Hmmmm

>Hmmmm............
>*sips*
>Salt.

The FUCK?

just in case you thought the base that looks exactly like Hoth was Hoth, this isn't Hoth this is a completely different planet that ISNT HOTH because its SALT and not SNOW.

IT'S NOT HOTH, GUYS!!!!!! IT'S MADE OF SALT!!!!!!

>You expected Hoth?
>it's SALT, THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF SNOW
>HAH! SUBVERTED EXPECTATIONS AGAIN
>now check out this visual

Master Subverter Rian Johnson strikes again!

Why didn't the First Order just attack he salt base from space just like they did in the beginning of the movie. I know Admiral purple hair hyperspaced her ship into the fleet. But they still landed a few walkers on the planet. So not all of the ships that the First Order had with them were destroyed.

DEFINITELY NOT SNOW!! TOTALLY DIFFERENT PLANET GUYS!

>American soldier in Iraq
>licks a finger after touching the ground
>"Mmmmh... sand..."
>*dramatic music*

Isn't this their base? Shouldn't they know about it?

>It's like poetry, it rhymes

That's a story for another time.

>*sips*
stop

>Hmmmmm...............
>*tastes*
>Snow.

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

No, it's an old rebel base that was abandoned for decades

>Hmmmm............
>*sips*
>Treason.

which again was another excuse to put original trilogy Rebel equipment in a base that looks exactly like Hoth but its SALT GUYS ITS SALT

>Hmmmm............
>*sips*
>Mostly fat and nitrates

THIS IS NOT LIKE EMPIRE Y'ALL

>Hmmmm............
>*sips*
>Fun!

kek

>been stationed there for god knows how long
>just now finding out it's salt
...what

>Hmmmm............
>*pets*
>Doggy.

The FUCK?

why was Hoth such a tiny looking battle. It's literally an entire planet defended by a single trench and like 20 guys

>base not in use for roughly 30 years
>arrive to the planet mere minutes ago
It's okay, I don't blame you for not wasting money on this shitshow.

>Hmmm...
>*winces*
>Cyanide.

Because computers weren't invented until 2001

>hasn't seen the movie but still wants le epic (You)s
here you go lil' fella

Because it's the exact same situation Rian copy and pasted from. It was a remote outpost that they here hiding in, all they had was that one bunker there too.

Because they weren't defending the planet, they were defending their base.

who sips alien soil as soon as landing? seriously?

oh right it's an "abandoned base" that they used to own so of course they have no information about it or the area it's stationed on.

oh wait no, that's still retarded

>>Hmmmm............
>>*sips*

shut the fuck up

Can we talk about how the whole trench full of rebel soldiers literally did nothing after the innitial scene of them setting up?
Like, I don't even remember them firing at the AT-ATs. They just had their moment setting up, and then everything else was done by Luke and the shitty planes. The trench just felt like it stopped existing.

Also, I know they didn't do much with the trench people in Battle of Hoth either, but at least we saw them coordinate, shoot at the Imperials, get blown up etc. I can't remember anything like that happening.

Am I just going senile?

Those giant walkers weren't the ones from HOTH either right

but the star wars galaxy contains roughly over a hundred quadrillion sentient lifeforms. The militaries are not to scale. In that type of war you'd expect even a tiny skirmish to be hundreds of thousands of people

what if the guy who tasted the floor just joined the resistance and doesn't know shit about it? you know like Rey or Finn?

>get deployed to the middle east
>five minutes in decide to scoop up some of this brown powder shit that's blowing all over the place
>realize it's not Nestle's powder of the gods, but actually fucking sand
>what the fuck
>why didn't anyone realize they deployed us to this shithole earlier?
this is you

Like, I don't want to defend this movie, it's a massive steaming pile of shit, but this actually has a reasonable explanation (unless I'm remembering wrong):
In the start of the movie, they specifically used a dreadnought to do that. That ship got blown up, and it was shown to be the one equipped with orbital cannons.
It can be assumed they either didn't have any more, or if they did they were destroyed, since Poe acted like they're a rare thing.

what if Rian made the battle set in a better location instead of (not) hoth?

how do you sip salt

Do you think Rian had any say?
What the Mouse wants the Mouse gets.

*fairy voice* disney products are fuuuuuuun!!!!!! don't have any bad thoughts when entering the magical world of disneeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

>get deployed to the middle east
>five minutes in decide to scoop up some of this brown powder shit that's blowing all over the place
>realize it's not sand but actually fucking Nestle's powder of the gods
>what the fuck
>why didn't anyone realize they deployed us to this magical place?
I think is what you meant

The point was to show that there was dust on the ground...which wasn’t disturbed by Luke.

You people on this board are legit morons

So they have an incredibly powerful and useful ship but it's defenses are so week that it can be disabled by one X-Wing.

Even then, it's weird for him to just randomly exclaim to everyone around him that it's Salt, since your very presumption says the rest of them should know, and he should know he's the new guy, and his realization isn't sage advice for anyone else.

If they meant that, it would have been far more organic if instead of him declaring that it's salt, he scoops up some, licks his hand, spits it out and then a guy next to him tells him that he shouldn't worry, it's just salt.

Then he can get into a monologue in response about how he hates salt. It's strong, coarse and overwhelms his taste-buds.

>i-it's the corporate side who's at fault
>the """""creatives""""" can't be blamed for this
If you're to stupid to follow a plan of a factory line assembly machine then you don't deserve sympathy. Rian is a fucking retard and managed to fuck up a simple kid's movie.

As I said, massive pile of shit movie, but the plot hole is further down the line.

>magical place
If it's so magical why are the dumb fucks always trying to sneak into other countries and blow themselves up?

So why not just pour water in it?

you put your cock in it

i dont follow

yeah I like your version better

>Cocaine in its purest form is a white, pearly product. Cocaine appearing in powder form is a salt, typically cocaine hydrochloride.

>be on salt planet
>waste precious water to figure out if its salt or not
Imagine being this much of a dingus.

I'm not saying Rian's faultless, I'm just suggesting that the not-hoth stuff was probably forced on him by Disney, especially considering how the movie basically ends before any of that stuff happens anyway. He thought he'd be clever and subversive by saying 'it's not really snow guys lmao' but still had to have the scene in the film.
That's just a theory though and either way it wouldn't make the film any better if it wasn't there and they may have had to come up with a less retarded way to kill Luke.

>yfw Leia returned from the death just to experience the cocaine planet

They're high on Nestle's powder of the gods and want to share their enthusiasm

I just called it the Red Velvet Planet

I'm pretty sure they're making fun of star wars fans being salty, white male faboys with this scene. Rian is a smug asshole.

Some were regular AT-ATs, some were those new gorilla things

Which brings the question...why did the first order landed far far away just to WALK up to the door?

Everything around the supremacy was destroyed.

Nothing was fiered at the AT-ATs.
The speeders just drove towards trhem without firing a single fucking shot.
I just guess that the trench guys died when the mini death start cannon fired at the gate.

they take time to deploy after landing

I HATE SALT

And none of the AT-ATs were destroyed either. I was kinda looking forward to seeing them get taken down by those speeder things.

>I still thought it was snow, and everyone was putting salt on their boots to melt the snow and walk easier, which was what the rebel tasted
Am I a brainlet?

Then how did they land the walkers on the salt planet?

Wouldn't a salt planet eat away basically everything outside in a matter of weeks?

What the fuck is the point of that back-mounted weapon
literally anywhere else would be a better position. It's blocked from aiming downward by the head, and everywhere it can shoot the head-mounted shit can too.
Why not put it on top so there's some actual AA?

Im so confused on how I feel about this scene

It obviously brings up the issue that "Oh you can just use this tactic and win every space battle ever"

But it was also really fucking cool to watch

Pope John Paul II used to

How would they even destroy anything with those speeders? They aren't equipped with any weapons. Finn tried to just kamikaze his speeder. It's not like they could use the same snowspeeder strategy. The salt speeders are only able to skate on the ground. The moment the cable goes taut the speeder will immediately face plant. I feel like the only reason they had the speeder scene on the salt planet was just because it looks cool on the poster.

The ground stuff was small-scale and shot up-close, the snow speeder stuff was a bit more broad
The Hoth battle was compact, because the snow speeders never went high for hammerhead turns and there were no showy aerial acrobatics, and because it was presented well through simple dialogue you didn't question it.
In the battle of salt world, it's a visual effect with slightly altered AT-ATs and a tacked-on big nonsensical hero moment. It's much smaller in scale than the Hoth battle on all counts, including satisfaction.

>Hmmm
>*sips*
>Grass

test
test

HELLO AUDIENCE RIAN HERE.I KNOW THAT YOU ALL ARE INBRED RETARDS SO I WILL EXPLAIN THAT THIS PLANET IS CLEARLY NOT HOTH BY MAKING THIS EXTRA TASTE THE GROUND FOR NO OTHER REASON. YOU DUMB CUNTS.

why didn't they just hyperspace the death star

Is it even scientifically possible to have a planet full of salt in that form all over the planet? What makes the atmosphere breathable anyway if its full of salt?

Could be an ocean world who's water was boiled away in a natural disaster.

The whole film could basically described as an explosion in a fireworks factory. It looks cool at first, but then after a short while you realise that you're just looking at a very visually pleasing disaster.

Yes. Nu-Wars in a nutshell.

He spoke as of there was more than one. " how many chances do we get to take out A dreadnought".

*breathes in*
No.

>Hmm
>*sips*
>Dirt

>salt
You mean this is not Planet Concanium?

>Hmmmm............
>*sips*
>Gummy bears.
I don't get it.

Because stupid American audiences wouldn't get it.

A highly metallic planet gets water and life, organic life forms make the water slightly acidic, waters reacts with the metallic core and forms a thick layer of salt crystals over the entire planet, the surface becoming powerdery through general friction.

Now whether or not a salt planet with minimal organic compounds could sustain life is a different matter altogether.

>we're about to fight for our lives
>but I don't want to die without knowing what the ground tastes like

The dreadnaught got fucked as did Snoke's ship. A lot of the surrounding star destroyers did as well. Likely all the big orbital guns were destroyed or in questionable state. Was easier to just dispatch 10 walkers that were probably ready to deploy or could very easily be made ready. They were just dealing with a small force they could curbstomp

IT'S A REFERENCE TO MISOGYNISTIC ALT-RIGHT SHITLORD FANBOY TEARS
IT'S SALT!!!!
NO EXPLANATION NEEDED FOR ANYTHING, WE GOT YOU SHITLORD

The weasel looking lady says there are shields to prevent an orbital assault. You guys are all fucking retards.

>Random abandoned base has functional shields
>Their active base doesn't
>Random Abandoned Base also has massive, nigh impregnable walls that they literally needed a mini Death Star to break down, and even that only made a relatively tiny hole
>For some reason this base was abandoned, and they used the shitty little set of grassy knolls from TFA instead
Y tho?

That's like if the Gondorians abandoned Minas Tirith and went off to fuck around in the plains while waging war with Mordor.

I don't think it was a base, it had mining equipment all over it. Or maybe it was a base, but after the empire fell a mining guild bought it and then abandoned it because of the rise of the first order.

>shields to prevent an orbital assault
If you can shoot down a starship, you can bombard a base until it's glass. There's a fucking fleet of ever-bigger, more threatening ships just for the sake of it, so why can't that happen?
So many resources to make planet-sized superweapons of solar system-wide destruction, but you can't handle a sole outpost on some planet? A site covered in salt, which should do half of the work for you by clogging up engines and machinery, by causing rust as soon as condensation appears, and by choking everyone on the front lines dry.
I love seeing fans-cum-film producers just write themselves into deeper holes, it's fucking hilarious.
I will never see the next movie; I just want to see the gymnastics and perpetual fuckups they get into trying to write themselves out of The Last Jedi.
Because they paid lip service to character backgrounds in TFA and they have nothing to work with in TLJ so they wing it, I have nothing invested in their third chapter except being able to watch them completely vomit their brains out everywhere trying to keep the Star Wars cult happy.
It's going to be hysterical and I can't wait.

>Hmmm......
>*sipis*
>"It's NOT snow."