Post a 1-star Amazon review of a film you like, others guess what it is

I'll start

>I really didn't enjoy this film at all. It's strange Jim Carey doing a serious film- although he can do good ones like '23'. I didn''t like any of the characters, and didn't like the storyline- which was boring and confusing. I didn't like seeing Kate Winslet with blue hair either! It was a really wierd film- which i suppose was its purpose- but i didn't like it at all. But most people i know who've seen it really like it, and looking from the reviews it shows i'm in the minority. ...mayb its cos people dont tend to rate movies they don't like ?!?! :)

>wasting my time to leave a review
>ever

It's Eternal Sunshine. How's it hard to guess when the actors name are in it dumbass

:(

This is a lousy movie. Tedious, badly written and badly (over) acted, with an excruciatingly slow plot and too long by about an hour. The main character is utterly unsympathetic, has about 2 facial expressions, and perhaps it didn't translate well to subtitles but his inability to spit out a complete sentence--mildly humorous when remarked upon by another character--rendered the movie almost unwatchable. The two most interesting and somewhat sympathetic characters play brief roles and then are gone without a trace.

A real stumper is why he was able to make something of his life by pushing through a proposal to turn a cesspool into a park, yet was completely unable to find some connection to his son by the time he died. In fact his son (and to a lesser extent his daughter-in-law) plays a puzzlingly minor role in the overall plot.

>although he can do good ones like '23'
fuck lol i forgot about that movie

this is a tough one

Minions

user, your reading comprehension needs work.

...

This movie seems to be someone's attempt to justify spree killings, and maybe even a how-to documentary about doing such a thing yourself. The technical quality of the movie was good enough, and there was even a story in there somewhere, but someone really has a lot of hate and murderous intent in their soulless life to push this piece of evil awfulness on the world. I hope they make a lot of money on this movie, thereby proving their own point about the kind of crap that America loves to watch. My recommendation is that you do not bother watching this movie, and most certainly don't let your children or other impressionable people see it either.

Ah, join me for a soy latte will you Eternal SUnshine bro!!

I refuse to use amazon but BvS seems perfect for this.

Using the movie's racist terms of White for Europeans & Black for African to set up the story the movie first has to exaggerate racial stereotypes & differences between Blacks & Whites -- because that's funny, right? Wrong. It's no more funny than Amos & Andy or Buckwheat

Blacks have to be superstitious, easily scared, out of place in the suburbs, foul mouthed, incapable of speaking & pronouncing English correctly, artistic, physically strong, athletic, physically violent, quick to anger, rude, suspicious, quick to take offense, overly sensitive

Blacks act black (see above)

Whites have to be predators, wealthy, rude, insensitive, manipulative, oblivious, exploitative of Blacks

Whites act white (see above)

Whites envy Black's virility, physical strength, athleticism

Whites & Blacks can't coexist, trust each other

Blacks just want to be left alone, but if Blacks do want to mix with Whites they do so at their own peril

Apparently, enough people believe these racist stereotypes for the people who made this film to think that it would find an audience & be considered funny

That's a sad commentary on the times we live in

Kingsman.it really is pseud revenge porn.

This is not a superhero flick. There are no heroes in it. It's dark and dystopian which I usually like. I expected that and would have been fine with it if well done but I did not enjoy this film at all. It was too dark, too bleak, and oddly cliched for a film clearly and self consciously attempting to break the mold and not be a cliche. I easily predicted everything that would happen including the end at the halfway point. I should have turned it off halfway through but kept waiting for some let up, some glimmer of hope, a twist...something. There was no balance, no light, no humor, and no payoff. It's just non-stop and rather exhausting ugliness and brutality. How can such an action packed film be so completely uninteresting? Apparently it was more important to the film director to make a statement than to tell a good story.

One of the DC ones but I don't know which. Might also be Watchmen.

Something went terribly wrong. This was a gift for my handicapped child. It came in Spanish. Where did that come from? No thanks.
nope, keep guessing

gives itself away, but still worth sharing

There is a scene when Goofy's son slaps a theme park character for no good reason. This scene was not funny and not necessary. I realize that they wanted to show his disappointment with the theme park, but Disney could have got the point across another way. There was another scene earlier in the movie when Goofy's son is on his way to school, and a girl punches his shoulder because he is acting not so cool. Also, the very beginning of the movie starts off with a nightmare, from which Goofy's son wakes up to punch the alarm clock. There is no need for any of this violence. I had to explain to my son too many times that this behavior is not acceptable in reality and this is only a cartoon. I wish Amazon would provide a refund. It is not what I expected from a movie that is rated G. It is definitely more like PG.

rampage

Your picture makes no sense. It should be X approaches 0, not infinity.

Boondock Saints? I fucking hated that shit.

I'm gonna say God Bless America.

nope, it was

Sausage Party

HA HA
God that movie was a piece of shit.

I have no idea how this movie can be rated so high here at Amazon.

I bought this movie because of these rave reviews here, but I am upset that I bought it and wasted my 10 dollars. What a shame !!

The movie starts out fine. Cast includes some famous actors and actresses with big breasts. Before some narrative can be constructed, the movie blurts out all the details about the murders, and it ends. I was totally unprepared for such an abrupt and strange ending, and it left some sour taste in my mouth. I felt like I was conned

this is a racist movie!!

I find this movie offensive that it glamorize police brutality and racism...two white cops slap around black and hispanic criminals calling them "N***er" and "spic" doesn't really work for me. It's too close to reality of police brutality.

It's limitless at 0 though. The limits are approached at + and - infinity.

Clue?

Man of Steel

yup
were you meaning to quote this one ? still not the right answer, but would make more sense as a guess

>No dialogue, just two guys trying to kill each other. Worst movie I've seen in years.

No I wasn’t it’s a joke on Man of Steel aka Man of Murder

Die Hard. Watched on mute.

if you watch this film and enjoy it you really need to work somewhere entry level that has very little responsibility....i'm not sure if i would trust a fan of this movie with putting ketchup on my cheeseburger.

overall i couldn't watch it, the graphics, the plot, the acting (lack thereof) and faux passion from anyone involved in the film made me realize that after this film kurt russell will probably have a hard time getting hired for anything besides a commercial that mocks his career and pays him in movie tickets so he can see what a real movie should be like.

It is a shame to portray and give starship rolls to criminals like those portrayed in this movie.
Shame on me for allowing myself to watch as long as I did.
It turns my stomach to know people got paid to represent those criminals

I like this thread. Bumping for interest.

>"If your looking to watch a gang bang shoot'um up story, you will be disappointed.. That being said, this version is a real candid camera event. It basically is a story of a half dozen morons trying to figure out how to hold a revolver. The coloring of the movie is "sepia" so don't try and re-adjust your TV. The sound of the gunfire is very real but the language is so bad I had to replay some scenes three times so I could figure out what they were saying. I can't believe this film won awards at the film festival..its a loser!!"

Tron and the one where he drives a car. Watched back to back.

>the graphics

>give starship rolls
What? Anyway, it's heat.

Actually, 1 star is too high a rating to give this movie. It was just plain boring! And stupid. Most people go to the movies to escape the reality of day to day life, if even for just an hour or two. When I saw it, I thought there was going to be something spectacular and interesting about this man and his life. But there is nothing. He gets up in the morning, goes to work, stops at the same news stand, then goes home. What is so spectacular and interesting about that? He doesn't even do anything funny that can justify the $3 I had to pay to rent this movie. I feel bad for those who spent $7.50 or more to see this in the theater.

lol nope

south park movie or team america

white chicks

(main character) manipulates everyone around him to gain his own pleasure and enjoyment and manipulates his best friend and sister to take the blame when things go wrong. I could not suspend my belief that people are smarter than that. Whoever wrote and produced this movie must really think that people are stupid. I'm suprised that this was classified as a comedy. It wasn't very funny at all.

The Incredibles

this thread is awful

It's just awful. It was a run-of-the-mill 90's comedy that was boring and badly made that hipsters now claim is a work of genius. I'm sorry, I'm going to file this under "Overrated Because High." I think TBS or TNT used to run this movie on Friday or Saturday nights and college kids thought it was great because they were drunk and/or high when they watched it. I vaguely remembered seeing it when it first came out in the 90's and thought it was pretty bad back then. I'm baffled that people think it's so great now. I mean, it definitely just has to be people jumping on the bandwagon after some celebrity tweeted that it was so great. I just don't get it

why don't you go piss up your own ass?

Man of Steel

American psycho

No Country for Old Men

Two reviews to make it easy

>The whole family will enjoy this movie. Try the Hobbit. Lion King you will enjoy this

>Saw this movie when new. Great movie.

It should be x->0 and not x->inf in your image

That's correct. It's actually undefined at 0, but the value converges to negative infinity. I assume that's what they found funny with the picture.

For lim--> +/- inf, the function converges to 0 in both cases.

The Truman Show
(but a purposely joke review)

That one where they takeover a radio station ISIS style

>Aside from the killing and the motive. I never really understood the movie. I understand that sometimes the bad guy gets away and that sometimes the small town sherif can't cope anymore, but in movies or even real life, the police never stop looking. I give this an A for being a mystery, but an F for not giving us the satisfaction of being right or wrong in our own conclusion.

There weren't any women. Like not even one. In like four hours of movie. Plus it's really boring. It's just like running around on camels in dessert and lots of talking. BORING. Probably why they had no women in it, none were interested in being in it.
1/5

Desert Man Lawrence

No Country for Old Men

>Disappointment is an understatement. I was hoping for a suitable closure to a great series, but found mindless babble. Looking at the series and the movies as a whole, it looks like the creator just didn't know how to end a great run, so decided to make it as vague and abstract as possible in hopes that people would think more of it then what it really is.

nope

...

"I cannot believe I paid $9.99 to watch this movie on-line--I sure wouldn't want to own it. While the preview looked as though it would be a good, exciting sci-fi flic, it was not. It really dragged along and the only action was when they fought each other and their mouths. I am not really a prude, but I found the "bad" language to be totally unnecessary--it was almost like a young teenage boy wrote it. PASS IT UP, PASS IT UP, DEFINITELY NOT WORTH 10 BUCKS!!!!!"

"What I find incredible are all the rave reviews for this film. I found it barely watchable. Someone alone in space with a mental disorder and hallucinating is the entire plot. That's all there is to this film. The special effects are nothing special either. I watched it once and then sold it on Ebay. One viewing was enough. I'm a big Sci-Fi fan but can't understand how so many people liked this film."

there's not much of a action packed adventure, all I see is just a raciest film. Although (movie title) does have some nice gadgets and fantastic but the way the film is executed is just weak, that and the fighting and chase scenes are more of a mix ,there all do weak but most of the time they go nowhere, well at least is still racist

Moon?

Moon?

Yup.

>Ok great movie in terms of visuals is not what it appears to be. By a director who is again flaunting that he knows (or thinks he knows) more then you do. Loved it as a kid the visueals the music but another total scam propaganda film. The apes meet the monolith intelligence increases (allegedly) and he kills his brother right off the bat with a weapon! Sounds like the same cycle of events in human history over and over what is the monolith ? A deceiver who is pretending to be something hes not, he declared war on humanity and ushering the birth into the New Age of wisdom and knowledge. Which was based on lies and... Murder. People are willing to except the lie and move on the new age because they want it, the lie. There is a gentleman also on youtube that has seen through it and is on the right track. [Director] is either trying to cleverly disguise what he knows or complicit with it. Garbage disguised with beautiful cinematography beautiful classical score and an an ending missed by most signifying the rebirth also immortality in the new age because daves eyes are open! Dave and [Director] along with all the people are deceived by the deceiver in that you cant bring a new age in under the guise of a lie and deception (murder , thievery etc..)The monolith was also found on the moon and kills everyone.... not even going there

here is a fun one

>Right now you have the decision to bypass this movie altogether and forget you even discovered it. I must of watched all of 30 mins of this crap until I realised not only is it not funny, not satirical, not even an imaginative take on times to come, but the movie is so self indulgent. I watched another movie with a similar theme of a different future and that story was told so much better. I absolutely hated this movie! And I know that I hated it because this is the first review that I've ever written. The biggest problem now is that I,ve opened the bloody thing and now I can't return it!! lol!! Really really rubbish!
p.s. Don't be fooled by the big names; Robert De Niro; Bob Hoskins. They can't even save such a dreadful movie! Don't Do It To Yourself

>Vapid. I made it 24 minutes in and I feel that was a real accomplishment. As another reviewer stated, I too felt I was going crazy. Here the plot: "Two hours of one guy talking. Occasionally, his friend asks more questions to keep him talking." If this sounds like A-list cinema to you, have at it! For me, my time is more valuable than this.

Brazil

SIcario.

I have never offered a review for a movie on Amazon or any other place. I felt compelled to for those of you who are hoping to gather around the tube and watch a good, family-friendly action movie. If you're someone who prefers not polluting your mind (and mind's eye) with perhaps the goriest killing scenes ever produced, do not watch this movie. My wife and I picked this because the previews made it look like an innocent enough action movie about a guy who gets mixed up in something that would lead to an action-packed save the day plot. Instead, we're confronted with pointless filth from start to finish. Feel like we were mislead on this one. This is one of the darkest movies I can remember seeing. Frankly, if you like watching people's heads blown off, stomped off with a boot, etc. this is the movie for you. If you're repelled by that kind of thing do not watch it. I feel like I need to take a bath after watching this. What a waste of time.

kill bill

Dinner with andre

>Jf there was 0 Stars that's what it would get. Beyond bad. Has to be THE worst movie I have ever skipped through. If it was in theater I would have walked out and asked for a refund within 10 minutes. Filth. And I'm not talking about the supposed sex.

>Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!! There has to be a better way to waste your life than watching this. Poor quality blurry, lots of background noise, but not load enough to drown out what they were saying, it would have been better if it did.

>This movie was an excuse to get young actresses to remove clothing on camera. Exposed skin couldn't save the move from bad acting and worse scripts.

>This was like a bad 70's TV movie with nudity. I wouldn't call anything that was going on in this "acting". Complete waste of time.

>Prevent nausea, skip this one

No. Here's a hint: the title is about 9 words longer.

There is zero nostalgic, "coming of age" in this film. The girl is NOT of age, by any definition, either physically or emotionally. She is not a nymph, as the narrator and the cover-art for the film would have you believe, which makes the movie even more disturbing. She is just an average, awkward, cocky, fatherless, confused tween, who does all the goofy things you would expect a young girl to do. The creepy man assumes it's all an attempt to seduce him. (Dude, narcissistic, much)? Example: she walks around in her flannel pajamas, chewing gum, with curlers in her hair. He thinks she is trying to seduce him. He follows her around like a panting, leering, humping dog; it's pathetic. To make matters worse, once she realizes that she has his attention, she exploits it for all its worth, also proving herself to be a petulant, uncouth, selfish little s##t. (Sorry, there's no nice way of putting it). But she is a kid, so we can forgive that. She's going through that awful stage that some tweens go through, where she is experimenting with anything and everything under the sun. She is not interested in sex or becoming a woman; she just wants attention. She would lick herpes off the bathroom floor, if it got someone to pay attention to her, or if it ticked her (clueless, obnoxious) mother off. The sleazy old man just exploits the situation and, in his pathetic delusion, thinks it somehow makes him special.

hd_camrip_micaudio.avi

Evangelion?

NCFOM

The Big Lebowski?

Ferris Bueller?

Are Mom's the biggest cancer in society?

I know this gives away too much but I kek'd when I found a /k/ autist review.

>The movie might be good, I don't really know. I turned it off after 4min 8seconds due to how shockingly bad their opening was with a SWAT team entering and clearing a house.

>1. Literally none of the officers were looking down or even near their sights at any point during the scene.
>2. No SWAT team would breach a home with their M4s set to full auto.
>3. The officers had zero trigger discipline.
>4. I counted at least 4 times that an officer swept another officer.
>5. The officers flashbanged the room...with the whole team in the room...looking at the flashbang...and none of them were wearing hearing or sight protection.
>6. The bad guy that along with his friend has killed a whole mess of people and stuffed them in the wall had the forethought to be armed with a shotgun...and then loaded bird shot into the shotgun. Bird shot. Vs. a SWAT team in body armor. He would have been better off using the shotgun as a club.

>Any movie that puts that little time, effort, money, or thought into the opening scene is a movie I'm just not interested in.

>i watched maybe 10 min, the inaccuracy of the time this is set is in, Jewish women didn't wear pants, or have clothes that showed nearly all, nor ride horses, its all wrong. more like current people with little knowledge of those times. how does this get by the writer, costume maker, anyone.

Drive

Fishtank or Lolita?

More of a dark comedy than comedy....couldn't understand Brad Pitt's character, scenes jumped around too much for my liking. Didn't finish watching.

correct!

>hi i'm a woman and i just didn't get this movie

Burn after reading

Snatch. The Brad Pitt comment makes it way too easy.

bingo

yep, Lolita

Yep it's Evangelion
Here's another
>Can't watch it due to the animal abuse, torture and killings.
>This movie involves sickening ANIMAL ABUSE. It's an animal "snuff film" and therefore needs to be ignored.
>That's what you'll get if you purchase the extended version. I am interested in just about any film that is in Russian, with English Subtitles. I loved Burnt By the Sun, and House of Fools. They were mildy stimulating intellectually, and very entertaining. Even if they had been considerably less artistic, I would still be interested in watching them because of my desire to learn Russian. (Movie Title) on the other hand, is horribly boring, totally mindnumbing, and I cannot even force myself to watch it, as an exercise, and for the sake of learning Russian.

yeah it was Drive

Five complete one star reviews, all from the same movie:

>Yet again has Hollywood destroyed another chapter in the Marvel comic stories.
From picking actors that can fill the part correctly to story lines that are just down right boring an slow.

>Painful to watch.

>don't even know what happened I tried three times and fell asleep each time

>Save your money this is one of Marvel's worst. From start to finish the movie was full and a poor story to follow.

>Have always love this movie. love that I can watch it digitally!

>posting a review that literally give you zero hints
whats the point? I can't find the movie if all you post is reviews that say "I didn't like it."

Guardians Vol 2?

Lol you dumb

Fantastic four

nope