Amelia Bedelia is now your maid and is going to live in your house

>Amelia Bedelia is now your maid and is going to live in your house
What do?

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Amelia, I'm stuck up on this bannister! I want you to get me off!

Seduce her and hope to God she doesn't comically misunderstand sex in a painful way.

Just say
>"May you let me put my penis into your vagina?"
What could go wrong?

Jesus dude.
What the hell is wrong with you?

You're going about this the wrong way, user.

Amelia is a cosmic force that functions by syntactically misappropriating the literal intention of your words and warping them into taking on a pervasive new meaning. The cosmic rule is that regardless of what you say, she will always misinterpret the most obvious meaning and substitute her own. Asking her to let you stick her penis into her vagina will either result in soem other misinterpretation that's far beyond my intellect or a cataclysmic quantum paradox.

The trick is to say something which sounds perfectly innocuous but which can be misconstrued as having a sexual connotation.

Source?
reverse search turned up nothing

Is it even possible to trick Amelia into having sex or take advantage of her for sexual pleasure?

Seems very dangerous.

It's a dangerous game of wits and precision, but it's worth it because Amelia is secretly a semen demon in the sack

Is she?

There's got to be SOME way to give her instructions that will cause her to fatten up.

this guy gets it

And she makes really good pies. I don't care about getting laid, i just want to know what those pies are like.

While she is easily confused, Amelia is super competent at anything she tries.

Ms. Piggle-Wiggle vs. Mary Poppins vs. Nanny McPhee. GO

She'll say okay and then chop off your dick and walk away while pleasuring herself.

Amelia, I want you to have sec with me!

Missy or Mrs?

>Pours an entire bottle of triple sec down your throat before chugging one herself

What would happen if I asked her for a slice of cherry pie?

she'd probably just slice the pie once

pastebin.com/a0UP34bz

The story I wrote for an artist who said they would draw lewds of a good enough story in the last Amelia Bedelia thread.

Amelia, find me a lover thats a tiger in the sack.

>"Hey, Amelia, could you give me a taste of your pie?"

Cue Amelia shoving user's face into her crotch.

Ends about like how'd you expect but it's actually a saber-toothed tiger in the bag.

>not wanting to collapse the universe with your dick

...

Mrs.

Even better.

>user enters his bedroom to find a lump shifting underneath the blanket
>He climbs in, expecting it to be the girl Amelia got for him
>It's a literal tiger
>Outside the bedroom, Amelia does chores while the sounds of screaming, roaring and thudding can be heard from upstairs
>Later, user comes downstairs covered in claw marks and downs an entire carton of OJ.
>"Good work, Amelia. Someone's getting a raise."
>"In that case, sir, you should hurry back to your tiger!"

>Amelia, I want you to suck me dry!

Wheres the other part to this. It was cute as fuck.

...

>In the dead of night, as you slumber in your bed, Amelia suddenly appears on the ceiling like a spider.
>She descends until she looms over you, revealing sharp vampiric fangs
>She edges her mouth closer and closer to your neck, preparing to feast on the coppery lifeforce within your veins
>Suddenly you wake up
>You stare at each other in silence.
>"This is obviously not what I meant."
>Amelia immediately reverts to her normal state of being with an apologetic smile.
>"Oops! My mistake, sir! Won't happen again!"

...

And a bonus.

Amelia, I would like a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it!

Holy crap I forgot about this series for like 10 years

gay and autistic

You don't have to go announcing yourself every time you enter a thread.

>Turkey's a little dry.

Uh, how much am I paying her? I really gotta know.

Would tell her to clean and organize bedroom, clean my dirty clothes....yeah, this ain't gonna work, I don't have much for her to do.

GODDAMN IT AMELIA, STOP BEING SEXY AND CLEAN MY CAR.

awwww

Pretty thick foxy lady. It would be great to have such maid. I would hug her and tease her, G-george.

Like my grand-mother always said :"You attract a man by his penis but you keep him by his stomach"

I'd provide her a surprise shower alright

That's adorable

I tell her to spend at least one hour every day studying common expressions and slang so she can properly understand what I ask her to do

is this supposed to be before or after the ily scene

Muh DICK, where are these from and is ther more?

THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE WHAT

Fuck until i explode on her face

She is so comically simpleton that I'd just get her to work naked and jerk off whenever she is around dusting off my room or whatever.

You don't stick it into crazy.

>You don't stick it into crazy.
Crazy is the best place to stick it in

Crazy bites back, either figuratively or literally.

I use the word shit for emphasis and just as a general word replacer far too often to even consider being around her.
"You know pick the clutter and shit"

I guess have her clean some stuff.

>"Amelia, give me a golden shower!"
>"Hehehe: best case scenario, I get to indulge in my fetish; worst case scenario, I get a shower made out of gold."
>pours molten gold over your head

>"Hey, Amelia, would you have sexual intercourse me, as in me, Anonymous, not some guy named Me?"
>"No user, you loser."

...

Amelia reveals her vampiric tendencies and drinks your blood

Amelia is a good waifu.

>she puts jalapeno in it
>"It's not a weird surprise sir!"

that sounds pretty good actually

>Amelia gets Turkey to declare war on your country and in an unexpected series of events leads their armies to almost total victory, flanking your nation's last remaining troops before calling you and saying:
>Your Turkey sandwich is ready, Sir

>Have sex with me, Amelia!
>Sechs what?

....What if you simply said "Amelia, I want to have sex with you"?

...How is a nude woman gay? Given that there are no females on Sup Forums ?

Is she allowed to just switch over to another language?

>Given that there are no females on Sup Forums ?
I don't know how you got that so backwards, there are ONLY women on Sup Forums.

Made me laugh. 10/10, user.

Wait, does that mean they're all gay?

I kind of want to see a femanon have to deal with all of her shit.

>"Amelia, I want you eat me out."
She makes reservations for you at that one restaurant you like.
>"I want you to lick my muff."
She begins running her tongue over your winter accessories.
>"I want you to strip down and fuck me!"
She plays strip poker with you and cheats constantly.

Okay, what if you just rape her and when it goes to trial, you say "She drove me fucking nuts"?

>Used to imagine /ss/ fantasies about Amelia Bedelia as a kid.

Damn it Sup Forums. This is one chapter of my life that I would like to stay buried in the past

bump

Who came onto who?

This is adorable, user. You got any more of this stuff?

...Go on.

>Okay, what if you just rape her and when it goes to trial, you say "She drove me fucking nuts"?

That might just work.

>all these niggers coming up with loopholes to make her do lewd shit

Keep your mouth shut and just rape her you idiots.

fucking kek'd

Sooo she's a living monkey's paw?

Brutal

Just ask her for a ride.

bump

That's kinda the point.

Beautiful

Underrated

The first thing you guys think about are ways to dupe her into sex or rape.

Jesus christ Sup Forums

>My name is not May, and I never said such a thing!

We need details user, lots of details...

>"Suck my dick, Amelia Bedelia!"

Pick my words with extreme care

>Amelia! Please take my that! M-My ponos and touch it there! To your vagoo! And j-j-j-jam it in!
>...Understood.

>Amelia uses a vacuum cleaner on your dick

Personally I'm just trying to think of a way to seduce her without being misunderstood. Not into the whole rape dealio.

You new here?

>Have sex with me
>Oh I would love a slice.

replace sex with sexual intercourse and it would work

Just replace the "6" cake with a cake that spells out "sexual intercourse" and you still wouldn't fuck her.