Sitting in movie theater

>sitting in movie theater
>hear "TSSSST CRACK"
>you know somebody opened an outside contraband soda can
What do you do?

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probably take another dab and hit my flask you fuckin square

"TSSSST CRACK"

The guy next to you snuck in a SHITload of steele reserve, what do you do?

Continue to much on my bootleg Walmart candy

I don't know about most people but me?
I would stand up and sneak outside, grab my phone
and call the fucking cops to come down here and investigate the scene

Ask for one.

>"yo bro, give you 5 bucks if I can crack one of those bad boys open"

leave my seat to get an attendant to look into this immediately in hopes of getting a free movie ticket in exchange for my cooperation

>actually paying for concessions at a movie theater

>high gravity

Ridicule him for not drinking the superior hurricane

Its allowed where i live

I would alert the designated theater shooter

>5 bucks
That shit is like $1.75 a can

Slouch down low in my seat so they won't see me because I dislike confrontation and loudly say "Outside drinks are not allowed, asshole".

>Bruh, lemme fuck with one of those.

not in the theater

theater prices

RIP Mr carlin

Yeah, but you're paying a convenience fee since you forgot to bring your flask.

Relapse

>lemme get a gander breh

shoot a flare to get the theater manager's attention.

I would be happy to pay a premium for the convience and entertainment factor of hanging with some dude who brings a bunch of fuckin steel reserves to a theater. Maybe 3 is more reasonable though

>using a flask

Only wanna be alcoholics use something that can't contain enough alcohol to get you drunk

Stand up, turn to look them straight in the eye. Make a visible/audible "hmph." and then walk outside. Wait for 3 minutes, then walk back in with a shiteating grin and take my seat. Let em sweat the whole movie.

>drinking the 6% version

pleb

Indulge in excellence

>oh no a 17 year old in a vest will be mad at me
>5 minutes later nothing happens and you don't think of it again

Tell my nigga Robert.

"CRUMPLE SHHHH"

The guy next to you snuck in a nice box of Little Caesar's pizza. What do you do?

Correct, a high specific gravity of the wort will result in a higher ABV after fermentation. Though most of the fucks drinking Steel Reserve don't really give a shit about the science behind getting fucked up.

I get a bite or I scream SECURITY!

try to trade some tots for a slice of course

...

This is why I pre-open all my soda pops and cap them off with a large condom.

This. I can never get properly sloshed on anything the least bit portable.

>tfw can't get enough of delicious popcorn each time i go to the cinema
>mfw i always pay up for it despite smuggling my drinks

I reach in and grab a slice without asking and start eating it

...

MALT LIQUOR!!!

if you asked me like that I'd say no

Swiftly go AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH SHIEEEEEEEETTTTT and blow my head off with my theater sawn off in front of him

All his victims were just people who broke the rules like talking during the film.

No, real alcoholics use it to keep them going until they can finish whatever they are doing and get back to real drinking. They aren't meant to be your main source.

>*FWTCK*

The familiar sent of crack cocaine fills the air. The man on your lap lights up under your very nose.

There's a 6% Steel Reserve? You just ruined my life.

Tell them if they don't let me suck their dick I'll tell turn them in

Ask them to move a few seats away with their stinky circle garbage pie and order dominos for the rest of the theater on the condition we all go MMMMM SO GOOD and laugh at him

>not bringing a prepopped bag of good ol orville r with you

>sitting in movie theater
>hear "CRUNCHTCkCkKCRACKSNAP"
>the guy next to you just snuck in a 16 piece bucket of crab legs
What do you do?

>how every positive reviewer of the last Jedi watched it

whos mom helped sneak in contraband concessions here? My mom used to put 3 ice cold ginger ales and some red candy licorice and hostess cakes in her purse and other shit. She knew how the theaters jew people over before I even got red pilled about jews.

youtu.be/f_JygUgiweI

>"Pan, nice and hot. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
>this guy next to you snuck in a hot plate and steak with a nice pat of butter and the right seasonings

What do you do?

melt the garlic butter with a lighter and ask to pass a leg

quickly rush to the counter because I forgot it's crapolooza and legs are half off for singles

>snuck
cheed

Be happy that I'm not the only one that does this

>not using a simple stem to smoke your crack

sellers market, bitch. full trade. only except payment in dogecoin

"Accidentally" burn my hand on his setup and demand the steak and cash in his wallet under threat of lawsuit

i've done it like 13 or 14 times. It doesn't really have a scent

>blocks your path

>the guy sitting next to you is wearing this

what do

>familiar
groovy

burn down the theater

>when someone in the back sneaks bottled beer in
>*hiss* clink
>two minutes later the sound of a glass bottle rolling forward
>hits your feet so you kick it away
>people give you dirty looks because they think it's your empty
fuck you, it's not mine

I would tie a message to my Cinema hawk's talon and have him fly it into the cinema shooter on his perch and have the scoundrel put down.

I read a review for TLJ and the guy spent multiple paragraphs complaining about how it was too long, not enough action scenes, he needed to pee so he couldn't focus on the movie, etc. He gave it a B+ which I felt was a bit low.

grab his tits

Donkey Punch

>get out my trusty syringe full of Clorox
>remove safety cap from needle
>pull up skullface bandana
>a little prick and a quick plunge
>as he's freaking out, quietly make my way out of the theater and escape into the night

>not going to the 5 Below near the theater
Pleb

who the fuck buys cans I always sneak in soda bottles

my local theater got the nice leather recliners because they had to replace all the seats because of these assholes

>*fwump*
>*clink*
>*tap tap tap*
>*ssssssss*
>*shhh*
>*ffffffffff*
>*pop*
>*popopopppopopopopoppopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopop*
>*pop*
>....
>*pop*
>*crackle crackle*
>*flfld*

The guy right next to you just made some contraband homemade popcorn. What do you do?

>*ZZZIIIIPP*
>'esparegus was a bad idea'
wat do?

fire a warning shot with my desert eagle to deter anyone else from profiting off the theaters lack of metal detectors

>hear the familiar pittle sound
>ammonia smell wafting from warm vapors
Someone just filled a cup of piss. What do?

whisper pussy randomly during the movie so only he can hear

>*tips fedora*

>If you do this at a movie theater, fuck you. There is a trash can on the way out the door. Sincerely, the person cleaning up your mess

Lmao at this faggot

You charge $16 for a burger, fries and a drink? Get fucked. I'll leave whatever mess I want you thieving shitbags

>That good feel while wiping my greasy fry fingers on a seat and leaving a wrapper full of tomatoes and onions on the floor.

>*CRACKLE CRACK CRUNCH*
>"mmmm"
>*chewing noises*
>*CRRACKCH*
>*snip snip snap snip*
>*gurgle*
>"ow fuck this one's still kickin'!"
>"aaaa save me user-man!"
The theateria connoisseur seated next to you has smuggled in a contraband seafood bar and is struggling for his life against a pair of undercooked lobsters. His falcon is nowhere to be seen. What do you do?

This is a better steel reserve commercial than any marketing team could ever come up with.

>*fake cough*
>*glare*

>*HHHHHNNNGGG!*
>*whew*
>*HHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNG- UUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH*
>"Guess I shouldn't have ate all those hotpockets am I right man?"

Adding toilets to the fucking seats are the worst things ever in the theater.

>Watching Murder on the Orient Express
>this old guy sitting next to you asks, "pardon me young man, would you happen to have any grey poupon?"
What do?

The only time I vape instead of actually smoking is when I go to the movies. I don't have some autistic rig though I buy the disposable ones that don't leave a huge cloud

>sitting in movie theater
>hear "TSSSST CRACK...ssssipp..sipspipp"
>somebody next to you just opened a contraband SIP
What do you do?

Let him suck my dick

That girl has good taste in sips

lick the dingleberries out of her ass hole

i always leave shit everywhere so some minimum wage theatre autist has a job cleaning up

Ever pop open one of these bad boys?

>Don't mind if I do!

>drinking steel reserve before going to work at a hospital

Steel Reserve is great. It's only a $2.39 for a 4 pack of tall boys here and they can get you plastered really fucking quick. Used to buy 2 packs and black out after the 7th.

as the designated shooter it is my civic duty and responsibility to judge who dies and who lives, i alone am granted this power. these crustaceans have violated the natural order and so i am compelled and obligated to shoot up the place.

It's alright, it's not like he keeps any of it down, and there is a white man supervising.

>ugly slav trap
>/fit/ meme drink