
>that feeling was only amplified after the whole destruction of his temple
>Leia dies in the first five minutes
>the Knights of Ren are Kylo's royal guard
>when Luke reveals Kylo's destiny to him, together they have to beat the knights of the Ren
>Rey struggles as there is a human side of her as well as the goddess side of her and they are opposed
>the goddess side of Rey finds a new vessel to materialise inside and leaves Rey almost entirely powerless
>With a pep talk from Luke and Kylo, all three of them take on the goddess
>Luke ends up sacrificing himself so that the others can live
>Rey is the one that deals the finishing blow, discovering her "real" power
>Poe and Finn do stuff in the background
>Snoke's backstory is revealed: he was a jedi scholar or something and learnt about a way to resurrect Rey
>Snoke was, ironically, actually trying to restore the jedi order the entire time because he believes in the old way of the jedi

I dunno, it needs work. But that would be the rough outline

JJ Abrahams did the same thing as in L O S T.
Made up a bunch of random stuff without giving it much thought and then left the job of figuring it all out to someone else.

YOUNG SNOKE!!!FACT!!!

What's this obsession with fates and grandiose destiny. I love the fact that Rey's parents area nothing and Luke just wants to die. This series really needed some grounding. For the record i hated ghost yoda and whatever the fuck that Leia shit was (I'm guessing Luke saved her). But this is easily the best Star wars since Empire

OH NO NO NO

idiot

it was just a dream and ep8 didnt happen

>What's this obsession with fates and grandiose destiny
Star Wars is fucking space fantasy.

HE'S A BITCH FOR HIRE AND A HACK!!!FACT!!!

Well we had to wait 17ish years to find out who the Emperor was...

>What's this obsession with fates and grandiose destiny
Because Rey is OP as fuck and this is the only explanation that doesn't insult the viewers
> I love the fact that... Luke just wants to die.
Oh nevermind, you're a fucking idiot

>fates and grandiose destiny
It's catering to the crowd of people who think they deserve something for being born.

It is revealed that Snoke and the 1st Order were just a front for bigger baddies that were coming from beyond the outer rim. Kylo either leaves or is kicked out due to fucking things up with snoke, so he joins the resistance and thats where his redemption story can begin.

Fucking mouth breathers ITT. Get over it your snowflake little fantasy universe isn't perfect.

>gives reason for Rey being massive Mary-Sue
>gives Rey some depth and doesn't just kill her off in a way that would piss off new fans that like her
>retcons Luke's character assassination
>minimises the need for Carrie cgi
I like it. I feel like the pace would be off and the whole idea of a force god seems stupid. But given what we have to go on, it's the best of a bad situation.

luke wakes up startled from a nightmare.. then real story begins 30 years after rotj

"Disney may or may not have made me sign a disclosure agreement saying I couldn't review the film poorly. Hypothetically, if I were to review it poorly, this is what I might say..."
:^)
me 1
disney lawyers 0

George Lucas himself appears as the legendary Super Jedi, kills Kylo, marries Rey and reinstates the Republic. THE END.

You know you want it.

Just like how they explained Rey's origin!

>Fucking mouth breathers ITT. Get over it your snowflake little fantasy universe isn't perfect.

>my normies friends like this piece of shit
Are the masses literally fucking retarded? How can you not notice the nonsensical, goingnowhere garbage that the plot was?

Truly the worst thing about the movie is some moron made it so when the destroyers are shooting at the rebels they literally LOB the shots. Like the shoot em like artillery. Lasers, in space, shot at an arc, like there is wind resistance, and weight to LIGHT. It's clear the people making this shit are total fucking idiots when it comes to space/sci-fi anything.

That is what depresses me about the whole thing. There are such great minds that can work within sci-fi and StarWars gets the shit tier work.

>Young Luke wakes up after dreaming up the whole thing.
>Turns out he's just a nobody just like his dead father.
>Anakin was a simple farmer who was killed by his livestock.

>the entire film is a slow-paced drama about Luke as a moisture farmer
>starring Sebastian Stan