I thought you guys were joking

I thought you guys were joking..

buy porgs

TFA looking pretty good now eh
The sad part is, I highly doubt anyone wanted to make a bad movie. Mark Hamill must be so distraught.

>lasers firing in space
>they arc like artillery

about how bad it was? Yeah i know, turns out it was really good.

not something I would joke about. I wish I liked this movie

People who actually complain about Porgs are retarded. Star Wars has always been a huge merchandise gig, and compared to Jar Jar and the Ewoks, Porgs are harmless.

>lasers fire at all
>they act like projectiles
The lasers in star wars have never made any fucking sense you mong.

>TFA looking pretty good now eh
Both are equally shit, but for different reasons.

Why does Sup Forums think they know better than experts?

I don't think you know what a laser is body

porgs were unfortunately one of the highlights imo

t. #porglife

Are you just pretending to be retarded?

No this is srs business

I wasn't complaining, I actually like porg he was the only reason I went and saw the movie.

Watching it now.. THis thing is all over the fucking place

they're not actual lasers they're blasts of plasma

Enjoy your ewok doll faggot.

why would gravity be pulling them downward in the middle of space away from anything with significant mass?

It gets better the more you watch it, three or four times and its a masterpiece, IMAX really brings out the details totally worth the extra cash.. Personally I'm looking forward to Rian Johnson's new trilogy

The science behind their blasters and lightsabers are retarded period
>Blasters fire superheater plasma that gets surrounded by an electromagnetic field as it leaves the barrel in order to hold its form.
>Strength of plasma weakens as it gets further away and the magnetic field dissipates.
>Lightsabers use same electromagnetic principle

>needing an expert to tell you whether or not you will like something.

>0.5 has been deposited into your bank account

Show me the episode 4 or 5 equivalent to jar jar or ewoks. And no one likes jar jar or ewoks.

Strawman.

Yeah, I didn't mind the porgs at all. It's funny how everything we were originally worried about regarding this movie turned out not to be as big of a deal, because there's other stuff in it that's so much worse.

Gee it's almost like each trilogy has it's main cutesie thing made for toys

Jar Jar and Ewoks actually advanced the plot. They were shit. But they still served a PURPOSE in the story.

Buy your rebel decoder ring today! *roll credits*

Why would a shill admit to the general shilling of the franchise?

>like every trilogy

No, Ewoks were inserted into the last movie just to sell toys by Lucas.

Jar Jar inserted from the get go to sell toys but then subsequently aborted when everyone hated it.

Porgs were put into this movie to capitalize not only on children but manchildren soyboys who will "ironically" like them.

Have standards you fucking faggot.

I think he was explaining Star Wars blasters, not the retarded TLJ versions

Porgs appear for like two minutes total and serve comedic relief. Personally I prefer that to fucking Jar Jar being an important character.

The cute little in 4 was Jawas, which were pretty fun. I know, that's a bad word here.

You think it's a good thing that the awful crowbarred in toys had a meaningful impact on the story? I'd much rather we have jar jars comedy and dancing or fucking teddy bears overthrowing the galactic empire. The fact they don't interfere with the plot makes them the least awful.

>These things were all inserted for toys but this specific one is shit because reasons that I'm unable to state *insert Sup Forums buzzwords

Jar Jar actually has plot points involving him. Porgs do not. They are LITERALLY nothing but product placement.

>REEEEEEEEEEEE stop liking things I don't like

why would some stablehands care that some poeple are from the resistance? what the fuck is the resistance going to magically do for them?

>They killed Admiral Akbar

No more Trap Fish. Its literal shit

they show up in 2 (two) scenes with Chewbacca

>I prefer my product placement to sing and dance instead of be a silly side thing for a total of about 1min run time

>Jar Jar has plot points involving him
>This is a good thing

18+ faggot

why do they always feel the need to kill the old characters

come the fuck on

Because they keep dying in real life, like cowards!

Well I assume after the kids let all the horse things escape, the alien trainer guy probably whipped them all to the brink of death.

The movie is full of dumb comedy. It doesn't need relief.

Puck in Berserk in comic relief because otherwise it's a world full of horsedicked demons raping 13 year olds, then butchering him, and sticking their corpses on pikes.

Last Jedi has can you hear me now and yo momma jokes.

No joke.

Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones have been dethroned as worst Star Wars film.

No, I'd rather not have either of them at all. But I'll choose a shitty character who does something in the plot vs a shitty character made for nothing but draining wallets.

I hate TLJ but this is so fucking retarded. You'd actually rather have jar jar than some silly comic relief animal for less than 2 mins. Consider what that means. This is peak contrarian edge.

...

So how will the future generations remember this movie

>Harrison Ford isn't dead
>Mark Hamil isn't dead
>Carrie Fisher is
And guess who they kept

Porgs were created to mask the Puffins on Skellig Michael.
Porgs were not needed aboard the Falcon as Tribbles or for Chewbacca's comic relief.

so why can yoda call down lightning?

POTTERY

>I thought you guys were joking

You learned a heavy lesson. This is no laughing matter.

They did all sorts of fucked shit with the force. Yoda being the least offending

He's a book burning nazi

Don't feed the troll/retard/retarded troll

Yknow what
I'm not gonna double down
You're right. I was being retarded because I fucking hate this movie so fucking much. I've literally been depressed and had to take off time from work to stare at my ceiling because of TLJ. So yeah. Thanks for some perspective.

>All Poe wants is to know that SJW Cunt at least has some kind of plan
>He's made to look like he's unreasonable
>Admiral Cunt allowed thousands of people to die when she could've done her kamekaze thing at the very start

what the fuck?

They're ugly as sin.

Worse. They off-screened Akbar and let Admiral Gender Studies take his place.

they are cute and amusing. Disney doesn't know how to do much, but making cute shit is their forte. Porgs were honestly one of the most well executed things in the movie.

get out

They're creepy down-syndrome faced birds with shark eyes and jagged teeth. Fuck 'em.

you will appreciate them or you will be removed

And with this, I'm done with this topic:
This movie was an attack on the fans and mythology of Star Wars!
The disregard for the previous films, the abandonment of what we know about the Force and the deconstruction of the accomplishments after the fall of Sheev Palpatine.
The disgusting way it disposed of the Original characters. The ridiculous deus ex machina used to save a dead person, only to dump her for a huge chunk of the movie. The irreverence of icons.
The ham fisted handling of Godmode Cheatcode.
Self sacrifice is bad?
Self sacrifice is good?
You can be surprised by a person whose mind you are reading?!
Hyperspeed is a doomsday weapon?
Save the animals, but leave the children enslaved?
A parking ticket subplot?!
There's no way out! Except for this one! (Thank fuck we have the untrained superjedi here).
Why bother staying home, if staying there will kill you anyway?
Just keep milking the space walrus titties!
Burn the ancient texts! but they were apparently already stolen.
Every character from the first 6 movies gets shit on, and tossed into a shallow grave.
Now you have characters that you couldn't be bothered to develop in 5 hours of film.
Will Reylo be a thing for the tumblrina shippers?
WHO FUCKING CARES!?
What The Fuck Was This SHIT?!

>snoke is literally goldmember in dress and mannerisms

me2

Wow if TFA is good compared to this thats really bad.

TFA was so aweful it put me off starwars

what where the rebels even going to do once they left the bunker. They didn't know daisy rei was even there with the falcon.

Except look at the last scene. Ren grabbed the books and put them on the Falcon

Porgs were the least bad part of this.

Oh shit nigger did I get the bamboozled by the green jew? I'll have to watch out for that when I see it again.

>Rey has no training with the lightsaber
>kills a dozen super jedi guards

this fucking flick lmao

She was taught you dumb bigger

>taught
>Luke never shows her anything
>infact he turns away in disgust the moment she actually uses a lightsaber for the first time and uses it to cut a rock

The last jedi not only ruins all future STAR WARS movies, it also retroactively ruins the past films and makes them all look like idiots.

>A New Hope - "Sir we've worked out the final plan for the assault on the death star and it will be risky and cost many lives but it migh-" "Just Hyperspace-Ram it"

>Empire - "Sir the troops are ready for the ground assault on Hoth, walkers are ready to deploy" "Just Hyperspace-Ram the shield generator from orbit then Hyperspace-ram the rebel base. Boom. All the rebels will be dead before they can evacuate, war is over, and we never had to do a ground assault"

>Jedi - "Sir they built a new death star and it's even bigg-" "Just Hyperspace-Ram it" "But sir it's surrounded by a shield from the Endor moo-" "Just hyperspace ram the endor Moon until you take out the shield generator, Ewoks are collateral damage, then hyperspace ram the new death star"

>Phantom Menace - "Annakin you have to take out that droid controller" "Just hyperspace ram it"

>Rogue One - "We have to take down that shield generator!" "Just hyperspace ra- actually you know what were going to just hyperspace ram the death star anyway so we don't even need these stupid plans. Lets get out of here everybody."

>TFA - My god they built an even BIGGER death sta-" "Just hyperspace ram it"

From now on, in every star wars movie ever made, every single time there is a massive fleet, large base or battlestation everyone watching will be thinking. "Why don't they just hyperspace-ram it". Johnson did this to the entire star wars cinematic universe, forever, for the sake of a ten second shot that "looked cool".

She does have melee weapon training though. Also they're called praetorian guard you pleb.

Hi Disney!

im going to hyperspace ram your mother tonight

Its when Fin gets a blanket for Rose.

>this thing that was super obvious since the start of star wars only now matters because they actually did it
What exactly did you think would have happened?

Hi guy with no rebuttal

nope. only purple hair knew how to do it. its a super sekrit technique only stronk women can use. also, she used the force or some shit.

Show us all when she was trained

Her entire life growing up on jakku

Well now you know user. Hearing about it is one thing, but seeing it done next level shit.

The trick is that you shift into reverse straight from 6th gear.

das rite force is female nao!

My favorite part is when they were all flying into a salt plain in open cockpits and not a single one of them wore goggles or anything

But you went and paid for the movie ticket anyway.

AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.

But I didn't. I'm watching a stream of it now

>yanks won't understand what this means

Porghub.com

Livestream when?

>bombs fall down in zero gravity
>Leia survives in vacuum without lung/skin/eye ruptures or death
>Leia uses the Force to pull herself in when she's never been able to use the Force like that before
>When they open the door to let her in, the pressurized interior doesn't blow her back in space
>Still no explanation of the state of the galaxy, size of first order or reason it's around, no explanation of size of Republic or how government in galaxy works, no explanation of size or purpose of resistance
>Still no explanation of Snoke and where he came from, why Luke didn't know of him before
>Snoke dies shittily and we don't care because we didn't know who he was
>Development of Kylo ruined when he reverses his gradual shift to the light to be fill-in Snoke
>Pointless fight with red guards to show off le ebin laser whip swords when Kylo should have been able to kill them all with the Force and lightsaber in seconds
>Luke uses unprecedented Force astral projection, then dies of a heart attack in the most embarrassing fashion
>Pointless diversion to totally-creative-casino on evil capitalist planet where poor Harry Potter bathorses are freed while literal slaves are left there. "Now it's worth it."
>Stupidest fucking contrived plot of resistance running from first order with low fuel, hyperspace ram bullshit full of loopholes, beyond believable purple haired slut
>Jalopy ships fly out to meet a ground assault for no reason and don't even shoot
>Yoda for nostalgia pandering

And there's even more. Holy shit. It was almost as bad as TFA, and that's saying something. RIP in peace, Star Wars.

>compared to the things widely considered by fans to be the worst aspects of the movies, porgs aren't that bad
Wow, great argument

>>bombs fall down in zero gravity
Dude magnets
>>Leia survives in vacuum without lung/skin/eye ruptures or death
Dude the force
>>Leia uses the Force to pull herself in when she's never been able to use the Force like that before
Dude Vader's daughter
>>When they open the door to let her in, the pressurized interior doesn't blow her back in space
Dude the force
>>Still no explanation of the state of the galaxy, size of first order or reason it's around, no explanation of size of Republic or how government in galaxy works, no explanation of size or purpose of resistance
Shhh
>>Still no explanation of Snoke and where he came from, why Luke didn't know of him before
Shhh
>>Snoke dies shittily and we don't care because we didn't know who he was
Yes
>>Development of Kylo ruined when he reverses his gradual shift to the light to be fill-in Snoke
He was just pretending the whole time
>>Pointless fight with red guards to show off le ebin laser whip swords when Kylo should have been able to kill them all with the Force and lightsaber in seconds
But it was cool so fuck you
>>Luke uses unprecedented Force astral projection, then dies of a heart attack in the most embarrassing fashion
*ill be useful sir* *puts too much effort in and dies*
>>Pointless diversion to totally-creative-casino on evil capitalist planet where poor Harry Potter bathorses are freed while literal slaves are left there. "Now it's worth it."
Vegan pride galaxy wide
>>Stupidest fucking contrived plot of resistance running from first order with low fuel, hyperspace ram bullshit full of loopholes, beyond believable purple haired slut
Hux wanted to enjoy their destruction and savour every last minute
>>Jalopy ships fly out to meet a ground assault for no reason and don't even shoot
???
>>Yoda for nostalgia pandering
Yeah but he was a puppet so its okay
>And there's even more. Holy shit. It was almost as bad as TFA, and that's saying something. RIP in peace, Star Wars.
Those fanboy tears

Do you think they're happy they killed the franchise?