BRAVO RIAN

BRAVO

>General Hux: This is Hux. You and your friends are doomed. We will wipe your filth from the galaxy.
>Poe Dameron: Okay. I'll hold.
>General Hux: Hello?
>Poe Dameron: Hello? Yup, I'm still here.
>General Hux: Can he hear me?
>Poe Dameron: Hux?
>Com Officer: He can.
>Poe Dameron: With an 'H'? Skinny guy. Kinda pasty.
>General Hux: I can hear you. Can you hear me?
>Poe Dameron: Look, I can't hold forever. If you reach him, tell him Leia has an urgent message for him...
>Com Officer: I believe he's tooling with you, sir.
>Poe Dameron: ...about his mother.

BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Pegg#Film
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

THIS AIN'T YOUR DADDY'S STAR WARS LMAO

LOL UR MOMMA LOL

ITT we write jokes for the next star wars movie

>*shot of Poe and Finn assembling machinery*
>Poe: This is the weapon we need to win the war.
>Finn: What does it do?
>Poe: let's just say it puts a spring in your step
>*later, before the battle*
>Poe: Okay.. HIT IT!
>*gun blasts First Order ships with a sonic barrage*
>Hux: what the blue blazes is this?
>Officer: it appears to be... hip hop, sir.
>Poe: Attention, First Order! The first order of business is: get down!
>*everyone on First Order ship starts breakdancing*
>Hux: wh-what's happening to me?
>Officer: we appear to be... getting jiggy wid it, sir
>Poe: This is how we win the war... not by killing the people who try to kill us, but by partying like it's a galaxy, far far away!
>*cut to ghost Yoda taking a big shit on ghost Luke*

>poe is running down a hallway
>slips on an oil slick
>finn helps him up
>BRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
>"well looks like I'm not the only one who skidded"

Not that the comedy in that scene works in Star Wars, but why was it in the opening scene? It's a dark fucking movie. A guy gets eviscerated by a power turbine and chunks of his body fly up in the air before falling into the turbine again. 95% of the Resistance die. Luke does. Rey almost falls to the dark side. But we also have Poe Funnyman LOL and porgs? This is fucking nuts. The movie doesn't have a consistent tone or even consistency with the various tones it uses.

Star Trek Beyond is the best JJTrek film despite the Beastie Boys and it has a cooler ship design than anything in TLJ, how? How did the director of the Fast and Furious movies pull it off? Justin Lin should direct 9

It's the Star Wars you wanted.

lol bueno post

I literally got up and left the theater immediately after this scene.

The tone is all over the place. I'd consider ESB a dark movie, but leaving the theater after TLJ I wasn't thinking it was very dark cause it didn't have a set tone even though similar things happen in the two movies

BRAVO
R
A
V
O

>Going in expecting unironic Plane scene meme potential
>Get the LOL SO RANDUMB ironic humor from Marvel shit

Unironically made me laugh

It fucking reads like a MCU '''''''''''''''''''''''''joke''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The scene MIGHT have been salvageable if not for the “your mother” line

Reminder that this is the bold new direction for Star Wars that critics and shills are defending so passionately. They want everything to be watered down marvel movies.

No, the whole
>*awkward pause*
>"..Still waiting!"
needs to fucking go. It's Marvel retardation.

god that scene was embarrassing

MOM'S

GONNA

FREAK

The tone was awful in TFA as well. People like to defend the opening village exchange between Kylo and Poe for some reason. It was fucking awful.

What was more embarrassing was that a theater full of 100+ people didn’t laugh at their attempts at “humor.” Not this scene, the lightsaber toss, the titty milk, I forget what else but not one “joke” stuck without the crowd

Poe Dameron does at least one thing that annoys me every time he's on screen. I hate these new characters like I've never hated fictional characters before.

And that right there is why the normie reaction is bad

Post-modernism has absolutely fucking infested big budget movies. Nothing's allowed to be played straight or true anymore. It all has to be wrapped in layer after layer of humour, meta gimmicks and a commitment to being shallow. People are being conditioned to think that it's ok to pay to see these movies, and for them to be shit, because "they're blockbusters; they're not supposed to be good".

I've seen it three times, the first time the audience was full of Marvelfags, second time one woman laughed at every joke but almost nobody else made a sound, saw it with a friend yesterday and the theater was laughing hysterically through the whole thing. But the jokes aren't fucking funny. I don't understand why anyone thought they worked. The action in the scene is stupid, too, because the First Order aren't a serious threat to anyone we care about, and if we sympathize with Poe then how can we mourn the deaths of the bomber crews? Poe thinks they died heroically and won't back down. He never learns his lesson.
And why couldn't the crew of the cruiser see the planet before getting on the shuttles? Why does Finn, or Poe, not sure whuch, say "we're in the middle of nowhere" after they make the first jump to lightspees? If he has an idea of where they are then he must know there's a planet there.

Same actually. If it was that bad in the beginning, I couldn't waste my time seeing how much worse it got. And by everything I've seen posted here, I made the right decision.

Why have you gone to see this three times when you know it's bad?

Because I want to understand it. I've watched TFA 3 times since TLJ came out, too. Its a very interesting thing they've got going with these movies. 'Bad' isn't the right word.

If you continue to give them money then they'll continue to make shit.

design by committee?

That doesn't make sense. The entire joke is "your mom." Not even "your mom is old" or "your mom is fat." It's not a joke at all, it's just the set-up to one. There's not even a punchline.

U R JUST TOO DUMB TO GET IT ITS THE MOST ITELLIGENT STAR WAHRS

I saw BR2049 twice and it bombed, I'm just one person, not the market in general.
Sure but how did it get so bad? The King James Bible was designed by committee.

Even more encoded than you think. In inner cities as far back as WWII, this was a black kids' game called "dozens." It consisted entirely of reciting, in volleys, insults about the other guy's mother. Good players could remember maybe two dozen standard lines, but champions were distinguished by their ability to improvise when the standard lines ran out. Winners were inevitably those who could combine improvisation with incisive observation about the truth of their opponent. Those zingers would then become new standards.

"I used to say that in this game, before my momma got a job."

"I saw your momma at the government cheese office. Getting milked."

Rian is the kind of wonderbread kid that wants to code switch to signal the black audience that he's hip to their game, but also sensitive and guilty enough not to culturally appropriate their genius pastime.

Is why you are dissatisfied with the result. Even in the context of shameless racial pandering, it's a pussy move.

Disney cant understand how to build tension or drama in movies, everything has to be a joke for a quick chuckle. The first order is playing with guns far larger than the empire could dream of but every moment they come on screen theyre the butt of a joke. The OT managed to make the empire a threat through its key figures, but in the sequels hux is just a ragdoll of cheap chuckles.

Theres literally nothing to care about because the characters themselves dont even care about the gravitas of any situation. Its just a big joke on the setting as a whole.

A vegan, a pitbull owner, a Bernie supporter and a nuWars fan all walk into a bar...

>Its just a big joke on the setting as a whole.

This. It's sort of ok with Capeshit, since that tends to be more episodic, but with Star Wars that has a more predominant narrative, it kills the tension presented in that setting.

the OT also had comic relief moments with the Empire (like Vader choking one officer and telling the other he's been promoted) but it was all to make the main villain more fearsome

>comic relief moments
>like Vader choking one officer and telling the other he's been promoted

SUBVERTING EXPECTATIONS LOL

>porg walks in
That’s the joke.

yes, you are stupid for disagreeing with me

Wow, you're dumb as a brick.

Marvel hasn't ruined mov-

>'Bad' isn't the right word.
I’d say it’s pretty accurate.

Yeah, humour isn't the problem. Contrived humour is the problem. The jokes in these new movies feel like they were written beforehand and then periodically dropped in throughout the films regardless of the context of the scenes or the characters involved.

What's an "H"?

Fuck, these idiots really have no idea what came before TFA, do they?

Thats the point exactly, if hux was in the empire he'd have been replaced and killed in the first movie. Those moments with vader characterize the ruthlessness and overall apathy the empire has for life. Theyre good moments lacking in the sequels because we have to have tantrums and pauses for a quick chuckle.

This can't be real

Don't go to see it to find out. IMDB has it in the Quotes page.

Poe Dameron: This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic fleet, I have an urgent communique for General Hugs.

General Hux: This is General Hux of the First Order. The Republic is no more. Your fleet are Rebel scum and war criminals. Tell your precious princess there will be no terms, there will be no surrender...

Poe Dameron: Hi, I'm holding for General Hux.

General Hux: This is Hux. You and your friends are doomed. We will wipe your filth from the galaxy.

Poe Dameron: Okay. I'll hold.

General Hux: Hello?

Poe Dameron: Hello? Yup, I'm still here.

General Hux: Can he hear me?

Poe Dameron: Hux?

Com Officer: He can.

Poe Dameron: With an 'H'? Skinny guy. Kinda pasty.

General Hux: I can hear you. Can you hear me?

Poe Dameron: Look, I can't hold forever. If you reach him, tell him Leia has an urgent message for him...

Com Officer: I believe he's tooling with you, sir.

Poe Dameron: ...about his mother.

It's canon

...

>>>General Hux: This is Hux. You and your friends are doomed. We will wipe your filth from the galaxy.
>>Poe Dameron: Okay. I'll hold.
>>General Hux: Hello?
>>Poe Dameron: Hello? Yup, I'm still here.
>>General Hux: Can he hear me?
>>Com Officer: I believe he's tooling with you, sir.

If it went like that, I probably would have enjoyed the scene.

I'd love for Star Wars to take itself seriously and to listen to Binary Sunset again but you can only up the pathos so much from the OT.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CAN'T STAND IT I KNOW YOU PLANNED IT

...

Yeh. "This is so Kino I need to pay to sit through it twice. Maybe three times." And that's just the hole you start in. Wait until they start digging.

The actor who plays scotty is an actual trekkie and wrote the film if I remember correctly.

MOM’S GONNA FREAK

Yeah. Sean Of The Dead.

>shills were saying this is the best SW movie since Empire
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Pegg#Film
>Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Explain why that movie is so bad, then

This was beyond awful. I had been so hyped up for this film and when this 'joke' kicked in I snapped my neck to the side and looked at my girl with my nose all screwed up in a major WTF look. I honestly thought - for a fleeting moment - that this was some sort of a parody scene!

It didn't help that it was bloody Ade Edmunson as part of the scene either.

It's a comic book, not a film. They are all like this now. Everything is cheap, tawdry, and shallow. Welcome to the future.

I'm pretty sure kids like 10 and under in big cities still play that. Also,
>it's called "the dozens" because there's DOZENS of insults
Mind. Blown.

he didnt write anything in it

excuse me but kathleen kennedy has nothing to with marvel films...? ppl love 2 make this false equivalence b/c of disney but it's bullshit

>A guy gets eviscerated by a power turbine and chunks of his body fly up in the air before falling into the turbine again
When was this?

It isn't one person, it's an entire (anti-)culture. It diesn't matter what the movie is or what it is about, they are all turning into this same deliberately meaningless tripe.

After Kylo kills the Supreme Leader, during the fight with the guards, one of the most brutal scenes in the history of Star Wars.

ok well a lot of people think marvel is good so your opinion isn't going to change anything

Its retards saying "well this movie had x y and z and did gangbusters. We need to have x y and z too!!!!"

What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
Lots of people are retarded so it's okay?
It's going to keep happening so it's okay?
Literally what the fuck did he mean by this

>ok well a lot of people think marvel is good so your opinion isn't going to change anything

Wow I saw this movie 3 days ago and it already escaped my mind. Fucking hell

look the viewing public isn't the same demographics it used to be, humor in western films won't be defined by classic 'western' (white male) forms and structures anymore, it's time we accepted that american film needs to adapt to other styles of filmmaking to survive in a global marketplace. if you watch bollywood movies, action and comedy are seamlessly blended all the time. bollywood audiences like to sing and dance in their films, and this is one of the fastest growing audiences on earth. if you want ANY new star wars, you have to accept that it's going to be appealing to these growing sections of humanity, more than to the old dead ones from the american 1970s.
well it's true, nobody cares what he thinks

I didn't even realize it was PG-13 until yesterday

now this is bait

And yet someone, somewhere, has probably asked "How can we make Star Wars appeal to the Bollywood market?"

I wanna hear more of your thoughts on it. Didn't like the film either, but you sound like you have an interesting view.

Poe says

HUGS

not

HUX.

>Basic editing errors abound (Finn's bag somehow ends up on a chair in the escape pod even though he never enters the pod and is shown placing it u against the bulkhead when Rose confronts him)
>Pandering to children but also hyperviolent
>Flat characters
>Why do none of these new characters experience libidinal drives? Is Rey asexual?
>John Boyega is a horrible actor and can't elevate the material he has to work with above what it is on the page
>Humor falls flat
>Humor negates the serious aspects of the film
>Tension is dissolved for cheap laughs or just for the sake of pulling the rug out from under the viewer's feet
>This dissolution of tension is meant to be a subversion of a classic film series' established form, but it isn't done well enough to be anything other than insult to the people who enjoyed the first six movies in the series
>"Making Of" documentaries and commentary on DVDs will probably be full of dishonesty and forced laughter and we'll probably never get a proper analysis of what happened behind the scenes to produce this majestic horror of a film
>SFX look good but it also seems like they were more concerned about having their effects people work as much as their contracts require than about making a good film
>6 months to the next film and nobody is excited about it
>The ending has managed to shrink the universe to the size of my house
>Yoda's monologue to Luke makes no fucking sense
>Kylo and Luke want the same thing from Rey but for some reason she won't cooperate with either of them even though she doesn't seem to have any idea what she wants to do going forward beyond surviving
It's an astounding product

>Luke Skywalker: What do you know about the force?
>Rey: It's a power that Jedi have that lets them control people and... make things float.
>Luke Skywalker: Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.

and then

> Kylo Ren: I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead, the war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi!
>Luke Skywalker: Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.

What lazy fucking writing

And then

>REY: *sees a pile of rocks* Lifting rocks.

How did she know that the rocks were covering an entrance to the cave system?

>I will have killed the last Jedi!

FOR FUCK SAKE RIAN

I'm more pissed about
>Luke Skywalker: Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.
>Luke Skywalker: Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong.

>The vision seemed to waver and become fainter. "And now, farewell," Ben said, as if he hadn't heard the question. "I loved you as a son, and as a student, and as a friend. Until we meet again, may the Force be with you."
>"Ben--!"
>But Ben turned, and the image faded...and in the dream, Luke knew he was gone. Then I am alone, he told himself. I am the last of the Jedi.
BRAVO, ZAHN

>The ape blows or I clam.

I am Jack's completely devastated revelation that Rian Johnson was doing satire all along.

Finally.

I started drinking. I whipped out my flask and got fucked up. I knew I was in for some BS.

Glad I’m not the only one who thought that was a shit opening to a Star Wars film. We didn’t have any LOL SO WACKY quips right off the bat in A New Hope. Sure there were some funny moments later on but they didn’t seem jarring at all.

Weird how Rogue One manages to capture the tone of the beginning of a Star Wars film better than the main sequence NuWars movies have done, even without the music.

>but I repeat myself

It was funny in a shit your pants sort of way.

Someone pasta this please I'm on my phone

Rian has no fucking idea what tone is

Rogue one was actually done by the main art director of the prequels, he designed the death and shoretrooper armor as well as the new ships. Rogue one is the unironic pleb filter of starwars. Krennic is the most underrated star wars villian in all of the movies, he was great.

That would have beeen alright. Shirt and sweet, maybe round it off by having Hux order his fighters to scramble and blast that rebel rust bucket into bits